A Doctor's Life, returns
by distrahere
Summary: OC/MULTI-CHAPTER. Bella Jordan is a consultant at Holby City's Emergency Department and life is finally settling down for her. She's made friends, found family and perhaps even a future for the first time in her life. But will her past come back to haunt her yet again? CONTENT WARNING
1. Gunshot

**WARNING: This story contains themes of violence, sexual abuse, mental illness, self-harm, death, eating disorders, alcohol and drugs but nothing that hasn't been covered on Casualty before. It may be triggering. Please keep yourselves safe.**

Hello readers. This story is a continuation of the story "A Doctor's Life." It is set at the start of series 25, this is one of my favourite episodes. It is fairly essential, but not compulsory, to read the first instalment of A Doctor's Life but I will post a quick summary below. Most of this is prewritten, see the last chapter of A Doctor's Life for more of an explanation, so updates should be pretty speedy.

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Summary:

Dr Bella Jordan is Mr Jordan's daughter. However he was unaware of her existence until he started working at Holby City. The pair now enjoy a reasonably amicable relationship.

Bella had a complicated childhood. Her mother died when she was 4 and she was bought up by her sexually abusive uncle, Jerry. She entered into prostitution, aged 12 and became an IV drug user, developed an eating disorder and started self-harming etc. She moved away and started going to college aged 16, ending her drugs habit and getting her life back on track. She took Medicine at university and joined the army as a royal medical corp. She became involved in a undercover army movement know as the Eagles, under the guidance of Captain Mardsen. When Mardsen died she blamed herself and suffered a mental breakdown. She was removed from the army and spent time in a psychiatric unit, where she was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder and depression. After recovery she started work at Holby City Emergence Department and lives a relatively normal life.

Bella is quite a complex character, but I hope that that is enough for you to understand the plot-line.

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Bella pulled up her car outside Holby College, next to an ambulance and jumped out. Dixie was stood next to the ambulance. "Dix?"

"Hey Bella?"

"Dix, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question. Jeff's got a 'date' with a college kid. You?"

"I used to go here, I'm supposed to be giving an 'inspirational' speech about overcoming difficulties to become a happy and fulfilled person bla bla bla. I'm only here for the free cake."

Dixie laughed. "Good luck with that."

Bella opened her mouth to reply but she froze when she heard a gunshot. "Bloody Hell." And then again. And then a third.

Dixie looked at her. "Is that what?" Dixie hadn't lived in a warzone, but Bella had. The sound of gunfire was unmistakable and for a moment Bella was back in Afghanistan. She almost expected to hear the order to retreat.

Bella wasn't given long to reminisce. She snapped into action as students began to pour out of the college, screaming, crying. She shoved Dixie towards them. "Go, I'll get kit. You radio for help."

She grabbed a medi bag out of the ambulance and her own medical kit from the boot of the car. She ran over to help Dixie who was treating assesing a young man. She wanted to help but she couldn't ignore the fact that more shots were being fired. She was trained Army personal, or at least she was. She knew what she had to do.

Dixie could see Bella was thinking, and shouted above the cries of hysterical students. "Don't you dare. Bella. Are you listening to me?"

Bella bit her lip and stood up. "I have to."

"No you don't."

"There are kids being shot at, I have to do this, Dix I was trained to do this." Bella ignored Dixie's shouts and turned and ran into Holby College.

She ran past classroom after classroom after classroom, shouting instructions to frightened kids as she went past. "_Get out of here." "Leave him, he's dead." "Hold that in the air." "Help her get out of here." "Don't move, wait for help." "Everything is gonna be alright, don't worry." "Put pressure on that." "Don't panic."_ And every person she saw she asked, _"Where did the gunman go?"_

Most of them shrugged, shook their heads, but a few pointed or even spoke. _"He was heading for the drama studio." _

Bella nodded and, pausing to tell each student to get the hell out of the building, frantically followed the signs saying, "DRAMA DEPARTMENT." All she could think about was the gun, and preventing it from causing anymore damage.

She reached the drama studio, to find a young man, who couldn't have been more than 18 pointing a gun at a girl and boy in the corner. The kid holding the gun turned and pointed the gun at her.

Bella wasn't thinking anymore, she couldn't take her eyes off of the weapon.

"Drop your stuff. Hands where I can see them."

The kids hands were trembling but Bella had seen he was capable of shooting. She slowly shrugged the medikit off of her shoulder and raised her hands in the air. "I'm unarmed. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Shut up."

"What's your name? My name's Bella."

"Devlan."

"Why are you doing this Devlan?"

"Shut up. Just shut up."

Bella hesitantly took a small step forward. "Put the gun down."

"No. Stay where you are."

"Okay I'm not moving." Bella tried to subtlety indicate to the pair behind that they should run, but they were literally frozen to the spot. "Devlan mate, you really didn't want to any of this did you-"

"You don't know nothing about me-"

"Maybe I don't, but I've known kids like you."

Maybe Bella was imagining it but he seemed to be lowering the gun slightly when they were interrupted. The door hinges whined as it opened. It was enough to take Devlan's attention of her for a milisecond. Bella didn't hesitate. She jumped towards Devlan and grabbed the end of the gun but it had been a while since she had done armed combat training and she miscalculated. Instead of the smooth twist and the gun ending up in her hand the kid managed to keep hold of it. There was a bang, he must have pulled the trigger. She felt her hand burn and then a sharp stabbing pain in her arm and across her side. Shit. Someone shouted her name. She blacked out slightly but regained consciousness before she hit the floor. She blinked and that was all it took to miss Devlan turning towards the boy and girl and shooting again, twice. Someone was running towards her. Jeff? Jeff, when did Jeff get in here? He grabbed her arm but Bella shook him off. Devlan was gone. Bella wasn't quite sure if that was before or after the girl started screaming. She and Jeff reached the black boy at the same time. Bella pulled the table over. "Improvised stretcher." Jeff nodded. She grabbed her med kit and began to work. Her arm hurt like hell but the kid needed her. The girl had stopped screaming.


	2. Fall Out

**I SEEM TO HAVE MADE A MASSIVE ERROR AND UPLOADED THE WRONG CHAPTER TWO. SORRY GUYS, PLEASE READ ME AGAIN**

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Thank so much for all the reviews and support, it means a lot to me. E

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It was only when she got the kid onto the ambulance that she stopped to examine her own wound. She suddenly realized how much it was hurting. Jeff had gone with the girl. He hadn't said anything since he shouted her name. Shock, she presumed. Her t-shirt was covered with blood, mostly her own. The bullet had scraped her side and gone cleanly through the upper part of her arm. Her hands stung. Bella had seen worse. Polly cleaned up her arm, bandaged it and dosed her up with morphine in the back of the ambulance. Bella wasn't really paying attention though, she was focused completely on the patient riding next to her in the ambulance. Ben was his name. And he needed urgent surgery.

.

.

The doors to resus opened, Bella was with the kid on the trolley. She pointed over at Bed 1 where Adam, Charlie, Yuki, Donna Jackson and a nurse she didn't recognise were waiting. "This is Ben, he's got a gunshot wound to the stomach and he needs a di-lapo now." Bella grabbed a set of gloves and an apron from Donna. "I'll do it."

Adam shook his head. "I've got this Bella, you're in no fit state to treat him."

Bella already had the gloves and apron on. Her arm was stinging. "People have survived worse."

"You're not in Afghanistan now Bella, get yourself treated now."

Bella ignored Charlie's attempts to prevent her from reaching the bedside and Adam's glare. "Can we have 2 units of O neg up there, Donna can you get another line in. He's had a unit of saline and Jello. You-" she pointed to Mads, "-keep pressure on that and don't move."

"Bella you've been shot, get the hell out of resus and get yourself treated. Now."

Charlie nodded. "Go with Yuki to cubicles, or I'll call Nick-"

"Leave Nick out of this!" Bella turned her back on Charlie. "Adam, he needs-"

Adam waved his hand in the air. "Uh-uh Bells, Out. Yuki take her to the treatment room, now."

Bella shook her head firmly. "Yuki go and get me a laporotomy kit." Yuki looked from Bella to Adam, unsure which instructions he was supposed to follow. On one hand, Adam was the senior consultant, however Bella did look like she was going to kill the next person who told her to leave resus.

Adam pointed to the door. "Don't do as she says, take her out."

Bella was having none of it. "Adam, have you even done one of these before?"

"No, and he doesn't need one until the surgeons get here."

"But-"

"No buts, please don't make me call security."

"Adam I have just watched this kid get shot. I am not leaving now."

"Bella** you** have just been shot."

"It's just a scrape, it went straight through."  
Donna Jackson's mouth dropped open slightly. Bella rolled her eyes.

Yuki took Bella's good arm and pulled her from bedside. "Umm. If you could. Umm."

Bella brushed him away. "Go away Yuki. Adam, why are we waiting?"

Yuki took a deep breath. "You have suffered a penetrating wound to the arm and a scrape wound to the side of your chest, caused by a bullet shot from close range. You also appear to have received mild burns to your hands. The gunshot residue on your shirt suggests that you were holding the barrel of a gun when it was fired. Although the bullet has gone cleanly through your arm, it could have still caused damage to the nervous system. Leaving the wound could cause long term damage to the arm, due to infection, leaving you unable to practice as a doctor in Emergency Medicine. Examples of infection that you could contract, especially since you are in a hospital which by definition is full of diseases and infection, are sept-"

Bella interrupted him. "Take my advice Yuki, don't ever do that in front of a psychiatrist else they'll tell you that you need pills, trust me on that one."

Yuki blinked. "Will you come to cubicles now?"

Bella looked from the stony, determined faces of Charlie and Adam, to the admiration in Donna's eyes and the poorly masked shock on the face of the new nurse. She rolled her eyes and followed Yuki out of resus. Mads, the new nurse looked at Bella with wide eyes. "Are all women so willful in England?"


	3. New Day

Sorry about the wait and everything. Life is still a bit crazy. But here's the next chapter, hopefully updates will be a bit more regular now I am sorted in a routine. There is a bit of a gap between the last chapter and this one, I tried to write a joiner but my head really isn't in it. Sorry. Please review if you can.

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Bella was running into work, on time for once. It was a brilliant, sunny day and Bella couldn't help but smile. Her psychiatrist has recommended a new drug for her to try and it was good stuff. Bloody hell she sound like an addict. Maybe she was. She was just turning the last corner when Nick drove past in his shiny new car. He had picked up Kath, one of the older nurses, she normally took the bus.

Bella jogged up to Nick, he was stood next to his shiny new car, clutching a yellow parking notice. "Hospital handbook, rule 25, subsection B. All new cars must be registered." She grinned.

"Yes, I know. Hansen just said exactly the same thing."

Bella winked. "Who was the pretty lady?"

Nick frowned. "The old trout."

Bella blinked, surprised. "Kath? You drove past with Kath in your car, I was running past."

"Oh, I just gave her a lift from the bus stop. The old trout is Miriam Turner I am talking about is Hanssen's idea of a new joint clinical lead."

"Ouch. I'll see you in there." Bella had no interest being around Nick when he was clearly displaying the signs of a foul mood.

Nick shook his head affectionately. "I can't believe you memorized the handbook."

Bella jogged away towards the big E.D doors. She called over her shoulder. "That's why I put up with you, if I changed jobs, I'd have to learn a whole new handbook."

.

.

She walked into the ED, grabbed Lenny from flirting with Mads, and began a ward round with Zoe. She was interrupted by an elderly woman with wavy brown hair. "You're the old trout!" Bella blurted out without thinking.

Miriam didn't look amused.

"Crap, sorry. That sounded wrong. Greatest apologies about that, I'm not- Um, nice to meet you." Bella turned to Zoe and Lenny, "I'm going to find Nick, he's in a proper bad mood, she's some sort of joint clinical lead, maybe?"

Zoe was losing the struggle not to laugh.

"Who is that?" Miriam looked on Bella skipped away.

Lenny took a break from silent laughter to reply. " Bella. Dr Isabella Jordan. Mr Jordan's daughter."

Miriam raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I see. And they let her work when she's-"

Zoe bit her lip, "Bella has her own style."

Miriam walked into the next cubicle, and Zoe practically collapsed with laughter. "Bella sure knows how to make a good impression, eh?"

Lenny just shook his head.

.

.

Later in resus, Miriam an Nick stood and watched Bella and Lenny work on a patient in resus. Miriam nodded in the direction of the female doctor, focused entirely on the patient, yet still finding time to give Lenny a high five when the patient stabilized. "I can see where she gets it from."

Nick sighed. "News gets around fast here."

"Did you not know?"

"I knew of her, but I was 16. I couldn't deal with it then, and after that I just kept telling myself that you couldn't turn back time."

"Quite a young madam. That's obviously from you, but I'm not sure where she gets that pretty face from, her mother must have been something. What's with-"

"You've been listening to the gossip Miriam."  
"One can't help but hear things."

Nick shrugged, "She's been through a lot. A lot more than any decent person should have to endure."

"Is that guilt I detect Nicky?"

"If she'd had a decent father, then she wouldn't of had to have gone through half of it."

Noel pushed the door open, "Mr Jordan, incoming RTC. ETA 2 minutes. 2 casualties."

"Bells, have you got this one?"

"Yeah, I can take this through to HDU if you need the beds."

Nick nodded, "Wait to see if her stats stay up, but yes."

Bella nodded. She knew that they would.


	4. Sickness

Really sorry it's so short

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Bella was filling out some paperwork when she suddenly felt sick. She ran to the toilets. When she'd finished chucking her guts up she turned around to see Miriam . She looked concerned.

"Are you alright?"

"Fine."

"You were just sick, and now you look like you are about to faint."

Bella did feel dizzy, but she was used to it. "Side effects."

Miriam helped Bella sit down. "What are you taking?"

"Lithium Carbonate and Anafranil. They're good, most of the time but my mood still fluctuates, sometimes I have no idea what I'm doing or saying, not ideal for being a doctor. They're trailing me on Bupironox. Much more effective, less side effects and they don't effect your apatite. But you can only take one a day and they only really work for a twelve hour period, so they are useless on a double shift. And means I need sleeping pills and there's still random 30 minute high. More stress than they they're worth. I thought it was a reaction to the Bupironox, but when I stopped taking it nothing changed. You remember out first conversation, I was completely out of it. I can't work like that, but I need to work."

"You are a really good doctor."

Bella ignored her.

"Rants over." Bella was fidgeting with a keyring. "I just hate it. Scrutinizing my moods, watching my behavior and then worrying that worrying about it is actually the paranoia. It's worse than being abused or physically hurt. It's a constant part of you and no matter what medicine you take, how long it's been, it'll always be there waiting for a moments weakness. I don't know if I can be strong anymore."

Miriam looked concerned. "You're not alone."

Bella frowned. She barely knew this woman. "We're all alone when it comes to the end." Bella frowned. "I feel fine now."

Miriam helped her up. "My door is always open."

"Thanks, but no thanks. Today was a one off. I don't do lets-sit-down-and-talk-about-my-feelings-sessions normally, you just caught me off guard. I've got paperwork and patients waiting. Bye."

Miriam blinked, surprised by the young E.D doctor, again. The smiley, laid back exterior was only skin deep.


	5. Greeting

Bella was waiting inside the E.D for an incoming casualty. The doors opened.

"Poll darling, what have we got?"

"Hannah Fleet, 42 involved in an RTC, she's got a facial injury as a result of broken glass and metal. Pulse is 90, stats 97% and she's had five of morphine."

"Cheers doll, straight to resus, I'll have this one."

Dylan Keogh was walking behind the trolley. "Look it's bad, I had to pull her out but her face was trapped."

Nick joined Bella the group of trolley, paramedics, Tess, Bella and Dylan. "And who are you?" He asked, examining the slightly scruffy man in a check shirt.

Bella turned and looked at him again before entering resus. "Do I know you?"

The man shrugged. "Keogh. Dylan Keogh."

Polly interjected. "He saved her life."

Bella shrugged, "You can stay if you don't get in the way. Mads can I have a trauma series? Lets move her over please."

Dylan Keogh was itching to get involved but the way that "if you don't get in the way" had been said by the young doctor didn't seem to be that far of off a threat. She seemed competent enough. She was striking, not just in her ability but her looks too. Her slightly dark brunette hair was plaited loosely over one shoulder in a fashion that was barely hospital regulation. Her petite frame had a hint of muscle to it. But it was her eyes that distracted him from the impending medical emergence the most. The dark brown iris's were sprinkled with a lighter hazel, but at the same time they seemed to merge with her pupils. Dylan blinked and admonished himself. It's rude to stare. He tried to keep his attention on the patient in resus. The doctor worked quickly and she seemed to know what she was doing. The nurses answered to her in a way which suggested that they wanted to, not just because they had too. The patient was easily stabilized and Dylan found himself feeling slightly impressed by the performance of the resus team, something which didn't happen often.

.

.

The patient, Hannah was a bit of a brat really, vain and self-centred. Way too concerned with herself, but Bella managed to bite her tongue long enough to diagnose, treat and was waiting to street. She was loosly daydreaming about going out with Zoe after her shift. She was interrupted by the doctor that had bought Hannah in. He didn't apologised and abruptly announced. "I need to get a doctor in here."

Bella looked up at Mads and raised her eyebrows. "What's going on?" They ran to the cubicle of the driver of the bus that crashed with Hannah. Dylan pointed. "He started fitting. I put him in the recovery position." Bella began to examine him. "He needs larazapam."  
Bella turned to Dylan. "Didn't really need telling that, but thanks. Mads, 4mg of Larazapam IV please."

Mads nodded. "I just spoke to his girlfriend, she's coming in."

Dylan was stood in the doorway. "So he's not dumped."

Mads shrugged. "That depends if he starts listening to her, she thinks he never listens."

Dylan nodded and left, saying "Of course, that's why the bus crashed."

Mads handed Bella the larazapam. "He's weird, did you know him?"

Bella shook her head absent mindedly. "Don't think so."

"Does he even work here?"

Bella smiled. "I hope not. He could be a nurse? I don't know. "

.

.

Bella was outside having a cigarette.

"Those will kill you one day." It was the doctor, Dylan from earlier.

"I am a doctor, I would know."

Dylan looked at the doctor again. Normally he would have left the conversation at this point, he wasn't really one for long conversations, but there was something about her. Bella, that was what the Pakistani nurse had called her. Bella. "Good old NHS."  
Bella took another drag of her cigarette."Excuse me?"

"Tired overworked ED doctors have to resort to cigarette's and god knows what else to stay sane, more errors and more work for the good old GP."

"I beg your pardon?" Bella shook her head. "Are you just some angry and under-appreciated taxpayer or do you actually have a point to make?"

Dylan half-smiled. "I'm a GP."

Bella laughed. "That figures."

"Do I know you from somewhere?"

Bella looked him up and down. She didn't recognise him. She looked at the doctor, if that was what he actually was, trying to read his intentions. She wasn't really in the mood for cheap chat up lines, but there was something about the way he said it that made her think that he could just be asking a genuine question. She considered it and decided to err on the side of caution. "I doubt it." She stubbed out her cigarette and went inside.

.

.

Nick caught up with her. He sniffed. "Have you been smoking again?"

Bella rolled her eyes and ignored her father.

"What did you think of Dylan Keogh?"

Bella shrugged."The guy that came in with Hannah Fleet?"

"Yes. Miriam wants me to offer him a job."

"He's actually a doctor?" Bella felt slightly guilty about her swift dismissal.

"Yes. I know. What do you think?"

"I think Miriam's judgement is better than mine. I also think he would be a laugh."

Nick frowned. "That's not a reason to hire someone."

"Depends which rulebook you're reading from Nick." Bella winked and wandered off to find Zoe.


	6. Amusing

Would really appreciate some reviews, it really make's a writer's day if someone gives them some constructive criticism or just a vague acknowledgement that people are actually reading the story.

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Bella jogged into the staff-room Late, but only just. She nodded at Mads and Big Mac and went to open her locker. She ruffled through her bag, but she couldn't seem to locate her locker key. She looked around hopefully. "Anyone seen my key?"

Zoe shook her head with a smile. Bella could be so disorganized for a person with OCD. "Is that Keogh guy here yet?"

"No." Tess handed Bella her locker key, "You left it in the lock last night, I picked it up for you."

"Thanks Tess." Bella grinned, "He's later than Zoe and me, nice start."

Mac chuckled. "Where does that Miriam get them from? Bit of a challenge to find a tardier doctor than you two."

Zoe turned round and glared at Mac. "There's a line, and you're over it."

Bella looked at the clock. "I was only 5 minutes late today."

Noel joined the conversation. "Not a bad question though, eh?I mean, where is he from?"

Bella frowned, "He's not exactly your average ED doc."

Tess shrugged, "I heard he used to be a cardiologist."

"Oooh, proper Hero type." Big Mac shut his locker.

Bella looked surprised. "I heard he was a G.P. You don't get many cardiologists becoming G.P's. And you don't get many G.P's in an Emergancy department."

Noel continued, "And he's Mirriam's golden boy. I'd watch out Bella."

Bella rolled her eyes, "Are you two trying to make me paranoid? And I am not a 'golden girl'?"

Dylan Keogh had been listening in, he peered over Bella's shoulder. "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they are not out to get you." He looked her up and down.

Zoe smirked.

Bella produced her medication and shook the box. "Good thing I've got these then."

Dylan read the label and then shrugged and walked out of the staffroom, leaving Tess to grin as Bella and Zoe tried not to laugh. Zoe grinned. "He totally checked you out."

Bella was indignant. She held her hands up in the air. "He just looked at me, okay? Jeez guys."

The rest of the staff, including Tess howled with laughter. Bella scowled and tried to change the subject. "Anyone seen my stethoscope?"

Bella was in charge of cubicles, something that she was very good at, but all the same she could feel the pull of exciting cases in resus. "Okay crew. We're quite busy today so I want quick work." The group of nurses and doctors she had been assigned stopped muttering. Bella had just completed handover with Adam, who had been doing the night shift. "Dr Hargreaves, I want you to take charge of Cubicle 7, 4, 2. Pick an agency nurse to take with you. Lenny, with Kath, 6, 8, 3. Jay, Ruth, 9, 11, 14. New doctor. You're first mate. You can have 13, 10, 5. Mads can you show him around. And Nurse Mckee can you take triage Any questions go to Tess, Zoe and me if you really can't find anyone else." Bella handed him his set of notes. Dylan nodded his thanks. "Do you always run this place like a ship? Navy?"

Bella smiled. "I was more a yes-sir-sergant-sir girl."

"Royal Medical Corp?"

"Indeed." Bella picked up the notes for cubicles 1, 15 and 18 and sighed. With only two empty cubicles it was going to be an interesting day.

Bella found the new doctor intriguing. Although his blunt and brisk manner could quite easily cause offence, Bella made a mental note to avoid assigning him to fussy old ladies, he did seem to genuinely care about making a patient better. Or perhaps he just didn't like a disease to beat him. She occasionally caught his eye and received a half-smile, but in a good way. Perhaps there was more to it than that, but Bella insisted to herself that the friendly banter would remain friendly.


	7. Routine

Just a short rubishy one, I'll upload another one as soon as I can, and then I've got a nice long one. Sorry for the wait, I know it must be frustrating.

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Bella ran in late, Lenny informed her that Tess and Jay had both called a sicky. "Roll on Friday night mate." She patted Lenny on the back, "We could always dress you up in blue scrubs. F2's and nurses are basically the same." She shoved her helmet and leathers into her locker, and pulled on a srub top. A brown letter fell out. "What's this?"

"We all got one, we all get to vote on who we think should be clinical lead."

"You are joking right?"

"Nope."

"This is probably just some fancy new management-box-ticking exercise so the suits can feel good about themselves. It's not like they actually care about what we think. It's a no brainier anyway. Miriam's nice enough, but way to tell-me-your-problems-touchy-freely for my liking."  
Lenny shrugged, "I like Miriam, but either way this is going to funny to watch. Showdown between the bosses."

"Isn't that kinda a bit of a negative effect on the workplace. Any way. Me, you, resus?"

"You make it sound like a date."

"It isn't."

"Oh."

"I don't think that patient's mother likes you." Bella nudged Dylan lightly on the arm.

"Which one?" Dylan continued sorting through his files.

"Cubicle 4. Currently giving you the evil eye. You ever met her before or has she just formed an instant dislike?"

Dylan looked up and shook his head. "Never seen her before in her life."

"Must be your maverick nature."

Dylan frowned. "You know, I really dislike that word. It belittles everything I do."

"Whatever you say. Before you came along I did my own fair share of mavricking."

He was still frowning. "That's not a word."

"Now I'm just left to stand back and say Wow sarcastically from the edges. Never used to be my style."

Dylan smiled. "What was that stunt yesterday about then?" He was referring to her actions yesterday. She had gone out on call and recklessly risked herself to save a child from a collapsing building. The result being that although both Bella and the child survived, Nick still banned her from going out on call for the next month. Again. It was worth it.

Bella shrugged. "Old habits die hard."

..

.

..

Jeff and Dixie walked up to the paramedics lockers, where Polly and Bella were discussing something. Bella raised her hand "Jeff, Dix, talk her out of this?"

Jeff looked surprised, "What do you mean? How about we talk about it over a full English, I'll have the meat bits and the egg bits too in the case of the crazy vegetarian. I still don't understand how you do that Bells."

"Shut up a minute Jeff." Bella gestured to Polly.

Polly took a deep breath. "Guys I've decided what I want to do."

Dix looked worried until Polly grinned. "Polly?"

"I'm not going to take my paramedic exams."

Jeff frowned. "Talk to her Dix."

Bella patted Polly on the shoulder, "Later lovely, I'll pass on the small part of the full English I actually eat, got a ton of paperwork sitting on my desk."


	8. Death Hath No Dominion

"Jeff, Dix, have you guys seen Polly?"

Jeff pointed to the pair of legs sticking out from under the ambulance.

"You ran her over?"

Jeff laughed. "Nah, she's fixing the thingymyjiggy."

Bella nodded. "The thingymyjiggy. Yeah I heard they can be difficult."

Polly pulled out from underneath. "Hey Bella, wanna give me a hand?"

Bella looked at Polly's oily hands. "No ta. And my mechanical skills only really extend to the likes of motorbikes and land cruisers. I don't want to break Jeff's ambulance, he might never speak to me again."

Dixie tapped her foot in mock impatience. "Are you done yet?" To Bella, "He wouldn't."

Polly smiled. "Are you worried about me?"

Bella grinned. "Na, she's just worried about what health and saftey will say."

Polly's smile fell. "Oh. I thought after all this time you might actually be worried about me."

Jeff and Dixie looked at each other. "Naaaa."

Bella looked at her watch. "Isn't your final interview in 10 minutes?" Polly was applying to be a councilor.

A voice answered from under the ambulance, "It's not like I'm gonna miss it. Can I have the torch?"

Jeff handed her the torch. He and Dixie were eating their way through Polly's goodbye present; a box of chocolates.

Polly asked, "Can I have a chocolate?"

Jeff picked out another chocolate. "Are you finished?"

"No?"

"No then. Bella, would you like a chocolate?"

Bella smiled. "Oh yes please." She selected a strawberry cream and jogged off into the ED, after wishing Polly the best of luck. "See you guys in the pub later, yeah?"

.

.

.

"Hey Poll- how was the interview?"

Polly frowned. "Well-"

Bella looked over Polly's shoulder, one of her patients was trying to remove the curtain from the curtain rail. "What- why is- Sorry darling you'll have to tell me later, I'll see you at the pub, okay? Mrs Cheshire, that's a curtain, not a blanket. Jay? Has anyone seen Jay?"

"Dylan. I'd love it if you actually gave advance warning before you do a disappearing act."

"Not my fault. I was taken hostage."

Bella handed Dylan a set of lab results. "I'm being serious."

"So am I. Poppy forced me into a therapy session with the Fleet woman."

Bella frowned. She herself had found Ms Fleet annoying and Dylan much less tolerance for human nature than she did. "Really? How did that go?"

"Don't ask me, I walked out half way through."

"Charming. And her name is Polly."

"Who?"

"Polly, the paramedic."

Hannah Fleet jogged across reception towards them. She was clutching her arm in a bandage. "Dr Keogh, I need to speak to you-"

Bella grabbed her arm. "What happened to you?"

Hannah shook her off. "It's nothing, I really really need to speak to you."

Bella grabbed her arm again. "That's not nothing. Let me see-"

Dylan looked from Bella to Hannah Fleet. "Right. I'll leave this to you."

Hannah Fleet made as if she was going to go after him. "Dylan, please, I need to-"

"Sorry. Got a thing. Hospital stuff."

Bella pulled Hannah toward cubicles. "Come on, you need to let me look at this."

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Bella was struggling to persuade Hannah to let her look at her arm. They were in CDU. "I don't know where Dylan is. I'm sorry. I need to treat your arm."

"Or what?"

"I'll end up scared for life?" Hannah already had a scar on her face from her previous accident.

Bella was tired of this. "Yes. Now how did you do this?"

Hannah looked distracted. "What?"

"Your arm."

"I- It was boiling water-"

"That was this morning, what happened to it this afternoon."

Hannah stood up. "Look I haven't got time for this."

Bella rolled her eyes. It was going to be a long afternoon. "If you would like to hold that still for a moment, I might actually be able to do my job."

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Bella was signing to herself. "I want to go home. Why can't we please go home? I need to go home."

"Bella?" It was Dylan. "Have you seen Poppy?"

"Polly. And not since the end of her shift. She's probably at the pub."

"I called Alan-"

"-Adam."

Dylan nodded. "And a few of the ambulance crew, she's not there."

"Maybe she popped back home, she's probably getting changed or something. I'll give her a ring."

"I've tried her twice, she's not picking up."

"Maybe she's just not picking up to you." She keyed the number into her phone and handed it to him with a smirk. "Try that."

"No answer." Dylan marched off in the direction of CDU.

Bella followed him. "What's the problem?"

"I need to talk to Hannah Fleet."

"The psych guy is in with her at the moment. You can't just barge in. 10 minutes ago you couldn't stand the sight of her."

Bella pulled the curtain open. The cubicle was empty. "Where did she go?"

"So much for being with psych."

"Is that Polly's phone? Dylan. What's going on? Dylan."

Dylan broke into a run, Bella struggled to keep up. "I shouldn't have walked out. Of course."

"Dylan, where are you going?"

"You check admin, I'll check reception."

Bella nodded. "Has anyone seen Polly? Or Hannah-"

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Dylan came rushing past her with Hannah Fleet. He pulled her into resus. Bella looked across the busy resus, doing one last search for Polly, not that she would still be in the department. She'd probably gone home to get changed. Bella pushed open the double doors of resus and let them swing shut behind her. Dylan was quizzing Hannah. "Why did you have Dylan's phone? You said that none of this would have happened if I hadn't walked out. What happened?"

"You know it's kind of weird when you think about it."

Bella looked from Dylan to Hannah. "What's going on here?"

Dylan held up his hand. "Sssh. What's weird?"

Hannah was pacing up and down. "Well it's not as if she knew us. She didn't have to help us but she did. Very thoughtful of her."

Dylan was getting more impatient. "What happened after I left?"

"You think she's pretty, don't you. And as for her-" She pointed at Bella.

"I'm serious Hannah. Leave Dr Jordan out of this."

"I can see why, she's got excellent bone structure. And that one's very skinny. The cheekbones really make her face."

Bella frowned. "Where is Polly? What's this about?"

Hannah ignored her and walked towards Dylan. "You know, in a way it was your fault. You should have listened. If you had pretended to have listened."

Dylan blinked. "Right. I'm listening now."

"Yeah but it's too late now, isn't it Dr Keogh."

Dylan stepped forward, non threateningly, as if to reassure the woman who was obviously quite unstable. "What happened? Hannah what happened? Bella-"

Hannah fleet made for the door. "Let me out." She pulled a knife out of her pocket.

Dylan's eyes widened in comprehension.

Bella didn't hesitate. "Dylan. Don't move." She grabbed Hannah's arm and twisted the knife out of her hand. Hannah pulled out of grip and ran across the E.D.

Dylan chased after her. "Stop. Stop that woman."

A police woman tackled her down before she could get to the door. Dylan turned to Jay "Jay, downstairs now, in the basement. I think Polly's been hurt."

Bella grabbed Hannah who had been knocked to the ground and thrust her towards Zoe. She panted. "Jeff... Dixie... We need to … get Polly." She grabbed a medi kit as Jay burst up the stairs. "I need a doctor-"

Bella was already following him frantically into the basement. "What's her stats?"

"Conscious but she's lost a lot of blood-"

Jeff and Dixie went in the lift with a trolley. Bella ran into the room. Polly was lying sprawled on the floor, clutching what looked like a deep chest wound. Bella almost hesitated at the sight of her housemate bleeding to death, but years of training and practice took over. It was almost automatic as Bella fell to kneel on the ground by her side. "Polly, take it easy sweetheart, everything's going to be okay. We're going to get you to resus and it's all going to be fine. You're going to get through this, I'll help you. Just like you helped me, eh? I promise. " Her voice wavered. Bella shoved the medi-bag at Dylan.

Jeff and Dixie burst in. "Bloody Hell Polly, no no no no."

"Jeff I need you to help me get her on the trolley. 3-2-1. On the trolley. It's okay Polly, you're going to be fine. You take the lift, we'll take the stairs."

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In resus Bella could only stand back in shock and watch as Nick, Miriam and Zoe worked on her with Tess. She was watching the monitor. "Pulse is thready- she's going to arrest."

Nick nodded and began CPR. "Where's the blood, someone chase the blood?"

Dylan had been standing next to her in a trance. "I'll go."

Bella was squeezing her nails into her hand. She'd had enough of watching. She grabbed some gloves and took over CPR.

Nick was watching the monitors intensely. "We need to stop the bleed."

Miriam shook her head. "We'd have to find it first. We've got to her too la-"

Bella wouldn't let her finish. "Just get the blood in, she has a better chance if we stabilize the blood output-"

Nick bit his lip. "Thorocotomy. Zoe get me a thorocotomy kit."

Miriam protested. "No no no no no. You need to think this through."

Nick was adamant. "I already have. If we cut her open we have a better chance of stemming the bleed."

"We need to do that in theater-"

Bella interrupted. "We haven't got time for you to argue this one-"

Miriam was ready to call it. "-even if you could locate the bleed we're looking at 5-10% survival."

Nick pulled a surgical apron over his head and took the gloves that the agency nurse held out for him. "Well, her chances will be even less if I don't do this."

Miriam stepped back from the table, looking at Nick beseechingly. "You've got to be objective here. She won't make it." Nick didn't meet her eyes. Instead he looked around at the faces of his team. Bella's face was a wall, but he knew her well enough to see the pain. Jay looked close to breaking. Jeff, Dixie, Big Mac and Noel were stoney eyed and unmoving. Zoe looked at him, they needed a decision. Nick nodded. "Zoe, Bella, we need to intubate, keep the fluids pushing in."

Zoe moved around to Polly's head. "Tess apply cryckoid pressure, Jay I need you to help with the tube."

Jay tried but couldn't take it. He ran out of resus. Nick took his place as Bella continued CPR. Nick began the thorocotomy, Bella assisted. She tried to ignore the fact that it was Polly but the fact couldn't escape her mind. A stray tear escaped her eye and rolled down her face. The team waited in silence as Nick began cardiac massage. The bleep of the monitor told everyone that it wasn't going well. "We'll go again. Give her the shot." No one moved. "Give her the shot please."

Miriam's eyes were sad. "Nick..."

Bella looked from Tess to Zoe. She knew that it wasn't working. She stepped back and looked at Jay. He nodded at her slowly, his eyes mirroring what she was feeling. She looked back at Polly and then at Nick. "She's gone." Nick looked at her and pulled his hands away. "Time of death. 21:32." They all stood without moving in a silent vigil. More tears were falling down her face. Hot, salty and unwanted. Her hands were covered in the blood of her house-mate. Polly... Polly who had entered Bella's life as a result of a coincidence. Polly who had instantaneously brightened up the impersonal interior of Bella's little town-house by the river, filling it with flowers and little ornaments. Slowly her presence had warmed her way through Bella's barriers. To say they were close would be an understatement. Polly had become a major part of Bella's life, and now she was lying dead on a resus bed. Again and again, everything she touched. Bella felt a sudden urge to get very very drunk, something that Polly would have disproved of, but then those eyes were never going to look upon her disapprovingly as she returned from a drunken night out. Those eyes were never going to light up with laughter when Bella said something unintentionally funny, never again would they fill with tears as Bella talked about her past. Bella would never hear her voice or see her smile. Bella didn't really care any more. Dylan interrupted the silence and her thoughts by leaving resus. Bella thought about following him, he probably blamed himself. Bella blamed herself. Bella didn't really care enough to move. The monitor bleeped one last time, and then complete silence filled the room. Bella had never been good with silence. She stepped back, taking one last look at the body on the resus bed. A body, that was all it was now. Polly's essence of life, the thing that made her who she was, had gone. Forever extinguished, forgotten, a light amoung many different lights. Bella would never forget her. Nick placed his hand gently on her arm. Bella shook him off, and left, heading for his office. She didn't want to talk.

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Dylan slammed the door of the on call room shut, and threw himself on the bed. This always happens to him, he'd get too involved, and then everything would screw up. He punched the wall.

Bella slurred slightly, "Don't let me stop you?"

Dylan whipped around to see Bella sitting in the corner, drinking straight from the bottle. It looked like expensive stuff. "Isabella?"

She raised her glass, "Good stuff, Nick won't miss it. Well, he will, but he never tells me off anyway." She stood up, wobbled, and plonked herself on the bed next to Dylan who looked slightly afraid. "I was just responsible for the death of your best friend, and you're offering me a drink?"

"I forgot you didn't drink. Strange. I could never not- never mind. You know it wasn't your fault. Blame the psycho that stabbed her."

"The psycho that I left brandishing a knife."

"Still, she was actually booked in as my patient. I know, how about we call it quits, 50/50... what was I saying?" Bella leant back an looked intently at the ceiling, as if she was seeing something that Dylan couldn't. "Lights. Just lights."

Dylan raised an eyebrow. He really shouldn't be here. He tried to stand. "How about I leave you to sleep this one off?"

Bella clasped Dylan's hand, pulling him closer. "Don't go."

"I can't stay here- I- I-"

"Polly's in a better place now. I hope it's all she wanted it to be."

"I don't follow-"

Bella's head lolled to the side, she had her eyes closed. Dylan was worried that she might have lost consciousness. Mr Jordan would not be impressed if Dylan bought him his barely consious daughter. Then her eyes snapped open. He'd just been considering leaving her to it, but it was those dark chocolate eyes with the hazel flicks that made him stop. They were open, sincere and sober, even if her words weren't. Even though they were rimmed red with tears they were beautiful. Dylan suddenly realized how close they were, Bella's face was only inches from him. And her mouth, in it's perfect double curve, and then they were kissing, gently at first as if they had all the time in the world and then more forcefully. Bella's hand was on his chest, then his hair and then- Dylan knew this was a bad idea. Of course it was a bad idea. She was drunk, he was- He was...


	9. Afterthought

Bella woke up and tried to roll over. She hit something warm and breathing. And then she remembered everything in a rush. Hannah Fleet, Polly, Dylan. She swore, quietly, and gently rolled out of bed the bed. The still sleeping form of Dylan made no movement. He snored. Bella grabbed her bag and went off to the shower. She wasn't going home, she wouldn't make it past the pile of flowers that had probably piled up outside the doors of the ED without the grief taking over her already tired conscience. She had to work.

Nick took Bella aside, "What are you doing here?"

"Working, what does it look like?"

"But-"

"Jeff and Dixie are working, she was everyone else friends too."

"It's different."

"It's not like I want to sit at home and stare at all of her stuff. I'm better off here. Stop fussing over me, please."

"Isabella-"

"Don't call me Isabella. I'm a doctor, what's more, I was in the army, I know how to deal with death. This is my way of doing it."

"You've been drinking."

"My way of doing it. At least I've slept."

Nick sighed. "I still don't think that you should be working."

Bella shrugged, "And I actually don't care what you think."

"You can't speak to me like that, I'm your boss for one thing."

"Watch me." Bella went back to her patient in cubicle 4.

Nick sighed in frustration at his daughter's obstinate nature, before calling Tess over, "Can we keep an eye on Dr Jordan? I want to check all of her notes before she discharges anyone, she's not thinking straight and I don't want her to make a stupid mistake."

Tess nodded. "She won't go home?"

"No, I've tried, but- it's Bella we're talking about here."

"I keep an eye out, Jay's not himself either."

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When Miriam pulled everyone over mid-shift for a chat, Nick watched Bella scowl warily. It wouldn't be unlike her to take it out on Miriam. "I just want you all to know that my door is always open. I'm not just saying that, I mean it. Just pop in anytime and share your thoughts, concerns, grief," She gave a pointed look at Jay, Lenny and Bella, who had always been Polly's closest friends. "Okay? I thought I leave this book of condolence for Polly here. Please sign if you'd like to. It would be nice for her family to know how much she meant to us all."

Bella smiled sweetly, too sweetly. "How nice." She looked like she was going to continue but the doors opened and a patient came in. Bella jumped off of the nurses station where she had been sitting. She nodded at Nick, who encouraged everyone to get busy.

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It was later, and Bella was carefully examining a patient's X-Ray negatives. Nick came and stood next to her, "Bella, you haven't seen a patient?"

Bella pinned up the X-ray on the board "Describe."

"A little boy, blonde, about this big." He gestured about half his height.

Bella smiled. "A child. That was careless."

"Yes, no?"

"No, sorry. I'll keep an eye out. And, Nick?"

Nick had been about to turn around and check CDU for the child. "Yes, what?"

"What are you actually planning on doing?"

"Holiday, maybe some research work. I heard China's good. Another E.D, I hadn't really thought about it."

Bella looked sad, "Didn't really think it was going to happen, did you? The place won't be the same. We didn't want her, you know. Touchy-feely-carey-sharey isn't really us."

Nick sighed slightly, "The board have made their decision."

Bella had a teasing glint in her eye, but her smile was fake and she looked terrible. "We could revolt, refuse to take orders from her."

Nick shook his head. "Miriam isn't that bad, you'll like her once you get to know her."

"I liked her when she wasn't doing your job. In fact I didn't even like her then, now even less."

Nick laughed, "Behave yourself."

"I do." Bella's eyes glazed over slightly, thinking about something else. Nick squeezed her shoulder, "Are you sure you're alright?"

She blinked, "I'm fine, honest. Just need to keep working."

Nick nodded, wishing she would go home.

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Nick meticulously checked all of Bella's notes, from her patients, as well as supervising her when he could. She didn't make a single mistake, she didn't falter in resus and she didn't lose her temper with any of her patients. He went outside after his shift to find her sitting on a bench with a picture of Polly and her at last year's Christmas do. He sat down next to her, wordlessly waiting for Bella to speak. Eventually she said something. "Nick?"

"What?"

Bella appeared to be trying very hard to concentrate on something, "Can I have a hug?"

Nick gave Bella a half-smile. She looked exhausted, mentally and physically. He engulfed his daughter in a warm hug.

She murmured into his shoulder. "I'll miss you."

"I'm not going."

"What?"

"Mirrium's resigned."

Bella pulled out of the hug. "Wha- How?"

"Don't worry about that, the important thing is that I'm not going anywhere."

Bella grinned and gave Nick another hug. "That's brilliant." She smiled again and jumped up, giving a small whoop.

Nick laughed and shook his head. You could never second-guess Bella.

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I do love it if I get reviews,** hint hint**, please? Em


	10. Many Returns

Bella jumped up from her seat at the sight of a woman with blonde hair and a brown coat standing in reception. "Ruth! Yay!" Bella came to a halt in front of the doctor. "Hi, sorry. Just nice to see you. I'm sorry I didn't visit that much, I just hate that bit of the- Yeah, anyway? Do you want to get started, I've got a lovely old man with a hernia, a lot of habitual vomiting, two tramps, a trampoline injury- I bet you missed this?"

Bella took Ruth by the arm, seeing that she was feeling slightly underwhelmed by the situation. Bella knew how she felt. "They seem to have made some mix- up with the GP referral scheme, cubicles is chaos and Tess is just about ready to explode. KABOOM."

Ruth echoed weekly, "Kaboom?"

"Trust me, it'll get easier."

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Tess stepped into the main foyer of the E.D. "Everyone, can you just listen up please?"

Bella was just about to examine a patient in cubicle 13. She smiled at the patient, "Can you just give me a second?" and closed the cubicle curtain and went to stand by Lenny.

Tess continued, "As I'm sure you've realised, there's been a glitch?"

Lenny grinned at Bella, "What, a glitch in the NHS?"

Bella nodded seriously, "It's amazing that they aren't so common, actually."

Tess sighed. "We have to look after the GP admissions till they can be shipped across town."Professor Williams has asked for the medical staff's help with this by assessing each patient and checking that they're fit for transport."

Zoe rolled her eyes. "Does he want us to do a deep clean at the same time Tess?"

"I know it's not strictly our responsibility, but if we all work together-"

Adam's voice, on the phone, cut across what she was saying. "Hi, I've got a 56 year old man with a peri-"

"Adam?" Tess turned and shot him a concerned look. "Adam! I'm talking."

Adam rolled his eyes, "As you were-"

They were interrupted by a shout and the sound of a bin falling over. The team turned to look at a brawl between two patients through the reception window. Bella grinned at Big Mac who nodded and they said in unison. "On it."

"Bella, I've told you before that you aren't security-" Tess was interrupted by Ruth appearing around the corner. "Tess there's a fight in reception."  
Bella shot Ruth a smile, dodging Tess's disapproving look as she went assist Mac in the separation of two elderly patients. Tess scowled at Bella before turning to face the rest of the team. "And Dr Winters is back to work with us today, so if we can assist her in any way, that would be good, okay?"

Lenny leant towards Zoe and muttered under her breath. "Is she safe?"

Zoe frowned. "Safer than you. And definitely safer than Bella."

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Bella groaned. "Bloody hell this place is chaos. I have sixteen patients in CDU. 16 patients in 6 beds. Adam are you even- Nevermind."

Adam was staring at a table. "Maybe you should ask Henry- Oh look, there he his."

"Adam-"

Tess came out of her office with a motorcycle helmet and a set of leathers. "Why is my office a dumping ground for patients belongings? Bella are these yours?"

Bella shook her head, "Not mine, maybe the patient in resus- Henry's daughter?"

Adam didn't look up. "Ask your nurses."

Henry reached the three of them. "Adam. I told you GP referals were a matter of priority. We just have to get them-" Henry was followed by a greasy haired man in a leather jacket with a smug smile on his face.

Adam rolled his eyes, "-off your spreadsheets and onto someone elses."

Henry frowned, "You know there's a very clear loose cannon procedure in this trust, don't make me use it."

Adam looked at Bella, his mouth a firm line, and then back at Henry again. "Fine. I'll see the kid. Better be quick though, tit might be a complex case, it might even take all day."

Henry turned to Bella and Tess, "If that patient isn't out of this department in two hours time, heads will roll."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Sometimes it's a little more complicated than that, but then I guess it all looks the same on your spreadsheet. Do you ever get tired of looking at rows of numbers Henry, 'cause I sure get tired of hearing about them. Has anyone even looked at the date today?" Bella slid off of her seat and left Tess to apologize for the behaviour of the doctors.

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Bella swung open the door to CDU. Instead of what she expected, a room full off vomiting or complaining patients, scattered haphazardly from wall to wall, CDU was practically empty, in fact only four of the beds were occupied. Ruth stepped out of a cubicle. Bella looked around. "Bloody hell Ruth, what have you done with my patients?" She made a show of peering behind the desk, half expecting to find a ward full of patients camped out underneath. "Nope."

Ruth smiled and handed Bella a pile of notes. "He's gone home with a clinic appointment, these two have been transferred to St James's, and he's gone home with antibiotics. I just need you to sign this ones referral form, the incontinent lady, she's going up to neurosurgery?"

"Neurosurgery? I thought someone was coming down from geriatrics?"

"Slipped disc, acute chorda equina syndrome."

Bella nodded, she was impressed. "Nice one buddy, how did you persuade them to take her?"

"Well I said if they didn't find her a bed, I'd operate on her myself down here."

It took Bella a second to realise that the young doctor wasn't joking. She whistled. "Girl you've got some guts, I will buy you as many drinks as you will like. You have saved my day, and saved my headache."

Ruth smiled slightly.

"I guess I can leave you in charge here?"

Ruth nodded.

Bella whooped. "Dr Winters is back in da house."

Ruth stepped back, slight alarmed. "Bella please."

Bella smiled, "Sorry mate. I don't know how we coped without you."

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"Charlie!" Bella grinned and did a theatrical leap across the E.D at the sight of her favorite nurse. "Boy have I missed you."

Charlie held his hands up, "Steady on, Bella, how are you doing?"

Bella smiled. "All the better for seeing you, Mr Fairhead."

Charlie raised an eyebrow, "Still mixing drink and drugs then Bella?"  
"I am not hungover. That hungover."

"I can tell it just from the bags under your eyes." He smiled teasingly.  
Bella gave him a mock offended look. "Bags, what bags?"

"Charlie?" Zoe weaved her way through the bustle of the nurses station. "What are you you doing here?"

"I was summoned."

Bella smiled, "Ooh, sounds ominous."

Charlie's eyes came to rest on Ruth. "How you doing?"

Bella was still holding Charlie's arm. She had always looked upon Charlie as an honorary grandparent and he had always done his best too look out for her. "She was brilliant, not quite sure how we coped without her."

Zoe nodded, "Cleared CDU like a phosphate enima."

Charlie smiled his crinkly eye smile. "Sweet."

"Ah Charlie, good. Perfect timing." Nick Jordan spared a moment to smile at Bella before spreading his arms in his trademark manner. "Listen up everyone, if you please. I had a visit today, from a key member of our team who voiced what I think most of us have been feeling for some time." Nick turned to Charlie. "That you have been very badly treated, and your transfer was not in the best interest of this department, so I have been jugling the budgets, and I think that we can recreate your position, more or less immediately, if you would like to come back to the E.D."

Charlie sounded grave. "How long before you need to know?"

Bella met Ruth's eyes and disentangled herself from Charlie, who shrugged. "Oh alright then, since you asked so nicely, and if I declined I have a feeling that Dr Jordan would never speak to me ever again, wait, perhaps that might be a reason to reconsider."

Bella started a spontaneous round of applause before engulfing Charlie in a hug, "I've missed you." Bella grinned, "Drink?"

Charlie shook his head, "Not for you. I'm sure everyone's had enough of you bouncing off of the walls every morning."

Bella frowned, "Oh, Mr Fairhead, you ruin all my fun."

...


	11. Scapegoats and Strikes

Long chapter here, that's what revision does to you eh? I've got the next 15 chapter's lined up (procrastination at it's most productive) Thank you very much to LostInAGoodBook and gemmaa13 for the reviews, you have no idea how much I appreciate it :) E

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"Hey, what's up?" Bella touched Adam on the shoulder, curious. She had just watched Tess walk away from a conversation with Adam and Charlie with tears in her eyes.

"I have a feeling management are lining Tess up as a scapegoat for the boy we lost the other day." Adam was referring to a boy who had died as a result of the new transferral system, he had been put in an ambulance to be transferred without Adam clearing it, something that eventually led to his death. Jay shot a concerned look at the door that Tess had just followed Charlie through. "No, they can't do that."

"Well, management will do anything to cover their own backs."

Bella looked at Adam, "Ad, what exactly-"

Kirsty walked over as Adam walked away. "What's going on?"

"Relatives wanted blood, management gave them Tess."

"You're joking, that's outrageous."

Bella nodded, "What are we going to do?"

Big Mac had caught the tale end of the conversation. "What's outrageous?"

Bella frowned, "Tess is being held responsible for the death of that kid last week."

"What?"

Bella shook his head slightly and shot a dark look across the apartment, where Henry was going through the main doors. "Later."

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"So what exactly did Henry accuse her of?" Kirsty, Mac, Noel, Jay and Bella were grilling Charlie on the events of this morning. Bella did feel slightly like she was intruding on a nursing issue, but she knew for sure that all the doctors, Adam, Zoe, Lenny, even Ruth would be on the side of the Clinical Nurse Manager.

"Management say they can avoid a formal complaint if Tess takes sole blame."

Mac looked up sharply, "Whoa, hang on. That's bullyin' and abuse. If you let that go, you're endorsing it, they'll just do it again."

Kirsty nodded, "We need to go to the RCN."

Adam put his head over Bella's shoulder, "I'm happy to talk to her again, but I think it's better coming from you."

Charlie shrugged at Adam's comment, "They'll be a coroner's inquest, the facts'll come out, and then it'll be really obvious that this is much more complicated than one person's error."

Mac nodded in agreement, "In the old days-"

Bella interjected, "When I were a a lad-"

Mac frowned, "This is no laughing matter Bella."

Bella bowed her head, seriously again, to avoid meeting Adam and Kirsty's grins. "Sorry."

"In the old days, we used to march or go on strike."

Noel looked puzzled. "What's stopping us from doing that now?"

"No, well, they're gambling on the nurses being too good natured to do anything about it."

Bella smiled, reminiscent. "This is a situation that we need Abs for, mind you, his work for rule meant chaos for the department."

Charlie nodded, seeing both sides of the argument. "I'll talk to her."

Bella smiled and sung lightly, more to herself than anyone else. "Viva la revolution."

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"So Stephen, what drugs have you taken today?"

The patient inhaled sharply as Bella placed pressure on his abdomen. Through clenched teeth, "I don't touch drugs no more."

Bella gave Tess a sceptical look, but said nothing. "Okay then, I want you to do something for me, place your hands up, like you're going to give someone a high five, okay?" She demonstrated. The patient was a young father who had come in with his baby daughter and wife. The daughter was receiving treatment from Zoe, and it appeared that the young man had assaulted the social worker on the end of some bender. But all the same, Bella didn't want to judge, and Tess appeared to want to vouch for the kid, he had been friends with Sam, Tess's son, at primary school. The patient slowly raised his hands, they trembled. Bella sighed, "He's mildly enkepopathic, his liver's not functioning properly."

"I don't understand?"

"Ah, Stephen, you've had a build up of toxins in your brain, some things tipped your liver over the edge, we need to go looking for that, okay? Chest X-Ray and urine dip, if you could organise that Tess, I want to check for an infection. How much have you been drinking, mate?"

The patient shook his head urgently. "No, I gave up."

Bella sighed again, "Look Stephen, this only works if you're honest with me. I believe you about the drugs, but you have to tell me how much you had to drink last night."

"Look, I don't drink any more."

Bella shook her head, "Right. Tess can you organise those tests, keep me posted, thank you."

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Bella's patient, Stephen, had gone into haemostemosis, severe liver failure. Bella, with the assistance of Adam and Tess, were failing to get a line in to control the blood loss. "There's no veins?" Tess eyes wide with frantic concentration looked up.

Bella shook her head, "I can find veins, their's just no blood in them."

Tess nodded. "I'll try. Adam, take over here."

Bella took hold of his head. "Someone get those two units of O neg, crossmatch 6 if you would, Adam keep the suction going please. Tash, get onto the medics, tell them he's going to need an urgent OGD."

Adam nodded, "Come on, let's squeeze that bag of gello, stay with me Stephen. Set up an IV of pr-"

Tess held up her hand, "I'm in, pass me that other bag of gello."

"Nice one Tess, where's the bloods people? His bloods just not clotting, his liver must be in pieces."

"He's in the process of getting on the transplant list."

Adam looked up. "He's going to need another one pretty damn soon."

His girlfriend called over from the other side of resus, where she was waiting with the social worker. "Can't you get him one now then please?"

Bella was focused on the monitor. "His BP's dropping-"

Adam didn't look up from his task. "If he's drinking, he's not going to be top priority."

The poor girl was in tears, "Yeah well, what's going to happen to him them."

Bella snapped, she disliked interruption when treating. "Enough, let's run that O neg in STAT." She met Tess's eyes, "We might not win this one Tess, We need someone from Gastro round here- who's on the phone?"

The girlfriend ignored Bella's warning. "Livers can heal themselves, can't they? He can get better can't he."

Adam looked up, "I think it might be best if you wait outside, Bella do you want to try a sent standard tube?"

Bella frowned, as did Tess, "Adam?"

Bella nodded, "It's better than doing nothing, you want to do it?"

Adam changed his gloves. "Yes. Tash, hand me the kit."

"You're doing good Stephen, hang on in there for me mate." This was going to take some time.

.

.

They just managed to get him stable when Henry burst through the doors. "If you don't put a stop to that little gathering of yours outside, you will no longer work for me in this hospital." Tess looked anxiously from Henry, to Bella and then Adam. "Whooa, don't look at me, I didn't start anything. Adam, can you handle this- I want to see the little revolutionaries too." Bella followed Tess out of the E.D and went to stand under Zoe's umbrella. "Pretty good actually."

When they saw Tess, the group changed their chants from "Don't blame Tess, for management's mess," to delighted cheers. Charlie joined them. Tess looked at him, "Did you know about this?"

Charlie shrugged and gestured to the group. As well as Mac, Noel, Zoe and Bella there were a diverse range of nurses, porters and other hospital staff spending their lunch break in support of the clinical nurse manager. Tess smiled, but only slightly. "Who's behind this, who organised this?"

Rather sheepishly, Big Mac stepped forward, on the encouragement of Noel.

Tess nodded, "Thank you, really, thank you." She looked touched. "But you have to stop, you have to disband."

Big Mac looked confused, as did others in the group. "It's a peaceful protest, no ones getting hurt, are they? You should join us."

Charlie stepped forward. "Thank you very much Mac, but it's not the right way to deal with the problem."

Zoe looked disappointed. "Aww, where's the old socialist Charlie gone?"

"Standing right here."

Big Mac was disappointed too, "Come on, it's a well known fact that striking and working to rule works. If the nurses go on strike, managements in trouble."

Bella nodded, "After all, it's you guys who run this show."

Charlie shook his head, "Striking has it's place, but it's not the appropriate way to deal with the NHS disciplinary procedure."

Big Mac raised his hands, "But who's going to fight for Tess, if Tess doesn't fight for herself?"

Tess was quick to interrupt. "I-I am going to fight for myself, but I'm going to do it my own way. So, thank you, but Charlie's right. You have to stop now, please? But thank you." Tess turned and re-entered the E.D. Bella, Zoe and the rest of the group followed, leaving Mac to manage the signs by himself.

.

.

.

Later, Bella watched warily as Tess marched across the the E.D cubicle row, until she met Henry and the mother of the boy who died last week. She nudged Zoe lightly on the arm. "Where's Charlie? Quickly."

Tess held out her hand to shake the woman's. "Hello, I'm Tess Bateman. Clinical Nurse Manager."

The mother, tearry eyed and looking 10 years older than when Bella had seen her last week, took Tess's hand and shook it vaguely. "I remember you." She had that look, one that Bella had seen too many times. Parents should never outlive their children. Henry interrupted, "Can you just give us 10 minutes. I'll see you in my office-"

Tess appeared not to notice. "I'm deeply sorry about your son, Mrs Lee, please believe me when I say I did everything within my power to save him, unfortunately in this tragic circumstances, it wasn't enough. But I am appalled that you should be led to believe that an apology from a single member of the clinical team was sufficient in the face of your loss."

Henry tried again to interrupt Tess. A crowd had gathered, Bella, Zoe and Adam. "Thank you Sister Batemen."

Tess turned to him, the tone of her voice changing rapidly from apologetic to indignant. "Oh I am so sorry, Professor Williams, I've deviated from my script, I shouldn't have said that, should I?"

Henry nodded, gravely. "We will see you upstairs."

But the mother shook her head, "Go on."

"Uh." Henry looked slightly lost for words. "Mrs Lee, Sister, could we, uh, take this in here?" He gestured to a conveniently empty cubicle. He closed the curtains, and imediatley the Zoe, Adam and Bella stepped closer in order to hear what was being said. Tess's voice continued. "You deserve an apology from management. As do I, my nursing team and the team of doctors and paramedics that were fighting for your sons life yesterday." Bella urgently beckoned to Charlie, who joined them in listening to Tess's voice from outside the cubicle. "But you've been fobbed off. Like the rest of us, to protect the policies of this trust." The doctors and Charlie were joined by Kirsty, Mac and Noel, all sharing the same curious, yet concerned looks. "And if those policies continue unquestioned, then sadly you son won't be the last patient to suffer because of bureaucracy."

Tess was interrupted by Henry's sharp voice. "Can we discuss this another time?"

The woman said something inaudible, perhaps, "No, carry on please?"

Tess took an audible breath. "After the events of yesterday involving your son, I am no longer happy leading the nursing team-" Bella shot Charlie a concerned look, but said nothing. "-for a management structure that puts the delivery of the government's agenda in front of the needs and welfare of staff and patients. I am no longer happy participating in a regime that's terrorizes it's staff with deadlines and paperwork which in turn leads to patient's lives being jeopardized." The team shared nods and smiles, only Charlie and Bella remained concerned at the course in which the conversation was taking. Henry interrupted. "No, this is going to far."

Tess's voice now held a tone of steely determination. "To show my complete lack of faith in the way management has handled this case, and my distress of what happened to your son whilst in the care of this hospital, I am stepping down in my role of nurse manager. I am so sorry for your loss." Bella bit her lip as Tess appeared from behind the curtain, visibly distressed. Charlie took her gently by the arm and led her off to their office. Henry stormed passed the group of onlookers, who regarded him with a universal glare. Adam stepped into the cubicle, murmuring gently to the bereaved woman. Bella stepped backwards, work would have to continue as normal, but there was no denying the sense of unease that Tess's outburst had placed upon the department and the actions of all those within it.

.

.

.

Zoe and Bella were casually sharing a cigarette outside the E.D. Charlie and Henry marched past, Henry badgering Charlie to take over Tess's role in the department. "All I'm asking is for a few extra shifts next week."

Charlie sighed. "I'm sorry, I can't. It's impossible."

"Well then who am I going to get to run the department? She can't be that indispensable."

Bella raised an eyebrow at Zoe, "That's torn it."

Charlie turned on his heel, showing his annoyance for the first time. "Well, I think you might just find that she is. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful."

Henry exhaled sharply and turned away, walking past the girls. Zoe held out a cigarette, jokingly, "Go on, I won't tell."

Henry growled, not even looking in Zoe's direction. "I DON'T SMOKE."

Bella and Zoe doubled over with laughter, and even Charlie cracked a smile, shaking his head.


	12. Until We Meet Again?

I'm just going to apologise in advance for the amount of Dylan that is going to end up in this fanfiction. I'm still in denial about him leaving. He will come back. I will make him come back-

And enough of that or I'll start to cry again.

Thanks, as always, for reading especially if you are one of those lovely people who leave me a review and make me smile. I hope you all had a marvelous Christmas and enjoy a happy new year. I will certainly be taking the opportunity to consume as much alcohol as possible, so I'll try and update again a couple of times before that so you have something to read when I'm in A&E recovering :P

Love you all lots (wow I'm in a weird mood)

Em

* * *

Bella was out running. Her house was pretty much directly under the Clifton Suspension Bridge and most evenings that she wasn't on shift she would run along the footpath next to the river. It was a cold morning and the footpath was icy in places so she was running along the docks instead. She was about halfway along her run when an scruffy dog jumped up from a bench to greet her. She had a lead but no owner attached. She grabbed the lead and in doing so the over-exuberant dog pulled her over. She ended up sprawled on the floor with the dog in her lap. "Hello there-" she looked on the collar for a name tag. "-Dervla. Wonder who gave you such a funny name, eh?" She stood up, keeping hold of the dogs lead and began to hobble down the docks. She'd twisted her ankle and had a pretty nasty cut on her arm, but she'd treated soldiers who'd got up and ran with a lot lot worse. She didn't have to go far before she could hear a male voice calling. The dogs ears pricked and she began to pull Bella faster along the dock. She was tempted to let the lead go and head back home but she didn't want anything to happen to it and besides she was curious to see what kind of person would think up the name 'Dervla' for a dog. They came round the corner and the dog cannoned into a man, barking excitably. The man paid no attention to the human, and set about checking the dog over. The man was Dylan. Oh. He looked up, perhaps to offer thanks for returning the dog, but he changed his mind when he saw who it was. "You? look lost."

Bella snorted. "We're all lost."

"Indeed. What are you doing with my dog?"

"Hi Bella, thank you for catching my runaway dog, how ever will I repay you? That's okay Dylan, I didn't really have much of a choice she practically threw herself at me."

"Really? She doesn't normally come for other people."

"Don't worry about it, Dylan." She paused, "Dervla's an odd name for a dog."

"What did you do to your arm?"

Bella looked surprised at the blood running down her arm, she'd almost forgotten about falling over. And now the dull throb of her twisted ankle came back to her. "Oh, it's nothing. The dog knocked me over, it was icy."

"I hope you aren't going to sue."

"It's just a scratch."

Dylan took a look. "It's more than a scratch. You'll need stitches and it's got grit in it."

"I'll sort it at home, I've still got some running to do."

"You can't run on that ankle, and it's nearly dark."

Bella was touched at Dylan's concern, but it was slightly unnerving. He was actually being nice.

"If you come on-board I can take a look."

"On-board?"

He pointed to a houseboat.

"You live on a boat?" Bella almost laughed. Almost.

"Yes. I do. At least let me put something on that arm."

.

.

.

Dylan's houseboat was surprisingly roomy, even with a dog running around under foot. It was a little awkward, Bella hadn't had anything more than a one night stand in years and years. In fact, Bella wasn't sure she'd ever had a steady boyfriend. She wasn't used to having to converse with them afterward, and Dylan wasn't much conversation anyway, so they ended up sitting in silence. Dylan refused to let Bella patch herself up, so she had to stay still long enough for him to to clean her up which was difficult. The reason she had gone for a run was because she was stressed and agitated, and now she was even more stressed.

"You run often?"

"Everyday if I can."

"It shows."

"Well, I have to make up for the fact that I drink obscene amounts of caffeine, drink too much alcohol and I've been trying to give up smoking for years." And the fact that I used drugs and generally trashed my body when I was a teen, she added mentally. But that was a conversation she wasn't willing to have with Dylan. She looked around again, no photos, a couple of books- medical dictionaries, like he needed one.

"You should get that ankle checked out."

"It doesn't feel broken, I could walk on it."

"Still could be a fracture. You shouldn't walk on it."

"I'll call a cab."

"I can drive you home."

"You don't need-"

"Yes I do."

"You don't owe me anything Dylan. I don't blame you, we were all in the department when-" Bella paused, she didn't want to talk about it but she could see that Dylan wasn't going to get over it if she didn't. "-when Polly died."

"Hannah was my responsibility. I shouldn't have left them alone, I should have known better."

"So? We can't watch our patients all of the time. We both treated Hannah at some point, neither of us could have predicted this was going to happen."

"It did happen though, didn't it?"

"If you think like that, then you'll go mad, trust me. Shit happens. We try our best, but we can't save everyone."

"I guess that just leaves god to save us all then."

Bella could hear the scepticism in his voice. "God? I've seen enough to know that there's no God out there. Life's a series of random coincidences, we just have to find order in the chaos."

Dylan was looking at Bella as if he was trying to make his mind up about something, she had almost forgotten he was there.

Dylan decided. "Do you want a coffee-"

Bella smiled. "Not particularly."

"-Or something?"

Bella wasn't exactly sure how it happened, or who made the first move, but somehow his lips ended up on hers. And soon she wasn't worrying about the order of the universe.

.

.

.

Bella awoke to the sound of an unfamiliar alarm clock, the bark of a dog and a familiar voice from the doorway. "Do you want that coffee now?"

Bella could get used to this. She had found a man which she liked, and she liked Dylan a lot. Yet she was going to walk away, she would never admit it, but she was scared. She was beyond help, she knew it- she would never be able to love someone wholly and unconditionally, she would never ever be able to trust someone completely. And Dylan deserved more than that... so she would go before she caused too much pain, before she broke him too. Because nothing ever stayed unbroken around her for long.

When Dylan was in the shower she slipped out, leaving a note behind. _I know I'm lost, but I don't think I want to be found. __**B**_He of all people would understand.


	13. The Morning After

"It's her, Bella, it's her! What's her name-"

"Not now Mac, I was up late last night, I've got a boy in cubicle four who needs to be taken too-" But Mac walked straight past her, carrying a confused look on his face. "Mac! I'm not in the mood for games today, Mac!"

Charlie walked past an exasperated Bella, with Nick close on his tail. "No, no, no, no."

Bella grinned at Nick, "I told you." Nick was in the process of attempting to persuade Charlie that he could do Tess's job, on a matter of his firm principles, Charlie was firmly refusing. As had every other nurse in the department.

The clinical lead ignored his daughter, and continued to badger Charlie. "You know it makes sense-"

"No! And in case you are in any doubt. No." Charlie returned Bella's smile as Nick continued, "So you'll think about it, yeah?"

Charlie shook his head and smiled as Mads walked past. "Hey Mads, and no. It's a question of principle."

Mads smiled shyly.

Nick was still continuing to attempt to persuade to take Tess's job. "Oh you and your bloody principles."

"Tess is the best person to run this department."

Kirsty bustled past, "Oh hi Mads, how's operation wedding plan going?" Mads was engaged to a man from Pakistan, an arranged marriage, not something that Bella would normaly approve of, but Mads seemed happy with her decision, and Bella wasn't going to upset her.

Nick turned at the sound of the nurses voice, ignoring her question to Mads. "Kirsty, would you consider it?"

The nurse shot him a look. "No." and turned back to her conversation with Mads.

"I've chosen the dress."

Bella grinned, "That's great. What colour is it?"

"Turquoise and silver."

Bella gave a mock girly squeal, "Awww, you have to get a picture for me."

Nick frowned, "Girls, can the gossip till after your shift." Mads face fell.

Bella turned to face her father, "I hope that wasn't a sexist comment. Charlie's well excited about Mads' dress, aren't you Charlie."

Charlie gave a non-committal nod as Nick frowned. "Not right now Bella. Is there any explanation for that Kirsty?"

Kirsty turned to Mads, "That's amazing," and then back to Nick. "It's the principle of the thing."

"Why does that surprise me?"

Jay appeared at Bella's shoulder. "Mr Jordan?"

"Yes?"

"How come you haven't asked me? I mean, I could run this place."

Nick and Bella both laughed. Jay's face fell slightly, "No, seriously I could?"

Bella patted Jay gently on the shoulder as the rest of the team joined in the laughter. "Now that is something that I would rather not see."

Jay was not impressed. "Right. Yeah. Funny."

Noel handed Bella a bouquet of flowers. "For the team, from the liver guy."

Ruth raised an eyebrow, "Wow Noel, you're really getting the hang of the lingo."

Bella sniffed, and then sneezed. "Ew, lilies."

Jay pulled the card out from within the midst of the pink and cream flowers. "Dear all, words cannot express how grateful we are, Stephen is recovering well from the transplant, thank you for going that extra mile." Jay handed the card back to Bella. "Well, I mean Tess should have these, shouldn't she?"

Bella winked at him as Nick sighed dramatically. "Yes, okay. We understand. Tess is brilliant, we want her to come back, you won't step in because Tess is brilliant and you want her to come back. And so we will continue in a cyclical motion. Yes. Are we having any other staff in today, do you know?"

Charlie looked up from his computer screen. "Yes, they're parachuting someone in today. She'll be here at 10."

Nick looked at his watch pointedly.

Charlie gave Bella a wry smile. "Maybe her parachute didn't open?"

"What's her name?"

Big Mac ears pricked up at Bella's question. "I saw her."

"Who?"

"I'm told you earlier, you'd know her if you'd see her. A mate of Jessica's-"

Adam had been standing idly to the edge of the exchange and at the mention of his ex-wife's name he turned around sharply. "Who's a mate of Jessica's?"

Bella shot Kirsty a wary look. Big Mac fumbled, "Uhh, Linda something-"

Noel nodded. "Oh... I know who you mean. The-"

Charlie had been consulting the rota book. "Linda Andrews. I recognise the name, maybe?"

Big Mac raised his hand excitable. "Yeah, Linda Andrews, that's her."

Bella shrugged, "Not me." She looked at Adam again. His face had become unreadable. "Linda Andrews, what about her?"

"She's standing right behind you." A new voice entered the conversation, one that belonged to a blonde woman who Bella didn't recognise at all. Adam turned, and looked at the nurse, who was wearing red scrubs. His faced showed that unlike Bella, he did recognise the woman. There was a moment of slightly awkward silence, in which Bella interjected, "Do I know you?"

The blonde nurse made eye contact with her, "Yes, I remember you. Isabella Jordan, we met when-"

Bella looked anxiously over the blonde woman, she really didn't remember seeing her at all. Charlie helpfully rescued her. "You're late. Follow me, and I'll give you a tour."

Bella looked from Adam, to Kirsty. Adam's face was unreadable again, "Excuse me."

Kirsty exchanged a worried look with Bella, "Is he going to be okay?"

Bella nodded slowly, "He'll bottle it up as usual and pretend that nothing's wrong, and he'll manage..." Bella frowned to herself "I really cannot remember her... I wouldn't worry Kirsty, Adam's a big boy, he can look after himself."

Kirsty returned Bella's frown, but for a different reason. "That's what I'm concerned about."

Bella shrugged lightly. "See you later Kirst,"

.

.

.

"Bella are you okay?" Charlie's question was in the familiar concerned tone, one that Bella had got used to over the years.

Bella has been staring intensely at an x-ray of a patients fibula for over ten minutes, and Charlie was worried that she'd spaced out. In fact, Bella was mulling over the events of last night. She hadn't slept much, she'd lain awake watching Dylan sleep, wondering over what could be. She mentally corrected herself, what couldn't be. She could never be with Dylan. Charlie touched Bella lightly on the shoulder, "Bella?"

Bella jumped slightly, "Sorry Charlie, what was it?"

"You've been staring at that for ages." He took the scan from her, "It looks fine to me."

Bella took it back. "Me too."

"Is something bothering you?"

Bella frowned, she was thinking about the blonde nurse now. "I don't recognize her. Not at all. How odd."

Charlie shrugged, "I can only recall the name. Linda Andrews. Just from something that Adam said."

"I don't think I can remember anything, only the stuff that I have nightmares about." She blinked. "I didn't sleep for months. I must have been a car crash."

"You were, " replied Charlie, quietly. "We were really worried about you for a while, but you made enough of an attempt to pull yourself together that we didn't take it any further."

"I was terrified of going back, that I can remember."

"Where?" Although Charlie already knew.

"Those same four walls, the light bulb swaying from the ceiling- they took that away after I tried to hang myself from it. So I sat, in the dark. Once you'd gone through those doors everything you were, everything that you had done, everything that had happened to you, it didn't matter anymore. You were just a disorder and a prescription. There weren't nurses like you there, just blank stares, screaming and men in white coats. To lose your mind, that's the ultimate failure." Bella looked down. "I could run across enemy fire, not know if my next breath would be my last, work my way across a chess field of grenades, not knowing if my next step would cause the death of myself and the rest of my unit, but none of that is ever as scary as becoming trapped inside your own mind. The monsters don't sleep inside your head, they sleep inside your head. There was a girl, she would always say that. Charlie, she was barely more than a kid, she smothered herself with her own hair. Such beautiful hair, thick and auburn. I always loved her hair." Bella trailed off, frowning gently to herself. "I couldn't- I can't ever go back to a place like that Charlie, it would kill me. That's why I must stay sane-" She stopped suddenly. "Sorry, where was I? I probably wouldn't even be talking like this if I wasn't so tired."

"Linda Andrews."

"Oh yes. You know, Nick'll offer her Tess's job if one of you lot doesn't step up."

Charlie shrugged. "Nick can do what he likes." He smiled. "Nick'll do what he likes, he is your father."

Bella smiled. "I do occasionally let other people get their own way, otherwise it gets boring." Bella yawned.

"Late night?"

"Please don't ask."

.

.

.

"Mind your backs please, busy doctor coming through, thank you." Cubicles, as usual, was awash with patients needing treatment and without Tess there just weren't enough nurses for Bella to do her job properly. "Quasley, where are those bloods? In a minute? You said that half an hour ago, I know we're busy-" Bella was interrupted by a patient vomiting inches from her shoes. "Nice. Nurse Waters? Once you've done those bloods, could you sort out the vomit on the floor please, someone'll stand in it. Thank you." She pulled out the patient report slips from the in-tray and flicked through. No one had done obvs. She spied the nurse, Linda Andrews, leaning on the nurses station looking a bit worse for wear. Bella felt just as bad as she looked, but she wasn't moping around. "Oi, you! Nurse Andrews? Why haven't any of these obvs been taken?" She handed the sleepy looking nurse a pile of notes. "Where's that other nurse, with the brown hair?"

Bella raised an eyebrow, "Kirsty, nope. She's in resus today."

The nurse spied Jay logging a scan request on a computer. "Would you be a sweetheart and keep on top of the obs?"

Bella rolled her eyes and said as sweetly as she could muster, "Oh no, Jay is in resus too, aren't you Jay?"

Jay looked from Bella, to the blonde nurse. "No, no, I don't mind."  
The blonde nurse smiled sweetly and handed the nurse the notes, kissing him lightly on the cheek before walking away, probably to have a nap in the on call room. Bella sighed and mimicked Jay in a slightly off-high-pitch voice, "No, no, I don't mind."

Jay shrugged. "She asked me nicely, alright."

"Uhh. More like walked all over you, pushover. You better get on with it, I needed them ten minutes ago."

Jay held up his hands. "Okay, okay, no need to get stressy."

Bella smiled, "You did ask for it."

.

.

.

Bella walked into the nurses office just to hear the tail end of Big Mac saying, "And the doctor who just went past, that's Bella Jordan, daughter of Mr Jordan. Now she is proper doolalay, she's on medication for it and all- they say that she was a-"

"Ahem." Big Mac, Noel and Linda were tucking into bacon baps. "Big Mac, cubicle four needs cleaning, someone's had a vomit and diarrhoea accident." Big Mac groaned, but Bella continued, "And Linda, there's a dear old woman in cubicle seven with an abscess that needs draining, slightly septic, but I'm sure you're capable of managing that. And Noel, I need some notes for my patinet in cubicle ten, in the next 30 minutes, if that could be convenient."

Noel had the decency to look abashed, "Ah Bella-"

"Oh yeah, and Linda, Charlie's looking for you." Bella let the door swing shut. She really wasn't in mood for this. "Doolalay."

.

.

.


	14. Missed Him?

Bella was lighting up a cigarette outside the E.D. It was chaos inside, it was Holby's term for the 24hour take, meaning they were suffering from a massive influx of G.P referrals. She just got the cigarette to light, when it was pulled out of her hand. Bella looked up, instantly on guard. "Those things are bad for you, you know?" It was Dylan Keogh. Dressed in a plain white T-shirt, denim shirt and brown overcoat and with the same old patronizing voice, his voice caused Bella to inhale involuntarily. "Dylan." Quick as lightning she pulled the cigarette out of his hand. She inspected the end. It had gone out. She dropped it on the ground with a frown. "You owe me a cigarette." She had got over the initial shock of seeing him again. "Why are you here?"

Dylan paused, "I-I called you, you didn't pick up."

"Lost my phone, sorry."

"Oh. Look, there was a boy admitted, 40 minutes ago with flash burns to his hands."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Was there?"

"Yes. Have you seen him?"

Bella looked Dylan up and down again. "Hello, Dylan, fancy seeing you here- Hi Bella, nice to see you again, I just thought I'd pop in for a visit - Oh wow Dylan sorry about the other night, I couldn't stay for a chat – That's okay Bella, I'm not one for casual conversation anyway- What are you doing here?"

Dylan ignored Bella's mocking exchange with herself, she had his accent down to a tee. "His name is Joe Shawcross-"

Bella shook her head, "I really don't know Dylan, the locum saw him."

Dylan frowned, "Locum?"

"Yes a Locum. We have a locum now because somebody did us the kindness of disappearing off the face of the earth, a locum that incidentally seems to think he is some kind of batman, and spends less time talking to patients than you, which is something, but hey it's not like you care-"

"You knew where I was. And find out-"

Bella was incredulous. "Why?"

Dylan, bizarrely, knelt down the to the floor, and then got up again. He looked searchingly at Bella's blank expression. "I was at the accident. Now, the boy could have muscular dystrophy or any number of things-"

Bella shook her head slowly, "I'm really not following you Dylan,"

"Are you familiar with Gyambarais' Syndrome, Isabella?"

Bella rolled her eyes to the heavens, "Yes. I am familiar with Gyambarais' Syndrome. The onset is often marked by Diarheha. You can find a detail description on page 337 of the Junior Medical Handbook-"

"And a symetrical weakness, usually affecting the lower limbs and spreading in an upwards fashion. This boy has a serious underlying condition."

"Yes, okay then brainbox. We can't all be diagnostic genius's the morning after a night out-"

"You know you shouldn't mix your medication with alcohol Isabella-"

"Kindly do not call me that. Your concern is touching, but using Bella is sufficient enough to make the point." Bella took the child's medication box from Dylan with a roll of the eyes. "I'll go and check. You coming? - Oh no, of course not. That would be getting to involved, I get it."

"Bella-"

Bella turned and looked at Dylan. The tone of his voice reminded her off another time. "What is it?"

"Will you let me know?"

Bella sighed sharply, she had almost thought that she was going to get something unrelated to medicine, but no, this was Dylan Keogh. She knew it was childish, but she couldn't help turning on her heel and marching away. "No. I don't think I will."

.

.

.

Bella entered the E.D, trying to keep calm. The sight of Dylan had thrown her slightly out of sync. "What are you doing Bella, what are you doing?" she murmured to herself. And then she remembered the medicine. She made her way to CDU, and called Linda over. "Are you dealing with the Joe Shawcross case?"

"The lucky kid?"

Bella shook her head, "Not quite, I don't think so anyway. I've got his medication here, can I talk to the mother?"

Linda looked surprised, "Yeah, sure she's just here?"

Linda pointed Bella in the direction of a tall woman, slightly teary eyes, staring vaguely into the distance. "Hi, this is a bit of an odd question, but a old colleague of mine who used to work in the hospital witnessed the accident and he found these." She handed the woman the small white box of medication.

The woman took them, seeming genuinely grateful, not sensing the underlying tension in Bella's voice. "Oh, thank you, that's very thoughtful."

Bella smiled gently, "Has Joe had diarrhoea?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've had a bit of a bug."

"Mmm, okay. You see, my colleague also noticed that there was some weakness in Joe's legs before the accident,"

"His legs?"

"Yeah-"

"There's nothing wrong with his legs, he was playing football this morning."

"But still, I would like to run some tests on them, if that would be okay?"

"What do you thinks wrong with him?"

Bella tried to keep her smile genuine. "We'll know more after the tests, okay?"

.

.

.

Bella was performing tests on the young boy Joe, the results were not promising. She was gently explaining that she may have to perform a lumber puncture to the mother of the child, who seemed slightly reluctant to believe that anything was wrong, when they were interrupted by a scruffy looking man. "How is he? How is Joe?"

Linda whipped round quickly. "Sorry Bella, he's delusional, he should be in CDU?"

"Well will you get him back there please?" Joe was becoming distressed, as was his mother. "Where was I? The lumber puncture is a fairly safe procedure-"

The mother stepped forward. "What is going on in this place?"

Bella was immediately apologetic, "I'm sorry, that shouldn't have happened, can I go over the lumber puncture again?" Bella sighed to herself, gradually settling herself back into the normal routine of being a doctor, of being herself.

.

.

Bella was outside again, cigarette number two. Today was definitely a bad day. Her hands were shaking slightly, she knew that the nicotine was bad for her, and the tar worse, but sometimes it was just that little release of stress that stopped her from going mad. She exhaled, she had been trying to quit. Someone had persuaded her, Dylan had badgered her over and over until she had let him have her cigarettes, just to stop the annoying snide comments. Even Adam, Charlie and Nick hadn't managed to get her to quit smoking and drinking for such a long time. "Um." And the cigarette disappeared from her mouth again. Bella opened her eyes. "Bloody hell Dylan, I really needed that."

"Luckily for us, your nicotine habit is so severe. Where have you been, I've been trying to page you?"

"I do happen to work in an emergency department. The key word is emergency, I can't keep running to your beck and call. Do you even still have a pager?"

"Yes. Results back?"

"No. You know how long it takes."

"I think you should test his FVC."

"His obs are fine, his resps are fine."

"You don't want to call upstairs for a spirometer?"

"Dylan what are you doing here? If it's just for the purpose of annoying me, you've succeeded and can go home. I thought we'd- Never mind."

"If his FVC indicates gyambarais then you can start treatment straight away-"

"You could have just called that thing in, is this something to do with me, you didn't have to come to the hospital-"

"I did try and call-"

"Fine. Whatever. Why don't you come in with me and examine him yourself? Hm? That's what you really want, isn't it? Instead of skulking round in the shadows waiting for me to have a cigarette break. But you can't, you're scared."

"Did I ever tell you about my son Bella?"

Bella was slightly skeptical, "Okay, I didn't know you had a son."

"Well there's a lot you don't know about me."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "You don't say."

"Have you ever witnessed a case of pano-neuro-mitopothy?"

Bella's heart flipped. "Oh Dyl, I didn't know, I'm sorry, did he survive-"

Dylan didn't meet Bella's eyes. "Bobby was about the same age as the lad you've got in there, he was a little fighter-" Dylan looked up, he was laughing.

Bella threw back her head in frustration. "You are unbelievable. I seriously cannot believe- In fact I can- You need help. Really." Bella turned and walked back into the E.D. "Bella, Bella, Isabella!"

"I'm not some dog that comes at your beck and call Dylan." Bella shut the doors of the E.D, struggling not to smile to herself. She had missed him, really.

.

.

.

"Bella, take a look at this?" Lenny and three other junior doctors were crowded around a computer screen watching a youtube video and sniggering. It was a video of Linda, playing a prank on a junior doctor. Bella shook her head, as Linda walked over towards them. "Turn it off, and grow up. She's there. Lenny!"

"Bella, can I have a word?"

Bella shot an urgent look at Lenny, before stepping forward. "Sure, what is it?"

"You know are friend from CDU-"

Bella shook her head, "I'm not sure who-"

"The one who paid little Joe a visit-"

"Oh, the guy who burst into paeds resus?"

"Yes, him. I think there may be more to him that what meets the eye-" Linda was distracted by Lenny's loud laughing. Bella turned, "Lenny! Sorry, what were you saying?"

Linda stepped forward, and saw what was on the screen. "What's so funny?" Her face fell into a frown. Bella followed her, "Linda, what was it?"

"No, no. It doesn't matter, it was a quiet night and we were just having a bit of fun-"

"No really. What was it you wanted to say?"

"No, it's fine." The nurse picked up a huge pile of paperwork and marched off, leaving Bella to smack Lenny on the back of the head with a patient's X-Ray. "Turn it off. You're worse than a child."

.

.

.

Bella noticed Linda having an argument with the mother of her patient, Joe Shawcross. The mother marched off, looking thoroughly hacked off. Bella wandered over, aware that she was under the watchful eye of Lenny and the Locum doctor. "Sister Andrews, what were you saying to her?"

"You know that man who burst into paeds resus-"

"The delusional guy?"

"I think he's little Joe's dad."

"Why?"

"He told me."

"Um, Linda, he is delusional."

"Yeah, but he was in the Portwright train crash, his family thought he was dead, but he survived. He faked his own death-"

Bella raised an eyebrow, "And he told you this?"

"He was lucid."

"And that's what you were telling Mrs Shawcross? Linda!"

"He is little Joe's dad and she won't acknowledge it."

Bella spied an incoming casualty. "Linda, we'll talk about this later, okay?"

.

.

.

"Bella?" A all too familiar voice whispered through as small crack in the doors of the E.D. Of course, Bella hadn't had a cigarette break in over an hour. She had been about to file some notes, but even after earlier she thought it would be a bit cruel to ignore him. "I really don't have time for this Dylan."

"A modicum of gratitude would be appreciated."

"Mm? Not likely."

"What, you think you could have made that diagnosis yourself?"

Bella rolled her eyes in frustration at Dylan's arrogance.

"Don't roll your eyes at me."

"The tests came back negative Dylan."

"No, no. That's ridiculous."

"But also true."

"It could be motor-neuropathy. Have you called neurology down? You're not going to send him home, are you?"

"Don't worry Dylan. The poor kid's not going anywhere. Turns out he didn't have gyambarais, he had an internal abdo injury from the explosion, okay?"

Dylan frowned, "Bella-"

"It's not my patient Dylan. Stop following me."

"Bella-" Bella ignored him and went into resus.

.

.

.

Bella looked around the E.D. She could have sworn she had just seen him. And she had a feeling that he might be right about the boy's case, she just needed to ask him a few questions. "Noel, did you see Dylan just now?"

"Yes, did you invite him?"

Bella snorted, "No, I did not. I probably have less of a reason to want to see him than you do."

"Oh, sorry."

"If only you knew. Did he leave?"

"Actually he had a go at the locum and was dragged out by security yelling moron over his shoulder-"

Bella groaned. Bloody hell."

"And Jeff got pretty annoyed. The cheek of him, showing his face here again-"

"Thank you Noel. Can I borrow your phone- In fact, never mind." Bella had spotted the locum making his way towards theater with Joe Shawcross. "Hi, locum. Are you still taking him up to theatre?"

"Yes."

"But-"

Linda, with Dylan clutching a urine sample in his hand following on. Bella groaned. "Leave it Dylan, I've got this-"

Dylan ignored her, shoving the urine sample in the locum's hand. "You, locum. It's portherea, you need to turn the trolley around. Set up a dextrose infusion, call the paediactric registrar."

The locum looked at the sample suspiciously. "Is this Joe's?"

Linda answered, "It's his fathers."

Bella exhaled sharply, seeing public relations scandals and privacy laws blowing up before her eyes. "Linda-"

Joe called out, "Father?"

And his mother was quick to soothe him, "It's nothing sweetheart." She turned to Linda, "Please leave us alone."

Dylan ignored the exchange, "We are talking about a hereditary condition of which the boy is showing clear symptoms of, is that simple enough for you?"

The comment seemed to be addressing the locum more than Bella, but she still didn't like the implication. "Dyl-"

The locum turned to Linda, "You just can't hack it, can you? Talk about the blind leading the blind. Her loony is not this boy's father."

Bella interrupted, "Excuse me, 'loony' is not a term we encourage here, and nor are personal remarks." She looked from Linda to Joe's mother. "Mrs Shawcross, if there is something we should know relating to the care of your son it would be helpful if we could find out now, rather than when the surgeons have cut open his stomach."

The locum shook his head, "The surgeons have called for him, he needs surgery now."

Dylan shook his head firmly, "This is new information-"

Linda stepped towards the mother, "If you don't tell them Joe will have unnecessary surgery-"

The mother shook her head, seeminly unable to let her son risk an unnecessary and possibly life-threatening operation. "No, no. I'm sorry, Joe he is your daddy."

The doors bleeped. The locum pushed the trolley forward, ignoring the mother in his determination to be proved right. "Let's go-"

Bella stepped in front of the trolley. "No. You heard the mother. Dylan may be unnecessarily annoying, but he is often right. Too often. Back to resus, set up a dextrose infusion. 15 minute obs. Thank you Tess."

The locum gave her a glare, and then an even more furious glare at Linda, before marching off. Bella sighed, and then gave Dylan a similar glare as Tess and Linda took the boy back into resus. "You didn't have to make that so difficult Dylan. That was a sensitive situation already, without you barging in-"

"I was right."

"But you could have been wrong. I could have handled that without you diving in-"

Bella shook her head, "You can go now Dylan. I can't handle this right now." She turned around with a toss of her hair.

"Bella-"

"What?"

"Jordan's offered me a job."

Bella looked up to the sky, cursing the day that she had sung Dylan's praises to Nick. "Take it, whatever, just don't expect me to jump- Just don't expect anything from me, okay?"

"Bella-"

"See you tomorrow Dylan."


	15. The Caffeine

See the author's note (it's at the bottom) when you get to** ** **want to understand what's being said. Also, take a look at my collection of little bits that I missed out of the main storyline, it's called "bella" and it's on my profile.

* * *

Bella walked into the staff room and smiled. "Someone made me a coffee?" Her mug was sitting on the side, steaming and filled with black coffee.

Dylan intercepted her. "That's mine actually."

"Then why did you make it in my mug?"

"Doesn't have your name on it."

Bella scowled. "I've only used it for the past 3 years."

Zoe rolled her eyes at Charlie and handed Bella another mug. Charlie tried to keep himself from smiling. "What's up with you this morning?"

"I fed up of being nice to every little pisshead, every crackhead of a slapper, every posh cow, every ungrateful little sot that comes in here. I might be a bitch, but at least I have morals. At least I have dignity. What the hell is wrong with the human race? Some of the lowlife that come in here don't deserve to fall in that category. Our job would be some much easier if we could knock out everyone as they come in." Bella smiled at the looks on Charlie's, Zoe's and Dylan's faces and held her hands up. "Okay rant over. I'm sorry, bad set of patients today."

"Thankfully, no-ones put you in charge yet." Charlie smiled, more to himself than anyone else, and touched Bella lightly on the shoulder.

"If you hate it so much, why don't you think of a career change?" Dylan gave his stupid half smile.

Bella sighed, "Thank you for the words of wisdom Dylan, I don't know where I'd be without them." She scowled. Zoe and Charlie raised their eyebrows at each other.

Tess came in, "Don't know what you're lounging around for, but there's a RTC incoming."

Charlie jumped up, and Bella joined him with one last dirty look at Dylan.

.

.

.

Bella was smoking a cigarette outside. Dylan came up behind her. "They'll kill you one day."

"I'm a doctor too."

"You do a good impression."

Bella rolled her eyes and took another drag.

"They'll ruin your teeth, rot your-"

"Heard it all before. I've been 'giving up' since I joined the army."

"Successful then?"

Bella gave him a look that spoke volumes.

Dylan changed tactics. "I made you a coffee."

"Black?"

"Yep."

"No sugar?"

"Yes. I think I've known you long enough to know how you take your coffee."

Bella smiled. "Thanks."

"In your mug."

"Sorry about this morning. I was out of order."

"And I wound you up."

"We seem to have that effect on each other."

"Something like that. I'd offer to take you out for a drink at the end of the shift, but we'd end up having sex."

Bella laughed. "Sounds like more trouble than it's worth."

"Probably."

Bella stubbed her cigarette out and took the mug of coffee from Dylan. "How about a walk- I like your dog."

"Dervla likes you too, she doesn't normally like girls."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Girls?"

"That's not what I mean."

Bella rolled her eyes. "I know." She made a face. "You know what, that would probably end in sex too. How about we leave it?"

Dylan shrugged. "Is occasional casual sex between two consenting adults such a bad thing?"

Bellla nearly winced at what was supposed to be a joke. "Dylan-"

Dylan shook his head. "Too far?

Bella nodded and as soon as she did she felt bad, this was totally unlike her. Normally she would have walked away without a second thought. "How about a coffee? But as friends okay, coffee is what friends do."

Dylan nodded. "Yes. Okay."

"Meet you here at the end of my shift then."Bella waited until he had gone, before sighing. Inside her head she insisted to herself that this was just a simple outing to a coffee shop with friends, nothing more, but Dylan's earlier joke was dancing around her mind for the rest of her shift. Annoyed at herself for letting something distract her, she considered cancelling more than once, but there was something that stopped her every time. A unfamiliar feeling, not unpleasant, but not welcomed either.

.

.

.

"Should I be worried that you're leading me down a dark alleyway?" They had taken a taxi to an obscure part of Holby, through a set of roads that he did not recognise, to find this alleyway. It was dark, narrow and not the sort of place that you would traditionally stop for a quiet chat.

"Yes." Bella laughed. She continued leading Dylan, a turn left, then a turn right, the twists in the alley's made them seem endless.

"I don't get the joke."

"Quit complaining or I'll ditch you and you can deal with the dark scary alleyway by yourself.""Am I allowed to ask where we are going?"

"Yes."

"Where are we going?"

Bella grinned to herself. "I never said I would tell you."

Dylan sighed.

Bella stopped. "Sorry. I'll try to be less annoying, but I've gotten so used to being a bitch."

Dylan laughed shaking his head.

"I'll try again. Do you like coffee?"

"I'm a doctor."

"Touche Dylan."

They kept on walking in silence for a while, but Dylan's curiosity soon got the better of him. "Is this alleyway really that long. I thought we were going to get a coffee?"

"We are. Right at the end of this slightly dodgy alleyway is the source of the most amazing cup of coffee you will ever taste. You have not tasted coffee yet."

"How do you know I've never been here before?"

"Trust me Dylan, it's not your scene."

"What even is this place?"

Bella shrugged. "The local's call it mafiatown. I wouldn't let it put you off, it's actually a nice place."

"How the hell- nevermind."

Bella smiled. "I _am _half italian." She stopped. "We're here."

"Here?" They had stopped at what looked like a slightly dodgy tattoo studio.

"It's above the tattoo studio. Mario runs the cafe and his son's do tattoo's."

"Mario?"

"Did I mention his sons were called Wario and Luigi?"

Dylan frowned.

"Can I trust you to be nice?"

Dylan did his slightly offended look again.

Bella opened the door. A heavily tattoo'd man in his early 20's looked up from behind a counter. He smiled when he saw Bella. "Bella, Bella, siete venuti a farmi scarabocchiare su quel corpo meraviglioso di tuo o siete solo di passaggio per un caffè? Ooh e un amico uomo. Sei stato barare su di me?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Cresci e trovarsi un'altra donna per desiderarla più, forse uno più vicino alla tua età, eh? E Dylan ed io sono qui solo per un caffè in modo da poter mettere quel sorriso idiota di distanza."

The man frowned. "Mi deludi."

Bella grinned. "Faccio sempre. Come along Dylan."

Dylan had been watching the exchange with a slightly shell shocked look on his face. Bella wasn't quite sure if he was more surprised that she had dragged him to a grubby tattoo shop or her outburst of fluent Italian. Bella pulled him by the arm, lead him up the stairs and into the coffee shop above. It was surprisingly full, the customer's ranging from men in suits conversing in rapid Italian, a woman with three identical children, again conversing in Italian, to a pair of teenagers lounging on the sofa, talking in English. A slightly fat and balding man was stood behind the counter stood up as Bella walked in. "Bella Bella, it is always a delight. I see you have company, what would you be drinking today?"

"Due grandi nero, per favore."

"Accomodare, la mia bella."

"Thank you."

Bella took Dylan to one of the tables in the quiet corner of the room. "So?"

"I didn't know you spoke Italian."

"My mother always used to speak Italian with me, and my- her brother did too."

"Oh-" Dylan figured that this wasn't a line of conversation that Bella wanted to pursue.

"No need to apologize."

"I didn't."

"I know."

Dylan looked at her. "I thought you weren't going to be annoying."

Bella looked sheepish. "This is me trying."

Dylan looked around. "So this is the home of the best cup of coffee I will ever drink?"

"Yes. Though don't pretend to hate it just to prove a point."

"We'll see." Dylan looked around again. "How did you find this place?"

"Mario is my mother's uncle's cousin's son."

"Right..."

"I know. But he was the only family that she ever really talked to. Other then my-her brother."

Dylan paused. Bella looked like she was miles away. "You don't talk about your past much."

"You know more about my past that I know about yours."

"That's because I'm not the most popular item of hospital gossip since they invented defibrillators."

Bella smiled. "Maybe I prefer it if people assume they know me than actually know me."

Dylan paused. "Doesn't everyone?"

"I think it might just be us."

Mario came over with two coffee's on a tray. He smiled at Bella and nodded at Dylan. Bella smiled back. She seemed to find something amusing. Dylan looked from the cup of coffee to her and then back again. "You haven't told them to poison it have you?"

Bella shook her head. She looked around. "That probably happens here."

Dylan raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

Bella laughed. "No. Mario's a decent guy."

"I'll trust your judgment on that one." Dylan smiled dryly and took a sip of coffee. His expression didn't change but Bella could tell he was impressed. "This is good."

"I know." Bella's eyes had gained that far-away look again. Dylan hadn't had much of an opportunity to study Bella outside of a work environment, he had expected her to be as controlled and focus outside of the E.D as she was in it. Although if you took into account her medical history, it probably took a huge effort for her to keep everything together in the busy E.D. "

Are you okay?"

It was like a door shut in his face, or someone had placed a wall in between them. Her face went completely blank, all emotions closed off. Bella blinked. "Just tired. Long day."

Dylan waited.

"My mother and I used to come here on a day trip once a month." She shook her head. "I can't really remember it."

She tapped the nail on her forefinger gently against the mug. "You're not really the chat over a cup of coffee kinda guy are you?"

Dylan leant back slightly in his chair. "You're not really a chat over a non-alcoholic drink kind of girl, are you?"

"Fair comment." And they both smiled. "You and I are hardly the most likely couple in the world. Gutter girl and public school boy."

"I never went to a public school."

"Could have fooled me. I bet you went to oxford."

"Guilty."

"God knows how I got into med school, they must have had a disadvantaged children quota to fill."

"Or they saw your potential."

Bella frowned at the compliment.

"I mean it, whatever *it* is, you've got it."

"Are you flirting with me?"

Dylan had the good grace to blush.

Bella sipped her coffee. "I'm just teasing you."

Dylan frowned. "This coffee is good. Really good."

Bella raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Yeah?"

"Actually."

Bella smiled smugly to herself. "Told you."

Dylan raised an eyebrow. "I haven't said that it's the best cup of coffee you've ever tasted, is it?"

"I can see it all over your face. You know it."

Dylan scowled. "Maybe."

"That wasn't so bad."

Dylan half-shrugged. "I can be nice."

Bella sniggered slightly. "Nice?"

"I am nice. When I want to be."

Bella lightly thrummed her fingers lightly against the table absent-mindedly.

Dylan caught her eye. "Are you okay?"

Bella's hands slowed to a halt, "Does it bother you?"

Dylan smiled suddenly, "That was my attempt at being nice-"

"-and I went all defensive on you. Now it's my turn to apologise " Bella and Dylan had both finished their coffee. Bella looked around anxiously, "We should probably get going?"

Dylan looked at his watch. "Are you going anywhere special?"

"No but,-" She lowered her voice. "This isn't exactly the nicest part of town."

"Oh great." He smiled. "The coffee might have made it worth it though."

Bella smiled back warmly, a genuine smile without barriers. "Thank you Dylan."

.

.

Bella was leading Dylan back through the maze of alleyways that she had bought him through. Dylan was still slightly alarmed at Bella's comment earlier so he kept close. "What is that makes this place so nasty after 8:30pm then?"

"I've never really hung around to ask really?"

"That fills me with confidence. I hope you can look after yourself."

Bella smiled. "Oh trust me, I can look after myself. It was you that I was worried about."

Dylan looked at his slight companion. "Oh really?" Before he could elaborate Bella had taken him by the hand and had him pinned in a throat-lock against a wall. Her eyes displayed her light-hearted intent, but in truth Dylan was slightly intimidated by the quickness she had incapacitated him. Bella smiled, still keeping him pinned against the wall. "Easy."

Dylan squirmed. "Umm. As much as I am enjoying this, I thought hanging around this place after dark..." He trailed off. Bella was looking at him intently. She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips. She echoed her earlier remark, but this time with a slightly less-gloating tone. "Easy."

They stayed like that for nearly half a minute, each waiting for each other to make a move, thoughts of Italian press gangs far from both of their minds. Bella slowly released him from her hold, but kept hold of his hand. Silently, not needing words to communicate, they walked out of 'mafiatown' and hailed down a taxi.

* * *

******Okay, apologies for any really italian speakers out there, that was just google translate's finest. It was intended to be so you would view the exchange from Dylan's viewpoint, this chapter was partly meant to show his opinions, I hope he wasn't too out of character I always worry about that, fanfictions with characters out of character is something that really get's on my nerves. Which is silly, because the whole point of fanfiction is to explore situations outside of the barriers of the storyline it is taken from. But less of me rambling, it's not my fault, I'm writing this at 3am. Here is the exchange in english for any of you who are curious and google translate is really awful, just in case you tried to translate it back. It doesn't work.

_Bella opened the door. A heavily tattoo'd man in his early 20's looked up from behind a counter. He smiled when he saw Bella. "Bella, Bella, have you come to me to let me doodle on that wonderful body of yours again or are just passing through for a coffee? Ooh and you have a man friend. Cheating on me?"_

_Bella rolled her eyes. "Grow up and find another woman to lust after most, perhaps one closer to your age, eh? And Dylan and I are only here for a coffee so you can put that idiotic smile away."_

_The young man frowned. "You disappoint me"_

_Bella grinned. "I always do. Come along Dylan."_

So there you have it. Bye, thanks for reading. Please review, I get all insecure about it if people don't. Like nobody cares about me :'( haha knew that already. But seriously I get over 50 individual visitors, but none of you love me enough to review :'( :'( :'( haha, 3am-in-the-morning + coffee = weird emily. Love you guys, even if you don't review, and just as much if you do. no pressure or anything, but I literally have no life I just sit and refresh the "Manage stories" page all day, ramble ramble bye bye


	16. The Smile

"Everyone."

Bella looked around, it was Dylan. Him addressing anyone, especially a large group of people, voluntarily was a rare thing, so she stopped what she was doing. Everyone else continued what they were doing.

"Hey!" Dylan tapped the worktop that Bella was sitting on with his hand. "I'm talking."

Bella hid a smile.

"CDU in the last few days is being used as a patient dump."

Bella grinned across at Zoe and murmured, "That's what I thought it was."

Dylan frowned, "Which would explain why I've been getting so many tramps and old dears with no one else to look after them over the past week. It's a ward, not a youth hostel."

Bella smirked, but made no comment. It was true, she did use CDU to plant all the patients that she didn't have the heart to send back out onto the streets, and Dylan seemed to be a sucker for doing whatever she asked. He turned and addressed the rest of the team again. "The golden rule is, unless it's something really interesting do not darken my door. Thank you."

Bella slid off of the worktop, "Dylan, darling, do you think you could make me a list of what you count as really interesting, I'm not sure I follow. I mean, I think that my broken arm in cubicle four is a very, very interesting case, but I have a feeling that you wouldn't feel the same way. Just to help a poor simpleton like me out?"

Dylan shook his head and made his way back to CDU.

.

.

.

Bella was stood drinking coffee, mulling over some patient's scans. Zoe was furiously signing some papers when Noel wandered up, pushing Charlie's granddaughter Meagan in a pram. "Dr Hanna, Uhm. You're looking very nice."

Bella snorted into her coffee, and Zoe turned around to look at Noel, confused for a second before returning to her paperwork.

Noel wasn't deterred. "Are you busy right now? For the next 30 seconds anyway."

Zoe didn't even look up. "Why?"

"I'm trying to take a patients details-" Noel looked from Zoe to the buggy, "You couldn't, could you?"

"Couldn't what?"

"Look after Charlie's granddaughter."

Zoe took one look at the baby before shaking her head, "Do you know me?"

"Oh, please Zo-"

"Okay Noel, I want you to think of all the staff in this hospital, even the men, and I want you to rank them from most maternal to least maternal. Where do you think I would score?"

Noel thought for a second, "You're right down there with Dylan."

"I think you just answered your question. Stop sniggering Bella." Zoe gathered up her paperwork just as Meghan started to cry again.

Noel giggled the buggy desperately, "But Charlie-"  
"Chase him up, page him-"

Noel turned desperately to Bella, "Bella, could you-"

Bellla stepped back automatically. "Oh no. Is she ill?"

"No but-"

"Then I don't want anything to do with her. Seriously Noel, why would you even consider it? I don't do children. Especially not crying ones."

.

.

.

"Hey Dylan, " Bella wandered into CDU, "Can you take a look at these for me- Are you playing pacman?"

"Do you mind?"

"This is just a skive, right? Hiding from the outside world."

"Haven't you got a patient you can annoy?"

"Yes. But annoying you is so much more enjoyable. I've got this patient, lower abdo- pain, diarrhoea, vomiting, bloods clean, nothing else. I really cannot see anything on the scans. I don't think they're faking-"

"How old?"

Dylan took the notes folder, "Let's see."

Bella perched herself on the CDU worktop and answered Dylan's questions. Adam walked up to the doors of CDU, and peered inside. He could see Bella, sitting on the CDU desk, Dylan relaxed in the chair. They were arguing, he had a stack of notes and an x-ray. Adam narrowed his eyes as Bella brushed her hand over Dylan's before taking the X-Ray from him. They looked at each other for just a second too long, Dylan smiling his ridiculous half-smile. Adam frowned again.

.

.

.

"What's the deal with you and Dr Dylan then?"

"Me? Dylan?"

"Don't pretend with me Bella, I know I've been preoccupied a bit lately but you aren't exactly the most subtle person that's ever walked the planet."

"I still don't know what you are talking about."

"You have noticed that you are the only person that he bothers to talk to, right?"

"That doesn't constitute a relationship, although I suppose that in your case-"

"So, what happened then? I definitely saw something this morning."

Bella stonily ignored Adam.

Adam knew he was on to something, in a mocking falsetto voice of what Bella assumed was supposed to be a teenage girl with an american accent. "So, how far did you go, dahling?"

Bella didn't smile at the impression. "Get lost."

Adam raised an eyebrow and dropped the American accent. "That far?"

"Really, get lost Adam."

"Oh no, I've had years of abuse from you about my love life, this is payback time."

"I'm sure you've teased me before..."

"When? You don't really do relationship's Bella... apart from the occasional drunken one night stand I haven't had much of an opportunity to tease you about blokes. You know, maybe Nick should be getting worried."

Adam grinned. "I can't wait for that little show."

"There's nothing to work out. And Nick's not the other-protective type."

Adam laughed. "You think?"

"Really?"

"Yes, really. I can imagine that Dylan's life won't be worth living, especially if he breaks your heart."

"I don't have one of them to break."

"Yeah, yeah. Maybe between you and Dylan you might be able to make up a half."

Bella made a face, "Shut up Adam."

"Bella and Dylan sitting in the tree-"

"How old are you?" Bella had one slightly red.

Adam laughed again. "You've got it bad, haven't you?"

"I haven't got anything right now, although you might end up with a broken nose if you don't piss off and leave me alone."

"Ooooh." The teenage falsetto was back.

"Shut the hell up Adam. Seriously."

Adam lent forward, suddenly very serious. "Are you sure he's good enough for you?"

"I know what I'm doing Adam. I don't need a babysitter."

Adam frowned, that was the thing about Bella, she'd seen more than most people should have had to have seen, yet inside she was still a confused little girl. Dylan better look after her, or he would have Adam Truman to answer for.


	17. And The Car

Dylan and Dixie seemed to be having some sort of argument in CDU. Bella wandered over, slightly concerned at the topic of the conversation. "If I can not fix my patient, rest assured I will be the first one to say so."

Bella raised an eyebrow. She recognized the patient, a young girl who'd been beaten up, the kind of patient that she normally saw, but she had been busy in resus. "I though you'd already fixed this patient."

Dylan almost growled. "Long story."

Bella looked from the patient to Dylan to Dixie. "I'll look forward to hearing it, thank you Dix."

Dylan looked stressed, far from his normal calm self. Bella was concerned, "What is it, Dylan?"

Dylan didn't meet her eyes, "She followed me home, it was late-"

"Did you let her in?"

"What else was I supposed to do?"

"Please, please tell me that you are not being serious?"

Dylan made no move to deny anything.

Bella sighed, "You're an idiot."

Dylan pulled the cubicle curtain. "Thank you so much for that Isabella."

"Don't call me that and I might stay to help."

Dylan ignored her.

"What are her stats?"

"Not high enough."

Bella pulled the curtain shut. "History?"

.

.

.

Dylan handed Bella the X-Ray's. "These fractures are stable, even yesterdays."

Bella looked, and shrugged. "There's a hell of a lot of them,"

Dylan looked at her, and then Bella remembered that he had probably seen most, if not all of her scars. There was a reason that she wore long sleeved tops and leggings with virtually everything. Bella cringed inside, but said nothing. "They're still not the cause. You must have missed something."

"No, no, no, no."

"She's got collensine Dylan?"

"She wouldn't have been able to leave the room, let alone the hospital."

"And all the way to your little boat? Traumatic pancreatitus?" Bella teased.

Dylan scowled, "I wouldn't have missed that."

Bella gave him a serious look, as he squeezed the fluids desperately, he was furious with himself.

"Dylan-"

"It's not pancreatitus."

"It's not something that you would have been looking for." Bella gently palpated the girls abdomen.

Dylan was insistent. "It's not something I would have missed."

Bella looked up, "She's developing greyturnas."

"Bella! Of course-"

Bella stood up, mystified by Dylan's sudden hiss of inspiration. "What? What!"

Dylan jogged out of resus, leaving Bella standing confused at the girls bedside. "Dylan!"

.

.

.

He returned hurriedly with an ultrasound scanner. Bella sighed, "And you don't think someone will miss that?"

"CDU should have an ultrasound."

Bella sighed, "We could just go to resus-"

"Are you going to lie to Nick for me?"

Bella shook her head, he had a point, Bella didn't like lying, in fact it was something that she tried never to do. "Her systolics 106 and dropping. You need to send an amalyse Dylan-"

"No. Triple A, she has an abdominal, aortic aneurysm. Secondary to malnutrition, more specifically a vitamin deficiency."

"What's her surname?"

"Matlock. It's only bled into the aortic wall, we should manage it by keeping her blood pressure on the low." He applied the ultrasound gel to the girls chest. "This might be cold."

Bella muttered to herself, "You sound like my anatomy lecturer."

Dylan looked up, "Is that a compliment?"

Bella shrugged, "He was- Nevermind. I think she needs-"

"No need to open her up just yet, pass me the scanner."

Bella sighed and did as she was asked. She looked at the screen. "Free fluid around the peritoneal space?"

"It's unclear, could be an intramural bleed?"

Bella moved to get a better look, "We need to visualise the aorta, her bruisings getting worse-"

"We need to get a full history-"

"No, we need to get her to resus-"

"She's holding the key to this, I'm sure of it."

The girl was waking up. Bella smiled, "Hiya-"

Dylan cut straight to the chase. "You are a liar-"

Bella rolled her eyes, "Dylan!" She looked at the girl, "Ignore him."

"What happened to you yesterday? If you want me to save your life, you're going to have to tell me, or don't tell me and you'll die."

Bella looked at the ceiling. Dylan took blunt to a whole new level.

The girl spoke, slightly muffled through the oxygen mask. "I told you, I got mugged."

"I say you've got until about 2o clock-"

"That's enough Dr Keogh-"

The girl spoke again, "He punched me?"

Dylan shook his head, "No."

Bella sighed, "Is this what you call a bedside manner?"

Dylan lent forward, pulling the oxygen mask from the girls mouth. "Tell me the words I want to hear."

The girl shrugged, "I've told you the truth."

"Wrong, try again."

Bella touched Dylan lightly on the back, "Dylan, I think that might be enough."

He ignored her, "There is something you're not telling me, where do all these old injuries come from?"

Bella sighed.

The girl looked at him, confused. "I really don't know what you're on about."

"You need to start trusting me, if you don't tell me what I need to know, I can't save you."

Bella tried a different tactic, in a low voice, "Dylan, listen to me-"

Dylan stood up, "Right fine," and went to get a blood syringe.

Bella had sat on the edge of the bed, "What you testing for now, hm?"

"Lipase, trypsin, amalyse."

"Oh, so you are testing for pancreatitus now?"

"No, I'm testing against pancreatitus. There is a subtle difference."

"What she needs is an abdominal CT and go to resus now. I'll deal with Nick-"

"It doesn't matter, because it isn't pancreatitus."

Bella was exasperated, "How the hell do you know that Dylan, if you've got some magical power given to you by the diagnosis fairies, please tell all, really, I would love to hear that story?"

Dylan smiled suddenly, "Don't tell me you believe in the diagnosis fairies?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Stop being so impossible, I'm trying to help you-"

Dylan turned to the girl and frowned. "And why did you steal my wallet? I had over £700 in there."

It was Bella's turn to smile, "You keep 700 quid in your-"

The girl interrupted her, "I wasn't going to take all of it, I just needed £340 quid-"

Bella stopped smiling, she was looking at the monitors, distractedly, "Why?"

"I found a flat, I was going to get away from him once and for all-"

"Pressure's falling. " Bella started to say just as the monitors began to bleep.

"I can handle this, we need a nurse-"

"No, stop Dylan, we go to resus-"

"There's something we're missing, I know it's something important the key to this is in her history, we need-"

Bella held up her hands, "Dylan, stop this-"

"I need to get the notes from where she was last treated, em," He pulled a identity card out of the girls pocket and handed it to Bella. "You'll need that."

Bella took it and then stopped. "Is this why you didn't want to sign her in? She's 15, Dylan. No one will blame you Dylan, up to right now, no one will blame you, but if you keep her here any longer, you will."

Dylan looked Bella directly in the eye, "Just get me her old notes, please Bella-"

Bella sighed, and went to find a computer. She had a really bad feeling about this.

.

.

.

Bella came back, and handed Dylan a single sheet of notes. He looked noticeably stressed, half his shirt was hanging out. Dylan took them, "I'm missing something terribly obvious, where's the rest of them-"

"This is all of them-"

"No, this can't be right, she's got multiple injuries, it says she's only been in three times. We need to call the hospital, there must be another hospital-"

"Dylan-"

"I can fix this!"

Bella almost flinched, "No you can't, she's in hyperbulimic shock and she needs to go to resus-"

"I just need to find the source-"

"No, you've tried, okay Dylan-"

"Dammit."

Bella called over to a porter, "Tariq, can you take this patient into resus for me- Look, I'll take her, Nick's not going to-"

"No, that's very kind of you, but this isn't your mess, I can do this-"

"Dyl-"

"Thank you." He handed her the notes, "You need to hang onto those, the answer is in those notes- please Bella."

Bella nodded and silently wished Dylan luck. He was going to need it.

.

.

.

Bella walked into resus, she could tell from the moment that she walked through the doors that Nick was not in a merciful mood. Jay and Tess were quietly moving the patient on the bed, and Dylan was attempting to explain himself. "Bell- Dr Jordan has been urging me to come into resus."

Nick shot a curious look at Bella, which was instantaneously replaced with a furious one. "Bella did you know about this- Nevermind. Your actions reflect on this department Dr Keogh, and on all of us, we're a team, and you should act responsibly, as a team."

Dylan silently handed his name badge to Nick.

Bella stepped forward, "Hang on, Nick-"

Nick snatched the ID card out of Dylan's hand. "I will accept your resignation with immediate effect, now get out."

Bella wasn't going to let Dylan throw away his job without a fight. "Nick, please-"

"I will talk to you later Dr Jordan, glove up, I need some assistance here."

Dylan turned on his heel, and began to walk out of resus. He paused when he reached Bella, he handed her his pager, "Sorry-" He looked like he wanted to say more, but he could feel Nick's eyes boring into his back. The doors of resus swung shut. Bella held out her hands to receive gloves, her face a line. Only Tess seemed to share her concern.

Nick looked up, and seeing the stony look on his daughter's face he realized that she wasn't going to be much of an assistance. "Bella, can you organised a CT for me-"

Bella nodded stiffly, "Yes, Mr Jordan."

Her choice of words was not lost on Nick, or indeed the rest of the team. He frowned. " Forget that, we're running out of time. She needs a laparotomy, call Keller, get me a general surgeon. This is a pancreatic bleed until someone tells me otherwise, okay?"

Bella nodded without looking at Nick and picked up the phone.

.

.

.

They were preparing the girl for the operation, there wasn't an operating theater available, so Nick was planning to do the operation in resus. Dylan burst in. "I know what's wrong with her-" Nick took one look at who it was before shouting, "Out! This patient is sterile-"

"No, listen to me, her blood-"

Nick shook his head firmly. "We've seen the amalyse, it doesn't mean anything."

Dylan stepped forward. "Well the bleeding must have been coming from somewhere-"

Nick was still furious with Dylan and eager to remove him from his resus, and indeed his department.

"We know where her bleed comes from, thank you-"

"No, I didn't just test her amalyse, I tested her lipase and her trypsin, all perfectly normal. If you go by the modified Glasgow Criteria, even Branson's Criteria, she does not have pancreatitus." Dylan turned to Bella, "I told you the answer was right under my nose, the ultrasound gel."

Bella raised an eyebrow and Nick turned to look at the pair suspicion lining his face.

Dylan continued, "The ultrasound gel, it's always cold and patients always react exactly the same way, contraction of the small muscles-"

Nick was determinedly continuing with theater preparation. "And?"

"Hers didn't contract. I noticed at the time and I didn't think anything of it-"

Nick was still skeptical, "And your point being?"

"I asked her about her historical injuries, she didn't know how she got them, there's a reason she's only been to hospital three times, she was telling the truth, she didn't know how she got them-"

Bella finished his sentence for him, realizing before Nick what Dylan was getting at. "Because she didn't know she had them in the first place."

Dylan nodded, "See, she has congenital analgesia, she hasn't felt pain since birth."

Nick was nodding now, he began to palpate her pelvis. Dylan turned to Bella again, "We didn't think to look for leg injuries because she was walking fine, I even sprang her hips, no response. I think she has a fractured asitabulum which has worn away at the common femoral artery. This could have caused a retro-peritoneal bleed."

Nick seemed to be having trouble making a decision, so Bella added, "And she is bleeding briskly into the retro-peritoneal space, so-"

Dylan nodded, "It's obviously very unstable."

Nick paused for a moment, "Okay, thank you Dr Keogh, we'll take it from here."

Bella exhaled, and shot a quick look at Dylan, who hung his head and walked from resus. Nick was watching Bella closely. "Tess, can you cancel the general surgeon." He looked more pointedly at Bella, "It doesn't change anything."

Bella cocked her head slightly, still watching the doors of resus, wanting to follow. Nick looked from her to the door, "No, it doesn't." Nick seemed to be reassuring himself more than anyone else, "Let's get an orthopaedic and vascular surgeon on standby please."

Bella realised that she was no longer needed, and without a word of explanation, she pulled off her surgical gown. Nick placed a hand on her shoulder, "I think we need to talk."

Bella followed him out of resus and into his office. He turned, "Dylan."

Bella frowned.

"Are you going to tell me what is going on between you, or I am going to have to ask?"

Bella's face remained a sulky line. "I think you just did. Not that what I get up to in my own time was ever any of your business. Back off, all right. And tell me, did you decide to accept his resignation before or after you realised there was something between him and me?"

"What? B- Dr Keogh's actions today were reckless, they were-"

"Anything you or I haven't done before? If it had been me who pushed that trolley in today, would you have said anything?"

"Well, yes-"

Bella looked Nick square in the eye. "I think you might know the answer to that."

She stood up, and walked out of the office, and then the E.D

.

.

.

Dylan's car was still there. She frowned, and sat down on the tarmac to wait. He emerged from the E.D, not after Bella had waited a good five minutes. Bella stood up. "Where have you been?"

"Lending a certain girl £700."

"Lending? You won't see that ever again."

Dylan held up his Holby I.D card. "He gave me it back."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Shortest resignation in history."

"Have I got you to thank for that?"

Bella shrugged, "Maybe, maybe not."

Dylan nodded. He paused, "Are you doing anything tonight?"

"Depends who's asking?"

"That would be me."

"Maybe I'm busy, maybe not." She gestured to the car, "Do I get to ride in this?"

Dylan opened the passenger door, "Ladies first?"

Bella frowned, "Does this thing even start?"

"Do not insult the car."


	18. Adam

"Okay, I need some space in here, we've got a stabbing coming through-" Nick looked around, two of the three resus beds were taken, "What have we got here?" Nick looked from Bella to Adam, "Bella, go-"

Bella was confused, Adam was the senior consultant, she frowned, but continued. "Eh, patient one nicked a car and crashed into patient two, Sally on the school run, who bullseyed the windscreen. Quite nasty actually-"

"Dr Truman, what do the primary surveys show then?"

Adam mimicked Bella's confused look. "Mr Jordan, it's okay, Bella, Zoe and I have got this under control.

Bella looked curiously at Zoe, who had just shot Nick a look. "Nick, we're fine."

Nick was looking through Sally's notes "C-Spine chest and pelvis?"

Adam looked flummoxed. "What is this, bring a stupid question to work day?"

Nick turned to Zoe, who didn't meet his eyes, "Mind if I stick around?"

Bella exchanged an uneasy look with Adam. They spoke at exactly the same time, "Nick, can I have a word?"

Nick looked between his daughter and Adam Truman and sighed. "Send patient one up to ortho, he can have his treatment up there." He followed Bella and Adam out of resus. "Who first?"

Bella was quick to question, as usual. "What was all that about? Since when have three experienced doctors needed you to babysit?"

"Since now." Nick's mouth was a firm line. "Bella, I would prefer to speak to Adam alone."

Adam frowned, "There's nothing you can say to me that I'm not happy about Bella hearing. You're just saving me the job of repeating your illustrious guidance." Basically, _If you are going to be a twit I'd rather you had to do it in front of your daughter._

The doctors waited for Nick to continue. Adam frowned, "Look, if this is about Harry Reynolds, I didn't do anything wrong."

"I know, I've got the notes, I'm looking over them."

Adam looked taken aback, something that didn't happen often. "Okay Nick, I haven't got time for mind games, what's this about?"

"Also, I have asked for your notes for the last six months." Both Bella and Nick watched Adam's expression, but for different reasons. Bella was certain she saw a flicker in his yellow grey eyes, and the searching tone in Nick's voice suggested that he thought that there would be too. What had Adam done?

Adam was quick to respond, perhaps too quick? "Is this a witch hunt?"

"I take absolutely no pleasure in taking flack for your behavior-"

Bella was mildly shocked, "Nick-"

"Be quiet or go away Bella- Adam, you are on my team and you are letting us down and that is not a situation I will allow to continue." Nick turned and walked away. "I want you out of resus, treat in CDU."

Adam looked even more taken aback. "I've done nothing wrong."

Bella looked at her best friend, deadly serious. "Adam is there anything in those notes that Nick could use-"

"What are you suggesting?" His face was suddenly furious.

"Nothing- Adam, I'm just trying to-"

But Adam had already turned away. "Leave it Bella-"

"Adam!" Bella rolled her eyes in frustration and followed Nick into resus. She hissed under her breath. "What was that about?"

"Don't ask."

"I am asking. What was that about?"

Nick tried to ignore her. "This is not about taking sides-"

"If it is then it wouldn't be a difficult choice-"

"Isabella! I'm preparing for a patient, are you going to assist or not?"

Bella met Zoe's eyes from across the room. "Zoe can. I'll be in cubicles." Bella turned and walked out of resus. Brilliant. She sighed in frustration.

.

.

.

Bella was sitting on the nurses station, frowning profusely. This whole thing with Adam was really getting to her. Nick- Nick wasn't normally that harsh, unless he seriously thought that Adam was a threat to his department?

"Can I help?"

Bella looked up to see Dylan Keogh standing, clutching two cups off coffee. Bella took one.

Dylan smiled. "No milk, no sugar."

"Thank you Dylan."

"see, I can be nice."

Bella raised an eyebrow, "Oh really?"

Dylan frowned, "Wasn't I just nice?"

Bella's serious look broke into a smile, "Yes. You were." Bella frowned again.

"What is it?"

"Just Nick and Adam- don't worry about it."

"I won't."

Bella smiled. "I know."

"And tonight?"

Bella raised her coffee, "If you are, I am."

.

.

.

Bella followed Dylan out of the E.D, laughing at something he said, she looked over her shoulder and saw Adam standing clutching a set of notes. She needed to talk to him. Dylan's hand brushed across her arm, "Are you coming, or going?"

Bella shook her head, she could talk to Adam tomorrow. "Yeah, yeah. Can't keep Dervla waiting."  
"No we can't. She can be quite the bitch."

Bella laughed. "She's not the only one."


	19. Changes

**Hey guys, **I don't know if anyone's noticed but I've been re-writing and re-uploading the first half of Bella's story, "A Doctor's Life" (you can find it on my page), I was re-reading it and some of the stuff is cringe-worthy- in my defense I did start writing this over two years ago. I've probably done the first 10, 11 chapters. None of the story line is changing, but it should result in me bridging the gap between the two stories. Anyway, enjoy, and as always I do love feedback please review *puppy dog eyes*

* * *

There had been an explosion at the airport and Nick had gathered the team. It was a major incident.

"Okay, Dixie is your AIO, so she is your point of liaison with the ambulance service-"

Linda came running round the corner in a pair of turquoise court shoes. Tess looked horrified. Nick paused for a moment, and then continued. "There's a mobile medical team on route to the site." Nick threw an armband in Linda's direction. "Armband."

Linda missed, picked it up, confused. "What is this-"

Nick ignored her. "DMT have asked for MCI trained nurse and one doctor for site triage."

Bella and Dylan both spoke at the same time. "Count me in-"

Nick considered for a moment, and decided that Dylan would be much less likely to do something stupid, as much as he knew that Bella was brilliant in those sorts of situation. "Dr Jordan, you can stay here-"

Bella sighed audibly, and Dylan smiled smugly.

Nick looked around, "MCI trained nurse?"

Linda nodded, "I'll go-"

Nick almost rolled his eyes. "I don't think that's a very good idea. Those shoes are not appropriate."

Linda looked at her feet, "Well I'll have to borrow some."

"Still, you're running the MCI from here with me, understood?"

Jay stuck his hand in the air, but Mads beat him to it. "I've just done my MCI training, so I'll go."

Lenny, as ever, was right behind her. "Me too?"

"No, Dr Lyons, I need you here. Clear the E.D with the nurses, then go to resus. Bella, take over CDU for non-life-threatening urgencies and set up the high dependency cubicle for overspill. Zoe, I want you to be ready to assist in resus if we have an influx, but can you focus on keeping cubicles moving." Both Zoe and Bella nodded and Zoe headed of to cubicles. Bella shot Dylan a mock envious look, before following Jay into cubicles- "Linda, I want Jay, if that's okay?"

Linda looked midly confused. "I'm sorry, what's-"

"Oh yeah, nice shoes Linda-" Bella pulled her bag off of her shoulder and produced a set of running shoes. "Probably a bit smelly, but better than platform stiletto's? It's a major incident, and you're in charge."

"Thank you Bella, you have saved me. Wait, in charge of what?"

Bella didn't pity Linda, "Everything. I'll be in CDU if you need me, good luck."

.

.

.

Bella was standing outside the ED, taking a breather, the patients had not stopped coming, when Adam walked out, in plain clothes. He looked like he was going somewhere. Bella called out, "Where are you going mate? Shifts not ever yet."

Adam spun on his heel, he looked surprised to see her there. "My shifts over Bella."

"I haven't been standing around for that long have I?" Bella checked her watch, "It's only half past."

"I have to leave." Adam watched Bella's reaction. First she was shocked, then confused and then angry.

"Is this something to do with Nick?"

"No, I resigned."

"Why?"

"I prescribed draxotyll to Matthew Hadden."

"You didn't?"

Adam sighed. "I did."

Bella laughed. "For real?"

Now it was Adam's turn to look confused. "Am I missing something?"

She laughed again, "I seem to remember a rather inexperienced trust doctor straight in from Afghanistan suggesting that the same thing would be a simple solution to a similar case but the experienced consultant, who sounded a lot like you, told me not to waste my career."

Adam laughed with her, "I remember."

"I'll miss you. Keep in touch, or I'll hunt you down."

"I don't doubt it."

She gave him a huge hug. "I can't believe you thought you'd sneak off without saying goodbye."

Adam thought over the things Bella had helped him through Alex's death, Harry's Death, Jess leaving him, she'd always been there. "Sorry."

"I've got to go. Don't ever be a stranger Adam."

"Try not to 'cause to much trouble, Trouble."

"Go on, get lost you." Bella looked over her shoulder, and watched one of her closest friends drive off into the sunset.

.

.

.

"You know then?"

"That Adam resigned? Of course I do." Bella knew where this conversation.

"Do you want his job?"

"No, not really."

"Bella, I'm an offering you a senior position and a payrise. Don't say no."

"No? I don't want to be a senior consultant, I'm perfectly happy where I am."

"I could offer it to Dr Keogh?"

"He would be insufferable." Bella paused, seriously considering the offer now. "Changed my mind, I'll take the job if only to protect the world from Dylan actually having some kind of authority around here."

Nick grinned. "Good."

"Okay. You got what you wanted. Can I go now?"

"Yes."

Bella turned to leave when Nick added, "I wouldn't actually have given Dr Keogh the job, you know."

"Yeah, I did know." Bella sighed and closed the door. She had a feeling that this wouldn't be fun.

.

.

.

Bella sniffed. She was swirling a large glass of red wine absent-mindedly. For years and years her response to anything remotely emotionally challenging would be to down at least a whole bottle, top it off with some tequilla shots and then drink everything else in sight. But something felt different, something not quite incomplete. A single tear rolled down her face. Bella touched it, amazed. She hadn't cried in years. The doorbell rang. It would be Dylan. This was their daily routine, they would go home, sometimes leaving together to walk the dog, or like today, separately, then Dylan would come round. Bella tapped the table twice, stood up, poured the glass of wine down the sink, and then wandered to the door. She opened it. Dervla came in first. Bella had never been much of a dog person, but the scruffy thing seemed to enjoy it's visits to Bella's house. Even though the little mid-terrace house was small, it was at least twice the size of Dylan's house boat. Dylan was barely through the door before hand was on the small of Bella's back. Bella lightly kissed him on the cheek before twisting out of his grasp. "I'm hungry."

Dylan raised an eyebrow, "You're hungry?" Bella was never hungry, he normally had to force food down her throat. "What do you want?"

"I have a bizarre desire for peanut butter sausages, but I've already checked, I don't have any peanut butter."

Dylan laughed. "Peanut butter sausages? What happened to good old pork sausages?"

"They killed pigs." Bella opened her cupboard door wide. "I could make- oh wait, I have no chilli."

Dylan looked critically into the depths of Bella's cabinet. "Is this all you've got?"

"I've got some milk in the fridge, in fact it might be soya."

Dylan sighed. "I think I can do something with this."

Bella smiled. "Really? The meal is saved." She pulled herself up onto the kitchen worktop. "Do you need me to cut something up, or stir anything?"  
Dylan shook his head and ran his hand under the tap. "You can just sit and observe."

…

Later, and Bella and Dylan were curled up on the sofa, asleep in each others arms. Peaceful and unaware of what lay ahead for them. In her sleep, as she often did, Bella mumbled to herself. "Dylan, my Dylan, why-" Her mummers became inaudible. Somewhere across the city in the Holby City Emergency Department, a doctor stepped out of a CT Scanner. "All clear."


	20. Just Testing

Bella sighed. In her opinion her first day as a 'senior' consultant was rubbish, all the patients were grumpy, aggressive and ungrateful. The only nice patient she had all day, decided to die. Every time she tried to sneak off for a sneaky "break" another emergency happened. She missed Adam, everyone seemed too, even Nick. The Emergency department had an air of mourning about it, something was missing, the team was not quite complete. Adam's shoes were big one's to fill. At least she didn't have Zoe's job, "deputy clinical- lead", not something that Bella could envy. Nick's was in a mood, Charlie's was in a mood and as a result Bella found herself in a mood. She chucked her leathers and helmet on the floor, and wandered straight into the kitchen. She opened the fridge. Great, no beer. She walks into the sitting room, to find Dylan, asleep on the couch. Midly surprised, Bella wondered to herself why he would be there already, before realizing he probably wouldn't have gone home if he wasn't on shift. Dylan woke at the sound of Bella switching the TV on. He gave her a rare full smile. Bella didn't speak, just curled up next to him on the couch. He kissed the top of her head gently and snaked an arm around her side. "Rough day Dr Jordan?"

"It was shite. I don't want to be a senior consultant anymore."

"You wouldn't get to boss me around."

Bella leant her head back on Dylan's shoulder and smiled to herself. "I do that anyway."

"Officially boss me around." Dylan amended.

Bella smiled, and in the process of one small conversation, her mood's was transformed. "What are we doing tonight then?"

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She took a pregnancy test that night, more like the next morning. As usual she couldn't sleep. She glanced at the small screen, knowing what the answer would be before she looked. There was no other explanation for her symptoms. She'd started to be sick in the morning, her moods had been all over the place, she couldn't concentrate, she actually wanted food, the nearly crying, strange vivid dreams once she actually got the chance to sleep- Two blue lines. Positive. She peered round the corner at the man lounging sleepily over her bed. He was barely more than a kid himself. She picked his shirt off the floor and hung it up on the back of a chair. She could tell him, and he could run away. Or she could end it on her terms and have to watch him every day... There was one thing that she did know, she couldn't lie to him, not directly. And she couldn't hide it. Dylan was really the Sherlock Holmes of medicine, she was surprised he hadn't already picked up on it. He sighed in his sleep, his face creasing in a frown. Bella felt her stomach tighten, she would miss him. She chucked the test in the bin, feeling no satisfaction from the movement.

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It was morning Bella and Dylan were arguing, again. He'd ignored ever since they woke up. He wasn't one for conversation, but still, he drove her up the wall sometimes. She was stressed and just about ready to burst. Their relationship was always on and off and then on again. Now as definitely going to be an off period. Bella tried for a conversation. "Double shift tonight? Dylan?" No reply. Bella dropped her cereal box on the floor. She picked it up and balanced it on the side. "Dylan, I really can't cope with this."

He ignored her and continued buttering his toast.

She knocked over her cereal box again. "Oh for fu-"

Dylan rolled his eyes. "It's just some cereal."

"It's not the cereal, it's you." To herself, she added, and the fact that I am pregnant and if I tell you that I'm pregnant then you will run as far away from me as possible, and I'd rather lose you on my terms than on yours. She couldn't tell him. No way.

"What?"

"No more. Never again. It's over. I can't be doing with the- See you at work, lock the door and then put the keys through the letterbox. I'm taking the bike." She picked up her bag, her helmet and stole Dylan's toast off his plate.

Dylan spun round, "Oi, that's my toast."

She called over her shoulder, fighting the tears that were welling up in her eyes. "You are bloody impossible." And to herself, '_This is for the best.'_

_**Bella**_

It's a typical day, and I'm late for work as usual. Good thing I'm friends with the boss. As a walk through the doors of the busy E.D I'm handed a massive pile of patient files. Great, as if I wasn't feeling rubbish enough already. I ignore Dylan as I pass him on my way to the staffroom (How the hell did he get in before me?), smile at Lenny and suddenly I'm not feeling so good again. And I don't think it's to do with Lenny. I duck into the nearest cubicle, thank god it's empty. I just have time to put the files down before I'm sick in one of those cardboard things. Sick tray, ugh, I'm definitely having a bad day. A voice from behind me, "Were you just sick?" And my day just gets better, I turn to face the source of the ever-so-slightly concerned voice, our illustrious leader, Nick Jordan, also know as my father. I plonk myself down on the bed. My reply, "4th time this week." He sat down next to me. "When was your last period?" It would normally be awkward discussing this kind of thing with your Dad, but then Nick was never really a dad. "About 2 months ago, maybe more maybe less."

"Had a test?"

"This morning."

"Is-"

"Yes. I know."

He did his best sympathy face. "Dylan?"

"Please, don't go there. It's my mess and I'm sorting it."

"You going to keep it?"

"I didn't even think I could have children, I'd be a useless parent anyway. I don't even like kids, it's not like they come with instructions and an off button. But then how can I kill a child, I save people. Bella screws it up again." I suddenly realized that I was properly crying, sobbing even. It must have been the hormones, I hadn't cried properly in years.

"Hey, shh." Nick must have noticed too, because I was engulfed in a hug.

"I'll ruin the suit." I warned. We sat on the bed for a bit, him with his arm around me.

"I'm scared." I admitted, "I can't remember the last time I was scared. How can I be a mother, if I can't even remember mine? I'll screw it up and then it will hate me."

"She was a lovely girl, she would be proud of you."

I decided then, I was going to have this child, and I was going to be the best damn mother I could for it. I picked up my bag, and handed him a box of 'emergency' fags, and with only a slight hesitation, 3 boxes of pills which had kept my head afloat for nearly 2 years. Nick raised his eyebrows. "You sure?"

"I'm nowhere near sure, I'll do my best, but-"

"No child can ever ask for more. I'll be there, if you need anything." he paused, lost in thought. "Now, my E.D isn't going to run itself, if you want some time off-"

"Nope, I need to work. I have to, else I'll end up insane." I squeezed his hand, collected my bag and paperwork, and stepped out of the cubicle. This was going to be hard, no doubt about it, but I could only take one day at a time, and do my best for the little thing growing inside of me.


	21. Over Means Over

thanks for all the reviews, it's really cheered me up after a crap week. this chapter is based on what is one of my favorite casualty episodes because of it's Dylan-ness. Hope it's not too bad :)

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"Has anything like this ever happened before?" Bella was quizzing the friend of a patient on entry to the E.D.

The friend shook her head. "No, nothing."

Bella nodded, "Ruth, do you want to give me a hand over here? Patient's name is Annie McClain. There's no obvious head injury but there appears to be some kind of facial weakness, maybe neurological? Has Annie complained of a blow to the head recently or any headaches?"

"No, not to me."

Ruth handed Bella her stethoscope, she'd left it on the bed in the other resus bay. Bella smiled at Ruth gratefully before returning to the patient. "Has she got any medical conditions, anything that could explain this?"

The friend hesitated slightly, before shaking her head.

"Does she normally drink heavily?"

"No, Annie's clean living."

"Okay, Linda, can I have routine bloods, FBC, U and E, LFTs, CRG and cultures? Oh and can you run me an ECG and book me a CT. Is that okay?"

Linda nodded.

The friend watched as Bella examined Annie's eyes. "Is it serious, it looks serious?"

Bella did her best to look confident. "She's in the right place, okay? Tamsine, could you take her for a coffee, I'll come and talk to you in a minute. Can we get a bag of saline hung up?"

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Bella was doodling on a piece of paper, not really paying attention to what she was doing. She liked to watch the ED when it was quiet. She only really had one case in resus, a girl called Annie McClain. Although Bella couldn't work out what was wrong with her, it didn't seem to be urgent yet. Other than that the day had been relatively uninteresting and she was on a break while she waited for some results to come through. A man staggered into the ED clutching her stomach. "I need a doctor."

Noel grinned. "You've come to the right place mate."

The man bent over an retched. Noel jumped around reception. "Can I have some help here please?"

Bella put her pen down and was going to go and assist, but Tess took the patient. Dylan walked up as Tess asked the patient what was wrong.

The man stuttered. "I think I've got food poisoning."

Dylan did an abrupt U-turn, suddenly pretending he was busy. Bella smiled. "I can take that one?"

Tess had other ideas. "You're supposed to be on a break. Oi!"

Dylan stopped, rolled his eyes and turned round. "How can I help?"

Bella took the next resus case that came through. A girl, Fiona Riodan, had fallen down the steps when on a shopping trip with her mother.

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"Bella, I've got Annie McClain's records." Linda handed Bella a notes folder. "She's been on methadone for twelve months."

"She's on a drug treatment program?"

"Cleared all tests so far, the last one was shortly after her baby was born."

Bella nodded, scanning the patients notes. "Okay, and did her bloods come back yet?"

Linda nodded, "High white cell count and raised CRP."

"Which would suggest an infection or inflammation... hmm... She had dilated pupils, the exact opposite of what you would expect if she was using again, or if she'd taken the methadone... We're going to need to wait for the scan results." Bella frowned and walked over to where Annie and her friend, Chloe, were waiting in cubicles.

"Hi, I'm Dr Jordan, I treated you earlier. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I er- I put Evie to sleep..." Annie trailed off.

Bella noticed that she was having difficulty raising her hands to take the glass of water her friend was offering. "Okay Annie can you raise your arms for me?"

The girl, try as she might, could not raise her arms more than 3 inches from the bed, something which began to concern Chloe her friend. "Babe, just lift your arms up?"

Annie tried again but to no avail, "I feel sick."

Immediately the monitors began to bleep. Linda looked, "She's dropped her pulse and pressure."

"Okay-" Bella was interrupted by Annie spontaneously projectile vomiting. Bella and Linda saw it coming and stepped out of the way, her friend wasn't so lucky.

Bella grabbed the trolley, "Straight to resus please, Mac? Can I have a hand over here?"

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Bella stabilized Annie in resus, but even after further tests she couldn't work out what was wrong with her patient. "I'll find out more about about her drug history, do you want to come and talk to the friend with me?"

Linda nodded.

"Chloe, you didn't tell us about Annie's history with drugs, I can understand why you might want to keep it quiet, but this is a hospital and we need to know _all _the information in order to help people, okay?"

Chloe shrugged. "I didn't think it mattered, we've been clean a year."  
"So you're on the program together?"

"Yeah. At the clinic here, Annie, she went on the methadone cause she were pregnant and I tried it, lapsed, so I went on the diamorphine."

Bella nodded.

Linda raised her eyebrows. "They went ahead with their drugs clinic then?"

Bella nodded again, "Yeah, I was one of the doctors who signed it off. It's on trial, Charlie runs it."

Chloe looked at Bella, curious. "Actually, I'm due a dosage, do you mind if I?"

Bella nodded with a half smile, "That's fine."

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The ED began to be inundated with collapsed patients. Bella took another one at the doors. Dixie was dealing. She smiled at Bella before beginning. "This is Larry Foster. 62. Works in the bookies. Collapsed, slurred speech and became disorientated. "People are dropping like flies today Bells."

Bella nodded at the paramedic. "Tell me about it."

Dixie continued with his stats as Dylan called out. "I want to know if he's been to dinner last night, we could be looking at a serious outbreak."

Bella smiled. "Food poising more interesting now then?"

Linda interrupted. "Dr Jordan, I need to show you something, it's about Annie McClain."

Bella shook her head. "Okay." She called over to Ruth. "Ruth, if you take this one, I'll take a look at Annie."

Ruth nodded and Dylan converted to instructing her. "Can you check for muscle weakness and if he's been out to-"

Ruth dismissed him with a shake of her head. "I heard, thank you Dr Keogh."

Bella smiled, atta girl. Ruth was back to her old self.

Dylan frowned and picked up the phone. "_Hello, it's Dr Keogh here, I'm calling from the Emergency Department at Holby City Hospital. I want an honest answer to this question, have you had any complaints of food poisoning since last nights service."_ He paused. _"No, I'm asking, not accusing."_  
Bella smiled to herself, before remembering that she wasn't supposed to find him funny anymore. Dylan continued the conversation. _"In that case, can I make a reservation for tonight? It's Keogh. No KEOGH. K-E-O-G-H.__"_ He covered the receiver with his hand.

"Um Bella?"

Bella was just about to check up on Annie McClain. "What?"

"Do you fancy going to the food poising restaurant- Shaws?"

"You are asking me out on date to a restaurant you suspect of food poisoning. Nice." Bella shook her head and walked away. "Annie McClain Linda?"

Dylan looked confused so Linda helped him out.

"Just in-case you didn't know, a restaurant suspected of food poisoning isn't the most romantic choice of a dinner date. And Bella's a veggie, she won't eat seafood anyway."

Dylan raised his voice so Bella could here, "Oh. And Isabella?"

Bella turned around at the door to cubicles, her disapproval clearly shown. "What."

"Bella- This patient, is she one of them?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Yes. She is. She also has a name, Annie McClain."

"Can I take a look?"

Bella sighed. "If you have to."

Linda smirked.

Dylan uncovered the telephone, "_Just a reservation for one, unless you take dogs- no okay, just a table for one_."

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.

Bella pulled the cubicle open, "Hi guys, this is my colleague Dr Keogh, he wants to take a look at the wound on your leg, Staff Nurse Andrews found it when she was injecting your pain relief, right?"

Dylan stepped forward. "Dr Keogh. I'm very good at fixing people."  
Bella made a face and muttered, "And don't we all know it."

Dylan ignored her. "Roll over love."

Chloe looked at him. "The other doctor's all lot nicer."

Bella grinned, "Come on Annie, let's have a look."

Dylan and Bella both examined the wound seperately. Dylan shrugged, "Right." But Bella continued to look. "Maybe, maybe not-"

"Bella, can I have a word?"

Bella and Linda exchanged looks before following Dylan out of the cubicle. "We're missing something. A lot of today's intakes share a common vector, now we are dealing with different symptoms across a range of patients and no one seems to have the faintest idea what is wrong with them. We need to put our heads together and figure out what we're dealing with."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "We?"

Dylan shrugged, "Spread the word, I'm no good at all that-"

"What, talking to people? Yup, I think I got that." She turned on her heal and went to gather the rest of the team.

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.

.

Dylan had called an impromptu staff meeting. Bella and the rest of the staff on shift assembled in the staff room. Bella was perched lazily on the end of the sofa, between Ruth and Lenny. She listened to Dylan patiently. "Okay, we have a problem. This department sees what, 200 patients in a day. Broken limbs, heart attacks, things stuck up strange orifices. And yet today we have several patients and 3 more on the way in displaying hugely different yet entirely similar symptoms. My food poisoning comes in with the usual problems and within an hour he's experiencing respiratory difficulties and limb weakness. Bella's Miss McCleod-"

Bella interrupted. "McClain, but close."

"-comes in, looks like a stroke, rally's under treatment and she develops another case of muscle weakness." He gestured to Ruth. "Your resus case, muscle weakness. Dr Lyons run of the mill, comes of his skateboard, breaks his arm- dude. He's developed an infection."

Lenny shrugged. "Yeah... but I-"

Dylan ignored him and pointed to Ruth again. "Your elderly patient, just admitted."  
Ruth nodded. "Neurological irregularities, he's already gone for a CT."

Dylan nodded. "See, we're burning through the scans today. What do they all have in common, we're looking at a range of ages, social-economic groups."

Bella interrupted. "I don't want to state the obvious, and this probably isn't my place because I haven't seen all of the patients, but isn't there one connection?"

Dylan looked at her impatiently. "What?"

Bella put down the ELLE magazine she had been flicking through. "Lenny's lad, needle stick. Ruth's case has admitted he's addict. I bet 'poisonings' got track marks on his foot if you bother to look-its a common trick if you want to hide it. Mines on methadone but I'm pretty sure that wound on the leg is from an infected needle wound, haven't seen one for a while. And the one in resus has obvious track marks and all- have you got the connection yet, they're all IV drug users."

Dylan nodded, "of course," and ran off to see Annie McClain's wound

Bella muttered to herself. "Thank you Bella, why that's okay Dylan, I'm just doing my job." Everyone then looked at Bella, who shrugged. "Notify the suits, if I'm right we might have a localized Public Health Incident."

Linda looked confused, "Right about what exactly?"

"Contaminated batch of heroin, contaminated set of needles, or I could be in completely the wrong track. Can you come with me, make sure Dylan doesn't terrorise Annie McClain too much."

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Bella, Dylan and Linda were back with Annie McClain, examining her leg wound. "It's definitely infected, but if you look there, pinpricks maybe?"

Dylan nodded, "Don't know how I missed that."

"Yeah, well, I guess I have the personal experience. "

Dylan gave her a dark look.

Bella looked up, "How did you get the wound Annie?"

Annie looked slightly shifty. "I don't remember."

Dylan interrupted. "How's the methadone working out for you?"

Bella gave him a warning look.

"Yeah, great."

Chloe nodded, "She's really good at it, I'm proud of her."

Dylan ignored the friend, "It can't be easy being a single mother?"

Annie was evasive, "I think I'm just run down you know."

Dylan held up his torch, "Look at me Annie-" The patient deliberately looked down. "Look at me please." She complied, and as Bella suspected she had all the signs.

Dylan nodded at Bella, "Now, I've only got a dog, and I know how hard that can be, you have to feed them, wash them, make sure that they are looked after if you're going away for too long and, erm, sometimes in the middle of the night they won't sleep because they've heard a mouse scratching around and I can only imagine it must be twice as hard-"

Bella's stomach squirmed, she was thinking about her own little thing inside her. She spoke, perhaps more softly than she had intended too, because Linda gave her an odd look. "Thank you Dylan." She looked at the patient. "Annie, have you told us everything we need to know to diagnose your condition? It doesn't mean you're a junkie again, okay sweetie, it just means you've had a relapse and we can help you with that, yeah?"

Annie looked gutted, "It's just been really difficult..."

Her friend interrupted. "Annie..."

"It's easier for you, you're on the diamorphine. I kept clean for Evie, but it's so hard."

Bella nodded, "It's okay, we understand. Have you been injecting there?"

Annie went defensive. "Just a couple of times... but it got sore, I don't know, maybe, it's hard to keep the place clean these days. I'm sorry Chloe, really I am."

Chloe touched her friend on the shoulder, "Hey, stop worrying about it. Now you've had Evie, maybe they'll stick you on the diamorphine."

Linda frowned, "That stuff isn't handed out like sweets you know."

Bella cut in quickly, "Thank you Staff Nurse Andrews, they're doing their best. I'll write you a prescription for some antibiotics, okay."

She pulled the cubicle curtain shut. Dylan was off too look at another of his patients. Linda looked between him and Bella. "You guys work well together, you know?"

"Not today Linda, please." Bella turned and walked away, looking for a prescription form. `

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Ruth joined the congregation of doctors around Dylan's computer. "My latest patient, the elderly one, needle marks all over his arms."

Dylan nodded, "My man's been injecting as well." He clicked on something on the computer. "Oh, that's it. The dilated pupils, that's what threw us off the mark, clostridium botchulinum."

Lenny repeated him, "Botchalism?"

"Bella was right, all of the patients, some of them hiding it better than others, are I.V drug users. The heroin has been infected at source, probably by bacteria in the soil. If you do not know the appropriate treatment, look it up now."

Bella continued for him without a que. "Tess, it might be a good idea if you organise blood and stool samples for all suspected cases, and put in a call for emergency bottchulinum anti-toxin."

Tess nodded, "We're heading towards a major public health scare so I'll warn management and check capacity in intensive care, okay?"

The team nodded and headed off to their respective patients.

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Bella pulled open the cubicle to give the news to Annie. "Okay, we think we've discovered what the problem is, you may have been infected with a form of botchulism?"

Chloe gave Bella a confused look, "Botchulism?"

Linda was preparing the antibiotics, "You're lucky you only started injecting again a few days ago."  
"We're going to have to do some more tests to confirm it, but in the mean time we're going to give you some stronger antibiotics to fight the infection. You aren't allergic to penicillin, are you?"

Annie didn't meet Bella's eye, she seemed concerned about something.

Chloe had noticed too. "What's the matter babe, what is it?"

Annie almost whispered. "Evie, I've been breastfeeding Evie."

Linda looked shocked, "You breastfed your baby while you were injecting?"

"Well, the bacteria can't be passed on by breastfeeding, but the heroin can."

"I don't- well yeah, just once, last night, this morning, before this happened."

Bella nodded, "Can you let Dr Keogh know for me?"

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Bella was stood outside, without a cigarette for once. An onslaught of drug users had only served to remind her about the effects that any kind of drugs could have. And anyway, she had another person or thing to think about now. She hadn't had a drink, or a cigarette since. She was going to do this properly, for once. They had found Annie's baby, and she was fine. Good news for once... A familiar voice bought her out of her revere. "No cigarette today Isabella?"

"Are you trying to be annoying Dylan?"

Bella was doing her best to keep Dylan out of her mind, she couldn't tell him about the pregnancy, not yet anyway. He was too irresponsible, Bella didn't want to burden him. And she didn't want him to run away. Rejection was one thing she could not take.

"What is it?"

"You. Me. Everything. Just don't call me Isabella, okay."

Dylan shrugged, "Bella- Today must have- it must have been hard for you."

"What is that supposed to mean Dylan? How was this shift any more difficult than the rest? Public Health Incident isn't exactly that much of a biggie. Oh wait- you mean the fact that I was treating a pair of ex-junkie-prostitutes, because I don't already do that every day?"

Dylan shrugged. "Okay. Fine."

Bella frowned and looked away. "It doesn't bother me. Why should it?"

"The fact that you used to sleep with anyone for money and pump your veins with drugs doesn't bother you. I find that hard to-" The look on Bella's face alerted Dylan to the fact that he might have said something out of line.

Bella swallowed. "Thank you for your opinion Dylan. Glad to know and all that. I went through years of counselling which enabled me to put my past in boxes and to be the person I am today. And I might not like talking about it, but I can deal with it. But here goes. I was forced into prostitution at the age of twelve when my abusive uncle 'sold' me to clear his gambling debts. And yes. I took the smack because there was nothing else other than slicing my skin to ribbons that took away the pain of going to strangers houses twice a night and having sex with them. Okay, has your curiosity been satisfied? Good." Bella turned on her heel. "Goodbye."

Dylan was mildly confused, "Bella-"

"Look, you just made your feelings absolutely clear. I don't want do this Dylan. I can't do this. It was never going to work, I'm the gutter girl and you- you're just- Goodbye."


	22. Falling Out

Another long chapter, how about a review for all my hard work :L haha, thank's for reading xxo

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Bella laughed, she was making coffee, and Lenny was trying to see how many teabags he could balance on a spoon. Even Tess was laughing. The door opened, "And we're all feeling very happy with ourselves aren't we?" At the sight of Mr Jordan entering the room Lenny hurriedly put the spoon down, and if Bella hadn't got such quick reactions there would have been a tea-bag disaster. She caught them with a smile and quickly hid them in an empty mug. Nick looked curiously in her direction, but continued talking whilst handing out patient files, "We've had some very good results recently, we're even out of the bottom quarter in the M&N stats."

Bella took her pile with a sarcastic, "Wow."

Nick ignored her, "Well done. Congratulations and thank you very much. That's it. You can get on with your shifts now."

Ruth looked slightly confused, "So, what's the catch?"

"Ah, very good Dr Winters, what's the catch?"

Lenny shrugged, "Are we doing so amazing that we're making the other departments look bad, should we start cocking up more?"

Nick winked, "I knew I could rely on you to illustrate my point Dr Lyons. Complacency, that is the danger."

Dylan had been quietly listening in the corner, he muttered, "Not one of my traits."

Bella raised her eyebrows and made a face at Lenny, who grinned.

Nick pinned up a notice on the board, "We all want the best from this place, super efficient, focused E.D, the very best, but we are not there yet. And it's my responsibility to get us there."

Bella was finding it difficult not to laugh, she always found it funny when Nick went on one of his I-am-god speeches. She hid her face behind her files. Tess also seemed to find the talk funny, with a smile, "And how are you going to do that?"

"Think of me as your complacency monitor."

Bella couldn't take it any more, she burst into fits of giggles.

Nick frowned, "You may find this amusing Dr Jordan, but this is actually serious. We can't afford to be complacent. Okay?"

Bella bit her lip, "We'll consider ourselves warned."

Nick looked around the room, "Where's Dr Hanna?"

Bella shrugged, quick to defend her friend, "She must have got held up, with a patient, you know, being a doctor?"

Nick tutted, "And what will her excuse be this time?"

Bella made another face in Lenny's direction. He smiled, "Complacency Dr Jordan."

She shook her head, "Come on, we've got work to do."

.

.

.

"Annie, I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon, not that I don't love having you around of course-" Bella smiled, "How's Evie?"

Annie smiled weakly, "Evie's fine."

Chloe added, "Yeah, it's Annie's leg we're here about. She's in a lot more paine than she's letting on."

Bella nodded, "Well, let's have a look then." She smiled, "Roll over love." That had been Dylan's line. Chloe looked around, "So that doctor's still around, you back together with him yet?"

Bella scowled, "Enough of that cheek, kid. Have you been listening to Mac, you know he talks rubbish?" She checked the pulse in Annie's foot. It was slower than expected and her leg was inflamed. "How long has it been like this?"

Chloe grinned, "Swift change of subject..."

Bella smiled, shaking her head. She like the girls, they came in every day to Charlie's drug clinic, so Bella often bumped into them, "I'm just doing my job."

Annie sighed, "A couple of weeks, it'll go down in a couple of days."

"I think I'll be the judge of that. How's it been?"

"I'm not using again, I promise."

Bella met Annie's eyes, "Not accusing, just asking sweetie. No one's going to judge you here, least of all me."

Chloe looked at Bella, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Long story." She was still examining Annie's leg, "Does it feel woody or heavy?"

Annie nodded, "Yeah."

Chloe noticed Linda walk past, "Hey, Bella, is it okay if I go and ask Linda something."

Bella nodded, "Go ahead." She pressed on Annie's leg again, her thumb left an indentation. She turned to Scarlett who was Bella's nurse for the day, "You see that, pitting edema."

Annie frowned, "Is this a complication from the abscess?"

Bella nodded, "Stick to the clinic, definitely don't inject into the groin. It's Deep Vein Thrombosis, or DVT. I think you have a blood clot in your leg, but we need to do tests to confirm, Scarlett can you do me a D-Dimer, Doppler, Ultrasound, please?"

Annie was looking worried, "Is it going to be okay?"

Bella smiled, "Once it's been confirmed, I'll put you on a 6 month course of walfarin, it won't effect your diamorphine, okay?"

Annie nodded.

Bella turned to Scarlett, "Scarlett's going to do those tests and then I'll get right back to you."

Tess popped her head in the cubicle, "Bella, when you've finished up here Mr Jordan wants you in resus, some fight victims."

Bella shrugged at Annie, "Duty calls," And then to Tess, "Be there in a second, okay?"

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Bella walked into cubicles, a scruffy man in khaki was talking to Annie and Chloe. "Excuse me, are you a patient?"

The man shrugged, "Depends who's asking?"

Bella kept her gaze steady, there was something about him that unsettled her, "That would be me."

The guy kept looking at her, it was slightly unerving, "I am a patient. Who are you?"

"Dr Bella Jordan, I think you should make your way back to your cubicle."

The man turned to look at Chloe and Annie and then back to her, "So I'm not allowed to make friends?"

"I would like to talk to my patient, are you a relative?"

The man rocked on his heels, "Nope."

"Then, for lack of a better phrase, get lost. Go on."

The man turned back to Annie and Chloe, "She's good, really good." And then walked off to the other side of cubicles. There was something about him that really bothered Bella. But he wasn't her patient Bella looked back at the girls, Annie looked uncomfortable, whereas Chloe just looked amused. "You girls behaving yourselves?"

The looked at each other, before nodding. Annie bit her lip, "Have you got my test results? It's something terrible right?"

Bella shook her head, "No, I haven't got those back yet, it'll be a while. You just sit tight okay?"

"Um Bella, you haven't seen a head injury patient?" It was Dylan.

She shrugged, "What kind of question is that?"

Chloe slid off of Annie's bed, "What about Felix- I mean Eddie? He went that way."

Dylan nodded and marched off in the direction that Chloe pointed, but not without making one of his famous remarks, "At least someone's helpful around here."

Bella rolled her eyes, "Charming."

Chloe looked concerned, "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

Bella shook her head, "Trust me, it wasn't anything to do with you-"

There was a shout from the other side of cubicles, Zoe's voice, "Bella, wherever you are, I need a hand in resus, now!"

.

.

.

Bella was in resus with Zoe. A patient had pulled her cuff off when undergoing an anesthetic procedure. Jay was holding the women down, "She's fitting."

Bella nodded, "Okay, 4mls lorazepam if you could?"

Zoe smiled gratefully, "Come on Vicky, stay with us?"

Bella looked up, "How much was it?"

"40mls."

"Okaay. Have you got that that lorazepam Jay?"

Her dad, Bella had treated him earlier, came barging in. "What happened to her?"

Bella ignored him, "We need to give her some intralipids, she's what 60kgs?"

Zoe nodded, "Yes, let's start her on a bolus of 90mls and follow that with a continuous infusion, you got that?"

"What happened to her, she came in with a sprained wrist for god's sake?" Her Dad was getting in the way. Jay was trying to inject the lorazepam, "Mr Weaver we need to have space to treat her?"

Bella sighed and took the lorazepam and injected it, "Mr Weaver, can you stand back. And can we have that fluid bolus now?" She met Zoe's eyes, both of them could tell that this was going to be a long day.

.

.

.

"What do you mean there's been a delay?"

"There's been an incident, which means there isn't any diamorphine doses."

Bella looked up, Chloe and Annie seemed to be having an argument with Linda. Bella had just come back from resus, she wasn't in a great mood, Nick was being awkward about it, claiming that there had been some lapse on Zoe's behalf. She pulled open the cubicle curtain, "Is everything all right here?"

Annie had sat up on the bed, "You will be getting some more, right?"

Linda shrugged, "I'm going to try my best."

"You're going to try your best!? You're kidding me right?" Chloe stepped towards Linda.

Bella held up her hands, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's try and stay calm here?"

Chloe ignored Bella's attempts to cool the situation down, "No because you said if we kept coming here you'd see us straight, keep us clean-"

Bella looked from Linda to Chloe, "Can someone please tell me what's going on here?"

"You're not giving us our diamorphine."

Linda lowered her voice so only Bella could here, "That patient attacked Charlie and took the supply-"

Bella hissed, "Is Charlie okay?"

Linda nodded, still whispering, "But Mr Jordan's isn't happy."

Chloe looked between Linda and Bella, "Stop whispering!"

Bella sighed, "Just give us some more time, wait here, I'm going to talk to my- the clinical lead here and see what I can do?" Bella really wasn't in the best mood.

.

.

.

Bella pulled open the door to Nick's office and slammed it shut behind her. She didn't wait for him to say hello, or bother with any pleasantries herself. "Okay, firstly don't be such a twat to Zoe. She handled the situation really well, if she hadn't reacted so well then the outcome would have been different."

Nick shrugged, "You had to help her out?"

"I didn't need to though, and it still doesn't change how quickly she reacted. Quit dragging your personal problems into your working life."

"And you're hardly one to talk Isabella, spoken to Dr Keogh lately?"

"That's low and you know why. I can still work with him, I can still be professional. What about you?"

Nick rolled his eyes.

Bella ignored him. "And the clinic? You can't pull out now. I have two desperate girls who thought they were going to get their supplies from us but are now going to have to go back on the streets and take whatever shit the nearest dealer has to offer. Because they can't wait for someone to put them on a methadone program, they need the stuff now. Every part of you is screaming for the stuff, and it doesn't take long to give in. And okay, you've never been in that situation, but take it from someone who has, it's agony."

Nick shook his head, "Don't emotionally blackmail me Bella, the clinic is simply too dangerous, think of Charlie here-"

"It wouldn't be dangerous if you invested in it. It needs the proper infrastructure in place. If you pull out of this clinic now, the next overdose is on you. And even if you don't care about the life of the junkie because their addiction to smack is obviously there fault, think about their children, sisters, friends, family. Think of their fathers-"

"Isabella, that is not fair. There is hospital grade morphine out on the streets, how is that going to look to the press, the police, the board?"

"Because the opinion of the press, the police and the board is what decides policy in this department now? Can I quote you on that?"

"It's their opinions that keep this department running-"

The door opened, Linda stuck her head around the door, "Sorry to interrupt, but it's Chloe, she's gone missing, when was the last time you saw her?"

Bella turned to Nick, "This conversation is far from over."

"Isabella-"

"Don't call me that!" Bella turned on her heel and let the door slam shut, she followed Linda across the department, "Have you informed the police?"

"Yes, it sounds like she's gone with Felix Berry, the guy who attacked Charlie earlier."

"That wasn't the scruffy guy in the khaki's-"

"The exact same one."

Bella shook her head, "I had a really bad feeling about him, erratic behavior, I was thinking psych but maybe..." She trailed off finishing the conversation inside her head.

"Are you okay?"

Bella realised she had started pacing up and down. She stopped herself, took a deep breath. "I'm fine. Noel, have you found him yet?"

"No telephone, no address."

Dylan appeared, as if out of nowhere. "Well we need to find him, he has a large undiagnosed frontal lobe tumour."

Linda nodded, "That would explain the erratic behavior just like Bella was saying-" Linda caught Bella's unimpressed look and stopped. Dylan met Bella's eyes, he looked like he was going to say something so she looked away quickly, what Nick had said earlier about professionalism was dancing around in the back of her mind. "I've just been on the phone to my mate at the Nick, Felix Berry is known to them, he has a place on Barlow Street."

Annie looked up, "I know some places on Barlow Street."

Charlie continued, "The police are already on their way, he has previous for sexual assault."

Bella swore under her breath, Mac touched her on the shoulder, "You coming?"

She nodded, grabbing her hoodie from under reception.

.

.

.

She followed Annie into the house, already expecting the worse as Big Mac tackled Felix to the floor with the police. Chloe was lying on the floor, the place was a mess, arms spread out. "Annie, stay back, don't move her. Call an ambulance for me, Chloe can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me?" There might have been a weak pressure, or she might have imagined it. She checked her pulse, it was faint but she was still breathing. Just. "You're going to be okay kid, you're going to be okay." And then more to herself, "GCS 7, pulse is 100, BP 86/2... Come on Chlo."

.

.

When she came in with Chloe Nick snapped, "Where have you been?" Bella responded with a glare and "Really not the right time Mr Jordan. I intubated her in the ambulance, can somebody call C.T?" This was not a patient she could lose. This was not a patient she would lose.

.

.

.

Bella sat herself down in the doctor's office. She spent way to much time there, so much time that she actually had cushions and a blanket stored in the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet. They'd managed to stabilise Chloe but Bella was feeling physically and emotionally drained and she blamed herself for Chloe's current state of well being. If she'd stayed with the girls in stead of running off to have an argument with Nick. Or she could have given them a bloody shot of morphine herself... wait, what was she thinking? Bella sighed, she was pregnant, suffering from morning sickness, wasn't taking any of her medication and hadn't had a cup of coffee all week. She needed to sort out her shift pattern, her sleep pattern and actually start eating decent meals for once. But that was for tomorrow... The door opened, Bella didn't need to look up, she recognised those shoes. "Uh, Bella. You looked like you hadn't eaten in a while, so I got you these." A cup of coffee, a bar of chocolate and something in a polythene box that smelled suspiciously like chips. Bella wanted to say thank you, she really did, but it would make it all too easy for her to let him stay. And then she'd have to make up some excuse not to drink the coffee, some excuse for everything. And the shoes walked away. Bella picked at the chips for a bit, still sitting on the floor. Another set of shoes entered the office. This time she had to look up. It was Charlie Fairhead. Bella frowned, "What are you doing here?"

"I smelt the chips and thought, which doctor is hiding in here and having chips without sharing them with me?"

Bella smiled, "Guilty as charged, here, I'm not that hungry. And there's a luke-warm black coffee with two sugars if you feel like it."

Charlie took that as an invitation to sit down next to Bella, "Oof, long way down and I'm not getting any younger."

"It's okay Grandad, I'll help you up."

"Oii." They both laughed. "So, what's up with you?"

Bella made a face, "I'm good."

"Which is why you're hiding all alone in the corner of the doctor's office?"

Bella's reply was short, "I don't hide."

"Bella, I don't want you to fall out with your father over the drugs clinic?"

"It's not to do with the drugs clinic Charlie, we always fall out. Bella does something that Nick thinks is stupid, Nick get's mad. Or Nick does something that

Bella thinks is stupid, Bella get's mad. And then whoever isn't mad, get's mad anyway..."

"It wasn't his fault. Just like it wasn't Linda's fault, or mine, or yours."

"You can't absolve me of guilt Charlie. I'm only happy when I'm beating myself up about something-"

"That's not true. I know you Bella."

"Indeed you do. Or you think you do." Bella shook her head, "No one knows me, not even myself. I'm fine Charlie. I mean, I've fallen out with Nick, I've screwed it up with- I'm blaming myself for another humans problems, I'm sleeping on the floor of the doctor's office, and I'm rambling on to you, what's different?"

Charlie smiled, "Is that you're way of telling my to mind my own business and leave you to sleep." He stood up, "Thanks for the chips."

"I'm trying Charlie... Thank you. Oh, and before you go," she chucked him a key, "You couldn't get my blanket and pillow out of the bottom drawer of that filing cabinet?"

Charlie caught the key, and with a sigh he fetched Bella the blanket and pillow. "Night night, I'll turn the light out. Wouldn't want anyone to find you here, it's not really hospital regulation." Charlie left Bella to it. He was worried about Bella, again, although she insisted she was fine there was something that wasn't right. Maybe he was just being an worrying old man... grandpa, she had called him grandpa...


	23. That Stuff Is Toxic

Sorry for the wait, but I had life things to do like exams and sleeping. Updates should pick up again, thanks for waiting and reading and a special thanks if you are one of those people who has taken the time to give me a review, you have no idea how uplifting and encouraging they are. Also thinking about posting an Adam fanfiction that I've had floating around for a while now, keep a look out : )

As ever,

Emily

* * *

"I thought I'd find you here."

Annie looked up sleepily, "Where else would I be?"

"I bought you breakfast courtesy of the hospital vending machine, chocolate bar, crisps and coffee."

Annie sighed, "Not hungry..."

"You'll feel better with food in your stomach, trust me, I'm a doctor. How are you feeling Chloe?"

Chloe blinked, "Mmkay."

Bella smiled, "You gave us a bit off a scare last night. Your consultant will probably continue to monitor you for the next 48hours at least, your body's taken quite a knock and that head injury was quite nasty."

"She'll be okay though, won't she?" Annie's eyes were wide with concern as well as heroin withdrawal.

Bella knew better than to make and specific promises, "You'll be fine kid. Who's looking after Evie for you?"

"She's with a neighbour."

Bella nodded with a slight smile, "I've got to work today, but I'll try and pop in on my breaks."

She walked out. Annie wasn't going to last without the clinic supplying her with diamorphine and Bella wasn't going to let her go the same way as Chloe.

.

.

.

She jogged downstairs, picking up her set of notes for the day. Dylan walked in and Bella had to bite her tongue to prevent herself from saying _Morning Dyl_ or some other unnecessary pleasantries that would lead to an awkward silence. It turned out that she needn't have worried because Dylan supplied the necessary ingredients. "Carpark Junkies."

Big Mac shot a pointed look at Bella before replying, "Sounds like a band."

Dylan signed in and marched off, muttering audibly, "Not preying on my stereo."

Mac sighed, "Yeah, well they've got no where else to go man."

Nick had heard the exchange, "The clinic is closed today. Provisions have been made for the uninformed."

Bella glowered, "Too late for some though, right?"

"I had to shut the clinic, on safety grounds."

"And Chloe paid the price. But hey, just another junkie off the street."

Nick answered her with a disproving tisk, striding off in the other direction. Noel looked at her sympathetically, "Bars on the windows..."

Big Mac agreed, "What's this place coming too?"

"What indeed." She sighed, wandering off aimlessly in the direction of cubicles.

.

.

.

"Can we have some help in resus please?" Big Mac pushed through the doors of the E.D, dragging a trolley behind her. It was Chloe.

Annie grabbed Bella's arm, "I told them, they shouldn't have moved her."

"Annie love, I want you to stay with Big Mac for me. Lenny, Tess, Linda with me please. Bed 2 and I want to get her intubated straight away. I think we're looking at a subdural haemorage of a new bleed. Lenny can you start manual ventilation?"

"Yup."

Bella began a primary survey, but in her head all she could think about was that cheeky smile that Chloe always wore. It wasn't like her to get distracted. Nick burst through the door, "Talk to me Bella."

"Subdural Haemorage, GCS and stopped in CT." Bella frowned.

Nick shook his head, "Can you go and see to the paeds case for me?"

"What-"

"You're too involved in this case."

Bella shook her head, "Well thank you Mr Jordan but Zoe's taking that case and I'm fine here thank you." Nick saw the look on her face and decided both that resus wasn't really the place to argue with his daughter and that considering the mood that Bella was in today, nothing he said was ever going to have an effect.

Tess looked between the two doctors, "Okaaay, BP is 220/138."

Nick opened the notes, "This is an ITU case, why is she down here?"

Tess nodded, "I'll call them."

Bella ignored the exchange, "Okay guys, can we work on stabilizing her? Lind can you get me an infusion of 20% manatol please?" She checked her eyes with her pen torch, "Pupils are fixed and dilated." As soon as Bella had finished speaking the monitor began to go off, Nick shook his head, "She's in VF, let's shock her."

Bella began chest compressions ignoring Nick's disapproving look. She didn't care if she was nine weeks or nine months pregnant, she wasn't going to watch as this patient died. Nick put the pads on and shocked Chloe in attempt to restore her heart to a normal rhythm It didn't look good, even after 3 shocks and 2 rounds of adrenaline she was still in PEA and her pupil were still fixed and dilated. Tess touched her on the shoulder, "Do you think it's time to get her friend in?"

Bella ignored the suggestion, "Can I have another shot of adrenaline please?"

Nick sighed, "Come on Bella, you know as well as I do, 10 minutes of PEA, pupils fixed and dilated bilaterally, no response to 3 rounds of shocking and adrenaline as well as an infusion of manatol. Forget the adrenaline, are you going to call it or am I?"

Annie rushed through the door, just as Bella stopped. She looked up as Nick said the time. She didn't hear Annie pleading with them to continue, just the beep of the monitor, and then silence. She shook her head, "She's gone." And then she walked out off resus.

.

.

.

Annie regained consciousness later, she looked up through the hazy mist of drugs and withdrawal. "What are you doing here?"

"My job." Bella shook her head, "Sorry. No, I'm here to tell you a story."

"I'm not in the mood."

"You'll want to hear this one. I was a junkie once. My mother died before I really knew her, and I went to live with my uncle. He wasn't a nice guy and- well that's irrelevant, and when I was 12 he essentially sold me to a pimp in order to clear his gambling debts. And then I was one of the swallows. And I took the smack willingly at first, it was just a way to block everything out and before I knew it I was hooked. But I got out of that situation, and here I am nearly 20 years on... You can do that too Annie, make a life for yourself and Evie... and that's why I can't help you with the morphine Annie. Because you don't need it. That stuff is poison, wherever it comes from. I'm sorry."

Annie looked up. "Thank you." And then she closed her eyes, "I'm tired."

Bella nodded, "I know, I know sweetheart. I'll get you a blanket, they're going to keep you in overnight. I'll come up and see you again tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay..."

As Bella left she passed Linda. The blonde nurse smiled, "Is she awake?"

Bella nodded, "Awake, but tired. They're keeping her in overnight."

Linda sighed, "I'll talk to her later then. Are you still on shift?"

"Oh yes, I've got another 10 hours of this... See you around Linda."

"See you."

_**review maybe?**_


	24. Past Memories

The BBC annoyed my storyline greatly with the introduction of Sam, but here goes, should be interesting :)

* * *

Bella was being sick again, this morning sickness crap was getting her down. She'd like to actually be able to eat some food and then keep it down before her shift started. And strawberry smoothie mixed in with weatabix really didn't make for an attractive vomit, but she had had a bizarre desire to have some at 5 o clock in the morning. Someone tapped on the door of the toilet. "Hey, are you all right in there? I'm a doctor."

Bella didn't recognize the voice, she assumed it must be a locum or something. She opened the door and stuck her head out, "I'm fine."

"You should get checked out." Sam looked at the woman, wearing tight fitting leggings under a loose tunic shirt with her hair tied back into a loose fishtail plait, she looked tired and as if she had been crying. The woman started washing her hands, doing so in a thoroughly methodical manner that suggested that she was used to scrubbing up for theatre, perhaps she was a doctor? Bella tried very hard to roll her eyes at the practiced concern in the doctor's voice, "I'm a fully qualified consultant of Emergency Medicine, I think I can diagnose a dodgy take away."

"Oh, right." Sam looked at her potential new colleague, something wasn't quite right, maybe it was the general tired appearance, or maybe it was the half-vacant, half-focused look in her eyes that slightly unsettled Sam.

Bella looked the woman in front of her over. She vaguely recognized her from somewhere. Nick had mentioned something about a new doctor, but then Bella hadn't really been paying attention. She didn't look like a locum, she was wearing scrubs for one thing and locums didn't usually bother. "Have we met?"

"I'm the new trust doctor, Sam Nicholls."

Bella didn't look up from the sink, "Oh, Bella Jordan, nice to meet you. "

"Dr Jordan?"

Bella examined herself in the mirror, she looked tired, her skin was blotchy and her eyes lined with red. She looked a sight, hardly a great first impression, not that she cared any more. It wasn't like she could keep working in the emergency department now she was pregnant without telling Dylan. She sighed, "Just call me Bella."

"I'm supposed to shadow you today."

Bella went over to dry her hands, realising that she hadn't paid any attention to the doctor introducing herself, "Sorry, what was your name again?"

"Dr Nicholls, Sam Nicholls."

"I thought I recognized you or something. Nevermind. Do you fancy a tour?"

"Yeah, why not?"

Bella proceeded to give Sam the full tour, still trying to work out where she had seen her face before. Sam attempted to make conversation. "So, you were in the army?"

Bella smiled, "Have Mac and Noel been giving you all the gossip?"

"Something like that. What was your rank? Where did you serve?"

"I was a Lieutenant. Afghanistan." Bella didn't mention that she'd been part of the Eagles, or the unsuccessful stint she did as Captain when Mardsen died. She doubted that Dr Nicholls would be senior enough to know of the unit and besides she wasn't interested in playing the 'my rank's higher than yours' game.

"Corporal. Who did you serve under?"

"Captain Mardsen. Look, I don't really talk about it-"

Dr Nicholls eyes widened, "The Eagles?"

Bella sighed, "So much for top secret..."

"I was involved in a back up operation once."

Bella smiled, "We don't – didn't need back up often."

"It was the operation where the captain Mardsen died, I was just starting out, shadowing a senior member of the medical corp, he really was a legend, what was he like-"

Bella stopped listening. She remembered when she had seen Sam's face before. She had been part of the back up team that helicoptered in on the ambush that lead to Mardsen and 6 of her other comrades deaths.

Sam stopped talking, waiting for Bella's response. "Are you all right?" She looked concerned.

"I-" Bella closed her eyes.

_I can't really remember the specifics, just the narrow gap in between the rocks, Mardsen whispered for me stay back, he had a bad feeling about this one. It didn't stop him from going in first. They were waiting for us on the other side. Buds went in second, he was shot in the head, instant kill. I normally went in second, it should have been me. I froze, staring at his body for a full second before I reacted. The rest of the company was busy, and as I was the only person who wasn't primarily a soldier it was up to me to keep calm and assess the situation. I called for back-up. I'd been in the Eagles for 4 years, and this was only the third time we had needed help. It was a difficult call to make, if we called the helicopters in then it revealed our location, if we didn't then we might all die. We weren't far from the Outpost Base 4, and Brigadier Robins assured me that the two teams were on their way, including medical assistance._

_I snapped back into action, two of my team where down, and I was soon absorbed in keeping them alive, as well as myself. It was when the helicopters became visible overhead that it happened. I didn't see where the shot came from, but I saw who it hit. Captain Mardsen stopped dead, even from a distance I could see the shock in his eyes. I was vaguely watching the conflict from behind the boulder that I was treating Carrow, Kilby and Jones under the cover of. Kilby was just had a scratch and he was itching to get back in. He was the one who ran with me, across open fire to Mardsen. The helicopters landed, assistance was here. I watched as two Royal Medical Corps jumped out of the second helicopter. They attended to Carrow and Jones. Mardsen didn't look good. In fact, I knew he couldn't be saved and that I would be better assisting else where. But this was Mardsen, Mardsen who took the young, naive, emotional wreck that I was 6 years ago and turned me into a calm, experienced solider that I was now. He died in my arms, nothing I could have done to save him. I couldn't move, I couldn't think. It was the face of the younger RMC peering around the boulder that snapped me out of it. "It's over now," was what she said._

I'm not surprised that Sam didn't recognize me, I was covered in blood and mud and sweat and tears by this point. I didn't talk to her. My comrades called me Bee or Bells, I doubt she even got my name.

"You were the-" Sam stopped and looked at Bella. They stood for a moment, both remembering past times before Bella blinked and snapped back into the tour of the emergency department. "And, this is the on call room, that's Ni- Mr Jordan's office and that's the consultant's office here, that's for Dr Keogh, Dr Hanna, me and whatever locum they give us. The doctor's offices are supposed to be down there but I don't think they have electricity at the moment, if you need to use a computer then you have to use the ones in the department or there's a really slow one in the on call room which is just up there." They continued on the tour, the moment forgotten and Sam got the sense that it wasn't a topic that Bella was willing to cover again.

.

.

Noel and Big Mac were giving Sam all the departmental gossip. "That's Dr Lyons, F2," Noel pointed to Lenny, who was arguing with Charlie over something Lenny had said. He sighed, "Tact isn't really Lenny's strong point."

Big Mac joined in. "With him, that's Charlie, senior charge nurse, been working here for ever, it must be over 25 years now? And Tess is over there on the computer, she's the ward sister, her barks worse than her bite. Linda's the blond one, bit of an airhead, but a good nurse."

Noel nodded, over by cubicles, "That's Jay, he's a good laugh, and Dr Winters. She can be a bit frosty, scuse the pun, but she means well."

Sam nodded, "Are they a couple?" Big Mac responded with a knowing look at Noel. "Maybe, maybe not. Coming though the main doors now are Mr Jordan, of course, and Dr Zoe Hanna, they were going to get married at some point." Another knowing look at Noel. "Bella's just coming out of the lift there, that's Mr Jordan's daughter by the way, bit of a wild one really, but she's a brilliant doctor. Ex-army, like you. And with her is Dylan Keogh-" Sam's head snapped up, she hadn't really been listening properly, but now she was. "- don't be offended by him, he treats everyone the same. Bella and Dylan had a thing going on for ages, proper serious-like but not any more. They do a lot of arguing instead."

Sam looked up to see the doctor's walk past, suddenly curious. Bella hadn't really looked like Dylan's type, but then what did she know. They were arguing now, Dylan had diagnosed a patient, without doing the scans to check his diagnosis. He scowled, "It's obvious-"

Bella rolled her eyes, "Yes, but the wards won't take a patient without a conclusive diagnosis."

Dylan snapped back, "I have a conclusive diagnosis."

"You don't have any proof of your conclusive diagnosis. It could just be a simple chest infection."

Dylan was adamant, "But it's not."

"Oh, and you've developed X-Ray vision overnight." Bella's sarcastic tone was obvious.

"No, just a diagnosis."

Bella sighed, "Please do not make me pull rank, send the patient off for a bloody scan. I really don't have time for this today."

"It's a waste of money."

"The patient has to have one at some point, and Darwin will send her straight back down again if she hasn't had one."

Dylan shrugged, "They've never sent one down before."

"That's because no one's sent them someone without the appropriate scans to make a conclusive diagnosis." She waved Big Mac over. "Dr Keogh has a patient he wants taking for a C.T scan, don't you Dr Keogh?"

"It's a waste of valuabl-"

Bella shook her head, she still wasn't feeling great and having to deal with Dylan was just that little bit too much to ask, "Just shut up and go and explain a C.T scan to Mrs Lawrence."

The argument would have continued if Dylan had not noticed Sam and froze. Bella looked between the pair in mild confusion. The awkward silence lasted exactly half a second before Dylan recovered and muttered something unintelligible, possibly, "What are you doing here?" But Bella couldn't be sure. But who was this new doctor then? Bella frowned and raised her eyebrows questioningly at him. Dylan walked off briskly without even acknowledging that they had made eye contact. Bella blinked and looked at the young doctor up and down. There was something about the way that Dylan had looked at her that made her stomach twist. She unconsciously placed her hand on her her stomach and mused over the new doctor. Ex? Daughter? Did she even care? Should she even care? Of course she did. Jealousy, that was a new one. She really did need a break.

.

.

Bella watched Sam Nicholls pat Dylan on the back, he flinched slightly. The younger doctor smiled and not for the first time that day Bella wondered upon the connection between the vibrant young doctor. Bella's curiosity overrode her desire to keep a distance between herself and Dylan, perhaps they could be friends. They had been talking, well arguing, throughout the day and it almost seemed to be just like old times. She swallowed, and then spoke up, "So who is she?" Her question was met with no response, Dylan just looked at her, so she continued with a slight smile, "Sister? Ex? No, she's half your age and completely- Is she your daughter?" Bella meant the question in jest, but the look she received in return was not one of friendly amusement.

Dylan frowned, "So one minute you won't talk to me and the next you're making jokes about my private life."

Bella shrugged, ouch. But then, she guessed it was as much as she deserved. So much for attempting to re-make friends, "I've been talking to you all day."

"No Isabella, that was not talking."

Bella sighed, taking offence to the tone that she knew too well, "Please don't treat me like a child-"

Dylan snapped a reply, "Then don't act like one."

"Fine." It would be better to just to stay away, what had she been thinking?

Dylan sighed, almost regretfully, "Bella-"

"No." Bella slammed down her files on the table, "Noel can you file these, I'm going home." She walked into the staffroom, grabbing her coat and bag. Sam Nicholls was also getting her coat,"Dr Jordan, I really enjoyed shadowing you today-"

Bella nodded curtly as she passed the doctor whilst leaving the room, "Call me Bella. See you tomorrow."

Sam frowned, "Dr- Bella, was it something I-" But she had gone.

**_review me maybe?_**


	25. Sickness and Health

Bella was leaning against the worktop, staring at Dylan treating a young boy, maybe 3 years old. It would normally be hilarious, he was dealing with the child in completely the wrong way, but in light of the fact he was the father of her child, the humor was kind of lost. He was trying to persuade the boy to let him examine his stomach, the mother was staring absent-mindedly into the air, it looked like she was drunk. Bella finished her De-caff, and made a face- it looked and smelt like real coffee but tasted disgusting. Bella marched into the cubicle and knelt down next to the bed. She ignored Dylan's indignant "What do you think you are doing?"

She smiled at the little boy. "Hey little man, can you tell me your name?"

The little boy shook his head slowly.

"Well that's a shame, " She produced a sheet of stickers from the pocket of her scrub top, "I've got a sticker here just for a brave boy who can tell me his name."

The child blinked, looking from Dylan to Bella and deciding that he could trust the woman who had bounced over to his bedside with a smile, "I'm Matthew."

"Okay, Matthew." She peeled off a sticker saying 'Brave Boy!' and popped it on his jumper. "I'm Bella. And this grumpy man standing next to me is Dr Dylan. Now I know he looks and sounds scary," Bella lowered her voice to a whisper, "But he's actually quite nice when you get to know him, and he's a really good doctor who just wants to make your tummy better. So how about you let the lovely Dr, Dylan examine you, and I'll get a nurse to find you a chocolate bar from a vending machine for when you're done."

The little boy nodded solemnly and let Dylan examine his stomach. Bella left Dylan to it, resisting the urge to make a smart comment.

.

Nick had been watching. "You sure do pick them."

Bella scowled, "Cheers, Nick, that really makes me feel better." Her father smiled and Bella whacked him on the arm, still scowling, "It's not funny."

Nick sighed, he needed to have a serious conversation with his daughter about her situation. He hadn't been there for her when she was younger, and he wished that he could have been. Dr Keogh, for all his faults deserved to have that choice, "You should tell him, he w-"

Bella shook her head slowly, "Bla Bla Bla, I know all right."

"Then why not?"

She bit her lip, "Because I love him, okay?"

Nick placed a hand on her shoulder, "Bella..."

Bella pulled away, "I know what I'm doing. You are the last person to lecture me on a love life, it's not like you haven't made a mess of yours."

Nick pursed his lips, "Why, thank you."

Bella sighed, regretting the comment already. She wasn't good at the father-daughter bonding stuff, "Can I get on with my work now?"

"You should be thinking about reducing the hours you work, not taking double shifts and-"

Bella's regret immediately turned to fresh annoyance. "I am pregnant, not ill."

"But you're not on your medication so-"

"Don't you dare Nick."

"I'm thinking of you here."

"I need to work, you of all people should understand that. I can't believe we're even having this conversation." Bella shook her head, it wouldn't hurt to admit that she had a slight headache, but she would have to leave out the vomiting and cramps and lightheadedness to avoid being sent home, "I don't feel that good really, but I have a shift to work. And I will work it."

"Bella-"

Bella snapped, "Don't argue with me."

Nick sighed, arguing with Bella was counterproductive most of the time but put the hormones of a pregnant woman in her system and it was impossible. "Okay, tell me when you and Dr Keogh are going to sort yourselves out because the arguments between you two are getting in the way of patient care-"

Bella ignored him, not even waiting for him to finish the end of his sentence, tossing her plait over her shoulder with a roll of her eyes and wandered over to the nurses station to file her blood reports.

.

"Dylan, can you pop these in the tray for the lab?" Bella was standing at the nurses station, Dylan was at arms reach of the blood tray whereas she would have to walk the distance.

Dylan didn't look up, "Do I look like a nurse?"

"Fine. Can you pass these to Charlie so he can put them in the tray for the lab?" Charlie moved from the other side of the nurses station to come and get them. "Don't worry about it Charlie, I'll go." She was about half way to the sample tray when she suddenly felt nauseous. She groaned, threw them the extra distance and ran to the loo. She knew she shouldn't have risked lunch. Morning sickness, more like all day sickness. Dylan followed her.

"Go away Dylan."

"Bella wait-"

They had past the threshold of the ladies loos. Bella turned, exasperated, "And now you're in the ladies."

"Are you okay?"

Bella threw up in the sink, "What the hell does it look like?" Dylan had his hand on her back, pulling her hair out of the way. Bella disentangled herself from his hold. "I'm fine. Just leave it."

"You were just sick."

Bella rolled her eyes, "Full marks for observation Dr Sherlock."

"Any dizziness?"

"I'm fine."

"But you were just sick. Again."

"And now you're just repeating yourself. I ate something dodgy last night."

Dylan frowned, "You look-"

"Bella glanced in the mirror, her hair was limp and the shadows under her eyes more pronounced than ever. "-like crap. I know."

"You don't- And you've got a bit of vomit on your-"

Dylan offered her his hankie. Bella gave him a weird look and pulled a tissue out of her pocket and dabbed at her face.

"You missed it." He held out his hand, "Just let me do it."

Bella handed him the tissue.

And it was this that Sam walked in on. Dylan smiled awkwardly. "Just leaving. Um. Hi Sam."

Bella looked from Sam to Dylan. "Um, this really isn't what it looks like."

Sam blinked, confused. "I'm-"

Bella had gone bright red. "I'm going too. Bye."

Dylan and Bella went out together, and Bella burst into laughter.

Dylan shrugged, "What?"

"You were the one in the ladies loos."

"So were you."

"In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a woman."

Dylan feigned surprise. "Really?"

Bella suddenly realised how close she was to him. She shook her head quickly and stepped backward. "Sorry, urgent test results-"

Dylan's face fell in confusion. "Bella, you're going the wrong way-"

She had gone.


	26. How Did We Get Here?

Bella was feeling really ill. Hot then cold then hot then cold, cramps and she had been vomiting on and off for most of the morning but she really didn't want to go home and sit on the sofa eating peanut butter out of a jar and watching shitty soap opera's. She picked up the pile of patient notes that were hers to lug around for the day. She took the top one without looking at it and called across the E.D to Ruth. The blonde doctor was staring into space and Bella could use some backup, "Ruth mate, I have a patient in cubicle six that you might be interested in, do you fancy taking a look?"

Ruth frowned, she seemed to be on the crux of making a decision, and then she nodded slowly.

Bella was concerned, it wasn't like Ruth to be unenthusiastic about shadowing Bella, "Are you okay?"

Ruth's tone was serious and she was frowning, "I need to talk to you."

Bella nodded, pulling her friend into Nick's office knowing that he wouldn't mind, "Ruth, whatever it is, you can tell me? I promise, I won't tell anyone else."

Ruth shook her head. "No, I'm not sure that's a promise that you can keep."

Bella frowned, worried now. "What is it?"

Ruth looked tortured, her face crumpled. "I- Mr Jordan thinks- I probably - I'm pregnant."

Bella inhaled sharply. "Does he know?" She was referring to Jay, "Ruth you have got to tell him, you can't make him go through that again. Last time it nearly killed both of you, and you know it. If you don't tell him, I'll have too. He deserves to know this time."

Ruth nodded slowly, "I know that, I just- I don't think I can do this."

Bella pulled Ruth into a hug, finding tears in her own eyes. "Oh god, we are a right pair aren't we Ru. What are we going to do with ourselves?"

"What do you mean?" Ruth was suddenly confused.

Bella pulled away. "Snap, whatever that game is called, I'm pregnant."

"What?" And then Ruth frowned, "And have you told Dr Keogh-"

Bella interrupted sharply, "That's different."

Ruth raised an eyebrow, "How is that different in any way?"

"Jay's- Dylan is, well you know what Dylan's like. If I tell him he'll be half the way to timbuctu before you can say responsibilities. And I don't want to lose him."

"So how are you planning to explain the baby that pops out at the end?"

Bella bit her lip, "I wasn't."

"Great plan Bella. You're planning to hide a pregnancy from the sherlock holmes of emergency medicine-"

Bella laughed. Sherlock Holmes. Ruth had just unintentionally reminded her of a private joke that Dylan and her had always had. Bella bit her lip seeing that Ruth was giving her was giving her a look that suggested that Ruth thought that Bella had gone mad.

Her friend continued, "and then when you give birth you're just going to hope he doesn't notice."

Bella was still smiling, she shrugged, "Sounded so much better in my head, I promise."

"I think congratulations are in order for that masterplan."

Bella stopped laughing, suddenly finding the humour had gone. "The sarcasm is appreciated as always Ruth."

"Sorry."

"You're right though. I have just been lucky. Super lucky. I've been sick in front of him at least 3 times. And I nearly fainted the other week and he had to take me home-"

Ruth looked slightly concerned, "Is morning sickness really that bad?"

Bella shrugged, "I think it might just be me. I tell you, it's the last woman I tell to piss off when they come in complaining that they have extreme morning sickness."

Ruth smiled, looking away. And then Bella sniggered, shaking her head. Ruth frowned, "Sorry, it's not funny."

Bella smiled, "It it is a bit." She sighed, "Do you think I should tell him?"

"I know you should tell him."

Bella nodded, "I know I should tell him." But she couldn't, not yet anyway. Not with this headache, she needed to prepare herself for the outcome. She groaned, "Can you prescribe me some bendectin?"

Ruth smiled, "You look terrible."

"Oh thanks."

"Go home Bella. This department doesn't need your assistance 24/7. You need some sleep. And to eat some food. Doctor's orders. Go on. I'll take your cases."

"Ruth-"

"No arguments. Go."

Bella rolled her eyes, "Fine, fine, fine. My notes are on the nurses station." She wandered out of Nick's office and staight into the staffroom, not wanting to go home and be alone. The sofa looked inviting but she would be cold. Semi-delirious and without even thinking why she pulled open the door of Dylan's locker, using a credit card to open the lock. Now that was an old habit... She pulled out the jacket that she knew that she would find and curled up on the sofa without much more of a thought. She was too tired and too cold to care whether it was a good idea.

Just before the end of his shift Dylan walked into the staff room hoping to get home early. He found Bella was lying on the sofa, using his jacket as a blanket. "Bella?"

Bella sat up sleepily, blinking in the light. "Hey- Dr Dylan – what?"

"How did you get my jacket?"

"Oh sorry, I was cold. I picked the lock." Bella yawned and handed him his jacket. She really felt awful. Awful enough to forget that Dylan and herself weren't on speaking terms any more and stealing his jacket to use as a blanket was poor form.

"You-"

Bella stood up, suddenly realising that Dylan was looking at her strangely. "I'm fine. I don't know why I even-" But she had stood up too quickly, and vision shifted. "Eurgh."

Dylan placed his hand on her forehead. "You're feeling a bit hot."

Bella pulled away with a groan, turning so Dylan couldn't see her expression. She muttered, "I was sick this morning. And again later."

"I know, I was there." Dylan frowned, pulling Bella round and looking into her eyes with his pentorch. "Any other symptoms?"

"Just a bit spaced out really."

"You're a consultant of emergency medicine and you've been a fully qualified doctor for however long and all you come up with is 'a bit spaced out'. Dizzy? Disorientated?"

"A bit like coming down from-" Seeing Dylan's face she stopped herself. They were really from different worlds. What was she doing? "A bit shaky and weak. Look, like you said, I'm a doctor, I'm fine." She shivered.

Dylan shook his head, "I'm going to run some tests."

Bella was feeling ill, but even she knew that letting Dylan run a blood test on her would be a bad idea. "I'm fine. Really, just go." She bit her lip.

Dylan looked at her again, "Are you crying?" In all the time he had known Bella she had never, ever cried. Bella rubbed at her eyes, blinking furiously. "Just watery eyes. I'm sorry I borrowed your coat, I just wasn't thinking right. But I am fine." She turned to leave, but Dylan's hand caught her shoulder. "Bella."

Bella let herself enjoy the feeling of his warm hand on her back, the feeling of being safe- she blinked, stopping herself and stepped away. "I'm fine."

"You are not fine. Let me take you to cubicles-"

"No Dylan, please don't- I'm fine. Just-"

"Nope, just let me go home."

"You came in on your bike this morning, you can't go home on that like this." Dylan picked up his jacket and put it over her shoulders. "Come on, I'll take you home." Bella tried to protest but Dylan wasn't having any of it. He grabbed her bag, shut his locker and helped Bella out of the E.D

.

Bella was sat in her living room, on the sofa with a half-empty jar of peanut butter in her hand. It had taken a lot of willpower to say goodbye to Dylan at the door. She could have invited him in, so easily. A coffee? A chat? Any number of excuses had rushed to her head. Wait to see if I'm okay? But she knew what was wrong with her. Her body did not like being pregnant. Pregnant. What Ruth had said was bouncing around her head. She could tell him, but she couldn't. The words would never come out right. He would freak out, he wouldn't be able to deal with it. He would leave her, and she didn't, no she couldn't take rejection. But he did deserve to know. Her child deserved to know. For the first time ever she really, really didn't know what to do.

**reviews are always loved and appreciated people hint hint**


	27. Stand There And Watch Me Burn

THE FIRE, is like my favourite double episode ever, maybe. I've rewitten this so many times, and the next episode too, and I have decided that it will never meet the same perfection as the episode, and for that I am sorry, because I have changed it too much. So in a way, I hate this chapter. And the next one. Sorry. But yeah, knock yourselves out.

* * *

"I take it you and Dylan are having a argument."

Bella looked up from her paperwork to see Zoe standing over her. She put her pen down failing to see how Zoe could have come to that conclusion, or why she happened to see the need to mention it, "What?"

"Dylan's been in a mood for a week-"

"Since when is it your business anyway?"

"-and you've been in the mood all this week too."

"Cheers."

"What is it then?"

"We finished. I don't care. He doesn't care. And you need to stay out of our business."

"Oh. Our business? Our. Then there's still hope."

"Shut up and go away." Bella looked up. Zoe had raised an eyebrow, "Sorry, today's not a good day."

"I noticed. How about I take you for a good old festive drink tonight?"

"I'm not drinking. And I've never been one for the so called festive spirit."  
Zoe picked up Bella's coffee. "Bella, not drinking. It's christmas, we always get pissed. I'll believe that one when I see it." She made face and handed Bella her coffee back. "Is this de-caff? I hate decaff."

"You and me both. Serves you right for always stealing my coffee. And no, I'm serious. I'm not in the mood for getting wasted."

"Whatever you say, I'm here if you need me or if you change your mind about drinking" With one last concerned look at her friend, who looked stressed, tired and nervy, Zoe wandered off to cubicles.

Dylan came over and stood next to Bella, who was sitting on the worktop.

"Isabella-"

"Get lost Dylan." She walked away.

"Bella? Are you okay?" There was something that really wasn't right about Bella, she had been looking more tired and more stressed each day that had gone past since that night where he had to take her home.

"Oh, save it, please."

.

It was later in the day, and an alarm for a fire had been sounded. Dylan and Bella had taken Frank, the fire safety officer, into resus to treat him. Nick was trying to persuade them to get out.

"Both of you, this is an evacuation, I want you both out now. Leave him."

"Nick, take her out. But I'm staying." Dylan gently shoved Bella towards the door. She continued assessing Frank.

"I'm not going anywhere." She sang, ignoring them both.

"It's a fire, it's not safe, both of you need to be outside now." Nick was understandably stressed.

Dylan scowled, "He needs to be treated he can't be moved. I can do this myself."

Bella added, "And I'm not going if he's staying. The fire brigade are coming, and it's only in the basement. We'll move him as soon as he's stable enough."

"Bella, please come with me. Please."

"No."

Nick hissed, "Leave him."

Bella met Nicks eyes and shook her head firmly. She wasn't going anywhere. And not just because she had a patient, she wasn't going to leave Dylan and Nick knew that.

"Okay, but I want you out as soon as." Nick was cross and wasn't at all happy about it, but he had a hospital to evacuate.

"You don't have to stay, you know." Dylan looked up at Bella.

Bella shrugged, not quite meeting his eyes, "Nor do you, yet we both seem to be here."

.

Back outside, and Nick and Charlie were discussing the situation.

"Bella and Dylan are treating Frank in resus."

"What?"

"I don't like it any more than you Charlie."

.

"You need to leave now." A fireman was trying to persuade Dylan and Bella to leave with Frank.

Bella wasn't going anywhere, "Give me a few minutes more or he won't make it."

The fireman shook his head. "No can do I'm afraid."

"He'll die." Dylan pointed out in his usual matter-of-fact, no-feelings-spared, manner.

"Frank?" The fireman recognized the man they were treating.

Bella looked up, "You know him? Then can we save him?"

"5 minutes that's it." And the fireman left them too it.

Dylan frowned, "Bella, go. I can take it from here. Please Bella."

Bella shook he head, "Surely you know me well enough to know that I won't walk out now."

Dylan sighed, "What is it with you and trying to play the hero?"

"Why are you here then?" Bella started a new roll of clingfilm to wrap the burns in.

"Nothing better to do."

Bella started a new role of jell pads. "You have an answer for everything. Why do you care whether I stay or go or die or live or whatever? It's not like you give a toss about anyone-"

"I give a toss about you." Dylan blinked, he looked just as the revelation as Bella was.

She raised her eyebrows. "That's nice to know."

"Is that all?"

Bella just rolled her eyes in response.

The phone rang, so Dylan put it on loudspeaker. Nick's voice was amplified across resus, "_The tents ready, no excuses. OU,T_"

Bella called out, "Hey Nick darling."

_"Not funny Bella. Please, I'll meet you outside..."_

Dylan and Bella looked at each other. "Hang up. Lets go." Dylan pushed Bella forward.

She looked out of the window of resus. "What the hell is going on out there-no no no no." And then the reception exploded.

"We'll go out this way."

But they were only half way down the corridor when there was another explosion and the lights went out. The ceiling in front of them collapsed. "Shit. Back to resus?" Bella suggested, her eyes wide with slight panic.

.

Outside the E.D, Nick, Dixie, Jeff and Charlie were trying to work out what to do next. Nick had turned pale white at the sight of the flames bursting out of the ED. "They're still in there. She's-"

"What the hell were you doing letting them stay? That wasn't your decision to make." Seeing Nicks face, Charlie stopped shouting. They stood and watched in horror. Jeff and Dixie couldn't take it any longer. They had a soft spot for Bella, she had been Polly's best mate, they didn't want to watch her burn. Charlie headed over to discuss options with the firemen. Nick just stood there and watched. Charlie came back and stood next to him. "Sorry, mate I didn't mean to shout. They can't go through the window, apparently resus isn't stable enough. The whole side of the building could collapse. I'm gonna give them a ring, okay?"

Nick just nodded and turned back into the tent.

.

Bella was on the phone to Charlie, Dylan was trying to block up the door with wet towels. "Charlie, I know you, please. Just tell it to me straight."

"I'm sorry, your stuck until the search and rescue get here. The building's too unstable."

"Okay, Okay."

"Just hold tight, don't cause any trouble."

Bella laughed dryly, struggling to find the real humor in the situation, "Thanks Charlie. Just look after Nick, don't let him do anything stupid." Why did this feel like the final good bye?

"We'll get you out, okay?"

Bella could hear the anxiety in the nurses voice. Charlie was lying, he didn't know if they were going to live, but he was trying to reassure her, protect her. She felt a surge of affection towards the nurse who had become a grandfather figure to her, "Thank you Charlie, thank you for everything." Bella hung up, she didn't want to hear anything.

Dylan whipped around. "When are they going to get us out?"

Bella frowned, "There are concerns,-"

"What kinda concerns?"

"-that the walls might collapse if they try."

"Well, that's all right, we want to get out."

"Along with the ceiling. Charlie doesn't think we're going to make it. I can tell." Bella bit her lip.

Dylan cursed under his breath, Bella just looked at him, hopeless to save him, to save herself. And that was all that Bella had ever wanted to do, save people. Dylan could read the pain in her expression, they stood and looked each other in the eyes. "Sorry." was all Dylan could say. Bella bit her lip. She did always have a vulnerable side to her but the sight of her standing with her hair falling out of a messy bun with the E.D burning around her made Dylan's stomach twist.

"Me too." Bella swallowed. "I'm scared." Her eyes watered. "I promised myself I wouldn't be scared again."

Dylan's heart was thudding. He didn't know what to say, so he just opened his arms and pulled Bella towards him. She tensed for half a second and then relaxed her head against his chest. Dylan hesitated before kissing her on the top of the hair. Her hair smelt like burnt toast. "Bella..."

"Please, no words." She wanted to savour the moment. There was another boom from outside resus, Bella flinched, she could feel the heat. Dylan held her close for a couple of moments more, before Bella pulled away. "We'll get ourselves out of here." She avoided Dylan's gaze and went to and picked up a bottle of Scotch from the side, "Do you think Zoe'll mind?" Bella laughed and took a swig. "I know right, even at the end I reach for a bottle."

"You not going to share that, no?" He took it off her.

Bella watched as he took a swig, "You don't drink mate."

"Do now." And he pulled a line of drugs from the cupboard.

Bella put the drink down, suddenly curious. She took them from him, "Ketamine Dylan. Why would- No. No no no. Never. Do you understand, I will never do that ever again. And you aren't going to either. They will get us out." She threw the drugs into the corner, they hit the blood gases machine with a smash. "Just sit with me."

Dylan nodded slowly and took Bella's outsteched hand. He ran his thumb over her knuckles, he had missed that. And so they sat, Bella cross legged, Dylan slumped, waiting to find if they were going to die.

.

Bella sighed, "Do you really think we're going to die?"

"No one get's out of life alive."

"You're so bloody positive Dylan."

He nodded, "At least Frank's stable."

"If he dies, I'll kill him."

Dylan looked at her, slightly concerned. "How much of that have you had?"

"Too fucking much. If I'm going to die, it cant hurt it."

"It_**?**_"

Bella paused, "I've been such a bitch, I shut you out because it was easier to not be with you, easier not to lie to you..."

"I don't understand."  
"I'm pregnant."

Dylan coughed, "What?"

Bella was nearly out of it, the drink, the smoke, the whole idea that she was going to die. She'd wanted to die before, but not now, now she had something to live for. "Thought, you should know, if we are going to die."

"It's mine?"

"Who's else would it be?"

"I don't know what you do in your spare time."

"Oh, cheers, Dylan. Now I know what you really think of me, I can die happy."

"Isabella-"

"No you're right, we were never exactly together. But there was never anyone else. I find it hard, to be with guys when I haven't had a skinful of alcohol. -cough- I guess it's something to do with the early sexualisation. But you're different. I actually care for you, more than I've ever cared for anyone in that way, ever. "

"I'm touched." Then he remember the initial source of the slightly drunken ramble. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"I was afraid you'd run away. You probably would have, be honest."

"How far gone are you?"

"About 3 and a half months." She wheezed and pulled out a wallet from her jeans pocket, behind the picture of Nick and her mum, was a picture of a foetus. "Splodge."

Dylan stared at the image, also wheezing now. "A child."

Bella coughed. "Yes, Dylan, one of those small growing things."

"Mine?"

Bella was getting slightly impatient now. "Yes."

"Oh."

"Is that all you've got?"

Dylan frowned. "Yes. "

Bella pulled her hand out of his.

Dylan sighed. "Don't be_-cough-_ like that.."

Bella snapped back at him. "Like what? _-cough-_ We're going to die and all you can say is that you _-cough- _'give a toss about me'. Then I tell you I'm pregnant with your chi_-cough-_ld and you say: Oh."

Dylan coughed defensively. "It was a bit of a surprise." And then he frowned, "And when were you planning on telling me this? When you started showing? At it's birth? When you were-"

"Yeah and it wasn't a _-cough-_ surprise to me either. And I wasn't going to not tell you... well I was... I don't know Dylan. I didn't know what to do. And it was easier to not be with you and still see you than tell you and take the risk that you would leave. Because you could have and then I don't know." Bella began to cough, but she recovered, "I've screwed up and I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Damn it, I haven't even had the bloody thing and I've already screwed it all up. I'm sorry."

"Sssh, It doesn't matter."

And Bella trailed off, resting her head on his shoulder again. "I'm an awful person. Truly-"

"You don't mean that-"

"Yes I do _-cough-_and you know it."

"You're hardly in a state to make rational decisions."

Bella smiled, and then she laughed. Later she would blame it on the alcohol, but right then she couldn't think of anything more funny.

Dylan looked concerned. "What is it?"

"This is so sureal. _-cough-_ Me, you about to die, dis_-cough- _discussing my capacity to make rational decisions."

"We never really had a chance, did we?"

"-_cough-cough- _We had several chances, we were just to proud_ -cough- a_nd stupid and_ -cough-cough-_scared to take advantage of them."

Dylan took Bella's hand again. "I'm sorry for being such a-_cough-cough- _such a- such a, you know what."

Bella smiled. "I'll_-cough-_ second that. No, _-cough- _seriously. I'm sorry for being such a bitch, and shutting you out."

"If we-"

"Let's-cough- not do what if's, eh_-cough-cough-"_

"I meant, if we get out of here, I love you."

Bella, even through the smoke and haze, could feel the emotion thick in Dylan's voice. She felt tears forming in her eyes, wether they were because of the smoke, her over reacted hormones, or just an expression of pure emotion, she didn't care. She wouldn't care if they did die, this moment was perfect enough for a life time. "I-I love you too, always."

Dylan smiled, "Always." And then he passed Bella the oxygen mask.

.

Back in the tent, Nick was working to save the man who'd caught on fire. Charlie looked in. "Any news on Dylan and Bella?"

"It's not good I'm afraid." Nick took a sharp intake of breath and continued trying to treat. He coughed, "These are full thickness, 1st degree burns." He wiped his face with his arm.

Linda looked up at Nick, "Are you okay?"

"I-. He needs a lacheretomy. Scalpel." He steadily performed the procedure and checked the pulse, "Good we have a pulse. Clingfilm it." He walked over to Charlie. "Charlie?"

"How are you doing?"

Nick shook his head. "Everyone's struggling. It's under control. What's happening?"

"Sorry Nick, the fire-boys are telling prepare for the worse. We need the next of kin details for Dylan, and... and Ruth and Jay."

"Stupid girl. She wouldn't listen, as usual." Nick was trying not to cry, he turned and walked out of the tent.

.

The firefighters were preparing to go in, inside Bella and Dylan had given up talking, just taking turns on the oxygen, trying to stay conscious.

Outside, the command to abandon is given, Jeff, Dixie, Lloyd and Scarlet looked at each other, despair in their eyes and then "All casualties located."

Nick and Charlie run towards the hospital building. Bella, supported by Dylan who was supported by two Firemen walked through the smoke. Dylan hands Bella over to Nick, who is actually crying now, with relief. As Bella is taken away to one ambulance, and Dylan the other, she turns and says, "Did you mean everything?"

Dylan paused, trying to think of a clever comment to make, but was too exhausted. "Yes."

She smiled, touching his face lightly with her hand. And then Nick helped her into the ambulance.

.

Just before the ambulance door closed, Bella heard Sam announce that she and Dylan were married. Bella feebly raised an eyebrow at Nick, who could only nod. Bella swallowed. Ouch. That hurt. Bella bit her lip, ignoring the fact that tears were forming in her eyes. "I told him. And he-"

Nick pulled the oxygen mask over his daughters mouth. She looked awful. "Sssh now."

He really was going to have something to say to Dylan Keogh when he next had the chance.

Dylan loved her. Dylan going to be the father of her child. She loved Dylan.

But Dylan was married to Sam and Dylan didn't tell her.

_He lied._

And for Bella, that was unforgivable.

Okay, she had been a bitch and pushed him away. And she hadn't told him that she was pregnant. But that just wasn't the same, was it?

**reviews make me feel warm and fluffy inside **


	28. Afterburn

I don't like this chapter.

* * *

It was the first day of the new ED. Bella was in early, she'd got a lift from Nick, and they and the team were looking for the light switch. Bella felt a hand brush against her. "Lenny, keep your hands to yourself?"

"How did you know it was me?"

Bella smiled to herself. "Good guess."

Charlie laughed, "Actually that was me."

Bella laughed too. And then there was a crash, directly in front of her. Scarlet had collided with a chair, "Ouch."

And Bella walked straight into her. "Sorry. My bad hun."

Nick was feeling across the wall. "I'll see if I can find some lights."

Lenny was probably grinning. "Hey, will I get on office?"

Zoe replied in a tone that implied sarcasm, "Why would you .get an office?"

Everyone laughed.

Bella walked into Scarlet again. "Sorry sorry sorry." She stepped backwards holding her hands out to prevent any further accidents, "Any luck with the lights Nick?"

Big Mac complained, as usual "Brand new E.D, can't even find the lights."

Nick stood up as the lights turned on. The staff gave a collective gasp of wows and blimeys. Bella raised her eyebrows and grinned at Nick. He turned on the microphone. "Ready for Anything?"

.

Zoe, Bella and Linda were getting resus ready, everything was still in its plastic wrapping, when Big Mac came in to tell them they were going to do "THE THING." They were rewarding Scarlett with a special emergency department mug for her bravery on the night of the fire. She had run into the flames to save a man, something that had got her told off by everyone at the time, but Bella and the rest of the team admired her for it. Linda, as curious as ever, "So Dylan hasn't called you? Doesn't he owe you an explanation?"

"I'm not really interested in hearing it." Dylan had called once, early in the morning after the fire. Bella had watched it ring, not daring or wanting to answer.

Zoe added. "Oh come on, all the time he's been working here, and not once did he mention that he's married."

Bella shrugged, "He's separated."

Zoe grinned, "So you are interested?"

"Look, it's not like we were even 'together' properly. We broke up. We- I don't want to talk about it."

As always, Zoe's interrogation was persistent, "Looked pretty proper to me. And you came out of the E.D holding hands?"

"It was a burning building! We thought we were going to die- he was just being nice- Just leave it. Go away."

Linda grinned and winked at Zoe. "Looks like we're going to have to get yous drunk and torture you till you confess."

"I'd like to see you try." Bella was putting on a brave face, something she had a lot of practice doing, but really the mention of Dylan's name was enough to make her stomach twist with hurt... and longing.

Noel interrupted them with his speech to Scarlet, and Bella was glad for an excuse to finish the conversation so she pretend to listen.

.

Bella was exiting the staffroom when she saw a picture of Dylan and Sam on their wedding day pinned to the door. Great. She scowled and screwed it up into a ball and threw it in Dylan's direction. It bounced off his head and into his hands. Bella bounced up to Charlie, pretending to have nothing to do with the paper missile. "I take it we're up and running?"

"Yup, the paramedics are requesting a Doc, I take it you want to get out of here?"

"Defiantly, thanks Charlie." Bella knew she was going to have to be a grown up and face Dylan at some point, and she knew that she was being childish, but she would rather not have an audience.

She went to get her stuff, bumping into Sam. She was just saved from an awkward conversation by Dylan's outburst. He had unscrewed the paper-ball she had thrown at him. "Contrary to popular belief, the camera does lie, for the most part of our marriage we were miserable as I am sure Dr-" Dylan turned around to see both Sam and Bella standing there looking at him. He only paused for a second. "Dr Nichols would agree, wouldn't you Dr Nichols?" Bella shook her head and left the silence for everyone else to enjoy.

.

Bella arrived on the scene, and jumped out of the Ambulance car. Jeff and Dixie were standing ten feet away from a lorry that was twisted up with a car. A man was lying next to it surrounded by firemen. She guessed that there was some issue with gas or something. She reached Jeff and Dixie, "Is he still talking?"

Dix nodded. "GCS was 13, stats of 97, he had 10 of morphine, Jeff got a line in."

"Was?"

"Yeah, we were told to stand clear of the lorry."

Bella looked around, "Well, when can we get back in there?"

A fire-chief interrupted. "Depends, but who the hell are you?"

"Dr Bella Jordan, Holby City E.D. He's bleeding out, he needs a blood transfusion or he's going to die. Do you fancy all that paperwork?"

Dixie and Jeff smiled to themselves. Arguing with two paramedics was one thing, but Bella was a force to be recognized. The fire-chief was having none of it, thinking of the health and safety paperwork. "He's already in trouble."

Bella stepped forward, "Look, I know what I'm doing, I can work with your team."

The fire-chief stepped in her way, "You wanna work with us, stand there and do as your told."

One of the fireman over with the man interrupted them by standing up and calling out to the fire-chief, "Boss, we're losing him."

Bella looked at Jeff and Dixie, not needing to ask the question that was in all of their minds. As soon as a patient was in danger of dying protocol went out of the window, even for Dixie. They nodded in reply and all three of them danced around the fire-chief and ran towards the casualty.

The fire-chief called after them "Hey, do not go near that vehicle."

Bella ignored him, and began to treat the man. "Can you just get on with cutting him out?" She added as an afterthought, always be polite, "Please."

.

Back in the ED, Nick was waiting for a casualty from the helicopter with Zoe. "Where's Bella?"

"She went to the accident scene, the lorry and car RTC."

Nick shook his head, he had told Bella that she shouldn't exert herself now she was pregnant, but no, she had to do exactly the opposite to what she is told.

.

Bella was jogging to look at another patient, which she knew she probably shouldn't be doing but this was the sort of work she loved. Another car had collided with the barrier. She was about halfway across the road when the explosion happened. She stopped dead in her tracks, and looked over to the source. A smoke cloud was rising above a group of houses. "What the hell? That is so not good."

The fire-chief ran to his car, and Bella followed him. She jumped in. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I just fancied a look inside."

"Get out."

"Well I'm in now, so you might as well take me."

The fire-chief shook his head. "This is not happening."

"Just get in and drive."

The fire-chief sighed and turned the key in the ignition. He recognized the look, not one that could be argued with. Bella put the seatbelt on with a satisfied smile, but the main focus of her thoughts were on the explosion that she had just witnessed. "It's got to be gas."

The fire-chief snorted, obviously not thinking much of the thought that went behind Bella's assumption, "In your professional opinion."

"I've seen plenty of explosions before..."

He was still skeptical, "A firework display?"

Bella found the fireman's manner irritating, she didn't normally talk about her time in the army, preferring to avoid the subject at all costs, but the cocky arrogance provoked a response out of her, "Afghanistan, actually. A warzone. You ever been?"

The fire-chief turned to the doctor who had jumped into the front seat of his car without a second thought or an invitation. She looked too petite to be a soldier, he looked again at her slender arms finding them actually to be lean with muscle. "Medical Corp, aren't you lot supposed to be good a following orders?"

"Only if they are the right ones." She pulled a hip-flask out of the open glove compartment. "So it usually depends who's giving them."

He turned to look, "How- it's a shared car. Never seen it before."

"Yeah, yeah-" Bella grinned. "Then you won't mind if I keep it."

The fire-chief snatched it back quickly. "You really are a cocky lil-"He stopped, the words dying on his tongue. The explosion site had just come into view.

Bella blinked. "Bloody hell." She didn't waste time with any more conversation and jumped out and ran towards the nearest casualty.

.

She was handing a patient over to the Air ambulance guys. "Blast injuries, flash burns. Breathing compromised taking in a lot of smoke."

The doctor looked concerned. "Sounds like you have too."

Bella shrugged. "So-so, I'm all right."

He gestured to the helicopter. "You wanna come with us?"

Bella shook her head. "Na, I'm gonna stay. They need someone down here."

"You sure, we can swap?"

Bella smiled. "Thanks for the offer, but I'm fine."

The other air ambulance guy interrupted. "Don't thank him, He just doesn't want to go back up there again. Scared of flying."

Bella grinned. "But EC135 is a safe model."

The other ambulance guy winked. "Pretty, she's a doctor and she knows her helicopters. Marry me."

Bella grinned, because he really wanted a knocked-up, screwed-up ex-prostitute with her own helicopter full of baggage. She went over to the Fire chief, pointing to some gas that was lifting off some barrels.

She coughed. "What is that?"

The fire-chief coughed too. "Get everyone clear now. And that includes you."

Bella rolled her eyes, knowing that she would be the last one out if she had anything to do with it

.

Nick went into resus to announce that they were looking at a Chemical Incident. Dylan, Nick, Zoe, Sam and Lenny were all in there. Nick frowned, he had one doctor missing. "Is Bella back yet?" He turned to the air ambulance crew. "Have you seen a Doctor Jordan on your travels?"

Tom Kent nodded, "I guess she's the slim woman with dark brown hair that knows about helicopters?"

Nick nodded, "That would be Bella."

"Then she's on the site of the explosion?"

Nick frowned. "How did she get there? Definitely Bella anyway."

Tom shrugged, "Probably with the fire crew."

Nick was worried now, it was just like Bella to get herself into a mess helping other people. He looked over to Dylan, who was looking similarly worried. He still hadn't forgiven Dylan for his revelation on the night of the fire but he and Dylan were the only two people who knew about Bella's pregnancy. They shared a silent look that spoke volumes.

.

The fire-chief, Martsen was his name, was organizing evacuation, Bella called him over. "I need some people down here, these wounded aren't going to move themselves."

"I can get you two extra bodies, but if that cloud gets any nearer you run. Understand?"

"Fine, yeah, whatever." Bella was concentrating on giving her patient drugs.

"Not whatever. You run."

"Yes sir, captain, sir."

Bella decided it was time to go, she noticed a man struggling to get up. She hoisted him up, and began to help him. It was hard. She was exhausted and struggling to breathe and the cloud of gas was getting closer. She had to pause frequently. "I'm going to tell you a secret. I'm pregnant, and if my dad saw me now he would actually kill me. And as for the father-" The man she was helping was barely conscious. She realized that she wasn't going to make it with him. Bella didn't leave people behind, not again, but she had to think about the baby she had said she was going to protect. No one would help her. "What is wrong with you people?" She dropped him, and ran. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

She ran into Martsen, the fire-chief. "There's another one in there. I couldn't get him out."

Matsen caught Bella's shoulder, "Alright, Alright, take it easy."

"You need to get the suits down here."

"Anyone who's got a suit is in the far center of the estate."

"Then call them?" Bella was wheezing, bent over double. "Call them now."

"Go to the car park. Tell them we need help up here." And then he ran towards the fog.

"Don't be stupid. Martsen. Martsen!" Bella screamed after him. "Come back."

She turned and ran, she needed to get help.

.

Bella was decontaminated, and she had checked herself over, she was completely fine but she waited at the scene for news of Martsen. She went with him in the air ambulance. "What the hell do you think you were doing?"

Martsen croaked. "My job."

"Yeah, well, that puts me in the relatives room with a grieving wife."

Marsten wheezed, "Separated. You?"

"Never got married, probably never will now."

Martsen grinned as much as he could, he knew that look. "What's he like?"

"Sweet, funny, infuriating, pigheaded. Technically married to one of my colleagues. Long story. How about you? What was she like?"

"Like you." He moaned with pain and began to shudder.

"Martsen, come on stay with me." They were nearly at the E.D

.

Bella was helping push the trolley with Martsen on. "This in John Martsen, got caught in the vapor and collapsed. Lungs took a hit, lot of skin burns."

Nick nodded, "Straight through. No, not you Bella." He pulled her aside. "What the hell were you doing?"

"My job."

"You have to stop doing this."

"Okay, it was irresponsible, but I'm fine. We were together through this, I know him, he'll be expecting me"

"That's why you need to step back. Too involved again. Go get the both of you checked out. I'll handle this." He looked at Dylan who offered to take Bella to cubicles. She refused, "I'm fine. I can get a nurse if I want one."

.

Bella was sitting in the corner of the doctors office. It was quiet, everyone else was busy. She had borrowed a hand held doppler from a cubicle, the baby was fine. And if the baby was fine she was probably fine to. But that diagnosis wasn't good enough for Tess who sent Bella away every time that she attempted to look at a patient. So the floor of the doctor's office was where she was waiting for Martsen to come out of resus. Bella had always been uncomfortable sitting on a floor or a desktop. She had a vehement dislike for chairs, dating back from a time before she could remember. She had good memories from this little office. It had originally been shared between herself, Maggie, Adam and Zoe. Those had been the good days. She had been the nervy, anxious trust doctor with a wicked sense of humour and a temper rarely held at bay. It had been the company of calm, generous Maggie Coldwell, light-hearted, fun loving Adam and relaxed, easy-going Zoe turned Bella into the person she was. Maggie's calm reassuring hand on the shoulder when Bella got too involved. Bella could almost hear the Yorkshire accent backing her up in an argument with Harry. Doing shots with Adam in pub after work, drinking a large G and T with Zoe in a nameless bar. Adam had taught her to laugh again, Zoe had taught her to party again. Two people, without which Bella would have struggled to stay sane without. But out of the original four, and the rest of the team, Toby, Ruth, Kelsey, Harry, Abs, Nadia- only she and Zoe remained. So much had changed, yet Bella felt exactly the same. She found tears welling up in her eyes. Bloody hormones. She was still wearing the ridiculous clothes they gave after you had been decontaminated. She let the tears flow down her face. She didn't even know what she was crying for. Her unborn child, Martsen, every person she had ever seen die, her mother, the anonymous tramp on the street corner, hopelessness, loneliness, isolation, anger and hatred. The door hinge whined as two brown brogues opened the door. She froze. She knew those shoes. Dylan paused at the door. "I'll just-"

Bella knew that this was going to happen at some point, now was as good as any other. It was going to be horrible and her mood could hardly get any worse. She heaved herself up. "Dylan."

Dylan let go of the door and shut with a whine and a bang. Bella flinched.

Dylan swallowed. "I'm sorry."

Bella blinked, actually surprised. "Have you ever said that before?"

Dylan half-scowled defensively. "Yes I have. This is the part where you are supposed to apologize for running around in a cloud of toxic gas."

"I don't quite see what my actions have to do with you."

Dylan appeared to have difficulty getting words out. "Bella. You are the mother of my child. You can't just go running off to save everyone from a toxic cloud of gas just because you feel like saving the day. You don't have to prove that-"

"Oh yes because my personal glory was completely my motivation for doing my job."

"No Isabella, you are a doctor. It isn't your job to risk your life to save other people. You let the firemen do that and then you save their lives."

"I do not watch people die anymore Dylan." Bella turned on her heel and then turned back again, she was struggling to keep her cool. She had promised herself that she would do this calmly. "This isn't going to work. I lied-" Bella saw his face, "Just let me speak, Okay, I hid the truth about my pregnancy and you hid the truth about your wife. And I can't do untruth and lies and secrets, that is why I ended it." Bella looked up at the sky, "Goddamit Dylan. I loved you. I would have done anything for you. I still love you. But love isn't a guarentee, not for me anyway. And I'm sorry." Bella was close to tears, "I'm sorry. I've got to go."

Dylan opened his mouth to reply but Bella wouldn't let him, "No. Don't say anything. I'm going." Bella slipped past him and out of the door. Dylan pushed after her. "Bella!" But she didn't even turn to look back.

.

Bella was sitting in a chair, next to Martsen, waiting for him to wake up, fighting to stay awake herself. Someone came in the door. It was Sam. Bella tried not to look worried. The other doctor smiled, "I bought you a coffee."

Bella smiled in relief, and gestured for Sam to pull up a chair next to her. "Cheers." She took the coffee, not drinking it, but using it to warm her hands.

They sat in silence for a moment.

Sam spoke first. "I wanted to clear things up between us."

Bella nodded. "Go ahead."

"Dylan and I were never happy, our marriage- you probably don't want to hear this do you?" Sam looked at Bella's tired, red-rimmed eyes, straggly hair and pale face. "You look terrible."

The corner of Bella's mouth twitched. "Umm. Thanks."

Sam almost blushed. "I didn't mean to-"

Bella smiled. "I was joking. I do look awful."

"Are you okay?"

Bella shook her head. "I really don't know what to do."

"I'm probably not the person you want to hear this from, but Dylan is a really nice guy, he's-"

"Oh no, not that. That's the least of my problems right now, trust me."

"A problem shared is a problem halved?"

Bella laughed dryly. "You don't want to know."

"Look, I know we've never been close friends, but I honestly admire you for what you do. I can't even imagine how strong you must be."

Bella hummed a single line to a song. She blinked. Her mind had been making links to the past too frequently since she had become pregnant. She sighed. "I'm pregnant, Sam." She watched slowly to gauge the young doctor's reaction. Surprise, maybe even guilt, and then a mask of control slipped over her features. Sam swallowed. "Does Dylan know?"

Bella nodded.

"And are you keeping it?"

"I don't know how much you know about my childhood, but it wasn't a happy one. I found my mother in a pool of blood in the bathroom when I was 5. I can barely remember her, a couple of photo's, imagined memories, weird dreams. And she was the only positive role model I ever had. Uncle Jerry was abusive - He pretty much sold me to the local pimp when I was 12. I can't bring up a child, I didn't have a childhood- the army is the only family I ever knew. You know what that's like, yes? And they got rid of me too. Do I sound strong now?"

"You love Dylan, don't you?"

Bella answered without thinking. She was many things, but she didn't lie. "Yes."

"Doesn't that tell you what you have to do?"

Bella looked at the younger woman, in some ways she was wiser than Bella would ever be, in others ways she would never understand what it was like to be in Bella's head. Bella had to make this decision herself. "Thanks for the coffee Sam. Sorry, I can't talk to you about Dylan. It's too weird."

Sam nodded. "I've got to go." She got up and walked to the door. She paused. "I'm getting a divorce. Something I should have done years ago." Bella watched her leave without replying and settled down in her chair. It was going to be a long night.


	29. Those Stars In The Sky

I know I ramble too much. But I don't have enough to do at the moment, so I just write. And once I've started drifting from the plotline I often find it hard to stop.

* * *

Bella was playing with the new chairs in the staffroom. They had a button underneath them which made them go up and down. She had left Martsen reluctantly, but she was booked in for a shift. Tess had greeted Bella with a smile, and offered to make her a coffee. She politely declined. Dylan was standing with a paper on the other side of the room. Neither he or Bella had acknowledged each others presence and Tess had avoided addressing them both in the same sentence. Nick entered, scanning the room. "Morning Dr Keogh, Tess, Bella- I told you to go home."

Bella spun round on her chair ignoring the intent behind Nick's comment. "Morning."

Tess frowned, intercepting what could have been an argument between the father and son, "I can't seem to find any teaspoons."

Nick nodded, pleased for the change in subject. As much as he wanted Bella to go home, he didn't like to argue with her. "Another one for the snag list."

Dylan looked up from his paper. "I remember when we used to use thermometers. The NHS teaspoon."

Bella rolled her eyes, and handed Tess a swiss army knife with a spoon attachment.

A knock on the door. It was the ambulance crew guy.

Nick nodded as an invitation for the doctor to enter, "Welcome Dr Kent."

The doctor smiled, almost sheepishly, "Morning."

Nick turned to face the rest of the team, "Tom is joining us in Paediatrics. Effective immediately."

Bella spun round on the chair and held out her hand. "Nice to see you again. Do you want a coffee?"

The doctor smiled, "Yes please."

Bella ignored the suspicious look that Dylan shot her, hoping that everyone else would too. Thankfully a distraction came in the form Scarlett, Lloyd and Noel arriving. Bella busied herself with making coffee, even though she couldn't have any herself as Nick began his traditional speech. "Today, as with every other day in the E.D, will bring all sorts of new wonders through the doors."

Bella rolled her eyes, she'd heard this one before.

The new doctor, Tom asked, "When do formal MCI post debriefings happen?"

Dylan joined the conversation again, "Oh god, a morbidity and mortality meeting."

Nick dismissed his complaint, still sore about the whole getting-your-daughter-pregnant-and-then-neglecting-to-tell-her-that-she-is-working-with-his-wife. And he blamed Dylan for Bella's stupidity in the explosion. "Part of the job Dr Keogh."

Tom shrugged, "I prefer death and doughnuts."

Bella snorted into her orange juice. Everyone else just looked confused. The new doctor explained. "A death and doughnuts session. Mutual support. Colleagues showing feelings in an informal get together?"

Dylan shrugged. "Some people live. Some people die. Meeting over. Next patient please."

Bella remarked darkly. "Some doctors even get to know the patients names."

Nick brushed passed them, brisk and businesslike once more, "Come on, we have a reception area full of patients, and I'm expecting a higher number of walk-ins today."

.

Dylan knew that he would find Bella at Martson's bedside, and knowing that starting a conversation about their personal situation would only end in him getting his head bitten off. A combination of lack of sleep and pregnancy hormones had probably made Bella snappy, and even he knew that he had some apologizing to do. Instead he stuck to a clinical question, "How's he doing?"

Bella's answer was almost automatic, almost forgetting that she had resolved to ignore Dylan for at least a weak, "B.P's okay, 108 over 56. Still a bit tacky, around 110. He's in a lot of pain."

"He's not our patient any more."

Bella scowled. "Since when does that mean I can't take an interest in the outcome. Some doctors do actually care."

"Bella-"

"Why are you here?" Although her tone was low, the accusation in Bella's voice was nearly enough to make her wince. She had sounded harsher than she meant to, but then you did have to be cruel to be kind. Dylan frowned and walked out, giving up on any hope of a quick reconciliation. Bella rubbed her forehead absent-mindedly. She walked to the bed to talk to Martson. "You awake?"

She received a small nod in reply.

"That's really good, you know, they're going to take good care of you."

Another small nod.

Bella bit her lip, "I'm sorry John. I'm really sorry."

"It wasn't your fault."

Bella shrugged slightly, "Should have listened to you."

"We were both just doing our job."

"Fair enough."

"I wanted to die."

Bella sighed, "Please don't say that John."

"I did though."

Bella swallowed, "Why?"

"I had my heart broken. And in turn broke my wife's heart. She won't talk to me any more."

"Well, why don't you get some rest, and I'll come see you in a bit."

"That doctor you were talking to, he's your man isn't he."

Bella nodded.

"Hold on to him."

Bella sighed. "Maybe not."

.

Bella caught up with the firewoman who had been with them on the scene. She was on the phone. She put her hand over the receiver, "John's wife. I went to see her last night, explain what happened."

"Is she coming to see him?"

"It was a difficult breakup."

"Aren't they all... Does she know how ill John is?"

"Yeah, I've told her."

"I really think John needs to see her. Do you mind if I give her a call, talk to her?"

"Yeah, give it a go." The firewoman handed her the phone.

.

Bella was in cubicles, doing her job. Martson was resting and there was nothing more she could do. Instead of sitting around feeling helpless and annoying the ITU nurses Bella decided to keep herself busy. She was examininga man who had been assaulted, when Nick and two plain clothes police officers approached. She guessed that they were here to talk to her

Nick nodded to her, "Is it all right if we have a word with your patient?"

Bell nodded. "Sure, if that's all right with you?" The patient nodded.

"Mr Peters, this is DCI-"

The female police officer cut across him. "I'm DCI Rippon, this is DS Khan, we would like to ask to you what happened."

Bella grinned at Nick, who looked slightly flustered. She smiled politely at DCI Rippon, "I'll leave you to it."

Nick nodded too, "If you need me, I'll be in my office."

DCI Rippon smirked, "I'll just follow the trail of swooning nurses."

Bella grinned, Nick was struggling to remember how to walk in a straight line. She shook her head, "Put your tongue back in."

"What?"

"Honestly, act your age."

"Hey, that's no way to speak to your boss, or your father."

Bella was going to answer back, but she got a message on her phone. "I've got to go."

Nick raised his eyebrows in mock seriousness, "That's not supposed to be on in here."

She shrugged her usual shrug and made her way outside, looking for Martson's wife.

.

Bella approached the woman, who looked as if she was in her early 50s, perhaps late 40s. "Hello, are you Heather?"

They shook hands. The woman looked Bella up and down, "So, where's John?"

"ITU, that's the intensive therapy unit."

"We haven't spoken in 6 months, you know."

Bella ignored that, her aim was to get the woman inside and at John's bedside. "John was exposed to a mixture of pretty nasty chemicals. Primarily Hydrogen Chloride. You want to come this way."

.

Heather and Bella were waiting for a lift to take them from the E.D up to ITU. Dylan joined them. He seemed to be following her about. She tried not to scowl as he remarked. "A man as ill as Martson does not require a constant parade of visitors. Aren't you supposed to be taking it easy?"

"I'm fulfilling what might be his last request. Go away."

"I prefer the sugar babes."

Bella didn't even dignify that with a response. She got into the lift with Martson's wife, and Dylan followed.

"Are you stalking me Dr Keogh?" Bella tried to give an unsubtle hint with her words. She didn't want to deal with Dylan today.

"You're getting too close, he's not even your patient any more."

Martson's wife looked confused. "Who are you again?"

Dylan replied "Dr Keogh" as Bella said, "Nobody."

"Does he always talk to you like that?"

"He talks to everyone like that."

.

Inside, Martson didn't seem to want to speak to Heather. Turns out it wasn't her he wanted to see. From the look on Dylan's face, she was in trouble, Martson was crashing. "Who-er, what?" Bella rushed forward, she wanted to help, but

"Sugar babes would have been a better idea, he's tacky at 140." He moved Heather out of the way. "Get out of here Bella. Page his consultant."

.

Outside Bella was talking to Heather, trying to clarify what had just happened. She was so sure that he had wanted to see his wife but it turned out that she had assumed that the choked out name was his wife, Heather. In fact he wanted to see Ellen, his mistress, the woman who broke up hs marriage. "So John had an affair with this Ellen woman."

"Yeah, she's quite a piece of work, she's beautiful, but never married, never had kids, helps keep you young and slim. She's a serial adulteress. Now she's at the age where the only men are left are widowed, divorced or other people's husbands."

Bella winced slightly, she never considered the wives of the people who paid to sleep with her, but then if they were paying for prostitutes, they didn't deserve them. She guessed that this situation was different, it sounded like this Ellen woman had done most of the running work. "So why would he wanna see her again?"

"Closure? I mean, she dumped him pretty much as soon as he left me. That's what she does, as soon as the initial thrill is over. I don't know if it'll help John to see Ellen again, but I know this. She deserves to see him."

Bella nodded. She'd managed to make a bit of a mess of this, as usual.

.

Bella watched as the other woman, Ellen visited Martson. He choked at the sight of her, and Bella had to run to get a glass of water. She pretended to be busy on the computer, but really she was curious. He was getting more incoherent, more ill. He said to his wife, "I'm sorry." And then he arrested. Bella rushed him into resus. Bella tried CPR, but Dylan intervened. "Uh-Uh. I'll do it."

.

They lost him. Bella, fighting back tears, called it. She wanted to be the one to say it. "Time of death 15.02."

Dylan looked at her watching from the other side of resus. "You did everything you could Isabella."

She shook her head. "It wasn't enough."

Dylan looked like he wanted to say something, but she didn't give him the chance. She was out of resus before she embarrassed herself by crying in front of him again. Not that he would have cared, would he have cared? She would have cared. Bella growled in frustration, she felt completely and utterly helpless and completely and utterly confused.

.

Bella was sitting on the staffroom desk, when Nick burst in with doughnuts. Bella smiled at Tom, buying doughnuts wasn't normal Nick behaviour, so Tom's talk of death and doughnuts earlier had probably prompted the generosity. Nick smiled, again a rare thing, "Doughnuts, on me. Just to say thank you very much for your hard work over the last few days." He opened them, and grabbed one for himself. "There you go."

Tess smiled, "Tough day. Bella, have a doughnut?"

She nodded and took one without looking very interested. Doughnuts were really too much sugar and fat for her stomach's liking. But they smelt enough so she gave it a marginal amount of her attention. She was really focused on where Dylan was standing on the other side of the room. He looked tired. She didn't want to stare, but the truth was she wanted nothing more than to go and stand by him, take his hand and offer him a doughnut.

Lenny bounced in. "Doughnuts, yes!" Bella stepped backward to let the exuberant F2 past, she smiled, Lenny could always lift her mood with his childlike actions and his unintentional humour. Just like a child. A child. Bella blinked. Everything went back to that. Dylan would be watching her, something that Bella was determined to ignore. She turned her back deliberately, "Anyone want a coffee?" Her question was met with various yes's, at least boiling the kettle gave her something to do. Noel was the next staff member to enter the staffroom, "Oooh, can I smell doughnuts?"

Charlie nodded, "Yes, courtesy of the boss, anything you want to say Nick?"

Nick shook his head. "No, no, you go on. Can I have a word with you Lenny?"

The team busied themselves with doughnuts and coffee. Big Mac suggested the pub, and everyone nodded or spoke their agreement. Bella and Dylan made their excuses separately. Bella didn't feel like watching everyone drink alcohol and be subject to further questioning from Linda and Zoe and Dylan never went to the pub after his shift. Not his style.

.

Bella was stood outside the emergency department watching the Ellen woman getting into a taxi. Heather would be upstairs with the body, so she hoped anyway. At least she had some form of closure. Bella looked up at the sky, she could see the stars. She thought upon the belief that some people held, that the stars were in some way the people that you have lost watching over you. Perhaps that would explain why Bella could see so many stars in the sky. But she had never liked that explanation, even when she was still a gullible young child and that was a long time ago, stars were balls of gas and dust, they didn't have feelings and they certainly couldn't watch over someone. Martson was wherever the souls did go. If people had any. The taxi pulled away, Bella watched it go, feeling an extreme sense of sadness and she didn't know why. She muttered, not even knowing why the words came into her head, "A cold, broken hallelujah." And then there was a voice behind her, "You're the girl who knows about helicopter's, right?"

Bella turned, finding Tom Kent standing in front of her. "Doughnut guy."

"I noticed that you were the only one who laughed at that."

Bella shrugged, "I've always had a strange sense of humour..."

"Want to come for a drink and listen to more bad jokes?"

Bella almost laughed, if only he knew. "You have talked to Noel and Mac, right?"

Tom frowned, missing the point slightly, "Yup?"

"Then they'll have given you all the Bella-gossip? Because if you haven't I'd go and get a refund. From what I've heard it's quite good." She smiled and her own twisted humour, "It might surprise you to know that all of it and more is true."  
"So?"

"Most people run a mile, at least until they have known me for a while." And then Bella thought of Dylan, "Well, most people."

Tom took in the wistful look in the doctor's eyes and combined with the what he had taken to be exaggerated gossip earlier he thought that he might just be batting out of his depth, "I prefer to make my own mind up about people."

"And that's admirable." Bella pretended to consider his offer, knowing that she would never really accept. "Although it is a drink-yourself-stupid kind of evening, I can't accept. Sorry."

Tom smiled, knowing he was beat, "Okay then Dr Jordan."

Bella returned the smile, "Call me Bella. And it's not personal, it's just one of those days."

Tom nodded, "I heard."

Bella looked up at the stars one last time and smiled at the doctor beside her. "See you around Dr Kent."

"Call me Tom."

Bella took the next taxi, and when she got home and got into bed for the first time in over 20 years she found it easy to fall asleep.

**The reviews are lovely and sweet and definitely inspiring, thank you all so much. **


	30. Second Opinion

Zoe appeared at Bella's shoulder. After two abstract comments about the rubbish weather Zoe sighed, "Um, Bella? Are you talking to Dylan at the moment?"

Bella raised an eyebrow. "That's remarkably subtle, even for you." Bella and Dylan had just had a disagreement which had ended in them deciding that it would be best if they steer clear of each other for a while, something that was childish and unprofessional and Tom, Zoe, Charlie, Tess, Mac and Noel had all seen, but Bella just wasn't in the mood.

"Bella, I'm your mate and I'm on your side, but do you seriously think that you can ignore him for forever? You do work in the same place."

Bella sighed, "And you have no idea... Sorry if it interrupts the happy working environment. I'm going to abuse my right to silence on that one."

"And I don't blame you. But he may have just misdiagnosed Kawasaki's disease as Scarlet Fever."

"He what?" Dylan doesn't misdiagnose." Bella frowned. "This wasn't supposed to happen. I've ballsed up big time Zoe."

"Bella he lied to you, you've got every reason to never speak to him again?"

Bella ignored her, "I told him. Why the hell did I do that? I knew what it would do to him, either way-"

Zoe was suddenly worried, "Told him what?"

"I'm pregnant Zoe."

Zoe's mouth opened slightly, "Wow. I mean, congratulations. I never bought the whole detox thing anyway."

"Yeah, that kinda says it all."

"Bella?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Zoe looked concerned. "Are you okay?"

Bella shook her head and then nodded. "I'm fine. Really. I've got a patient to treat." She stood up, taking a random patient admission card from the intray.

.

"You couldn't give me a second, well third opinion, on a patient?" Dr Tom Kent was the one who thought that Dylan had misdiagnosed a patient.

Bella "I am not getting involved Tom. Get Zoe to do it."

"She's busy. Just one look."

Bella sighed, "Just wait till the test comes back. If I even look at that patient then Dylan will- Trust me."

"Just one look. Please?"

Bella put down her pile of notes, "Generalised rash, strawberry tongue, sore eyes. It will be scarlet fever Tom, Dylan is never wrong."

"The patient is a child well within the age range, his feet are slightly swollen, the rash is very dermatitis and he has a high resting pulse as well as the strawberry tongue. It could be Kawasaki's disease."

"One look." Bella picked up her stethoscope and followed Tom to cubicle six. A boy was sat on the bed, and his mother next to her. Bella smiled, "Hello, I'm Dr Bella Jordan, I just want to take your pulse and have a little look at your tongue and your feet."

The mother raised an eyebrow, "Another doctor?"

Tom smiled quickly, and with his usual charm, "Three doctor's for the price of one, eh?"

Bella examined the patient and concluded that the child probably had scarlet fever, but there was enough evidence to merit doing a test for Kawasaki's. But then Bella didn't have Dylan's unfaltering confidence or extreme stubbornness, and she could see why he hadn't deemed it necessary to run a test. She smiled politely at the mother and wished the child good luck. She pulled the curtain door shut, "I would have run the test, but I'm pretty sure it's scarlet fever, the rash isn't localised enough or as severe to be Kawasaki's." She smiled, "Nice try, but the first thing you learn in this department is that Dr Keogh is rarely wrong." She looked up, having been about to smile, perhaps even laugh, when she saw Dylan watching from just on the other side of the nurses station. He had heard everything. He frowned at her and Tom for one moment longer before turning away. Tom frowned, "What's his problem?"

"Me." She shook her head, "Still trying to make your own mind up about people? You know, some of the stories they have about me are pretty good, especially the true ones."

"Are you really that blasé about people talking about you behind your back?"

Bella shrugged, "Better than them asking me to my face?" Her words contained a slight hint, one which the other doctor easily got. He held up his hands, "All right, all right. Sorry."

Bella laughed, "Your face. Seriously, I don't mind. But Dylan and I, that's complicated." She looked up at the retreating figure of Dylan as he made his way across the department. She missed him so much that it was almost a physical ache, this would have been one of the cases that they would have argued about. She would have insisted on running the test, just to make sure, and he would have muttered away about how she was wasting hospital resources, even though he didn't care about hospital resources at all, he just knew he was right. Always right. Stubborn, obstinate and headstrong. Not that she would want to change him at all. She sighed again, "Very complicated."

And they were interrupted by Jay, "Dr Jordan, Dr Kent, the Kawasaki's test is negative."

Bella snapped her fingers with another smile, "Told you. I'll leave you to give the good news to the mother. And Dylan." She picked up her pile of notes from the nurses station, pleased to discover that her revelation had failed to affect Dylan's mindset to the extent that he was unable to do his job properly. She didn't want that on her conscience.

.

Bella was packing her things in the staffroom when she heard a familiar set of heels clack into the staffroom, shutting the door behind them. Bella didn't look up, "See you tomorrow Zo."  
Zoe wasn't going to let her friend take the easy exit. "Talk to me Bella."

"I did talk. And now you know."

"Bella." Zoe was being serious. Bella had been acting weird, well for months now. She was getting worried, not drinking, not smoking, the whole Dylan thing, the moping around, the tired, sunken, empty eyes and the erratic behavior And know she knew the reason she was almost relieved, yet Bella didn't seem to be happy and that had been the thing that had concerned her in the first place.

Bella snapped impatiently, "What?"

"Oh come on Bella, you can't just say that you're pregnant and leave it at that. I want to help."

"I don't need help. I'm fine. And I can do this by myself, okay?"

"You don't need to. We all care, you know that?"

Bella smiled weakly, "I know. I'm fine Zoe, honest. And please don't give me a lecture about responsibilities and talking it easy 'cause I really don't give a shit, okay?"

Zoe laughed, "Me? Lecture someone about responsibilities? Not on your life girl. I'm going to be the most irresponsible influence that the child will ever have."

"I can count on that?"  
Zoe squeezed Bella's shoulder, "For sure."

Bella grinned, "Good. I don't want it to turn out boring."

"Like Dylan..."

Bella frowned suddenly, "Dylan isn't boring."

Zoe smiled, "Yeah, right..." Maybe there was hope for them yet.

**my thanks goes to guest, you know who you are. :) Been having a tough time at the moment and those little things really do make life so much lighter**


	31. Things In Boxes p1

**ridiculously long but I've already split this chapter in half, and it's mostly dialogue so probably a bit boring too but hey enjoy. Oh and I should probably say CONTENT WARNING sorry sometimes I forget but this chapter deals with drug addiction, death/loss, mental illness and most likely "bad" language I normally check but I forgot. and thank you for all the sweet comments :3 I know I can't take compliments but really its not that good**

Jeff and Dixie burst through the doors of resus, Dylan had met them at the door. "Unknown female patient, possibly in her 30s, taken heroin, multiple bruising which looks old, and a stab wound to the chest."

"Bed 4 please." Tess beckoned Bella over.

Bella nodded and moved over to assist. "Scarlet cut those clothes off, Lenny primary survey and Tess can you draw up some nanaxzone. Stats?"

Lenny was quick to reply, "GCS of 13, Stats 95%?"

"Thanks Len- Can you check for any records when you've done that." Bella squeezed the girl on the hand, "You're going to be okay, love." She took the nanoxzone from Tess and administered it, whilst Dylan examined the stab wound.

"Nice Tattoo," Lenny commented, "Bit unusual."

Bella turned to look, and her face went white. "Quite- can you- can you call- call the lab I want bloods back as soon as possible." She went looked at the patients face and did a double take. She stepped back from the patient, struggling to find words.

Dylan looked up from the monitor, and looked at Bella, who was staring at the woman's tattoo with shock written all over her face. "What is it Bella?"

Bella ignored him, knowing that as soon as he saw the woman's tattoo, he would know. She turned to Lenny, "Page someone else. I'm sorry." Bella took one last look at the woman and sped from resus, passing Nick at the door.

Nick raised his eyebrows at Tess who shrugged. Nick looked at the notes, curiously, but he couldn't see anything that would cause Bella to run from resus. Dylan was looking at the door, half wanting to follow after Bella, half wanting to stay and find out what had caused the problems. Nick made the decision for him. "Dr Keogh, I think Lenny and I can manage this. Please call CT for me and then get back to work in CDU." Dylan was just about to argue, Nick still hadn't gotten over the whole him/sam/bella thing, but then he caught sight of the patients exposed hip. Just above her hipbone sat a small triangle tattoo. It was inclosed by a circle and shaded in red. He knew that tattoo, Bella had one in exactly the same place, between the burn scar and the twist of- Dylan inhaled sharply, Mr Jordan was looking at him oddly. He nodded. "Yes, of course."

He stepped back and then out of the door. He had asked Bella bout the scar once, and the look on her face had been enough to discourage him from asking any further questions. He needed to find Bella. He found a nurse, "Um, Luke, can you book a CT scan for Mr Jordan's patient in resus." He walked away quickly, without waiting for an answer.

Lloyd rolled his eyes, "It's Lloyd and yes I will."

.

Dylan found Bella in the consultants office sitting under the desk, cross legged and deep in thought. He knocked on the desk, "Can I come in?" He laughed at his own joke, and then stopped. Bella's face was unreadable, completely empty. Her eyes had no life in them, something that only exaggerated the purple hollows underneath, the curve of her cheekbones which normally framed a light smile almost sagged, her mouth was a line, he had never seen her like it. "Bella, are you-"

"Go away."

Dylan stepped back, and then paused. "She has the same Tattoo as you, same place."

"We all had them. Go away, Dylan."

"No. I don't think you should be left on your own."

This provoked a response, as Dylan had known it would. Bella looked up, eyes flashing. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Dylan took that as an invitation to sit down, it was as close to one as he was ever going to get. "Why are you so scared?"

Bella snapped, "I am not scared."

"Dilated pupils, shaking, irrational behaviour-"

"Shut up Dylan." Bella raised her hand. It was trembling. She clenched it into a fist.

"You knew her."

It took Bella a long time to organise her thoughts in order to formulate a coherent response. Dylan waited in silence, it was what he was good at. Bella frowned, she seemed to be having an internal dialogue with her self. She kept repeating to herself. "They can't be here? Can they- could- can they?"

Dylan was getting worried. "Who's they?"

Bella's face had gone completely blank, devoid of any emotion. He recognized that face, he'd been seeing it far too often lately. Her mouth twitched and she said something inaudible.

"Sorry?"

Bella's face remained a mask as she repeated herself, but more audibly "Whatever tomorrow brings, we'll be there. She used to say that a lot. I never understood why. Maybe she still does. She was one of those people who saw beauty in others, even when that person could not see it themselves."

Dylan repeated himself, "You knew her."

Bella shuddered. "I assumed she was dead. You don't sustain that lifestyle for long. Still injecting that bloody poison in her veins." Bella's expression suddenly changed. "Why is she here?" She stood up, just missing the desk and typed her passkey into the computer.

Dylan looked up, now more worried than he had been before. "What are you doing?"

"Database." She had opened up the internet.

"That doesn't look NHS." Dylan watched as the mouse moved across the screen, shaking just like the hand that was controlling.

"It isn't."

"What are you looking at?"

"Don't ask me, I would rather not tell you. There are things about me that you don't need to know. That you wouldn't want to know."

Dylan stood up slowly, almost wary of Bella, she was not the person he recognized. He looked at the screen. "Is that army-"

"Don't ask, just look. Rosemary Grace Parker. DOB 1981. Manchester area." Bella was scrolling so fast through the list of names that he could barely keep up, he doubted she was looking very closely."

"How about Grace Rose Parker, 30th March 1981."

"That's the date." Bella clicked. "And that's the picture. She must have changed her name. Maybe..." Bella trailed off. The woman stared at them both from the screen. Bella touched the face lightly with the back of her hand before closing the window.

Dylan didn't know what to do, he had never seen Bella like this, bit even when she was drunk and not taking her meds. She was white, her hands were struggling to keep still, her chocolate flecked eyes were wide and pupils huge, even her hair seemed to be standing on end. "This can't be good for you in your condition-"

"Oh shut up Dylan." Bella's voice was harsh, not like the smooth calm tones he was used to.

"Bella, what is going on?"

"Why are you here Dylan? Please don't think you owe me anything, because you don't."

"I owe you- Bella, you are- my child- I can't just walk away."

"Really? You haven't considered it? How much easier this would be if you just disappeared off into the distance?"

"I-"

"Because you've done it before." Bella lowered her voice. "And what's to say you won't leave me again?"

Dylan didn't reply.

"I don't- I don't normally let people get close. And you knew that. Not even Nick, Charlie, Adam Jess, Polly, I didn't let them get as close as you. And you still-" Her voice broke. "and you still neglected to tell me that you were married to one of my colleagues, who I happened to quite like, but hey, that doesn't seem to be a problem to you. If you knew me then you would have know what that would have done to me. And you seem to be able to get over the fact that I neglected to tell you that I was pregnant. Well I can't and I can't- After everything you still expect me to tell you what is going on in my life. Well, let me tell you. My past is coming back to bite me, yet again."

"You are carrying my baby-"

"This isn't about the fucking baby Dylan, this is about me and you and whatever the hell we are going to do with ourselves. Just forget the fact my ex-best friend from when I was a junkie prostitute is sitting in resus right now and forget the stupid point-scoring shit, I'm really not in the mood."

Dylan raised an eyebrow. "Okay."

Bella waited. "Oh for christsakes, you can be so bloody infuriating sometimes. Talk. You do know what that means, right?"

"Talk. Speak in order to give information or express ideas or feelings; converse or communicate by spoken words."

Bella banged her head on the back of the desk, twice. "Can you try to be serious for me?"

"Sorry." Dylan never apologised.

"Oh wow." Bella's sarcastic tone was obvious, even to Dylan.

Dylan looked down at the ground and said nothing.

Bella sighed. "Shall we start again? I'll go first." She took a deep breath. "In just over 5 months I am going to give birth to a child."

"Yes."

"And?" It was worse than talking to a child.

"Bella-"

And then Bella shook her head. "Sssh."

"What?"

Bella frowned. "I thought I could hear something- never mind." She held up her hands, they were shaking. "Dylan, I'm scared. I'm really, really scared." She seemed just as surprised at the revelation as he was. What was more surprising to her was the fact that she was still there, still sitting on the floor of the doctor's office, with him. A year ago and she would have shouted and screamed and ran away as fast as her pregnant body could carry her. But she had changed, love did that to people, from that first moment, standing outside the emergency department being berated for having a cigarette by a complete stranger. And then in the on call room. And on the boat. And every single moment that she had spent with him. She was still here because of him.

Dylan interrupted her train of thought, preventing it from running away with her, "Of who?"

Bella answered without even moving her lips."Me." And she paused for a while, still having more to say but struggling to find the right words to form on her tongue. And then she had it, "I'm sorry for losing it. I- I guess it's because I'm not taking the medication. I'm watching myself, trying to judge whether I'm still okay, and then I'm wondering if that's just part of the paranoia and the hormones are driving me crazy because I don't know what is normal any more. I don't know who I am, I don't know how I should feel- Is that normal?" Bella had been staring at the floor while she was speaking, but now she turned to face him. Her wide, brown-hazel flecked eyes where covered in a film of moisture.

Dylan swallowed, he had to think quite carefully about his answer. "Does it help you to know that I feel just the same as you-" Dylan struggled to say the next bit. "I don't know what to do or say or- There's nothing that a textbook, a medical dictionary, or observing countless cases can ever prepare you for the real thing. I've tried to look, but- I'm scared too, I could be a useless father. It's not like I have even- I'm not good with children. Small, crying, baby things that don't have an off button..." Dylan trailed off. "But you, you'd be an excellent mother. You have the patience, the smile, the capacity to love-"

"I never doubted your capacity to love, just your willingness to show it. Is this what you want?"

"I've always wanted this child-"

Bella frowned. "I can't do this by myself. I need you."

Dylan paused. "I lied to you. It just never seemed like the right time to tell you about Sam- that's wrong, there were plenty of opportunities, I just didn't take them . I didn't know how to- And you have every right to be mad at me, I'm mad at me too. I screwed-up. I screwed-up big time, as you say."

"Like I haven't screwed anything up before. I can't promise to forgive you, but I can promise to try. Is that okay?"

Dylan nodded slowly, "Yes. Of course."

Bella smiled and held out her hand to Dylan. He took it.

"And the girl in resus?"

Bella frowned, still pale. "Did you read about that thing in The Times a while back about the forced prostitution rings?" She smiled at his slightly confused facial expression. "Not that you would have been looking. You do read The Times, don't you?"

Dylan nodded with a smile. "Does the crossword count?"

Bella returned his smile despite the fact that her stomach was currently doing flips, and stood up, went to the filing cabinet and opened the bottom drawer with a small key. It was mostly empty, a couple of battered exercise books, a single lever arch file and a black box. Bella paused, before taking the whole contents out. She handed them to Dylan and took the lever arch file. It was filled with newspaper clippings, each carefully laminated. Bella flicked through and pulled out three sheets. "They did a huge feature on it, organized prostitution across the Midlands." She read from the article. "Darren Reeves, a 21 year old male, is believed to be responsible for the mass exploration of girls as young as 12. He is wanted on fourteen counts of child abuse, the practice of prostitution, trafficking, drugs and in connection to murder. Reeves runs a gang, believed to be known as the Swallows, traps girls using the promise of drugs and mild threats to their personal safety. The operation is supposed by the police, The Times can reveal, to be as widespread as involving more than 30 gang members and 50 girls- more like 40, but you get the idea."

Dylan had been flicking through the folder. "Is this-"

Bella took it from him, putting the article she had just read from back in it's place. "I still get the Manchester paper, and every time I find something that could be related, I stick it in... I know it's obsessive, but sometimes, as hard as you try, you can't let go of the past because it always comes back to bite you..." Bella trailed off, staring at a single faded article. Dylan read the title other Bella's shoulder.

"Girl found dead in Rochdale carpark. Stabbed." Bella snapped the file shut.

"... some things are best put into boxes and left shut away for ever."

Dylan looked at the black box and Bella laughed. "You can open it of you want to. You aren't going find a bloody knife. I didn't kill anyone, not then."

Dylan opened the box with a simple flick of the clasp. Inside were a collection of photographs wrapped in a thick bit of elastic. She slid the first one out. Two girls, wide eyes, long dark hair and too thin to be anything other than anorexic or a heroin addict. Bella's face had changed from an expression of fear to one of extreme sadness. "So who do you think was me?" Dylan looked at the photos again, slightly surprised as neither girl in the picture had jumped out as being his Bella. Both girls where wearing vest tops and denim hot pants, perhaps that was it, he had never seen Bella wear any kind of short sleeves due to the scaring on her arms and back. Both girls had similar facial features, wide brown eyes, mild that made a perfect double curve and long wavy brown hair. And then he saw it, the expression on the face of the girl on the left and the familiar light in her eyes, those eyes that often pierced him looking over a cup of coffee or a set of notes. Sure there where no deep ark hollows under those eyes and the girl seemed to emulate a sense of wild freedom that the Bella that he knew had never shown, but this picture gave him hope, hope that the face before him would not always hold the same haunted look and would not always hesitate to smile. He touched the picture, "That's you."

Bella smiled. "You know me better than I thought you did."

"I can always recognize those eyes."

Bella touched the other girls face. "That's Rosie. And it only seems like yesterday. She was like a sister to me. We shared everything.

She was everything. I would have been lost so many times without her. I slept next to that girl nearly every night for five years. She knew me. She helped me. She helped me live, she helped me leave." Bella's expression was dark. "She was always his favourite. She distracted him, and then I was gone. I-I knew her. I knew her very well. She was-" Bella paused. "She was my best friend. We used to share a sleeping bag when it was cold, we used to share-" Bella stopped. "You know, if I hadn't taken night classes. If that guy hadn't died in- I could be lying there on that hospital bed. How could she still be on the smack? I've had a whole lifetime... " Bella's voice had changed again, slightly unnerved and almost too fast for Dylan to follow.

Dylan slid the photo out of her hand and replaced it on the top of the pile. And then he shut the box, gathered up the files and put them back into the filing cabinet. Bella sighed and murmured something to herself just audible enough for Dylan hear. "The past is never where you thought you left it."

"And now you're getting all philosophical on me."

"Sorry Dyl."

"What for?"

"I've been an absolute cow."

"And my part in this has hardly been pristine." Dylan held out his hand indicating that he wanted the conversation finished and pulled Bella to her feet. "Up you get love."

Bella smiled and let Dylan pull her to her feet. That had always been his line. She stepped forward into his arms. He kissed her lightly on the forehead. "I missed you."

"Never gone." Bella rested her head on his chest briefly before looking up at him, a smile on her face. "Baby scan, in two weeks, can I count on your attendance Dr Keogh?"

Dylan's lips met hers in an enthusiastic yes. Bella pulled back. "Maybe later sweetie? Nick is going to come looking for us and he still doesn't like you."

Dylan frowned. "And why would that be?"

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Your never ending charm? Or perhaps it's just your maverick nature."

"Then how come you're still in his good books?"

"I'm his daughter. Something that doesn't help your case." Bella laughed at Dylan's scowl. She kissed him lightly on the lips. "You ready?"

"Bella, what if she recognises you?"

Bella shrugged. "What if, shmif? I'm a big girl, I can handle it."

Dylan raised an eyebrow. "But-"

"What if-"

"I can't hide down here forever. I'll be fine, I'm over it." She squeezed his hand.

Dylan frowned, " And Bella, how come they let you have your own filling cabinet?" Bella laughed out loud at his indignant tone and pulled open the door. "I asked nicely."

Dylan shrugged, she wasn't planning on letting Bella out of his sight until Rosie was transferred.

**viola. this next chapter is supposed to be the big thing about Bella's past bla bla bla and I haven't finished it so it might be a while before I post it but I'm being obsessively picky about it and I still don't quite know what I'm writing which is bad because that means I'll probably end up writing another 3,000 of rubbish before I get to the point but hey, **


	32. Things In Boxes p2

**Fed up of re-writing this. Like it or hate it idc.**

Bella walked into resus, Dylan following close enough to grab her at the first sign of anything that could cause her harm. Bella ignored him, she did think it was sweet, but it was only the midly annoyingly overprotective side of sweet. Ignoring the looks from Lenny and the rest of the nursing staff, she cut straight to the point. " Her name is Grace Rose Parker, born on the 30th March 1981. I've got Noel to look for notes." She kept to the edge of resus, not daring to go near the bed on the opposite side of the room. She had calmed down significantly, the wrenching of paranoia had been replaced by a practiced aura of calmness, but she still didn't trust herself completely.

Nick looked up searchingly, "Lenny, can you handle this now?"

The F2 nodded as eager as ever to take charge of a case of his own, "Sure thing boss."

Nick pulled Bella aside, stonily ignoring Dylan. "Are you okay?"

Bella's mouth was a determined line, "I'm fine."

Nick knew her better than that, "You've been crying."

Bella shrugged nonchalantly. "Only a bit. Hormones, whatever."

"And how do you know her?"

Bella frowned, "She was- It's not important. I don't really fancy a reunion, but she won't recognise me."

"She's conscious, but we've just got to run some tests and then we can discharge her-"

"Don't hurry on my account. She won't recognise me."

"You're not treating her. You can go home-"

Bella rolled her eyes. "I'm not going home. I'll be in CDU. I'm a doctor. It's my job." She smiled at her father before following Dr Keogh out of resus. Nick looked suspiciously at the pair. Nick had been the one who had to endure Bella's tears and eventual silence on the night of the fire and he had assumed that the relationship between Dylan and his daughter was over. But before Bella would have come to him if she was upset and he had a feeling that she had found another shoulder to cry on.

.

Bella was in CDU filling out her observation paperwork and feeling a little bored. She almost regretted her promise to Dylan that she would stay in CDU for the rest of her shift, but then it was either that or he would have taken her home. She was feeling much better, in fact she was feeling surprisingly up beat considering that just over half an hour ago she was sitting on the floor of the doctor's office in a state of extreme panic. But there was something about those moments in her office that had given her a new found confidence in herself and her ability to let go off the past. That was until Charlie put down his notes next to her, his question was voiced in a concerned tone but it had an underlying curiosity to it, "Have you been crying?"

Bella turned to look at Charlie with a frown, she had thought she had been doing fine pretending that everything was okay, "Is it really that obvious?"

"Only to people who know you well. Is there a problem?" Charlie's voice was casual, but Bella could tell that he was probing. And she understood why, Bella never cried, well not until she became pregnant and her behaviour since the fire had been odd. "The patient in resus-" It would have taken too long to explain and Charlie had probably heard about her running from resus via the network of porters and nurses that had most likely passed the information half way across the hospital now. She shook her head, "I'm fine now, really."  
Charlie looked searchingly into Bella's eyes, he could sense that something wasn't quite right, there was still something different about her manner, even though it had made a marked improvement from what he had become accustomed to over the last month, "Is the lithium working okay for you?"  
Bella sighed, almost smiling. Aside from Nick and Dylan, and possibly Adam Truman, Charlie was one of the people who knew Bella the best, "Can't get anything past you can I? I'm not taking it. I'm pregnant."  
Charlie's eyes widened in shock, that had not been what he was expecting. "You're- wow." He blinked, "Congratulations?"

Bella grinned, "Something like that anyway. Thanks Charlie." He still looked concerned, "Really, I'm fine."

Charlie hadn't finished with the questions, he wouldn't be the nurse he was if he didn't make sure that Bella was completely fine before letting her continue treating patients. And of course there was the personal affection that he felt for the doctor to consider, Bella had always been somewhat of a granddaughter to him, "And is Dylan okay with this?"

"I have a feeling I've gained a stalker, he doesn't let me out of his sight." She looked up to see Dylan's face at the door to CDU. As soon as they made eye contact he turned away, "See look, he's checked up on me three times this hour already. Over protective much... I know we've had our disagreements but I really think we can make it work this time. Though we might have to work on the whole-giving-me-space thing." Bella smiled and Charlie could see that there was genuine affection despite the fact that Bella was jokingly complaining, "With him and Nick constantly on my case insisting _I'll carry that for you _and _Don't take that patient, take a break, this job is too strenious for you, have some paperwork _and worse of all _have you eaten at least three nutritious meals today Isabella?_" Bella had Nick's tone and accent completely perfect and Charlie couldn't help but laugh, and then he was being serious again, "They're right, you should probably consider taking it easy-"

Bella groaned. "Oh not you too. I've heard it all before Charlie Fairhead. I'm fine, I'm not going to do anything stupid and I really don't need fussing over." She gave him a mock warning glare and in response Charlie held his hands up jokingly in a mock form of surrender, "Whatever you say."

A patients monitor bleeped. Bella smiled, "Horaay something too do."

Charlie gave her a warning look, "Sensitivity Bella?"

"Oh bla bla save that for when I'm being sued." She grabbed her stephescope and hurried over to the cubicle. Charlie shook his head and followed. She really was one of a kind. No one else would get away with it.

.

Bella was crossing the emergency department, aiming for the staffroom when an all-to-familiar voice made her stop with a start, "Hi, are you one of the doctor's that treated me earlier?"

Bella tried very hard to stay calm. She turned and fixed her eyes on the face that evoked so many painful memories for Bella that keeping contained caused her physically pain, yet her face still remained a mask. The voice was so familiar to her, she heard it every night in her dreams, she could see Dylan watching her, she hoped that her expression was not as panicked as his. Bella did her best to make her voice sound as different as possible. She swallowed, "Yes, I took the case earlier, but if you are looking for someone to talk to then you could try my colleague Mr Jordan."

A small smile, if only she knew, she hadn't changed at all. "No, it was you, I can remember your voice. 'You're going to be okay, love.' Thank you."

"Just my job." Bella's reply was a little too quick but she didn't think she could sustain the mask of calm for much longer.

"Well-" And then the familiar eyes flashed. "Do I- sorry, I thought- I've got to go, my boyfriend's coming to pick me up?"

Bella exhaled slowly whilst nodding, "Oh yeah. I'm sorry I can't be more help."  
And then Rosie frowned, her forehead creasing in thought. "Do I know you?"

Bella shook he head, again too quickly, "No. Y-you don't. You really, really don't." She stepped away, but much to her annoyance the girl, Grace, followed. "B- wait-" Bellla felt tears forming in her eyes, and without turning back she repeated her earlier insistence, "I'm sorry I can't be more help. Please don't come here again." And she kept walking until the sound of footsteps stopped. She opened the door to the staffroom, waiting for a hand to catch the door behind her and her ordeal to continue. But it didn't. The door shut with a bang. She sighed, half from relief and half from pain. She had spoken to her. She closed her eyes in preparation for the onslaught of memories, the shuddering breaths and the waves of panic. But instead all she heard was a voice, from the other side of the staffroom. "I'm taking you home."

Bella turned and offered her hand to the source of the voice. "Thank you."

Dylan squeezed her hand and then dropped it. He picked up her bag and handed her his coat. Bella smiled and shrugged it over her shoulders. She repeated herself, "Thank you."

And then she followed him out of the door, not caring who she was going to walk into, because she was with him. And he didn't ask her any awkward questions, he didn't tell her how she was feeling, he just carried her bag and let her wear his coat, and that was more than any words that she needed.

Sam watched from the other side of the emergency department as Bella and Dylan walked out through the double doors. He was carrying her bag and she was wearing his coat. Always the gentleman when he wanted to be. They weren't talking but the smile on Bella's face was almost glowing, and even Dylan had that half-smirk of satisfaction that Sam knew all too well. Their hands were so close that they were almost touching, as if they were both holding a magnet and it was pulling them together. Sam had dismissed the rumours about their relationship as idle gossip. People did like to talk, but the sight of them leaving the E.D together, coupled with the strange behavior that she had observed of Dylan during her time at the E.D. The strange meetings in strange places, the way in which his eyes never really left her position, the smiles and just too knowing looks. He really had moved on. And Sam wasn't sure how that made her feel. She wasn't the jealous type, or she hadn't thought she was, but it would be difficult not to feel some sort of resentment towards the invisible tie that seemed to be holding the beautiful E.D doctor to Sam's ex-husband. And Bella was beautiful, there was no doubting that, but she also had this haunting vulnerability this detachment from the rest of the world that made Sam wonder how on earth Dylan managed to attract her. She was way out of his league, when Bella smiled the whole room lit up, when Bella asked there were at least three male members of staff instantly volunteering to assist. And Sam had never seen her take advantage of that. Perhaps she was too perfect, she was the Clinical Lead's daughter, she was beautiful, popular and arguably one of the best doctors in the department. But she wasn't perfect, and Sam was just being silly. If half of the rumors about Bella where to be believed then her life had been a long way off perfect. Still, Sam knew that she would prefer it if Bella was some kind of monster, someone it was easy to hate, but the truth was that it was actually quite difficult to hate Bella. Even after she had discovered the truth about her relationship with Dylan Bella had never been anything less than courteous to Sam. In fact, if it wasn't for the awkwardness about the whole Dylan thing then Sam and Bella would probably be best of friends. Maybe they still could be. She had the divorce papers after all. Clean break. As clean as it could be, with the whole working-with-your-ex-and-his-girlfriend thing going on. Clean break.

.

Dylan and Bella were sitting on the sofa/bed on Dylan's houseboat. Well, Dylan was sitting, Bella was lying stretched out with her head in Dylan's lap. He was twirling her hair lazily in his hands. She had fallen asleep twice already, only to be woken by Dervla barking at a passer by on both occasions.

Bella yawned. "We need to talk."

Dylan didn't answer and just continued playing with Bella's hair.

"Okay, I can talk and you can listen."

"Listening."

"Good. Well. I've never really been a religious person, but you are married."

"Separated."

"You're still married, and legally and technically you're still with Sam."

"Technically. We're getting a divorce."

"Mmm."

"And- I'm sorry, Bella. I- I never wanted- I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know." Bella paused. "What happened between you and Sam? And please don't say 'It's complicated.'"

"She cheated on me in some misguided attempt sort out our marriage, I'm still not quite sure why she did it. But it was already over before that. And she left, I didn't hear from her for three years until she turned up that day... It was never going to work, we were just too different."

"We're different."

"And then Dylan distracted her, and the serious conversation was forgotten, and all thoughts of sleep with it.

**reviews make me smile most of the time -**


	33. They're Talking About A Baby

**I don't have the patience for rewriting this again. **

Dylan was sitting in CDU, bored. No interesting patients, no quiet patients either. He had an old woman with stomach pains waiting for test results, a grumpy teenage girl who someone had dumped on him and a drunk homeless old man that Bella had sweet-talked him into taking. She really did try too hard sometimes. The old man had been in 3 times already, and Bella had got him into 3 different hostels already. Speaking of Bella, here she was. Dylan looked pointedly at the man in bay 4. "Come to discharge your patient?"

Bella frowned and waited.

Dylan blinked, confused as to why he was receiving a glare, "What?"

"Hilarious." But Bella didn't look too amused.

"What's hilarious?"

She looked like she was trying not to get cross, "You really have forgotten, haven't you?"

"Forgot what?"

"It's fine. I'll go by myself." She turned around with a toss of her plaited hair.

" Bella, where am I-" Then Dylan remembered. "Oh, of course. I'm coming too." He knocked over the files on his desk in his haste to catch up with her. "Just give me two minutes."

Bella laughed and attempted to help him pick up the files. He stopped her. "No. Sit and wait. It's good for you."

Bella hissed. "I am pregnant, not ill. You could try making it a little less obvious. Someone is going to find us out, with you and Nick and Charlie and Zoe wrapping me in cotton wool."

"I just don't want you to-"

"Hello? It's me. The girl who used to shoot at people." They both laughed, and all was forgiven.

.

Bella and Dylan were sat on the patient side of his office, having their first appointment with, as doctor put it, "the baby team." Bella had struggled not to roll her eyes at the expression, Dylan looked like he was about to be ill. Their pediatric consultant had been recommended by Nick, but Bella was struggling to see why or how? He was strongly Scottish and his slightly over-exuberant and slightly awkward manner led to Bella referring to him as 'Dr McDork' in her head.

"So, first question, any previous pregnancies?" Dr McDork's head bobbed up and down on every syllable.

"Yes, 2 miscarriages at 13 and 16." Bella gave her best "I-really-want-to-throttle-you" smile. Although her tone was blase, Dylan could tell that such openness bothered her.

"Okaaaay. What about your other medical history? Any major operations, etc.?"

"Okay, so I was an IV drug user from about the age of, ooh probably about 13. I've been clean since I was 19 though. I was in the army, so just the usual burns, shrapnel, broken bones. I was stabbed 2 years ago, shot last year and I was involved in the fire three weeks ago. And there was that chemical incident that we had last week. Oh and I've been taking antidepressants and antiphyscotics for about 4 years now. So nothing major really." Bella finished with a grin in Dylan's direction, who snorted with poorly contained laughter.

"Um, okay." Dr McDork was looking less enthusiastic now, he was searching through his desk. "I seem to have misplaced your medical records, I'll be right back." And he hurried out of the room.

Dylan shook his head at Bella's wide grin. "You enjoyed that didn't you."

Bella smiled, satisfied, "Uh-huh."

"I enjoyed that too."

"I don't really like doctors."

"Umm. Thanks."

"I mean doctors that I don't know or just doctors like him actually. Did you tell him that we were doctors?"

"No."

"Oh." They sat in silence, wondering where Dr McDork had got too.

Bella scowled. "I don't like being a patient."

"Mmmh. I get hospital sickness."

"Yeah, you do look a bit green. We should probably give him a break, Nick seemed to think he was good."

"He's a consultant which would suggests general competence. But he is a dork."

Bella yawned. "Dr McDork, then."

They both laughed.

.

The doctor came back, with Bella's notes in hand. "Okay, this seems just about all in order. So now I'm going to explain what sort of lifestyle-"

Bella had had enough. "Look how long is this going to take?"

Dylan put a hand on her arm. "Bella."

"No Dylan, no wonder Obvs take so long when they're paged, they're wasting their time telling fully qualified doctors the lifestyle changes they're going to have to make during pregnancy."

Dr McDork looked surprised. "You're a doctor?"

"If you'd bothered to read my notes, you might have worked that one out. Dr Jordan and Dr Keogh and while we're sitting up here the ED is two doctors down. I only got an appointment because it would be hypocritical not too and Nick wouldn't let me steal an ultrasound scanner."

The doctor swallowed, "Dr Jordan- You're Mr Jordan's daughter- I went to medical school with him."  
Bella waited, struggling not to scowl. Being recognised as Nick's daughter and then being treated differently because of it.

The doctor seemed to realise that he'd made an error. "So... I take it you want to move on to the scan part then."

"Yes please."

Dylan shook his head disapprovingly. He whispered. "So what happened to being nice?"

"I got bored."

Dr McDork pretended to ignore the exchange. "How about going to the scan room? The nurse is already there."

Bella smiled and followed him out of the room. "How about it?"

.

It took Dylan a whole minute before he asked the nurse if he could have the scanner probe. She nodded, and left them to it.

"Now who's forgotten to be nice?"

Dylan frowned. "She was useless."

"She was just a kid."

"She was a nurse. Nurse bashing is half of my job."

"Old habits die hard."

"Ind-" The word stopped in Dylan's mouth as the image of his daughter, their daughter, appeared on the screen. Both doctors scrutinised the image for any small sign of an abnormality, but there was nothing there. Their baby was perfect. Bella felt the corners of her mouth turn up in a smile, and when she turned away from the image on the screen to look at Dylan his eyes were showing a smile too.

**Thanks to all the lovely people who do review. Love you guys. No thanks to the 60+ of you who don't. **


	34. Truth and Lies

**I know you are probably bored of Bella/Dylan so I apologise for the ending but I have included other characters in this :P And next chapter, or maybe the one after that I don't know, will be following the storyline of the "Ricochet" Jade and Stevie riot thing. Thanks for reading. **

Bella had just had to remove Sam from a confrontation with a patient. Bella wasn't even sure what the source of the disagreement was, but that wasn't the issue. The issue was Sam's inability to accept that not everyone was a saint and that she couldn't save every single person that came through the door. Bella was the most senior doctor in the E.D this shift, a position that she tried to avoid at all costs so it fell to her to give the lecture that she had heard from Nick, Adam, Charlie, Tess and even Zoe, enough times that she knew it off by heart. Sam had perched herself on Nick's desk, that was normally Bella's seat, "Is this the bit where you give me a massive lecture?"

Bella made a face, "I've been on the reviving end of them one too many times and I can't say I relish the prospect of giving one. But you can't shout at patients."

"I wasn't shouting-"

"Okay, call it raising your voice in frustration- this is awkward enough as it is, for want of a better phrase, just shut up and listen."

Sam blinked, "I'll make myself comfortable then."

"This is going to sound massively hypocritical but here goes. Sam, you've got to accept that you can't save everyone. And that sometimes people that come in here do stupid, selfish, inexplicable things and you can't do anything to change that because they're human beings. And sometimes you can't save them. We're not in the army any more." Bella sighed, this was too weird, there was too much between them, there always had been, even before Sam had dropped the bombshell about her marriage to Dylan there had been something that had stopped Bella and Sam from becoming friends. Bella had assumed that it was to do with the army-thing, but now she realised that there had always been something more, in the back of her mind she had always known that there was something between Sam and Dylan, "This is just too weird." But Bella had to do this, she of all people knew the dangers of getting too involved with a patient, "Look, when I first started work here I was a little bit like you. Idealistic, determined and a little bit crazy. Well, you aren't crazy, but that's irrelevant, if anything it should make things easier for you. Because sooner or later you'll go too far and it won't be me, Nick or Zoe standing here but a court of GMC officials-"

Sam interrupted her, "Sorry? Is that a joke?"

Bella blinked, "Um... no..." Bella couldn't think what she had said that could possibly deserve the incredulous look that Sam was giving her.

And then Sam looked surprised, "You haven't heard?"

Now Bella was confused, "About what?"

"My GMC hearing. I put a patient into a headlock and broke his neck. Oh come on, it's been the talk of the hospital for weeks-"

"That could explain why I haven't heard about it. I don't tend to listen to porter-gossip, gets a bit awkward... I have no idea what you're talking about."

"But Zoe, Nick, Dylan- a patient threw Dylan against some lockers on that night with the chemical-leak-thing and I put him in a headlock. Keith Parr?"

Bella frowned, so a patient attacks Dylan and Sam is being sued for defending him and both her best friend and her father, not to mention Dylan himself had neglected to tell her. It shouldn't have bothered her, it wasn't as if Sam was grinning smugly, she looked as confused as Bella felt. Not that Bella would let her face show that she was in any way bothered about the fact that Dylan had told another almost-lie and that Zoe and Nick had let him. "It does beg the question why you were arguing with a patient if you are supposed to be facing a GMC inquiry- nevermind, I can't be bothered with this. Go and apologise to Mrs Hudson or whatever her name is and hope to god she doesn't make things difficult for you."

Sam nodded sharply, still confused, she turned to leave, but paused at the door, "You know Dylan would have just assumed you knew, he does that, right?"

Bella almost smiled, "I really don't want Dylan-advice from you Sam. We do all have to work together."

Sam shook her head, "Sorry, it wasn't my place, just, I haven't seen him as happy as he is with you in a long, long time." The unamused look on Bella's face was enough to suggest to Sam that it would be a good idea if she pissed off pretty sharply. "Okay, I'm gone."

Bella waited for the door to shut before letting her face to fall into her hands.

.

It could have been an hour or longer before Bella was disturbed. It was Zoe. "Hey Bella, I'm here for the handover. Anything interesting?"

Bella looked up, "How about the fact that I am the last person to know that Sam is being sued for breaking the neck of a patient who happened to assult Dylan?"

Zoe had the good grace to look guilty, "You said that talking about Dylan with me was weird because we're all friends and- I didn't want to cause any-"

Bella didn't wait for her too finish, "Yep because I'm so emotionally fragile that I can't handle being told the truth. I can handle being told the truth Zoe, what I can't handle is not being told the truth. If you want to know about the handover ask Sam or Tom because I've spent the last hour hiding in here whilst feeling embarrassed, confused and a little pissed off. I find out from Sam of all people? When I'm giving her a lecture on losing it with patients, if that wasn't as awkward and hypocritical as it could be already. Is there anything else I need to know that I might not have been told before I go? Is Charlie on the run from the RNC for running a minor drugs trafficking operation from my locker? Are Tom and Sam secretly shagging in the on call room? Do you and Dylan have some weird thing going on or-? Is Linda, I dunno, hiding her long lost sister in the cleaners office?"

Zoe coughed, knowing that Linda's junkie sister had just in fact marched into the emergancy department and handed her kids to Linda. Not that Bella knew that if she had been hiding in her office for the past hour. "Actually Bella-

Bella sighed, ignoring Zoe's attempt to speak, "Don't give me that look Zo, I might be joking now, but I really wouldn't be surprised in this Emergency Department. If people aren't long lost relatives, or husbands, they're having a secret affair in the on call room or they have some sort of problem that I seem to be the last one to find out about. I'm the one with the paranoia issues here. I don't want to know every little thing but you'd think that my friends might at least make an effort to tell me something once in a while."

"Bella-"

Bella shook her head, "Whatever Zoe, I'll see you tomorrow."

Zoe sighed, she knew that half of what Bella said was just because she was tired, pregnant and hormonal, and Bella had never been brilliant at keeping her temper. But she did have a point, Zoe definitely didn't want to be in Dylan's shoes tonight.

.

Bella walked straight into the kitchen as soon as her taxi dropped her home, not being one to waste time, "So wher you going to tell me when I got a letter demanding an interview with the GMC investigators, or where you just going to wait for me to find out from some nameless official?"

Dylan didn't even look up from the medical journal that he was reading, "What are you talking about?" His tone was midly disinterested, in fact he was a little annoyed by the fact that Bella had come stomping into the kitchen without so much as a hello and now she expected him to put down his medical journal and listen to questions.

"Think about it Dylan, there can't be that many things you've neglected to tell me over the last couple of months, unless you're planning on dropping more bombshells on me."

"Don't be so dramatic."

"Oh okay then Dylan. I'll just brush past the fact that you neglected to tell me that you're ex-wife was being investigated by the GMC for breaking a patients neck that just happened to be assaulting you at the same time because that's totally cool and not something to get upset about. Just ignore the hormonal pregnant woman and keep reading that enthralling article about

"I would have told you at the time..."

"So this is somehow my fault. Great. Thank you very much."

"I don't see how Sam's investigation by the GMC had anything to do with you anyway."

Bella raised her eyebrows, "What like your marriage didn't either?"

Dylan put the journal down and gave Bella his look.

Bella knew that look, she probably wouldn't get another word out of him all night, "Dylan!" He pointedly turned back to his medical journal, ignoring her completely. She rolled her dark eyes in frustration, "Whatever," and put her bag on the table. It made a loud clump, "I'm going to have a shower."

Dylan frowned as Bella turned to disappear up the stairs. If he let her go he would face what would probably become a week-long sulk of snappy replies and scowls, he and Bella were both too stubborn for their own good. Dylan sighed, "Isabella..."

The footsteps stopped and then started again, then a scowling face appeared at the doorway of the kitchen, "Don't Isabella me."  
Dylan had to try hard not to smile. Her dark brown hair had twisted out of its plain at some point between her entering the house and beginning to shout at him. The natural highlights of sun-kissed blonde highlighted her face, Bella really was at her most beautiful when she was angry. He blinked,

"You Dylan'd me first."

Bella's answer was snappy, "Did not."

Dylan raised an eyebrow.

Bella made a face, "Maybe I did, but that was in the context of the moment, not as an attempt to get out of making an apology."

"That was not-"

"Yes it was."

They both stared at each other, testing who was going to be the least stubborn. And it wasn't going to Bella. They waited, a childish form of a staring contest. Dylan sighed, "It was insensitive and thoughtless and selfish of me." And then he waited. Dylan admitting he was wrong was a pretty rare occurrence. Bella raised an eyebrow, suddenly playful, "I wanna hear you say it."

And Dylan, knowing that disaster was averted followed with a grin of his own, standing up and stepping towards Bella.

But Bella stepped away from his reach, with a slight smile, "I can't hear you Dr Dylan."

Dylan caught her by the elbows, looked her in the eyes and said softly, "Sorry."

And then he kissed her on the nose. Bella met his lips with her own and wrapped her arms around his back pulling him towards her. But Dylan pulled slightly away. "I can't apologize and kiss you at the same time."

Bella pouted, "Are you asking me to choose?" And then she stepped backward, "I'm going for that shower."

Dylan nodded, "I might even make dinner."

"Might? You going to make the poor, starving pregnant woman who's just had a long shift in charge of the emergency department cook?"

Dylan amended his statement. "I will make dinner?"

"Thank you."

**And thank for the reviews, you have no idea how much they mean to me and would love to have more of them because I am a sad, sad person who doesn't really have anything else to do with her life. xoxoxox**


	35. Fainting

**okay so I'm playing around with points of views because it's the holdiays and I'm bored, but I don't think it really works so I probably won't do it again. voila**

.

_Bella_

.

Bella paused. The room didn't normally spin round everytime she moved her head. She had been discussing a patient with Dylan and Sam. Or maybe it was Tom. For some odd reason she couldn't remember. Her vision was still swimming with black dots making odd shapes, perhaps they were people, she didn't know. "Bella, are you okay?" A voice. Bella's legs felt like jelly. She didn't need a medical degree to work out that she was going to faint. "Dyl-" Something touched her hand. Warm hands, cold hands? And she was gone, floating with only one thought in her mind.

_Is my baby okay?_

_._

_Sam_

_._

If Sam had ever had any doubts about the way Dylan felt about Bella, they were gone now. She had been watching him from the other side of the room and hadn't noticed Bella fall, but the look on his face was enough to make her jump up and run forward. The look of pure fear that spread across his face as Bella wobbled and fell forward, was like something out of the film. He looked like he thought he was going to lose the only thing that was ever precious to him. He gently caught her, lowered her to the ground, his hands briefly caressing her face before grabbing her hand and checking her pulse, his expression a mixture of fear and panic. He was frozen, almost as pale as Bella lying on the floor. Sam wanted to look away, she had thought she was over Dylan but the sight of him- it felt like a kick in the chest. Her instincts as a doctor soon kicked in and she was on her knees checking Bella's vital signs. Helping hands soon joined her. Charlie Fairhead's calm and ever steady voice took control, "Someone page Mr Jordan, can we have a trolley here. Are you okay Dylan?"

Tom pulled Dylan to his feet. "You've got to let them do their job, mate." The use of the suffix mate was a mannerism of Bella's that served, unintentionally, to make Dylan wince. But it bought him back to his senses. "She's tacky at 120. And she-she's pregnant."

Sam almost sighed in relief, she didn't want to be the one who had to drop that bombshell. Charlie made eye-contact with her and for a brief moment Sam saw the worry in his eyes too. Everyone loved Bella. He knew, of course he knew, Charlie Fairhead knew everything that happened in the emergency department. A porter had bought a trolley. Sam nodded. "Lets get her up onto a trolley and into resus. I want full bloodshed, an ECG, a line in and a hand held doppler."

.

_Sam_

_._

Bella was a popular girl, that was for sure. Her resus bed was surrounded. Zoe had joined Sam, Tom, Dylan and Charlie as they went through the resus doors. Tess and Scarlett had rushed to help move her onto a bed.

Charlie still looked concerned "Come on Bells, stay with me."

Tess was taking her pulse, "She's slightly tacky."

Zoe nodded, "Okay Charlie, can we have a bag of saline hung up and-"

Sam noticed a flicker in Bella's eyes. "She's coming round."

Dylan rushed forward and grabbed Bella's hand. "Bella squeeze my hand if you can hear me."

.

_Bella_

.

Bella squeezed his hand, and her eyebrows flickered and opened. "What happened? Am I bleeding?"

Tess handed Bella a drink of water. "You just passed out."

Bella frowned for a second and looked around resus. Dylan, Charlie, Tess, Sam, Tom, Scarlet were positioned around her bed, Jeff, Dixie, Big Mac and Noel were stood a couple of feet away, concern etched clearly on their faces. "What- How-"

Dylan brushed off her questions, still focused on one goal, ensuring Bella's safety."Nevermind that, you're now a patient. Can I have the hand held doppler please?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, we're fine, really. I just felt dizy." She tried to sit up, but Dylan put a restraining hand on her arm. "You just fainted, that's not my definition of fine. Lie back down, and stay down." He turned to get the doppler from Charlie.

"Dylan-" Bella tried to sit up, but Dylan caught her and gently, but firmly, pushed her back onto the bed.

Bella grinned, "I'll remind you of this next time you accuse a patient's relative of being fussy."

Charlie grinned, as did most of the other people in Sam's line of vision.

"Sssh, please." He placed the doppler on her stomach, the babies heart beat was amplified out across the room.

Bella took a moment to smile, before, "I told you so."

Dylan's relieved smile turned to a slight scowl. "I'm going to transfer you to CDU-"

Nick burst through the doors, "You paged me- Bella? What happened?" Nick grabbed the ECG reading right from Charlie's hands and began to order a series of tests, even though Dylan had already done the majority of them.

Bella narrowed her eyes on the direction of Sam and Charlie. "Who the hell paged him?"

Charlie smiled and held up his hands. "Guilty as charged. Don't give me that look. He was going to find out anyway."

.

_Bella_

.

Bella was sat sulking in a bed in CDU. Dylan had partitioned her off to prevent her from diagnosing the patient in the cubicles next to her. She was bored, this was a total over reaction. Her ESG was normal, but her blood pressure was off so Dylan and Nick insisted with competitive firmness that they should send the bloods off to the lab. As amusing as it was to watch the hospital from the point of view of the patient, she much would rather be watching it from the point of view of a doctor. She caught Tom as he walked past her cubicle. "Oi, Tom mate, do you know if my bloods are back yet, the curtains on this cubicle aren't getting more interesting the longer I look at them."

He smiled and looked through the sample slips that where piled up on the trolley. "Dr Isabella Jordan, yeah, these look like yours." He grinned. "Congatulations about the-"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, thank you." She knew that now everyone knew she was pregnant she wouldn't get a moments peace without someone asking her if she was okay or needed to sit down. Bella held out her hand and tried to take the slip of paper from Tom , "Let's have a look."

Tom lifted them higher than she could reach. "Uh uh. I doctor, you patient."

"Very funny. What do they say?"

"Your potassium levels are through the floor, have you been eating properly?"

"Same as normal."

"Bella you're pregnant, normal isn't good enough. You're supposed to be eating for two. I'll have to have a word with Dylan about feeding you properly." He smiled.

Dylan popped his head round the cubicle curtain. "Are those Bella's bloods?"

"Yup." Tom handed them over and stepped back "Well, we don't need 3 doctors in a cubicle, I'll head out."

Bella smiled, "Cheers Tom."

Dylan frowned at the slip of paper. "Your potassium levels are low which indicates malnutrition. Did you have lunch today?"

Bella scowled. "Do you really have to use the posh condescending I-know-the-answer-but-I'm-going-to-ask-anyway voice?"

"What voice? I'm serious. This isn't about you, it's about the baby. Did you have lunch?"

"I forgot, we were busy, I had patients and I wasn't particularly hungry."

"How do you forget to eat?"

"You forget to eat, I bet you didn't have lunch."

"I'm not pregnant."

Bella scowled. "I know."

"Say it."

"You're right. I should look after myself better. Satisfied? Can I get back to work now?"

Dylan produced a sandwich. "Chunky peanut butter?"

Bella took it and helped herself off the bed and scowled sarcastically. "Yum."

"You love peanut butter."

"Yeah I do, but I don't want to give you the satisfaction of me being pleased with it."

Dylan kissed her head. "You really worried me then."

Bella was still pretending to sulky. "Sorry."

Dylan shook his head affectionately. "I'm going to get back to work, eat that and I'll let Tom discharge you-"  
"Come on Dyl, I'm fine, I don't need-"

Dylan grinned.

"You're enjoying this too much."

"Eat up Dr Jordan."

Bella slid off the trolley with a scowl. "I know where the self discharge papers are Dylan Keogh. Or alternatively-" She pulled her set of notes of off the CDU desk, "I can just sign these."

"You can't sign your own notes."  
"Nope, but I sign your signature better than you."

"Hey-" Dylan pulled the notes out of her hands. "Eat that sandwich and I might not report you for fraud."

Bella smiled and took a bite out of the sandwich. "What fraud?"

.

_Bella_

.

Bella was walking along with Charlie, discussing her latest patient, when she was interrupted by Nick. He grabbed her arm, "Hey, where do you think you're going?"

Bella pointed past him in the direction of cubicle 7, "Back to work."

"But-"

"I'm fine."

Nick frowned. "You collapsed in resus- you aren't meant to be treating in resus anyway. And I looked at your test results-"

Bella grinned. "You're not treating me, because we are related, so you shouldn't have looked at them because its against patient confidentiality. Tut tut Nick."

Nick shook his head. "This is serious Isabella!"

"I just skipped a meal. Sorry Daddy, but I have work to do." Bella bounced away, leaving Charlie to grin at Nick.

Nick smiled, slightly shocked. "Did she call me Daddy?"

Charlie grinned."She only did that to shut you up."

Nick nodded. "I know."

"So why did you stop with the lecture- she needs some sense talking into her, she should be taking it easy, not bouncing around like a kid."

"If I tell her to take it easy again, she'll do the opposite just to prove a point."

Charlie smiled, "She's got you wrapped around her little finger."

Nick didn't bother to disagree.

**if you like this story enough to follow/favourite or just read it every week then maybe you could give me a review :3**


	36. Ricochet: How to Save a Life

Dylan tapped Bella on her shoulder, "Have you seen a patient, male, about this high, dark curly hair, thinks he's a god?"

Bella smiled, shaking her head, "If I see one, I'll let you know."

Dylan nodded and continued on his search across the department, muttering about middle class boys and responsibilities.

.

"We've got a 5 year old boy coming in with a gunshot wound to the chest alert at present but a lot of blood loss at the scene."

Bella looked up, she had been listening in, "ETA?"

Tom made a face, "Bella, you are six months pregnant." Dylan and Mr Jordan had both requested that Bella stick to light duties- ie not treating in resus.

"Come on Tom, how many gunshot wounds have you treated?"

Tom shrugged, "3?"

"Whereas my total is a mere 70-something."

"It's technically a paediatric case-"

Bella interrupted him. "I've been involved in 8 separate occasions where I young child has been hit with a gunshot wound. I'm probably over-qualified here. Please."

Charlie nodded. "Linda can you get a chest drain set and I'll tell X-Ray and CT?"

Bella added. "And Linda, can you contact theatre and tell them we may need to come up and fast.

.

Bella met with the trolley just outside resus. Nick frowned at her but he knew that Bella had the most experience with gunshot wounds so he didn't argue when she got kitted out in a gown and gloves. Jeff and Dixie were the paramedics. "This is Jacob, nearly 6 he's got a gunshot wound to the lower chest, no sign of an exit wound. He's lost a lot of blood, nearly 2 units. Bps 130, pulse 33 and sats are at 94%. He's had 2 of morphine, 2 of saline and that's his dad over there."

Bella nodded. "Cheers Jeff. What's happened you then Jacob?"

The little kid looked up at her with wide eyes. "I've got a bad cut on my tummy."

"Bad cut, okay. Me and my friends here are gonna check you over."

Bella examined the wound as Nick took charge of stabilising the boy, " It's a clear entry, no fragments as far as I can see"

The team continued to work on the patient, the poor kid was scared but Tom did an excellent job of reassuring him and all things considered he was doing fine so Bella went back to cubicles- Tom would page her if there was a problem even if Nick wouldn't.

.

She got the page, he'd crashed in the scanner and they'd had to open them up. She got herself scrubbed up and went to assist Nick. "Bella, I said not-"

"I've probably got more experience of operating on gunshots in the chests under gunfire than you have observed in the safety of an operating theatre." He conceded her point with a quick nod and Tom stepped aside to let her assist. She held her hand out for some forceps. "I can see the fragment. Swabs, are you ready?" She pulled it out and placed it into the dish. "There's a tiny tear here, Nick can you get that?"

Her father nodded, he already had the stitches ready. Charlie smiled, Nick and Bella made a brilliant team when they weren't bickering about technicalities.

.

She met Dylan at the door. He took her bag and after checking that they were alone apart from the odd patient, slid his arm around her. "You treated in resus today."

"I was needed in resus today. It's not like I ran a marathon. Nick and Tom were both there."

Dylan shrugged slightly. "Point taken."

"How was your day?"

"I spent most of the time convincing boys on LSD that they weren't God."

"I heard about that."

"Idiots."

Bella shrugged. "I can't judge. I've done stupider things that have caused more harm."

"I won't hold it against you if you're hypocritical."

"Fine, idiots. I still think my emergency thorocotomy on a 6 year old boy wins."

Dylan smiled. "I would agree. But resus is cheating and it wasn't strictly your case."

"I- Okay, I had _two _unrelated heroin overdoses?"

"Boring."  
"They were. 3 alcohol related mishaps. A trampoline broken arm. Various stomach/ vomiting/ diarrhea /drunk/bla bla bla. A hypochondriac?"

"Getting slightly less boring."

"Trust me, she was anything but interesting."

Dylan smiled triumphantly. "So I win."

"Oh, I forgot my broken nail. Can we call it a draw?" Bella was hopeful. "You know I can't cook."

Dylan smirked, "Yeah, actually, after that 'pasta bake' you made, I think it'd be safer if I handed the kitchen from now on."

"It looked easier in the recipe book. I didn't know you had to do the cheese and pasta separately..."

"You're washing up though."

Bella shrugged, "Fair enough."

**Sorry it's short and disjointed but the next bit is so long that I couldn't find any other way to split it. And if you like this enough to favourite/follow or even just read it every week I would appreciate a review, maybe, please? xoooxoxxx love you guys**


	37. Ricochet: Damage Control

"Hey Bella, can you take a look at this one?" Dixie gave Bella a meaningful look. And Bella knew what that meant, she had developed a reputation for being able to deal with battered and sensitive girls. And although it did occasionally bring up some uncomfortable memories Bella cherished the opportunity to make a difference. She nodded, stepping aside to let Jeff and Dixie through, pulling a trolley with a slightly battered young girl on board. Dixie smiled, "Thanks Bells. This is Jade, she's got a badly twisted ankle, no obvious fracture but she's not baring any weight, no information on the fall, didn't have a peep out of her in the ambulance."

They pushed through the doors to CDU. Scarlett let them past, "Oh hello again?"

"Do you know her? Bed 3 please Dix-"

Scarlett replied to Bella question, following the group across resus, "She was at Mr Jordan's talk this morning." Nick had given a talk at a local secondary school in relation to the recent shooting involving the little boy Jacob. Bella nodded, taking the assumption from the uniform that Jade was wearing that she was a student not a teacher and therefore would need parental supervision. They transferred Jade over onto the bed. "Scarlett can you get the frat-pac off for me so I can take a look?" She slid the mobile out of the girls hand, "Can I borrow this to call home?"

The girl, Jade, remained unmoving. Bella noted the thumb shaped bruises on her wrist. She handed the phone to Tess, "Can you call home for me?"

"I just want to have a little look-" Jade was crying slightly and flinched whenever Bella touched her. She looked at the ankle as quickly as she could, "Nope, it's not broken."

Tess and Scarlet helped her roll her so Bella could have a look at the back. She had a slight P.V bleed. "Is there anything else you would like to tell us about what happened today, it's fine, you can talk to us? Only it looks to me like you've been assaulted. Is that what happened Jade?"

Jade just trembled. Tess continued in the same concerned tone that Bella had been using, "Jade, I know it's difficult, but if that is what's happened we have a rape referral centre attached to the hospital that we can take you to. The people there are specially trained to help anyone who has been sexually assaulted or raped. It's important to have a proper examination as soon as possible so they can get evidence. Can we contact them for you?"

Jade's voice wasn't much louder than a whisper. "No. Cause I just fell over."

Tess met Bella's eyes, and Bella nodded, both knowing there was nothing else they could do. Bella tried not to sigh, "It's okay Jade."

.

Bella frowned, she was struggling with Jade's case. It wasn't like she didn't deal with cases of rape, abuse or assault on a daily basis, just Jade really didn't seem to have anyone. She was alone and needing something to believe in. And Bella knew how that felt all too well. "Bella?"

It was Nick. Bella frowned, "What is it?"

"You, are you okay?"

Bella blinked quickly, making her face neutral, "Me? I'm fine."

"Really? Or do you not come to me any more now you've got Dylan to talk to?"

Bella raised her eyebrows, her fathers tone wasn't that she recognised, "Nick?!" It was almost as if he was jealous, Bella knew that he had never really liked Dylan, but still, "Are you jealous or something?"

Nick sighed, "Bella, I was joking, I just meant that- What I meant was that you can still talk to me."

Bella frowned, she had been neglecting Nick lately, they spent more time arguing about whether she should be working than they actually spent talking, "Sorry, it's just this girl, Jade, you might have seen her earlier at the school. She's been raped and she's completely terrified and- she's got no one."

Nick touched Bella lightly on the arm, "It's okay Bells. Can I try talking to her?"

Bella shrugged nonchalantly, "Good luck."

But Nick made no progress either, in fact his presence seemed to only make Jade more jumpy. He shrugged and left Bella and Tess to deal with her.

.

Bella was checking up on Jade as she was still quite nervy. And then there was a shout, "JADE!" A guy came rushing into the cubicle, with the female police office, DCI Rippon?, and Noel chasing after him. He collided with Scarlett causing her to shriek and Jade immediately looked more panicked. Bella stepped outside the cubicle and joined Lloyd and Mac in persuading Stevie to leave Jade alone. Nick was at the door instantly. "What is going on?"

Lloyd had grabbed Stevie, "Come on mate, this isn't helping." He pulled Stevie out. "Scarlett can you chase up Jade's mother please?" Bella followed Lloyd and Stevie leaving Tess to console Jade. Nick frowned at her, and hissed under his breath, "Bella you are 7 months pregnant, I've told you to stay away from confrontations with patients too many times. I _will_ put you on paperwork."  
Bella rolled her eyes, Lloyd was still trying to console Stevie, "What's wrong with her?"

Bella, ignoring Nick, "It's just a sprained ankle, Lloyd could you take him to reception and make sure he stays there please?"  
She left Nick with S.I Rippon and went back to Jade. She managed to get the poor girl to slow her breathing, "That's better, are you feeling a bit better?"

Jade's eyes were still wide, Bella knew that look, "I kept telling them no, but-"

Bella nodded, "I know. Jade I really think you should reconsider talking to a counsellor at the centre, I know you're scared, I've been there, but even if you don't want the examination, it helps to talk-"

The mother came bustling into the cubicle. Bella could tell at once she was either drunk or high or both. She shot Tess a concerned look. "We'll leave you two to talk?"

The mother looked suddenly nervous, "No, you're all right, I don't do hospital's eh, do I JJ, have a sweetie?" And the woman shoved the bag of sweets right under her daughters nose. Jade looked at Bella, silently pleading for help.

The mother turned to Bella and Tess. "I'll pop back later, bring her a nightie, you'll look after her, won't you?"

Bella tried not to get annoyed, "Um, I really think it would be better if you-"

But the mother had danced off, Jade's anxious cries falling on death ears. Tess could see that Bella was struggling so she took over, "Jade, I'm going to get a nurse to come and sit with you, is that okay?"

Jade nodded and Bella recovered enough to say that she would come back and check on her in 10 minutes.

.

Bella was sat in Tess's office trying to do some paperwork. Tess looked at her, concerned, "Are you okay Bella?"

"I- I'm just pondering human nature, the usual. That girl, she has no one. And that hit's a little too close to home for me. Silly, after all these years."

"It's never silly to feel that way Bella, I can get someone else to take over the case if you don't think you can-"

"Oh no, I couldn't go now, she's got to have continuity of care in at least one respect, right?"

There was a knock on the door, Nick came in and got something from the printer, "I've decided to report it to super-intendant Rippon, and then afterwards I will phone the police doctor myself."

Bella stood up instantly, "Nick, are you talking about Jade here, you know you can't do that-"

"Don't excite yourself Bella."

Bella's mouth dropped slightly ajar. "You know, you're lucky you're my dad, I could quite easily get you for sexual-"

Tess was quick to intervene, "Sit down Bella. And Nick, you know she's right. She's 16, you cannot tell the police without her permission."

Nick had his sulky face on, "Which she won't give because she is too traumatised."

"That's bull-"

Tess shot Bella a look so she fell silent.

Nick continued. "As if little Jacob's not bad enough."

Bella spoke, still annoyed, but determined to keep her cool. "We're all frustrated, but if you do that you could alienate her, she's got a fragile enough trust for us anyway."

The phone rang, Nick slammed it down."What she needs, is for someone to stand up and do something."

Bella was still annoyed, "And how are you supposed to know what she needs, you spoke to her, for what, about 5 minutes earlier."

Nick raised an eyebrow, "Are you getting too involved-"

Bella's eyes flashed, "Isn't about me, it's about you making a stupid mistake. We need to be professional-"

The phone rang again, Nick picked it up this time. "What!" He waved his finger to shut Bella up. "Right, right, we'll be straight round." He put the phone down,

"It's Jade, she wants to leave."

Bella was furious. "Let me have one more go with her, please."

.

Bella shut the cubicle behind her, Jade was still looking distressed, "Can I have a crutch, I need to go?"

Bella sat on the edge of the bed, "I don't think that's a very good idea Jade, realistically I can't let you discharge yourself."

"I need to go-"

"Jade. Please just listen to me for a moment, If you talk to the people from the referral unit and let them take evidence then it won't have to go any further if you don't want them to. It's still completely up to you. But if you don't go, then you'll never have that opportunity, I understand that you're scared and confused, but without that evidence you won't have the same choice."

"How do you know how I feel?"

Bella sighed, "I didn't have the greatest of upbringings, I ended up with my uncle, and he was very abusive towards me. But I didn't go anyone, or get any help, and I've spent the rest of my life reliving those moments. But my experience is irrelevant, my opinion is irrelevant, this is about you taking control and making the right decision for your future."

Jade broke eye contact, "Only if you come with me."

Bella nodded, "Okay." She could hear Nick and Tess, leaving. She squeezed Jade's hand, "Well done."

.

Jade had finished with the rape referral unit. Bella had found some tracksuit bottoms and a scrub top for her to wear. "Jade, I wish you'd reconsider talking to the police about this?"

Jade changed the subject, "I don't want to go back to that bed."

Bella nodded, "That's okay, I can find you a bed in CDU until there's room upstairs."

"Can I just stay with you?"

"Well, okay- I can't be with you 24/7, but you can sit in my office if you want, it's nice and quiet."

Jade shivered, "I kept screaming, for them to stop, but nothing came out. It was like it wasn't even happening to me, when I close my eyes, I can still see them. They didn't say anything, they just kept laughing. Every time. I'm never going to feel nice again, am I?"

Bella could feel the girls pain, it was something very familiar to her, and there was only one thing she could say with confidence. "You will."

She helped Jade out of the shower, helped her get dressed and dry her hair. She wrapped her up in Bella's maternity size hoodie and led her to her office.

"Could you get Stevie for me?"

"Are you absolutely sure about that?"

Jade nodded, looking more confident as she said it, "Yes. It wasn't him Bella."

Bella sighed and nodded slowly.

.

As Bella led Stevie in, Jade brightened.

"Bella, I need to talk to him alone?"

Bella's answer was automatic, "No."

"Please, I'll be fine."

Bella nodded, "I'll wait outside. Call if you need me, yeah?" She got back to work, keeping an ear out for Jade.

.

"Bella, what is it?"

Bella held up a note pad, showing Tess the message that had made her heart plumet, _thanks for everything Bella xox Jade and Stevie_

Tess sighed, "Oh no... We have to find them."

"I know, I'm on it."

Tess frowned, "Aren't you supposed to go home in a minute-"

"I'm not leaving until we find her. Call Nick, get someone to look at the CCTV, we haven't got much time. What if we missed something, what if she's been over-compensating- she's a healthy teenager- Lloyd, Scarlett, can you go looking around the grounds, the bustop, quickly-"

Lloyd and Scarlett nodded and jogged out of the E.D.

Bella clenched and re-clenched her fists, she wouldn't let this get to her.

**Hey guuys, if you like this enough to follow/favourite or even just read every chapter then I would really appreciate hearing about it in a review. Even if you hate it, I love feedback.**

**Speaking of feedback, a few of you have been asking for Nick/Zoe in this story. As you can probably tell I've introduced Yvonne to the story and I already have her written into most of the fic, so I really don't know what to do. I'll think about it, promise, I already have to do some rewriting and I love Nick and Zoe to death but I did plan to keep to the main storyline apart from the addition of Bella. It basically depends on where my mood takes me, any ideas would be appreciated to give me somewhere to start, idk**


	38. Ricochet: What Goes Around Comes Around

**long chapter bla bla bla **

"What are you still doing here?" Dylan touched Bella lightly on the shoulder.

Bella ignored the contact, not wanting to turn around and have to make eye contact, "Dylan I need to do this shift-"

"But we agreed, no double shifts and-" Dylan wasn't quite as bad as Nick about the whole overdoing it thing, but he was about a hundred times more stubborn about it. And although the concern for her welfare was touching, she did just want to do her job. Bella looked away, "Please Dyl, don't argue with me on this, I have to work this shift."

Dylan caught the tone of Bella's voice and was concerned. "What's so important about this shift-?"

Bella surprised him by turning into his chest and twisting her arms around his back. She was even less keen on public displays of affection than he was, okay holding hands and maybe even a light kiss in the cheek, but a hug in the middle of CDU surrounded by dozens of staff members? That just wasn't Bella or Dylan. "What's happened?" He extended his arms around her, being careful of the six month old baby bump.

Bella sighed into his chest, "I've fallen out with Nick, properly, and there's this patient who reminds me of how I used to feel just that little bit too much. And I'm fed up of people treating me like I'm a rare form of fragile glass, I'm still me, aren't I?"

Dylan did the appropriate amount of shushing and reassuring before Bella extracted herself from his arms, "It's been a rough shift."

"And you want to do another."

"It can't get any worse." As soon as she said it, Bella knew she was going to regret it.

.

"Bella, Bella, we've got her-" Lloyd and Scarlett helped Jade onto a bed in resus.

Bella sighed in poorly disguised relief. "How are you doing Jade?"

Lloyd read from the monitor, "Pulse is elevated at 108, BP's fine at 118 over 79. She seems to have some tenderness."

Bella nodded, "Side or tummy Jade?"

Jade shook her head, "It's just from where I fell over."

Tess nodded, "Can you show us where it hurts?"

Jade flinched as Bella ran her hand along her side.

Tess looked at Bella, "If we're not needed?"

Bella nodded and the nurses left her to it.

Jade frowned, "Bella, I don't need all this fuss?"

"I just want to take a look at your side, is that okay?"

Jade nodded and let Bella have a look. She had new bruising on her back and side. "Okay, you can lie back down again. When you pass water have you noticed any discolouration at all? I'm a bit concerned about the bruising, your kidneys could have taken a hit?"

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing too concerning yet but I might have to run some tests. Tess can you get me a urine sample and-"

Jade froze. "What is she doing here?"

Bella turned to see Yvonne Rippon standing at the door.

Jade was quick to panic, "Have you been talking to the police?"

Tess rubbed Jade on the back, "It's okay, Bella, don't-"

Bella had marched up to Yvonne. "If you don't get out of my resus, in say, 30 seconds, I will call hospital security, I really don't care If you're a police officer, you're upsetting my patient. Now." Bella have may be six months pregnant but she could still be very scary if she wanted to be and if anything her temper had got worse. She had no patience for interfering and bolshy police-officers today.

Yvonne took one last look at Jade before following Bella out of resus.

As soon as they were out of the earshot of Jade, Bella turned to face the police super-intendant with a frown, "Herranging someone who isn't ready to talk is completely non-constructive."

S.I Rippon was not deterred by the angry pregnant woman following her across the Emergency Department, "Look, I understand she's been through a horrendous ordeal and I'm also pretty sure I know why it happened to her-"

Bella interrupted, "That's all you care about though, getting someone to snitch so you can look good because it's your first job as a super-intendant."

"I care about Jade just as much as you do. She has information about the shooting which could help-"

Bella raised her hands, "There you go again, Jade's a scared, vulnerable girl who has just been raped, she doesn't need a bolshy copper barging in and making things worse."

Yvonne Rippon was on the verge of loosing her cool, "They are trying to silence her. You might think that you are protecting her while she's in here, but-"

"She needs medical attention, and to keep calm. Do you even have any idea what she is going through here?"

"Do you have any idea what is at stake?"

Bella rolled her eyes, "Actually I think I do, a lot more of an idea than you have anyway. You're working on the assumption that if you get Jade, you'll get Stevie and then you'll get Anton. That's a lot of ifs. This isn't just a black and white training exercise, there are real people involved. And do you honestly think that the rest of the Farmead crew are just going to sit around and-"

S.I Rippon interrupted. "If I don't get to talk to Jade all of this will-"

"Exactly my point."

Tess saw this as a good opportunity to interrupt, "Dr Jordan, please-"

Bella turned on Tess, "If you mention the fact that I am six months pregnant I will-" She paused, realising that she was close to yelling, "Sorry Tess, mate." She gave Yvonne a glare.

Tess caught Bella's arm, "Bella, I think that it would be a good idea if you-"

Dylan wandered over with a dog on a lead made of twisted bandages, "I'm just popping to the vet with Cadmus here." He had noticed the disturbance and thought it might be a good idea if he distracted both Tess and the police-officer-woman for long enough for Bella to calm down.

Bella tried her best not to laugh at the expression on Tess's face. "Dr Keogh I cannot allow-"

Dylan frowned, "Is everything okay here?" Bella was looking daggers at the police-officer-woman and the way that Tess was standing between them suggested that something had gone on.

Bella said "Yes!" at the exact same time as Yvonne said "No."

Tess rolled her eyes. "Bella is going to get a coffee, DCI Rippon is just on her way to my office."

Dylan nodded, "Come on Bella, go get a coffee, I'll be back."

Bella looked like she was going to disagree. She shook her head in frustration and marched off after Dylan. "You bought the dog into an E.D? Why do you always have to be so bloody-"

Dylan turned around and smirked at Bella. "Coffee."

"I can't even have cup of fucking coffee- stop smirking at me Dylan I am not in the mood."

Dylan picked up a cup of decaffeinated coffee from the nurses station that he had made for her earlier. It was still warm enough to drink. Bella took it, but still kept the sulky scowl on her face. Dylan smiled again, she did amuse him.

"What?"

Dylan shook his head, "Nothing. And Bella, if Nick asks I've gone for a break, I'm taking the dog to the vet."

"Go ahead..." Bella smiled as she said it, that was one of the reasons she loved Dylan, his unfaltering kindness to all those who really deserved it. She stroked the dog on the head. "Hey sweetie."

"It's a him."

"Oh all right." Bella was calm, she was even happy, in fact she was on the verge of laughing at her Dylan, attached to a dog by a lead of twisted bandages in the middle of a busy emergency department, as pedantic as ever. "Have fun at the vets."

.

Jade was still desperate to leave the safety of the hospital resus, "I can see what you're trying to do?"

"What am I trying to do Jade?"

"You're trying to keep me here."

"And why would I want to do that?"

"Because you and that copper are friends-"

Bella almost rolled her eyes, "Trust me Jade, me and that copper are anything but friends. Whether or not you want to talk to her, or indeed any other police officer, is completely your choice. Can you sit back for me?"

Scarlet appeared at Bella's shoulder, "I've got the results from the urine analysis, they showed gross hematuria."

Bella nodded, "Cheers Scarlett, okay, I'm sorry Jade but these results confirm what I was talking about earlier."

"Is it bad?"

"Well the good thing is that you're up and talking to me, so it can't be that bad, okay? Tess can you organise me a scan please?"

As soon as they were alone together Jade whispered to her, "How long is this going to take?"

"I'm sorry, that really depends on the results of the CT scan. Have you got somewhere to be?"

Jade shook her head. "No."

.

Jade was getting worse, vomiting and cramps, and asking repeatedly for Stevie. Bella relented and let her have her phone, knowing that the police were trying to arrest Stevie. She hoped that was the right thing to do.

.

It was later, and Bella was waiting in resus with Jade. She turned around at the sound of a trolley rushing into resus, "What have we got?" Tess was following a burns patinet through the doors of resus. Bella knew that she shouldn't technically take the case, but there was no other docter in resus. Bella made the decision, not waiting for an invitation. Tess raised her eyebrows and Bella stuck her tongue out with a stubborn shrug, "I'm all you've got."

Tess nodded, she couldn't care less where Bella treated as long as she had enough staff to run her department, personally being of the opinion that Bella was a capable enough doctor to decide where and what she treated, "This is Anton, he's sustained-"

Jade began to get distressed, "It's him, it's Anton, I don't want him anywhere near me-"

Bella turned back towards Jade's bed, trying to look reassuring, "Okay Jade, I have to do my job but Lloyd and Scarlet are going to take you to the CT scan now? Lloyd Scarlett. **Now**." The nurses nodded, and began to drag the trolley out of resus."

She turned back to Anton, who was shouting his mouth off. "Shut up you, you **have** been in an accident and we **are** going to treat you but we **don't** have to enjoy it. Okay? I don't care who you are on the streets, in here your name is Anton and you are my patient. So, Tess can we have pads on these burns quickly?"

Anton looked at her, "You gonna treat me? Girl, you're up the duff."

"Okay, the burns don't seem to be affecting the patients vision, or his ability to talk which is of course unfortunate."

She was interrupted by Mr Jordan and S.I Rippon bursting past Jade's trolley and into resus. Nick looked slightly flustered, something that would have made Bella grin if it wasn't for the copper in front of hm, "Yvonne, you can't-"

The policewoman ignored him. "Someone try to kill you did they Anton? Shame they didn't try a little bit harder eh? Just tell me who it was-"

Bella looked up from the treatment chart. "Can we get rid of the police officer, if you could?"

Nick pulled Yvonne back from the bed, "Out."

Yvonne scowled. "If you could let me know if he's going to pull through, that would be very handy."

Bella added to her request. "Please? Always say please, please is important, eh Anton?" Her patient gave her a confused look and groaned with pain. "Just gimmie some morphine all right?"

Bella shrugged, "Obviously missed that one."

Yvonne ignored her, glaring at Nick. "Meanwhile, I'm going to try and contain this mess."

Nick raised his eyebrows at Bella, who wasn't meant to be treating in resus. "And you?"

Bella rolled her eyes, "Please Nick?"

Nick was insistent, "Out. Go and see Jade. Now Bella."

Bella scowled and followed Yvonne out.

Nick sighed taking the burns chart from where Bella had thrown it, "Go ahead then Tess."

Tess continued, as usual remaining calm amidst the chaos. "Airway seems clear, that's the first litre of saline."

.

Bella was in CDU, she'd got Jade sorted and left Lloyd with her and she was just getting her stethoscope, when a group of lads came running in. The first one, lobbed a sharps bin at the others over his shoulder, and then all hell broke loose. She jumped out her cubicle and confronted one. "Hey, this is not on. Put that down."

He tried to avoid her, and then decided it was more fun to have a fight. Bella soon forgot all the reasons why fighting with a patient was a bad idea. She was aware of Dylan next to her and that was a distraction. The guy lunged towards her, and because she was trying to avoid hitting Dylan, he nearly got her, but thankfully the police men got there in time. The enormity her stupidity hit her as if she had just been slapped round the face. She looked around, struggling in the chaos, and someone was shouting. Adrenaline, well more like panic. She was scared, all of a sudden she was completely petrified, for herself, for her baby, for Dylan, Nick and all the other staff at the emergency department, all the girls like Jade- The chaos had stopped, the combination of police officers, hospital porters and security guards had regained control. Nick. He shouted at her from across the room, "What the hell Bella? How many times do-" Of course she deserved that, how could she have been so stupid?

And then Dylan was shouting in furious reply, "Whatever it is, don't take it out on Bella, okay?" Bella looked between Nick and Dylan and then around CDU, suddenly panicking, she stepped back and ran out of CDU and into her office.

.

Dylan was mad. In all the time that Bella had known him he had hardly ever raised his voice. Dylan was the epitome of calm. Yet he was shouting now. They were in Bella's office, she had just taken on an a set of aggressive teenagers, the Farmead Crew, who were causing havoc in CDU. She hadn't given a second thought to her safety, or the safety of her child before confronting them. Luckily the police arrived before it got too serious but there was one scary moment when one of the lads swung his fist a little too close to Bella's stomach.

"What the hell were you thinking? One blow to the stomach and- this isn't just about you any more. You can't go running in every time, you've got to accept that you can't save everyone."

Bella had always been famous for her short temper, and even know she had done wrong, she couldn't help but react to Dylan, "If you hadn't jumped in then he wouldn't have gotten near me, I was distracted by watching your back as well as mine. "

"Don't you dare try to turn this on me. You confronted a a gang of teenagers unarmed. You completely ignored protocol, you could have been killed. They could have had a knife, or even a gun."

"He didn't though did he? And its not like I deliberately picked a fight, I was practically ambushed."

Dylan stepped forward, meaning to illustrate his point and Bella flinched visibly and stepped back without even thinking. She was tired, stressed and it was an automatic response. Dylan froze immediately and stepped back. Bella turned away, furious with herself for displaying that kind of weakness to Dylan. The air in her lungs hissed out through her teeth. He would never hurt her, but years of abuse had left her with instincts that was hard to override. Perhaps she was jumpy, after what had happened in CDU. She clenched her shaking hands into fists. Dylan's reaction surprised her, she expected him to be hurt, maybe even still angry or perhaps he wouldn't deal with it at all and leave her standing there alone. Instead he stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She leaned back against him. "All I've ever known is violence and abuse. Fighting is the only way I know. It was reckless and stupid and I'm sorry."

"What am I going to do with you?"

"I don't fear you, I know you, I- You know that, don't you?" Bella spun around to face Dylan, keeping his arms closed around her. She looked into his eyes for a long five seconds, letting them say all the words that were failing to form on her tongue and then placing her head against his chest, letting the warm scent of Dylan wash around her and calm her. Dylan answered, "Yes." They stood in silence for a bit before Dylan added. "I love you." He kissed her hair.

Bella smiled, "I love you too."

And then there was a gunshot. Bella tensed immediately, spinning around to face the door, "What the-"

Bella ran out, Dylan followed her, keeping one hand protectively on her back. "Bella- wait. It could be dangerous-"

Bella was already assesing the situtation. Stevie had shot his brother. Bella went into auto-pilot, everyone else was still reeling from the shock of the shot. She shouted, above the noise. "Don't bother with a trolley, everyone grab a bit and straight into resus. Someone put pressure on that chest. Quickly guys."

She rushed into resus. "Fast-bleep the-"

Nick finished the sentence for her. "Anaesthetist. Dr Lyons CPR. Get a-"

Bella continued, letting Nick pause for breath, "-line in. Scissors, get those clothes out of the way. Now please."

Nick nodded and cut through the clothes. "Fluids. Adrenaline. 2 units of O neg."

Bella looked at the position of the wound. "Thorocotomy kit on standby."

Nick was investigating the wound."It's a through and through, we need a throro-"

Bella handed Nick a scalpel before he could even continue the sentence, "You cutting?"

Tess looked concerned. "This is a catastrophic injury Bella, Mr Jordan."

Nick waived Tess off. "Yes I know that Tess. Quickly."

Bella added, trying to explain, she knew that the chances of patient surviving were lower than low, but she also knew that Nick had to try, "You always cut the patient open, just to see. And if it's not penetrated the-"

Nick ignored them both, pulling the chest open with spreaders, "Lenny out the way."

Bella knelt down and peered into the chest. "It's punctured the heart."

Nick began to make a second incision.

Bella sighed, "Nick..." She looked at Tess and nodded. "This isn't salvageable."

Tess stopped respiration. "Mr Jordan, the patient is dead."

Nick stopped and threw his gloves off and marched out of resus. Bella nodded at Lenny. "Call it mate." The Scottish doctor nodded, looking up at the clock and saying the time. Bella didn't wait to hear it, she quickly followed her father out of resus. "Nick-"

Nick didn't even turn around as he strode across the Emergency Department, "You shouldn't be treating in resus in your condition."

She ignored his blatant attempt at changing the subject. "Nick. Nick!" But her father ignored her. His face was a line. Bella tried a different tact. "It wasn't your fault."

"A boy gets shot metres away from our resus and we can't save him."

"Some cases outcomes are predetermined, you can be moments away or miles away and it won't make any difference. And sometimes it doesn't even make a difference who is on the operating table, it could had been the worlds best surgeon, but he wouldn't have been able to save him. Once you've been shot, it's out of our hands. If Stevie had held that gun a millimeter higher or lower the outcome could have been different, and the same for Jacob or any other gunshot wound I have ever treated. It's out of our hands, we can only do the best we can with the situation we are given. So don't beat yourself up about it, you're the first doctor I would have chosen to have by my side today."

Nick smiled, suddenly teasing, "Not even Dylan?"

Bella was sincere, "Not even Dylan or any other surgeon I've ever worked with. And that's the truth."

Nick's eyes suddenly seemed very far away, "When did my daughter grow up to be so wise? Not long ago and you would be more furious with yourself than I could ever be."

Bella shrugged, "Dylan's good for me. I know you're always going to think of him as the grumpy, maverick doctor who got your daughter pregnant and made her cry, but he's- He knows me and yet he still loves me."

"And do you know him?"

"I know enough to know that he doesn't want to talk about it. And I know what that's like."

"Are you happy?"

"I am happy." And then Bella grinned, "I haven't said that in a long time." And then she looked concerned, "Are you okay?"

"I will be fine. I shouted at you, I shouldn't have-"

"I did a stupid thing, you're my father, you're allowed to tell me off. We were all stressed today." She squeezed his arm.

Nick smiled, looking over to see Dylan waiting for Bella. "He's waiting for you, go on, leave your old man in peace."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, go." Nick walked away and out of the emergency department. Bella stood for a moment and watched the E.D spring slowly back to life. Noel went back to reception, the nurses went back to work, Big Mac went back to doing the crossword. Dylan came and stood next to her. Bella leant her head on his shoulder, "Take me home, please? I'm too tired for this."

.

Bella lay asleep on the sofa, in her usual evening attire. Lounge pants tucked into long fluffy socks and a vest top stretched over her baby bump. A loose cardigan covered her arms. She was fast asleep, muttering as usual. Today it was something about nurses. "Don't forget to tell the nurse. Write it down." Dylan didn't understand what went on in Bella's head when she was awake, let alone when she was sleeping. She stopped muttering, and Dylan couldn't resist checking if she was still breathing. He knew he was being stupid, and that she was fine. He gently placed a blanket over her, and went to feed Dervla. Poor Dervla was getting a little less attention from Dylan as of late. Bella liked dogs, and loved to walk Dervla, but had very strict ideas about dogs sleeping on human beds.

**dun dun daaa**

**Now that was a lot of words. Sorry if you got lost or bored or confused, I know I did. But I've done it. I haven't actually written the next chapter, but I might introduce some Nick and Zoe? But it will mainly focus on Dylan's life. You might even get to meet his parents, who knows :) Love to hear your thoughts, as always, so please drop me a message or review or whatever, even if you hate it, I would love to know.**

**NB. I think I might have mucked up the six/seven months pregnant in here, I think I've changed them all, but Bella should be about six months pregnant at this point, if my calculations are correct hahaha, knowing how rubbish I am at maths they probably aren't, but I'll use my artistic license. **


	39. Dogs and Walks and a Big Surprise

**The next 2/3 chapters will be set outside of the casualty, more about dylan and his past because I thoght it was kinda weird that bella didn't know anything about him. most of it is pure indulgence on my half, and as for you nick/zoe fans, just wait and see what I have in store for you next**

Bella could hear the dog whining at the door. She didn't want to wake Dylan, he had been sleeping soundly since the early hours of the morning. Bella yawned and edged her way out of bed, she had been awake all night. She grabbed the nearest item of clothing and put it on. She was pretty sure it was a shirt of Dylan's, but she couldn't turn the light on to check. She carefully opened the door as to not let Dervla run in. "Sssh, he's sleeping."

The dog looked at her, two eyes glowing.

Bella blinked, "So, what do you want? You need a wee or whatever?"

Dervla didn't alter her gaze. Bella sighed, she had a reasonable relationship with Dylan's beloved dog, although she was still quite bemused by the creature. Her only real experience with dogs had been the sniffer dogs she had met in the army and they were not pets. She had taken Dervla for walks and even invited her into her home, but all of this was done in the company of Dylan. Bella honestly didn't know what to do with the dog. Luckily Dervla had more sense than her, with a single wag of the tail she led Bella pointedly to the place where her food bowls where. "Oh, right, dog food." Bella looked around the kitchen. "Okay, so where does he keep the dog food?" She had probably seen Dylan feed her before, but she had been distracted. Dylan's house was as tidy as hers, but everything was in illogical places. The tea and sugar weren't in the same place as the coffee. And it went knives, spoons and then forks in his cutlery box. So the dog food could be anywhere? And to make matters better Dervla had started howling. "Sssh, sssh, please, dervla ssh, damn it, you'll wake Dylan, sssh." Bella started frantically opening cupboards until she found the little red tin of canned dog food. "Can opener, can opener?" She had definitely seen the can opener at some point-

"What are you doing?"

Bella turned to see Dylan leaning against the doorway with a casual grin on his face, "Trying to feed your dog."

Dylan laughed.

"It's not funny, you were supposed to stay asleep. Where's the can opener?"

Dylan took the can opener off of the drainer and the tin of dog food out of Bella's hands. Dervla quietened down as soon as Dylan put the food in her bowl, still laughing to himself.

Bella stood, redundant, in the corner of the kitchen. "You were supposed to stay asleep."

"You weren't very quiet."

Bella looked at Dervla, "I was not the noisy one."

Dylan smiled and tugged at the collar of the shirt she was wearing.

"You're wearing my shirt?"

"Couldn't seem to find any of my clothes in the dark." She shivered.

"Back to bed?"

Dylan took her hand and led her through the door.

.

Bella was curled up on the bed, still wearing Dylan's shirt. Her hair had escaped from it's usual plait and was fanned out behind her. There were streaks of blond weaved through the dark brown showing which strands of hair were normally exposed to the sun. The sheet covered her from the middle of the slight selling across her stomach that was the only indication that she was pregnant and down over her legs, twisted around her slender arms. Dylan wanted to drape a blanket over her, she never looked like she had enough insulation herself to run her body temperature at 37ºC, but he also didn't want to disturb her. She didn't sleep often, and when she did she would talk constantly or even wake screaming from night terrors. She would rarely talk about them, she would just blink and the mask of concentrated emptiness would fix upon her face. Bella and Dylan didn't have the conventional relationship in the sense that there were many things that they just didn't talk about. Silence was more comfortable anyway. Dervla sat at the door, the dog seemed to sense that this time she really was supposed to be quiet. In fact, Dylan had never seen Bella sleep so soundly. He checked her pulse, lightly pressing on her wrist. She was fine. Her face was free from any expression of worry or thought, her mouth curved into a slight smile. Her lashes, with her eyes closed, brushed close to the top of her cheekbones. Dylan sighed and checked the time on the clock, it was 6am. If it hadn't been the Easter Bank Holiday Weekend they would both be getting up, having a shower, making coffee and taking Dervla for a walk, but they had both worked their full quota of shifts in the week so Nick had insisted that they take a full 48 hours off. He decided that he might as well try and get some sleep, gently, so as not to disturb Bella, he slid under the covers and rested his head against the pillow.

Bella woke with a start, blinking straight from the nightmare of the past and into the present. She held up her hands, expecting to find them covered in blood. They weren't, and instead of a cold alleyway in Manchester she was in a warm bedroom in Bristol with Dylan looking at her with a sleepy concern across his face. It took her brain a moment to connect with this present, to stop her mind from racing and to touch her stomach and feel the presence of the pregnant bulge that protected her baby inside. She sighed, turning to face Dylan, "Was I talking again?"

Dylan shook his head, concerned at the fact that Bella's eyes had filled with moisture, "Only once or twice."

Bella shook her head as if to clear it of the fast-fading memory of her dream. "Sorry about that." She blinked, "I'll go make coffee."

Dylan held out his hand, "I'd rather stay-"

Bella cut him off, sliding out of the bed, "I'm not in the mood."

.

Bella returned with two large mugs of coffee. Dylan had sat up in bed and was watching Bella's expression with concern. He took his coffee and waited for her to sit next to him. It wasn't in his nature to pry, but this was Bella, "What's wrong?"

Bella looked at Dylan for a fraction of a second, he didn't normally ask that kind of question, before answering, "Just a nightmare, everyone gets them. Just me more than most recently." She looked at her bump, "Only 3 more months and then it might just be normal again..." She sipped at her coffee, but she still had that look in her eyes. Sometimes Bella's eyes were the only real way to tell how she was feeling.

"Tell me." Dylan's tone wasn't questioning, but firm.

"Tell you what?"

Dylan waited, it took a while for Bella to start talking.

"Well you know when we were in that consult with obvs and that bloody awful scottish doctor asked me if I'd had any previous pregnancies and I said two miscarriages at 13 and 16 and you didn't even blink because you are far lovlier than I deserve." Dylan made his let's-not-start-this-again face, which Bella ignored. "And I just had a rather vivid dream which, given my current circumstance, was- you know what nevermind."

"I love you."

Dylan was acting slightly weirdly. Too normal. Too touchy feely. Bella made a face, "And I love you. Did I accidentally spike your coffee or what?"

"That's nice."

Bella took Dylan's cup off coffee from him and sniffed it. And then she tasted it, wrinkling her nose, "I don't know how you can stand milk. Urgh. But no drugs."

Dylan shook his head in disapproval and took his coffee back. "Come for a walk with me."

"We go for a walk every morning Dylan. That's what you do with dogs, right?"

Dylan stood up with a smile. "Dress warmly." He stood up, picked up his phone and walked into the main room of the boat, "You can have first shower if you want?"

.

"Where are we going?" Bella drummed her fingers on the dashboard of Dylan's infamously precious blue four wheeled drive. Any one else would have most likely been evicted from the car in an instant, possibly while the vehicle was still moving and definitely without an explanation, but Bella was different.

Dylan answered with a word that he was sure he would be repeating more than once in the journey. Again, he made allowances in his patience for Bella. "Surprise."

Bella sighed, leaning back in her seat and twisting her hands together in her lap, "I don't like surprises."

Dylan continued to drive, waiting for the inevitable next question. Bella could be so childlike sometimes.

"Can I have a clue?" Bella turned in her seat to examine the contents of Dylan's car boot. Dervla stared back at her. They had the usuals for an emergency department doctor, a kit bag, water, torches and blankets. And then there was the dog things, a plastic bowl, a tennis ball, a tartan blanket and lead. And they had their walking boots and large holdall. "What's in the bag?"

Dylan smirked slightly, "Surprise."

Bella turned back to face the front, almost sulkily and began to focus on road signs. "Are we nearly there yet?" And then she laughed, she hadn't even realised the wording of her question until it came out of her mouth. "Sorry." She closed her eyes and focus on the calming movement of the car. Dylan squeezed her knee, a gesture that was supposed to be reassuring, but only prompted Bella's eyes to snap open in order to check that he was not neglecting his duty of driving. "Watch the road!"

Dylan shook his head almost teasingly, "Do you want to drive?"

"Remind me to take you for a ride on my bike as soon as we get back. That'll wipe that smile off your face." Bella had never owned a car, and although she was a perfectly capable driver, she had never liked them.

"What smile? Don't worry, we'll be walking soon."

Bella clarified, "5 minutes, 10 minutes, 20?"

Dylan smiled, "8."

Bella nodded, she liked to know when things would be happening. She sat back in the seat and began to count the catseyes on the road as they went past.

"Here."

Bella looked around the carpark, if you could call it that. Grey gravel surrounded by a mixture of hedges and green banks. There were no markings to indicate where to park, Dylan had just pulled up in a corner. The carpark was empty, except for them and a big sign on the other side of the carpark. Welcome to Exmoor. Bella raised her eyebrows, "So where exactly is here?"

Dylan pointed to the sign with a smile. Bella rolled her eyes, "Okay, so why?"

"I told you. We're going for a walk."

"We drove for an hour just to go on a walk?" Realising that Dylan was offended by her disinterest she shrugged unconvincingly, "No, cool, it looks like a beautiful place to walk." She looked across the moor, all she could see from the carpark was a rocky, grassy track between two hedges of spiked gorse and bracken. A low mist prevented her from seeing any further.

"Exmoor is different, wild ponies, free ranging cattle, sheep, untouched wildlife-"

Bella was frowning, she recognised the landscape, "Is this anywhere near Sandhurst?"

Dylan shook his head, "We're in Devon. I did point out the sign. Sandhurst is in Berkshire."

Bella frowned. "I know where Sandhurst is." And then her face returned to it's normal expression."Devon. The land of farmer- speak and endless rain."

"It isn't raining."

Bella looked at the sky. "Yet." And then she smiled. And honestly too. She was just being grumpy because it was early in the morning and Dylan had refused to tell her where they were going. Dylan returned her smile gratefully, and handed her her boots. Bella slid her boots in over her thick socks. They were old army issue, she'd never bought any different kind of boots. She had dressed warmly under Dylan's instruction, she was wearing one of his jumpers over her own. Dylan let Dervla out of the back of the truck. The dog bounced out of the truck aimiabley. Dylan took the mysterious holdall and after asking Dervla if she was capable of behaving herself when faced with Exmoor rabbits, the dog lead too. He took Bella's hand, something that almost surprised her. But then she guessed that their unwritten rules about public displays of affection didn't apply in the middle of nowhere.

Bella's patience had a limit of just under ten minutes. They hadn't walked far, the ambling pace was probably sympathetic to the fact that Bella was over six months pregnant by this point, something which was also a contributing factor to her lack of patience. She stopped, Dervla had paused to sniff at the base of a solitary tree. It wasn't as if Bella wasn't enjoying the walk, the air was clean on her tongue and Dylan's hand was warm in hers, but her enjoyment was being reduced by her burning desire to discover the purpose of the trip. Dylan wasn't the sort to drive an hour in order to walk his dog and he wouldn't insist on keeping it a surprise. And she still didn't know what was in the mystery holdall that was hung in Dylan's right shoulder. She thought upon what she knew about Dylan's past, not a lot if she was honest but that had never really bothered her before. To a certain extent she still trusted him. He had said he was a country GP, it seemed like an age since their first meeting, perhaps he used to live here? She cleared her throat slightly, "So why are we here?"  
Dylan smirked, he had been wondering how long Bella would remain silent. "Listen."

Bella stopped talking and listened. She couldn't hear anything. The moor was completely silent. Nothing moved. She frowned, "What am I supposed to be hearing?"

Dylan smiled, "Nothing."

And then Bella got it, the complete silence, that was what she was supposed to hear. No talking, no whine of ambulances, no bleeping monitors, no cars, no planes, no nothing. And now she thought about it, the silence was slightly eerie. It was empty of everything. Bella shrugged, "So you bought me here to listen to nothing?"

"Not quite." And he started to walk again, still confident of his whereabouts. Bella knew how stubborn Dylan was, she wasn't getting anything out of him.

They carried on waking until the reached a house. The farmhouse was literally in the middle of nowhere. A couple of outbuildings. Freisan cows, a tractor and a green landrover that was not unlike Dylan's. "Here we are."

Bella looked around, spotting the gravel track that the green landrover was parked at the end off. "Why couldn't we have driven?"

"If I'd known that the experience would have so little effect on you I would have."

A cockerel crowed. Bella raised a skeptical eyebrow, "What is this place?

"I grew up here."

Bella looked around the frankly barren landscape. That explained a few things.

"But why are we here?"

Dylan had the good grace to look sheepish. FOR WE LIKE SHEEP. "I didn't tell you this because I knew you wouldn't come and you'd freak out and- My parents invited me for Easter lunch."

Bella looked back at the house, her mouth dropping open slightly, "Your. Parents. Are. In. There?"

"Yes"

Bella raised her eyebrows, still struggling to get her head around the concept that she was little more than 20ft away from the Dylan's parents, "So you bring me here without preparation, without asking- like, what?"

Dylan looked less sheepish, and more defensive, "You've always wanted to meet my parents."

Bella was incredulous, "I have never asked to meet your parents."

Dylan said the first thing that came to his head. "You asked in your sleep."

"I so did not."

Dylan raised his eyebrows, with a slight smile, "How do you know?"

Bella was actually a little bit pissed off, and Dylan's jokes weren't exactly what she wanted to hear, "Dyl? Seriously? I'm wearing one of your sweaters. I am six months pregnant and last night was the first that I slept all week."

"I know."

"Then- urgh, that's what this morning was about right? How do you even think this is okay?" Bella turned around and began to walk away.

"No- Isabella! Come back here!"

"No." But Bella did stop and turn around to face Dylan, "What if they don't like me?"

"It'll make the two of us?"

Bella was obviously sarcastic, "Brilliant, absolutely brilliant."

And then the front door opened.

**reviewing makes me update faster hint hint**


	40. You can't choose who your family are

**first off, 40 chapters! cannot believe that I've got this far to be honest**

"Dylan!" A short, round faced, woman with curly hair appeared in the doorway. "I got your call this morning, but I didn't think you would actually-" And then she stopped herself, "It's nice to see you."

Dylan nodded courteously. Bella rolled her eyes, and turned back, stepping instinctively towards Dylan as his mother descended down the garden path. As Dylan made no move to greet his mother, so Bella stepped forward, holding out her had. The woman shook it warmly. "You must be Isabella."

Bella ignored the way in which the woman was eyeing her extended stomach, "Nice to meet you Mrs Keogh."

The woman recovered, "Call me Beth."

Bella nodded, "And you can call me Bella."

Dylan's mother turned and embraced her son. Dylan didn't reject the embrace, but the awkward way in which he just stood their made Bella roll her eyes. At least someone was as uncomfortable as her. And then Dylan's mother was leading them back up the garden path and into her house. Bella gave Dylan one last dirty look before entering the farmhouse.

.

The house was open, warm and would have been inviting, if Bella's stomach hadn't been doing somersaults. Or perhaps that was the baby. Bella really hoped it wasn't the baby. This was not part of the birth plan. The woman, Beth, turned in the hallway, "So when are you- when is the baby due?"

Bella wasn't quite sure if the question was addressed at her, or Dylan, but hearing no reply from Dylan, Bella decided she might as well fill the awkward silence, "Umm, in about 3 months."

Beth nodded politely, "Boy or girl?"

Bella answered again, "Girl." They had both looked at the scans, and being doctors had seen instantly that they were going to have to invest in some pink baby clothes. "Hey, I might even have a scan somewhere?" Bella reached into her handbag, she had been carrying around spares to show people. She handed it to Beth, who struggled to hide her smile. "Thank you." And then she turned, "Come into the kitchen, please, make yourself at home."

They were walking down a long hall, when they reached the kitchen Beth turned around again, "Would you like a drink? Tea, coffee?"

Bella and Dylan both declined. Beth nodded, "Well, umm, I'll just go and find Rich- that's Dylan's father," she explained for Bella's benefit. Bella sat slowly onto one of the kitchen chairs, and Dylan followed her example. As soon as Beth was out of what Bella perceived as earshot, she hissed to Dylan, "So. Explain. And please don't go all moody silence on me. I am not making small talk with your parents all morning. I don't think your mother likes me."

Dylan almost snapped, something which Bella thought was most unfair given the situation. "Of course she likes you. You're pregnant. They'll love you purely for the fact that they might actually get a grandchild out of me."

Bella blinked, "I don't-" She realised that it would not be the most appropriate time to have an argument. She shook her head, "Just don't be a grumpy asshole all afternoon or I'll call a cab. Do you get cabs out here?"

Dylan made an effort to smile, but didn't reply. He was looking around the room with a rabbit-caught-in-headlights-expression on his face.

Bella sighed, "What is your problem with this place?"

"Do you particularly enjoy revisiting your childhood home?"

Bella bit her lip, "I don't think that was a very sensitive comment to make, but I get your gist." Bella's mother had killed herself when Bella was five, and as far as she knew the basement flat that they had lived in had been demolished years ago. She had lived in a series of council houses with her abusive uncle, but for obvious reasons they had never stayed in the same place for long. And then after that it had just been crack dens, dodgy hotel rooms and street corners. Dylan seemed to realise that he had made an unfortunate remark, he squeezed Bella's hand in a way of apology. She continued, "Not being funny Dyl, but it would be nice to know what I'm stepping into. I'd never asked about your family because, well, I assumed they were dead and you didn't want to talk about it."

There was no reply.

Bella pulled out her phone.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm calling a cab. I'm not doing this. Not even for you. I don't do this. I didn't sigh up for this."

Dylan was sullen. "You won't get a cab to come here. It's not even on the map."

"Then I'll walk to somewhere that is on the map."

Dylan sighed and looked Bella in the eyes, "Please. I-" He stopped, and then started again. "I've never got on with my parents. Never got on with this place. They're farming folk. This land has been farmed by my family for generations. The fact that I wanted to become a doctor just wasn't agreeable. On my 18th birthday I just upped and left. And I've never really come back since. I got a call last week, I get one every year, inviting me to Easter lunch, and this time I said yes."

Bella muttered, "Why the hell did you do that?" And then she regretted it, Dylan never opened up like this and she was being a cow. She almost laughed, it was typical Dylan to do things in the most awkward, most annoying way possible. "Seriously though, why now?"

Dylan sighed, placing his hand on Bella's bump. "Because I thought she deserved a set of grandparents."

Bella was about to add, and Nick, but it dawned upon her what Dylan was getting at. Nick had always had limited time. His tumour operation had given him an estimated five years, one of which he had already had. He wasn't going to be around for ever. Bella sighed, deciding then to forgive Dylan, in his own twisted, Dylan way he had been trying to do the best for her. And he was right, she never would have agreed to meet his parents. She put her phone back into her pocket. "Can I have a glass of water please?"  
Dylan nodded, and went and fetched a glass from a high cupboard and filled it with tap water. He placed it on the table, and returned to his seat. Bella was looking at a picture on the wall. It was of a young boy, abut four or five, wearing swimming trunks and standing ankle deep in a paddling pool. Dylan followed her gaze and almost looked embarrassed. "Was I a cute child?"

Bella smiled, "Yes. You still are."

Dylan laughed, "What, cute or a child?"

Bella joined in, "You-" And there was the sound of a door opening and shutting with a slam. Muffled voices got closer and closer until a man appeared at the doorway. "Well, you weren't joking when you said she was 'specting."

"Richard!" Beth appeared next to him.

Bella stood up, holding out her hand in greeting, but before she could step forward, Richard interrupted, "Sit down love, wouldn't want you to exert yourself, would we?"

Bella bit her tongue on the quick reply, not sure if the man was joking or not. She sat down and took a sip of water. There was a small pause. Dylan's face was unreadable. The silence probably would have spread on, if it hadn't been for a kitchen timer exploding into action. Bella jumped and Beth ran forward, "Good heavens, that would be the turkey."

Dylan spoke for the first time, "Bella is vegetarian." It was a statement of fact without any recognisable emotion.

Richard seemed to say something like, "She would be," but Bella chose to ignore it.

Beth was thrown only for a second, "Well, I do have some pizza that I could-"

Bella shook her head, "Don't worry, I'll just have veg and potatoes, if that's okay?"

Beth smiled, "Of course." She began to busy herself in the kitchen. Bella offered her assistance, which was refused graciously. Dylan's father turned the television onto some sports game, which Bella and Dylan both pretended to watch. But Bella's attention was held more by noticing various pictures of a youthful Dylan on the wall and watching the quick, almost excited looks, that Beth was giving Dylan, or more they way in which Dylan's hands were intertwined with Bella's. And then Bella's phone rang. Bella pulled the phone out of her pocket, looking at the user I.D. Zoe. Dylan looked curiously at her, "Who is it?"

"Zoe. I'm gonna go and answer it, okay?" Quickly, before Dylan could complain, she stood up and walked down the hallway and out the door. She took Dylan's coat from the rack and put it on in an effort to keep warm in the cool, mid-april breeze. She felt mildly guilty about leaving Dylan in a room with his parents, but she guessed that some payback was in order. "Hello?"

The voice on the other line crackled through, _"Hey Bells, it's me."_

"What's up?"

There was a slight pause on the end of the line, _"Um Bells, umm. Yeah."_

"What is it?" It wasn't like Zoe to have trouble finding the words.

_"I'm not quite sure why I called you actually. But. Nick just asked me out."_

"Out? As in date, lunch, dinner, drink?"

_"Literally just walked up and asked if I would come to dinner with him."_

"Okay. And you're calling me because?"

_"Is that okay with you?"_

"I'm not quite sure what you are asking?"

_"Do you mind if I go for dinner with your father?"_

Bella laughed.

_"I'm being serious."_

"Zoe you were engaged to him, once upon a time. I'm not going to-" Bella laughed again, "Oh, if this day could get any more surreal. Go ahead sister, I wish you all the best of luck. Just remember that he can be a twat."

_"Yes. I'm not going to forget that. What are you up to?"_

Bella laughed again, suddenly finding everything rather funny, "Okay, guess where I am?"

_"At home?"_

"Nope."

_"Umm, I don't know... wait, are you and Dylan getting married?"_

If Bella wasn't laughing already, she was now. "Married? I'm sorry, but what part of my relationship with Dylan says marriage?"

_"Oh."_

"Honestly Zo, what are you on today?"

More laughs._ "I'm not sure. Where are you then?"_

"Umm. I'm at Dylan's parents house. Having Easter Dinner or lunch or whatever."

Now Zoe was laughing,_ "How the hell did- jeez. What are they like?"_

"Um, nice, I guess. Beth is lovely, and Richard, I don't know. But I am literally in the middle of nowhere. We had to walk, because basically there is this mud track and that is it. There are actually chickens in the garden. And a tractor."

_"A country farmer? I didn't have Dylan down as a country bumpkin."_

"I don't know. But I better get back. And good luck with Nick."

_"I don't know what to wear!"_

"As little as possible and he'll love it."

_"Bella!"_

"Love you." Bella hung up with a smile. She hadn't been expecting that one. A wet nose touched her loose hand. She turned and found Dervla sniffing at her leg. "I wondered where you'd got to girl. Come on, let's go and rescue Dylan."

.

Dinner at the Keogh house was perfectly civil, if not slightly awkward. Dylan's father was almost as abrupt as Dylan, but there was a harsh, cynical sarcasm to his tone that made Bella feel slightly uncomfortable. Dylan's mother was lovely, Beth pulled the conversation along, forcing both Dylan and his father to converse with each other. The food was good, a proper roast dinner, although Bella avoided the meat. After the meal, Dylan, Bella and Richard retired to the living room, Beth insisting that she needed no help clearing up. Instead of paying attention to the TV screen Bella attempted to distract herself from the obvious underlying tension between Dylan and his father by spotting the various photo's of Dylan secreted around the room. He had been a cute baby, an adorable child and a sullen looking teenager.

.

It was later in the evening and they had just finished watching Countryfile. Beth smiled brightly, "Well, it's getting late. I suppose you'll want to be up in the morning. I didn't know whether you wanted single or a double room so-"  
Richard interrupted, "It's a bit late for that, eh-"  
Dylan's face was stony. "I'll show her up."  
Beth nodded, "You can have your old bedroom?"

Dylan didn't reply, literally taking Bella's hand and dragging her away. As soon as the shut the door behind them there was the sound of raised voices. Bella could pick out Beth's above the low rumble of Richards. "He doesn't visit for years and then you treat him like this-"  
Dylan didn't speak or even make any indication that he could hear his parents, his face was still stony. Although Bella's curiosity wanted to hear more, Dylan obviously didn't. She followed him up the stairs and through a doorway. She didn't get a chance to look around because as soon as she shut the door, Dylan's mouth was on her, roughly kissing her, twisting his hands through her hair. Bella responded at first, but then pulled away. "Ouch. Umm okay. What's this in aid of?"

Dylan didn't reply. He quickly looked around the room and then sat down on the bed, with his sulk face on. Bella bit her lip, not quite sure what she had done to deserve the silent treatment, if anything Dylan should be gushing in gratefulness, Bella had spent the whole evening making small talk with Dylan's parents. Bella slowly sat down on Dylan's bed, looking around his bedroom. It looked as if it had been kept exactly the way that he'd left it. It was pretty bare and insanely tidy. A single poster on the human anatomy on the wall. A desk, again empty apart from a lamp and a pile of shoe boxes and a row of A level textbooks. Bella waited, kicking her legs slightly, breathing in the slightly stuffy, air-refreshened air. It could have been just minutes, or even an hour before Dylan wrapped his arm around Bella's shoulders and pulled her towards him, murmuring something that could have been sorry into her hair. Bella let herself climb into his lap, resting her head against his chest. They sat in silence, Dylan fiddling with the open back of Bella's top, Bella almost dozing to off to sleep. Then, "Dyl?"

"What?"

"What do you think about marriage?"

Dylan laughed, "Marriage? Is this serious or joking?"

"It was just something that Zoe said. She thought we'd eloped. I don't know. Just, I don't really want to, or see the point of, getting married, and I wondered if you- you've been married before so I guess you'd know more about it."

"Marrying Sam was a mistake."

"You looked happy."

"Newsflash Bella. The camera does lie."

"You must have been happy once."

Dylan had been tracing his hand along the exposed edge of Bella's spine through her top. He stopped midway. "Happy, comfortable, call it whatever you want- is this about marriage or Sam?"

Bella thought for a second, "Marriage."

Dylan needed clarification, "Are you asking me to marry you?"

"No. I think I'm asking you to not marry me. I don't know. It's not like I don't want the whole eternal love bla bla bla thing, I just don't really agree with the whole marriage ceremony whatever."

"I know."

"Is that a yes or a no Dyl?"

"I don't want to get married again."

Bella shrugged slightly, rolling her shoulders. "Well that's all right then." They sat in a comfortable silence for a bit, Dylan lightly tracing his hand up and down the ridge of Bella's back, Bella playing with her hair. And then Bella sighed, "Guess what."

"What? You know I don't like that game."

"Nick took Zoe out to dinner."

Dylan didn't quite get the significance of that statement. "So?"

"Nick took Zoe on a date?" Bella amended, but Dylan still looked puzzled. "Look, it's like, I don't know, if I went on a date with your dad."

"I wouldn't let you go on a date with my father." Dylan sounded almost possessive.

"I meant hypothetically, if we were just friends."

"If we were friends, I wouldn't let you go on a date with my father." There was something in his tone. Bella had picked up something between Dylan and his father, but she had assumed it to be some sort of left over teenager resentment, or just Dylan being Dylan. Bella stopped playing with her hair and looked up to face Dylan. "What is it?" Dylan didn't answer, his typical response to any probing on Bella's behalf. They had an unspoken "agreement" that the past was in the past, but Bella was going to have to spend time with Dylan and his father in the future. She asked again, "Dyl?"

There was a long pause. "My father is not a nice man all the time."

Bella knew immediately what he meant. She entwined her hand through Dylan's, squeezing it tightly and resting her head back against his chest. "I'm sorry."

"one of the reasons I left, I wasn't sure how long I could go before I intervened."

"Beth?"

"Loves him too much."

"Oh Dylan... Did he ever-"

"No." A scratching at the door caused the conversation to end, Dylan extracting himself and opening the door to let Dervla in. Bella lay back in the bed, closing her eyes. It had been a long day and she had a lot to think about.

.

They left early in the morning, both having the evening shift at the hospital to consider. Both Richard and Beth waved awkwardly from the front porch of the farm as Bella and Dylan wandered away with Dervla and a holdall in tow. Once they reached the corner, out of site of the house, Bella took Dylan's hand and that was that.

**I would honeslty love to know thoughts, because I found this chapter incredibly difficult to write, it was so different to all the other chapters I've written so I really don't know. Also, can I make a special mention to the lovely Bethxox who took the time to send me a lovely little message of support, I love you guyys xxxx**


	41. Interviews

Bella walked into the E.D, sparing a smile for Nick. He was talking to a group of stern faced men carrying breifcases and wearing suits. From the overly polite look on her fathers face, Bella guessed they were officials. That was never good. When she got in she asked Zoe, "Hey mate, what's with the suits?"

Zoe sighed, "Sam's GMC people. They're going to interview everyone."

Bella groaned, "Everyone? I wasn't even in the department.. I hate bureaucrats. I bet Nick's already brown nosing."

"You're so horrible about your father."

Bella laughed, "Yeah, and you normally take my side."

Zoe joined in the laughter, "Yeah, yeah."

"How did it go?" Bella changed her mind as soon as she asked the question, "Actually, I'd rather you didn't tell me."

Zoe smiled and that was enough for Bella to grin too. Before she had a chance to reply Nick interrupted, "Just so you know, Jacob Morton, from the GMC, is here today. He'll want to interview both of you."

Bella rolled her eyes, "Bla bla bla."

"Please try and take it seriously Isabella." Nick smiled at Zoe and marched away.

Bella restrained a giggle, "I'm going to find a patient."

A man appeared from the office, "Which one of you is Dr Isabella Jordan?"

Bella raised her hand, trying not to scowl, "I guess you're Mr Morton."

The man smiled, "Can I ask you a few questions?"

"I guess what doesn't kill you might just make you stronger."

.

Bella had just finished talking to the GMC official who had came to do an inquiry on Sam breaking a patients neck. Bella hadn't really had much to say, she hadn't treated Keith Parr and she hadn't actually been in the department at the time of the incident, but she was able to give her opinion on Sam.

"Dr Nicholls is a very competent . No, I don't think she has a temper. Sam wouldn't restrain someone unless she had a good reason too. Yes I would have done the same if someone was threatening a college. No I don't have a temper. Yes I am pregnant. How is this even relevant? No, I don't want to discuss my relationship with Dr Keogh. Yes, I have work to do. Goodbye. Thank you. No. " She slammed the door shut on the way out.

Nick watched his daughter slam the door of the office that the GMC officials were using behind her with a huge scowl on her face. He raised his eyebrows at her and called her over, "You behaving?"

Bella snorted, "I'm not five." Seeing that her snappy response only made her father raise his eyebrows higher, "Don't give me that look, I was perfectly civil with the nosy bureaucrat."

"Bella..." Nick continued to look disapproving, his eyes fell on her extended stomach, "How are you feeling?"

Bella rolled her eyes, she seemed to be doing that a lot lately, "Fine, jeez. Can I go now?"

Nick nodded, "Oh, and it's Dr Keogh's turn to talk to the GMC official, he's already rebuked Noel, can you?"

Bella turned back, "I don't see why it should be my job-"

Nick just gave her his look.

Bella sighed, "All right, all right, I'm going." If Dylan was going to be difficult, she didn't see why Noel had to deal with it.

.

She went into CDU to look for Dylan. She pulled open a cubicle curtain to find him sitting on the bed with his laptop, "Are you hiding?"

"I don't hide. I may have been concealed but am not hiding."

"Looks like hiding to me. Anyway, it's your turn to give a statement to GMC lawyer."

Dylan looked up with a frown, "Have you been in?"

"Uh-uh. And I wasn't even in the department at the time. Everyone's got to go. Even you."

"And? What did they say?"

Bella was firm. If Dylan new how annoying the GMC official had turned out to be then he'd be even less likely to go, "We're not supposed to discuss it. You'll find out when you get in there." She shooed Dylan out of the cubilcle. "Go on."

"No. I'm busy."

"Busy doing what? Playing computer chess?" She followed him as he walked away. "Dylan!"

He shrugged.

Bella grinned, "You can run, but you can't hide. Go on."

"I've got a patient."

Bella shook her head, at least she tried. Dylan could be obstinate when he decided he didn't want to do something. Bella didn't want to go into the reasons as to why he didn't want to talk to the GMC official in the middle of a shift, so she just left it. She had other things to do.

.

She went to find her patient, a young woman in HDU. "Lenny can you come and give me a hand?"

Lenny walked over, followed by Linda. The Scottish doctor introduced himself to the patient. "So what's up?"

"Claire here has a P.E, the med reg has reviewed the scans, and we're going to start treatment down here. You want to supervise?"

Lenny nodded, eager as ever.

Bella sighed, "Okay, can we have a bolus of 5,000 units of unfractinated heparin please Linda? I'll repeat the FBCs and clotting." As Bella took some more blood from the patient Linda came over with the heparin. Lenny took one look at the syringe, and frowned, "Actually, I'm going to get another drugs chart. Can you come give me a hand Linda?"

Bella watched as Lenny and Linda walked off, and then Linda went to get another syringe. Bella frowned. Linda did look really tired, and it looked like she had just got the wrong drug. Bella took her patients blood with a reassuring smile, handed the sample to Lenny, "Can you get this off to the lab for me mate? And Linda, can I have a word once you've put that in? Coffee?"

Linda sighed and nodded.

Bella handed Linda her coffee. "So, what is it?"

"I know, rule one, day one, check the dosage and if in doubt ask. I'm really sorry, a first year trainee wouldn't have been that stupid."

Bella finished the sentence for her, "Or that tired? Was it a good party, or is there something else keeping you up?"

Linda frowned.

Bella shrugged, "It happens."

Linda was defensive, "Not with me it doesn't."

"Then what is it?"

Linda sighed, "I'm getting too old to be burning the candle at both ends. It won't happen again, I promise."

Bella nodded and got up, "Enough said then."

.

Bella was examining a patient in resus, "His pupils are equal and reactive to light. I don't know, concussion compounded with alcohol? What are his results like?"

Lenny grinned, "Bella doesn't know? Can I get a recording of that?"

"Just give me the results."

"Severe metabolic acidosis. PH 7.5, lactate at 6.4. What are you thinking?"

"Well, high temperature, taccycardia, and sever metabolic acidosis would fit with septis, but from where?" Bella ran her hands along the patients side and chest, feeling for any sort of wound. "We might have to roll him."

Linda spoke out, "He had a gastric band surgery a couple of days ago. Laparoscopic."

Bella made a face, "What, here?"

Linda shook her head, "At the Penincot Clinic. He was discharged this morning. "

Bella raised her eyebrows, suddenly suspicious, "Right, maybe we should have another chat later Staff Nurse Andrews." She pressed on the patients abdomen, "There's the generalised guarding. It think this is a perforation, can we have an erect chest, plenty of fluids, some Keth and Met. Lenny, can you put a line in and contact CDU. I'll call upstairs for an abdominal scan, can we get him through as soon as possible. Maybe you should be his designated nurse, Linda, keep a familiar face." Bella stepped back and went to call for a scan. After she called upstairs she managed to walk into a man collapsing in the corridor, his wife was calling for help. Bella sighed, just what she needed. "Hello, I'm Dr Jordan, has he got any pre-existing medical conditions that could be causing breathlessness?"

The wife responded, "I think it's his asthma."

"Okay, can we have a trolley please? Try and keep your breathing steady and place your arms on your head."

.

Bella was looking through the notes of the man who collapsed in the corridor, or rather Dylan's set of sticky notes posted all over his desk. She had taken the man to CDU and hooked him up to the O2 line and an infusion of subutomol. He seemed to show a slight improvement, but not enough for it to just be asthma. "Elevated ES Films, Rheaumatoid screen and an Anchor, hmm, is your husbands asthma recent?"

The wife answered, "Just the last year or so, it's not connected with trying for a baby, is it?"

"Nope, I don't think so. Is that how long you've been trying to conceive?"

The woman sighed, "Feels like forever. When are you expecting?"

Bella tried not to shrug offhandedly and look grateful for her bloated state, "Oh, just under three months now."

The woman smiled. Bella stood up and walked over to the patients bedside, "You feeling better?"

The man answered, almost sheepishly, "Yeah, yeah, never had it like that before... do you know what caused it?"

"Well, looking at the tests that Dyl- I mean Dr Keogh ordered, and they all indicate that you've probably got something called _Churg_–_Strauss syndrome."_

Both of them looked confused, "Pardon?"

Bella explained further, "A form of vasculitus, that's the inflammation of the blood vessels. It's very rare, but can cause problems if it's not treated."

The wife looked concerned, "Is it serious?"

"In extreme forms it can effect the heart, lungs, kidneys, and in extreme cases it can be fatal. But I don't think you've got anything to worry about here because Dr Keogh has spotted it in the Allergic Stage, which is early enough to start the course of treatment, I can even make you a clinic appointment now?"

The wife nodded, "Yes, please."

Bella nodded, and went over to the phone again. She seemed to have spent most of the shift covering for Linda, talking to bureaucrats and on the telephone. She guessed that was what 'light duties' was supposed to mean. She hoped Dylan wasn't going to be too pissed off that she stole his patient.

.

But Bella couldn't resist the chance to gloat, "So I took a look at your patient, Mr Stathan. Raised asinifyles, mild anaemia, elevated kreatalin, protein urea, microscopic haematuria and a raised anchor. Put it all together and you get Churg-Strauss syndrome." She grinned, but Dylan didn't look impressed. He held out his hand, which had the words 'Churg-Strauss' scribbled on in biro. "Yes, I know."  
Bella frowned, teasingly, "Your handwriting is so awful, that could say "change socks" for all I know."

Dylan had his thoughtful face on, "Hmm."

"It's okay, I've left you task of telling them all about the course of treatment and the bla bla stuff that I don't like."

Dylan sighed, "Anyone would say that I'm giving you preferential treatment."

Bella tried to be subtle, but it wasn't really one of her strengths, "So, did you talk to the GMC?"

Dylan friowned, "Yes, go on, find some patient to nag."

Bella called over her shoulder on the way out of the door, "You love it really."

.

Bella was having her talk with Linda. The Penincot, the place where she had been doing extra shifts, and it turned out they had offered her a job. "You turned it down? Why? The Penincot is going to pay you twice as much for half the hours, are you crazy?"

Linda smiled, "You know me, what do you think I'm going to say if someone complains the pillows too hard? And it was boring, I like it here."

"You gonna carry on moonlighting?"

Linda shook her head, "Nope, I told them that was it. So you're stuck with me."

Bella groaned in mock complaint, "Dammit. And I thought I'd got rid of you."

They both laughed.

Bella patted her friend on the back with a smile. "I would ask you out for a drink, but-" She gestured to her baby bump. "Only 3 months and then I can stop looking like a giant balloon and be able to have things like alcohol and coffee again."

"You okay?"

"Na, I should be more grateful really. Some people try for years without getting pregnant. I'm just tired, you know?"

"Is Dr Keogh not looking after you properly?"

"Oh, as if I should lift a teaspoon without assistance?" Bella laughed, "I'm doing fine Linda. Just fine. Just fed up of waiting."

**review if you love me bla bla bla, thank you dor all your continued support **


	42. Mates and Dates

"Where are you going anyway? Not like you to be out on a Friday night?"

Nick blinked, almost suspiciously, "I've- I'm just busy."

Bella looked down the staffing list, with a slight smile, "Oh how interesting, Dr Hanna doesn't seem to be on shift either?"

"Bella..."

Bella grinned, "So, where are you taking her?"

"How do you-"

Bella laughed, "What, you think you could date my best mate without her saying something to me first? Be nice, okay, I'm going to be too busy to pick up the pieces like I did last time. I know what you're like."

"I'm not having this conversation."

"Oooh. You've had a smug little grin on your face all morning."

Nick almost scowled, "Have not."

Bella laughed, "Just behave yourself okay?"

Nick shook his head stubbornly, "I'm not taking relationship advice from my pregnant daughter." Seeing the opportunity to end the conversation he called Dr Kent over, "Tom, are you ready to do the handover?"

Tom nodded, "Sure."

As they walked up the stairs, Bella, being 7 months pregnant, struggled to keep up. Nick slowed his pace with a smile. He had been trying to persuade Bella to take maternity leave all shift. "If you can't keep up-"

"Bugger off Nick."

Tom laughed. "If I talked to my dad like that I'd have got more than a clip around the ear."

Nick grinned. "See what I have to put up with." He handed the set of notes to Tom. "There's nothing serious here, mainly minors."

They had reached the bottom of the stairs. It was Saturday night and the E.D was filling up with drunks and the rest. Nick made a face. "Saturday night fever."

Tom grinned. "Sure you aren't tempted to stay?"

"No. Oh, Tom-" He lowered his voice, "Don't let Bella do anything stupid."

Bella had been reading a text message from Dylan. She spun around just in time to receive a wink from her father. "Hey, I heard that!"

Nick shook his head and left them to it. Bella scowled and made her way to CDU.

.

Bella walked into HDU. She had heard the commotion through the walls. Nick hadn't managed to leave yet. He, Lenny, Lloyd and Scarlett were all trying to talk an aggressive man who was shaking a drugs trolley in frustration into telling them what drugs he had taken. "Can I help?"

Nick turned round with a frown. "No, what have I told you? Light duties only."

Bella met his frown with a scowl. She seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. "Maybe I'll just stay and observe then."

Nick rolled his eyes, but was too preoccupied with the patient to argue. Nick and Scarlett managed to get the man to calm down and sit down. Nick checked the cut on the patients face. His phone bleeped. Nick sighed, "I've got to go. Bella out."

Bella waited for Nick to leave before going to assist Lloyd, Lenny and Scarlet. "Can you tell us what you've taken?"

The patient shook his head. Bella nodded, "Okay, I'm going to get Dr Lyons here to glue that wound on your head back together and lovely Nurse Conway here to put a line in, and then I'm going to take some blood? Is that okay?"

There was a short nod from the patient, who was avoiding eye contact. "Put him down as an 'unknown' and check with the police if there's been a missing persons?"

Bella went to get some gloves and a needle whilst Lenny, Scarlet and Lloyd dealt gingerly with the patient. She came back to find the patient attached to an IV line, with his head glued back. "Okay, I'm going to take some blood now."

Her request was met with no response, but when she attempted to take the patients arm, he lashed out, clipping Bella on the side of the head. The patient howled, "Get off me! I said get off me!" Bella wheeled backwards, suddenly seeing stars. Scarlett grabbed her arm and steadied her. "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

Lenny bounced in, pulling the patient away and restraining him. "Calm down. Now."

Bella blinked, and grabbed the nearest phone, "Hello? Can we have security?"

Lenny shook his head, "Go on Bella, get out of here. And get someone to look at that head. I'll deal with the police."

"I'm fine." Bella touched her head and her hand came back with blood on it.

Lenny raised his eyebrows, "Stitches."

Bella rolled her eyes and let the doors of HDU swing behind her, managing to walk into the last person she wanted to see. "What happened to your face?" Dylan Keogh frowned.

Bella sighed, "I thought you weren't on shift."

"I got called in." He repeated his earlier question. "What happened to your face?"

Bella shrugged, "It's nothing."

"Nothing to do with the two security guards restraining that man in CDU?"

Bella bit her lip, "It's loosely related."

Dylan pulled Bella into the nearest cubicles and took out his headtorch. "Follow the light with your eyes please?"

"Really Dylan?" Bella blinked, "I just need some steri-strips. Please." Bella did her best I'm-completely-fine-don't-you-dare-make-a-fuss-of- me face.

Dylan sighed and then smiled, almost patronisingly. "When will you learn?" He took set of ster-istrips. "Hold still."

Bella obliged with a slight frown.

.

Bella continued with her shift, as usual. She was halfway through admitting a patient into CDU when Lenny stuck his head around the cubicle curtain. "Sorry Bella, but that patient's been re-admitted. Collapsed in the cell, abdo pain, extreme guarding."

Bella apologised to the patient and followed Lenny into resus. "You checked his blood and ran test before the police took him, right?"

"Yeah, of course."

.

Bella entered resus to find the patient from earlier groaning on a bed and Yvonne Rippon standing at his bedside. Bella groaned.

"I thought that you were supposed to stay out of resus whilst pregnant?"

Bella sighed, "Yvonne, how nice to see you again. As lead consultant treating this patient earlier, it would be appropriate for me to continue his care now until another senior consultant becomes available." Bella felt the patient's stomach. "He's guarding on the abdomen, possible head injury due to the slurring too, can we book a CT scan?"

"Do you know why he collapsed?"

"Well, he certainly did have the abdominal injury or the slurring of the words when I treated him earlier, and he has been in your care. Do you have his name?"

"His name is Frankie Joyce and he has learning difficulties. I don't like what you are insinuating-"

"No insinuation, just trying to assess the patient." Frankie was complaining loudly about the IV line in his arm, and how much everything hurt. Bella tried to be reassuring, "Okay Frankie, we're going to try and help with the pain. Can I have five of morphine? And can someone find some notes for him?" She turned back to Yvonne, "Learning difficulties or not he assaulted a staff member." She pointed to the steristrips on her cheek. "I'd be happy to make a statement later. Are they sending Superintendents as police guards now?"

Yvonne smiled sweetly, "Better to be safe than sorry."

Bella raised an eyebrow, she didn't want to think that the police were guilty purely because of her initial dislike for Yvonne Rippon, but she certainly didn't think that there had been a mistake on her part, which was what Yvonne had seemed to try to suggest initially.

Dylan came into resus, "Okay Bella, I can take over now."

Bella sighed, but after the incident earlier she wasn't going to argue, "Frankie, this is Dr Keogh, he's going to take over your care. Oh, and Dyl, this is Superintendent Rippon."

She left them to it, only to have Nick and Zoe rush past her with a girl on a trolley. Nick turned towards Zoe at the door of resus, "You wait here."

Zoe seemed to answer back but Bella didn't hear what she said. Nick and the patient disappeared through. Bella wandered over quickly to see if there was a problem. "Hey Zoe, are you okay? Planning on adding to my selection of drunks in CDU?"

Zoe was dressed in a short sparkly dress and looked a little worse for wear. Zoe shook her head, "Massive P.V bleed. I administered fluids against the advice of your father."

"If it was a P.V bleed you probably saved her life."

"Yes, but as Nick pointed out, if she deteriorates then I'm going to be accountable."

"He would have done the same thing."

Zoe sighed, "That's the problem, he's more annoyed that I risked my career before waiting to let him do it. But I- he's already taken the blame for me once... With Sam's G.M.C hearing, a BMA investigation is all we need."

"Oh, and to add to that there was a patient I told Lenny to discharge earlier who whacked me on the head and ended up collapsing in the police cells."

"Ouch, are you okay?"

Bella nodded, pointing to her face, "Dylan over-reacted with the steri-strips. And hopefully he will be too, Dylan's treating him in resus now."

The doors of CDU opened, "Bella, in my office now. Zoe, go and get a cup of coffee."

Bella would have smiled at the softer note in the latter part of Nick's instruction, but first half meant that instead she just rolled her eyes at Zoe, and followed past.

.

"Firstly, Bella. I told you not to treat that patient, and what do I know, he gets arrested for assaulting you."

"Under the N.H.S guidelines, it is the prerogative of the doctor in question to decide which patients he or she feels it is appropriate to treat-"

"Don't quote N.H.S guidelines to me-"

Bella ignored the interruption, "-not the decision of the doctor in questions father, Nick. It isn't up to you. I acted in the best way I thought possible. If it wasn't me that got hit, then it would have been Lloyd or Lenny. Patients are unpredictable. But that is part of my job. And I'm not giving up my job just because I happen to be pregnant. I will work until I think I can't and then I will stop. But that Is the decision of Dylan and I, not you. Professionally, I don't want you involved."

Nick had remained silent and frowning throughout the exchange. And then he nodded, "I understand, you want your space."

"That doesn't mean that you won't always be my father, but you can't use the fact that you're my boss in order to influence me. It isn't fair on anyone if we continue to bicker every day."

Nick nodded again, "And the patient?"

"He was completely fine when I told Lenny to discharge him. We ran all the tests that were consistent with his symptoms. I can't have missed something, could I?"

"I doubt it. Don't worry about it, Dr Keogh and I will take it from here."

Bella sighed, "And Zoe?"

"Don't start."

"Be nice. She saved that girls life. And she did it because she didn't want you to have to. Don't screw it up just because you're angry."

Nick nodded, "I know. Have you finished?"

Bella nodded and held out her arms to give her father a hug. Nick obliged, examining the steri-strips on Bella's face, "When will you learn?"

Bella laughed, "Dylan said exactly the same thing."

.

Dylan came to find Bella in CDU. "The patient that discharged earlier had a stomach ulcer, which perforated when he was put into the police cells. With the amount of alcohol in his system there was no way that you could have foreseen it happening. No one is at fault, even if it does come to that. "

Bella sighed gratefully, "Thank you. Is he going to be okay?"

"He's going up to surgery, it'll be fine."

"You sure?"

"Stop worrying. It's not good for either of you." Dylan kissed Bella on the top of her head, "I'll see you at the end of the shift."

Bella looked around CDU, "Hurray for obs on the elderly and the hungover."

Dylan smiled, "Hurray for the drunks who throw up on my shoes before they reach the hungover stale, I'd much rather be in here."

"And that's where you and I differ. It's much more exciting out there."

Dylan gestured to the cut on her face, "And that is how that happened."

"Yeah, yeah."

**Hello, please review if you like, or if you don't. Just a little hint, there should be the pitter patter of tiny footsteps coming along soon :P **


	43. Cave Dust

**sorry it's a short one**

Sam stormed out of resus. Bella watched her go past with raised eyebrows. "What was that about?"

Zoe sighed, "Sam's found out that I am going to be a witness against her at the GMC hearing." She shrugged. "Torquemada, who even is he?"

Dylan looked at Zoe incredulously from the other side of resus, "Tomas de Torquemada- The Grand Inquistor of the Spanish Inquisition. You really didn't know?"

Zoe shrugged and called across resus. "Bella, help me out here, do you know who Tomas de Torquemada is?"

Bella shrugged. "Torquewatta?"

Dylan rolled his eyes. "And you call yourselves doctors."

"You're forgetting the fact that I missed most of my secondary education. And what does Torquemada have to do with medicine?"

"Those who don't know history are condemned to repeat it."

"And those who annoy pregnant women are-"

Zoe laughed. "You going to finish sentence Bella?"

Bella winked. "Maybe later."

.

Bella put down the phone. It was Jeff. Sam need assistance down a cave and apparently Dylan could abseil. She called out to Dylan. "Since when can you abseil?"

Dylan walked over and shrugged. "I'm a man of many talents. Since when is that idea so funny?"

Bella continued to laugh. "Yeah yeah. Anyway, Sam's stuck down a cave and needs another medic."

"She wants me to abseil into a cave?"

Bella mimicked Dylan's shrug. "Well, I'm the only other person who's qualified."

"You're nearly 8 months pregnant."

Bella raised her eyebrows, "Well done stupid. That's why you have to go instead."

"I've only abseiled twice and that was for charity."

Bella raised one eyebrow. "You. Charity?"

"Haha Bella. You amuse me greatly."

"I was just joking, lighten up." She squeezed his hand and smiled. "Have fun, don't fall in."

Dylan smiled too. "I'll try my absolute hardest, just for you."

"Thank you."

.

It was later in the shift and the red phone rang. Bella paused to listen, waiting for Tess to put down the phone. "We've got a member of the rescue team coming in with a fracture."

Bella had been about to move away, it wasn't a major incident, but she heard the words, 'rescue team'. She stopped and looked at Tess. "Our rescue team? What happened?"

Zoe raised her eyebrows at Tess who shrugged.

Bella bit her lip. "ETA?"

"2 minutes."

Zoe patted Bella on the shoulder. "I'm sure he's fine."

Bella shook her head. "But what if he isn't fine, what if he's-"

Zoe took Bella aside and waited until the casualty came through. It wasn't Dylan, and Bella managed to hold her questions until the patient was definitely stable. "So how did it happen?"

"We were looking for a tunnel entrance."

Bella blinked, that didn't sound too good. "Any luck?"

Tommy, the fireman, shook his head. "No, it was too steep."

Tess looked concerned. "Bella, maybe you could take a break."

Bella shook her head. "No, no. We need to keep resus free though. We don't know what state people are going to be in when they come through." She looked at Lloyd and Scarlet. "And we need to prepare ourselves for treating friends and- Okay?"

Tess squeezed Bella's arm, "Are you okay?"

Bella exhaled slowly, "He'll be fine. He better be fine."

.

Dylan came rushing into resus administering CPR. "Tension pneumothorax."

Bella felt a surge of relief and quickly moved to assist with the patient. "I'll intubate."

Zoe took charge. "I haven't got time for a fast scan. How confident are you?"

Bella smiled slightly, "He's always confident."

Dylan smiled slightly, "She hasn't responded to fluids and two doses of adrenaline. Sam's coming in with another patient. This one's had quite a fall. Open tib, fib and chest injuries. She became acutely dyspnoeic, developed a tension pneumothorax which we drained insitu. I noticed a raised JVP and a pulsus paradoxus. She arrested into PEA en route. Bella?"

Bella looked up, "Can I have crykoid pressure please?" Bella intubated and after another round of CPR they managed to get the patient stable. Zoe nodded at Bella, and she followed Dylan out of resus, "Are you okay?"

Dylan shook his head slightly. Bella squeezed his arm, and rested her head on his shoulder. He sighed, "That didn't sit right with me, sacrificing one life to save another."

"You made the right call."

"How do you know?"

"You always do."

Dylan nodded, "Thank you."

Bella wrinkled her nose, Dylan was covered in cave dust, "You need a shower."

**review me cause you love me (please?) Any ideas about baby names?**


	44. On Trial

Bella tapped at the desk of the doctor's office a little too impatiently, "Dyl? Dylan? Earth to Dylan? Dylan?"

The was no answer. Bella rolled her eyes and prodded Dylan on the shoulder, "Oi. Keogh."

Dylan looked up, slightly offended that he had been stabbed, "What?"

Bella sighed, "You've been staring at that blank piece of paper for a full 8 minutes and 7 seconds."

"Oh. I'm just-" Dylan looked up just a little bit too quickly, and grabbed a set of notes. "Just thinking. And doing doctor things."

Bella ignored his attempt to make her smile, knowing exactly what was on his mind. And she didn't blame him, it was his ex-wife, but she couldn't help being a little annoyed by his attempt to hide it, "Sam's hearing."

Dylan nodded abstractedly, "Yes, yes, yes. She's not even here yet and her legal team are waiting for her and-"

Bella interrupted sharply, "Look Dylan, I really don't need to hear about Sam right now."

Dylan frowned.

Bella continued, "The fact that you are giving testimony at your ex-wife's competency hearing today hasn't escaped me, in fact it's been jumping up and down in my head for the past month. And I get that you care, but I don't really want it rubbed in my face."

"Professional concern for a colleague. Do you not trust me Bella?"

"That isn't a fair question to ask someone who would normally take drugs for paranoia but unfortunately she happened get herself pregnant."

"Is this what this is to you? Some kind of accidental coincidence?"

"I don't know Keogh, what do you think this is? Some kind of distraction because you can't have Sam. I won't be anyone's consolation prize, never again, and you know it. Or is it just some sense of duty, you knocked the girl up so you have to stay with her. Because I would like some form of reassurance maybe? If you can manage that." Bella had raised her voice slightly.

Dylan tried to ignore the implication, "Temper, temper Bella."

"That's really not even relevant Dylan."

"I just think it's unnecessary-"

Bella raised her eyebrows, "What me?"

Dylan didn't reply.

"But fine. Fine. If it doesn't matter to you I'll just go." Bella turned and opened the door, slamming it behind her. She really hated it when Dylan ignored her.

Dylan looked up. "Bella." He got up and followed her out. "Wait. Bella. Isabella!"

Bella turned around and Dylan could read the annoyance and anger right across her face, "Just sort your shit out Dylan, and come back when you know what you want. Because I can't do this-" Bella realised that she had raised her voice above the noise of the emergency department's bustle. People, including staff, were staring. She sighed, "Haven't you got a trial to get to?"

"Bella."

"Just go." And she turned and walked away. Dylan followed her, "Bella-"

"You've got to go to the trial too. This is Sam's job. It's important. Ever so important." Bella rubbed her face with her hands. "I don't-" And then she walked away.

.

"Hey Nick. Have you seen the on-call rosta's for this month-" Bella strolled into her fathers office, to see that he was watching the footage of Sam restraining Keith Parr. "Oh not you too."

Nick closed the screen, "What? Professional concern for a colleague."

Bella sighed, "Yes me too." But the way that she said it wasn't very concerned.

"What is it?"

"Oh, so you missed my argument with Dylan this morning, not many people did." Bella frowned.

Nick sighed, "Bella..."

Nevermind, "I'm going. I'll look for it later, I can see that you're incredibly busy." Bella walked out of Nick's office and he followed her into reception. Zoe was looking worriedly at the selection of tall men in suits standing opposite reception. She whispered, "Are they Sam's legal team?"

Nick nodded, "Uh-uh."

Zoe continued, "The ones that are going to be questioning me later on when I'm going to be giving evidence against a colleague."

Nick turned to face Zoe, trying to sound reassuring, "It's not giving evidence against Zoe, how many more times."

Zoe sighed, "You know, the fact is, she broke Keith Parr's neck, how do I put a positive spin on that?"

"Just say what you saw, calmly and clearly, and let the fact speak for themselves. You'll be fine. I'll be there, and then we can go for a nice big celebratory drink, when they decide to drop the charge of professional competency."

"That's easy for you to say."

"I gave evidence too."

"Oh, so we're all in this together."

Nick raised his eyebrows, squeezing Zoe's arm supportively, "Yes indeed."

Bella turned around, "Will you guys stop flirting, it's not cool."

Zoe turned around with a grin on her face, "Yeah, and you and Dylan never look at each other in public."

Bella bit her lip with a frown, as Nick raised his eyebrows in warning at Zoe. Zoe looked confused, but just on cue, Dylan marched past with Sam close behind. He was complaining, "I can't believe you would be late today of all days."

Bella avoided Dylan's gaze, looking intently at the pile of notes before her.

Zoe raised her eyebrows as Nick, Dylan and Sam disappeared with her legal team. "What was that about?"

Bella shook her head, "I've got an unnecessary temper. Of course I already knew that. Anyway, you should get onto the trial."

"Nick's taking me when he's finished meeting with Sam's legal team-"

Sam came rushing down the stairs, followed by Dylan. He didn't even notice Bella and Zoe as he raced to catch up with Sam. Nick followed on past at a more leisurely pace.

Zoe looked confused, "What's going on?"

Nick sighed, "She's sacked her legal team."

Bella blinked sarcastically, "Nice one Sam."

"Indeed." Nick continued, "I'm sorry Zoe but that means she'll be cross-examining you."

"I've got to be questioned by Sam? This just gets better and better."

.

Bella was working her way through a series of patients when her phone bleeped. Bella picked it up, it was Dylan. "Bella, it's me."

Bella had been hoping for an apology, but she guessed that wasn't going to happen any time soon, if ever. "What?"

"Oh come on, be nice. I'm sending Keith Parr in. He's obviously got some renal problem, he's in a lot of pain and I found him collapsed on the floor."

"You sure you didn't accidentally hit him on the head?"

"No I didn't. Don't be ridiculous."

Bella sighed, "... That was a joke. Anyway, I'll take a look at him. Bye."

"Bye."

Bella hung up and went to prepare resus.

.

Keith Parr came in on a trolley, Bella was waiting, "Keith Parr, my name is Dr Isabella Jordan and I am going to be your doctor for today. A colleague of mine called me to say that you were collapsed on the floor in some amount of pain. Is this correct?"

Keith Parr nodded.

Bella continued, "Okay, I'm going to give you a physical examination-"

"You look pregnant enough to burst-"

"Thank you for the observation, I hadn't noticed. I'm also going to run some blood tests and an ultrasound, okay?"

"What exactly are you looking for?"

"Abnormalities, though we don't quite know what yet. I would like the usual bloods, head and neck C.T and can we move to CDU where I can perform an ultrasound as we wait for the tests."

.

Bella was looking through Keith Parr's test results. He had cancer. Bella almost wanted to call Dylan up and discuss the results with him, she missed him, but he would most likely be busy. She sighed and pulled open the cubicle curtain. "I've got you results here."

Maybe Keith Parr picked up on her expression, Bella could normally do a pretty good poker face when giving news to patients, or maybe he already had an inkling of the truth, but he asked the question that was at the forefront of her mind, "Have I got cancer?"

Bella nodded, "Yes."

"But you can treat it, right?"

Bella tried not to sigh, "Yes, well, um, unfortunately your cancer is quite advanced and it's spread to other parts of your body. In your lungs. You'll need a completely full screen to determine the rest of the spread but, I'm very sorry." All the same, although she had sympathy for Parr, she couldn't help think of that video she had seen Nick playing, of him lunging towards Dylan.

"What are my chances?"

Bella raised her eyebrows, "Honestly?"

"Yes."

Bella shrugged, again trying not to be flippant. "50/50. And I also want to discuss your neck scans."

"The cancer has weakened your bone structure, making you susceptible to pathological fractures that you would normally be able to withstand. It would take less force break your neck than normal. Do you understand the significance of that?"

Keith Parr nodded slowly, "That doctor-"

"Yes." Bella nodded, "I've got to go."

.

Bella knew that the information in her hand had a huge significance to trial. She needed to get over there now. She called a cab, both Dylan and Zoe's cars were gone, not that she was insured to drive either of them. She reached the court rooms, following the signs for "Dr Samantha Nicholls, Competency Hearing."

She burst into the hearing room, not thinking about what she was really doing. There was silence in the room. Sam was sat on the opposite side of the room from a panel of 5 severe looking men and women. Zoe and Dylan were sat on the other side of the room in the public viewing area. She paused, realising that she hadn't thought about what she was actually going to say, "Um, hi. I'm Dr Isabella Jordan, I'm a doctor at Holby City Emergency Department." She held up her memory stick vaguely. "I have some new evidence. I recognise that this is a little out of order, but I have just been treating Keith Parr, and I found something that is deeply relevant to this case." Bella was a little surprised by her big words.

Keith Parr's lawyer and the Chairman conversed for a couple of seconds, before the slightly balding man sitting in the centre of the room nodded, "You can show your evidence."

Bella nodded, "Thank you."

The scans appeared on the screen. She took a deep breath, still avoiding looking at both Sam and Dylan and Zoe in their seats on the other side of the room. "I performed a number of medical tests on Keith Parr this afternoon. The results revealed that Mr Parr is suffering from cancer. As those of you who are medically trained can probably see from the scans on the screen, the bones in Mr Parr's neck are considerably weakened. He's susceptible to pathological fractures that otherwise wouldn't occur, it would take less force for a fracture to occur." Bella was babbling slightly now, "Umm, that's it. But I would like to say something. If you try to strike off every medical professional who has ever made an error of judgement or acted on an impulse, you'd have to get rid of us all. Everyone's human. And that's all I have to say. I'm supposed to be on shift now, so, um, bye." Bella nodded quickly at the panel and stepped outside. Her baby kicked her stomach, hard. Bella touched the place where the foot had made contact with her stomach and smiled. She muttered, "Yeah, I didn't much enjoy that either."

.

When Dylan, Zoe and Sam returned to give the good news, Sam had been cleared, Bella was nowhere to be seen. Dylan made his excuses and disappeared off to find her.

Dylan sat himself down on the floor of the doctor's office. It had been the first place he had thought to look for Bella, but finding it empty he decided to use it to sit and think. He checked his phone. No new messages or missed calls. Perhaps she had... at least it gave him time to think. He did need to "sort his shit out" as Bella had so aptly put it.

.

The door opened, the shuffle of feet could have only belonged a nearly-heavily pregnant woman entered. Bella stopped as soon as she noticed Dylan, "Oh. Sorry I thought this was empty."

Dylan sighed, "Don't- Bella. Please."

"What? Do you find my attitude unnecessary?

"I didn't- I- Bella." Dylan met Bella's eyes.

"Am I going to accept that as an apology?"

"Are you?"

Bella ran her hands through her hair, "I really don't know Dyl."

Dylan waited.

And Bella waited.

Dylan stood up, "I'm sorry."

Bella raised her eyebrows, "Really?"

"I wouldn't say if it I didn't mean it."

Bella nodded, "I know. Do you love me?"

Dylan opened his mouth.

"No actually think about it. Do you love me? Or are you just feeling guilty because I'm a covered in scars and happen to be carrying your baby."

Dylan stepped forward, taking Bella's hand, "I love you."

Bella frowned, repeating her question, "Really?"

Dylan brushed his hand across Bella's face, "You've got to think more highly of yourself..."

Bella changed the subject, "What were you doing on the floor?"

"Thinking. It's where you go to think."

Bella raised an eyebrow, "More like eating my pistachio nuts." Bella took the bag from her desk and took one.

Dylan held out the bag. "Cravings again?"

Bella held the bag, almost possessively. "Maybe."

Dylan laughed, placing his hands on either side of Bella's stomach, "So how's my little girl doing?"

"She gave me a right wack after I came out of that courtroom."

"You did well."

Bella sighed, "Thanks. Do you want to head home?"

.

Bella was lying in bed, slightly uncomfortably due to her eight month baby bump. Her attempts to drift off to sleep were interrupted by Dylan, "Have you ever killed anyone?"

Bella frowned and gingerly rolled over to face Dylan, "What sort of question is that?"

"Sam- something came up in the trial. She shot a patient."

Bella blinked, "So we're discussing this in bed now?" Bella shook her head, realising that she had snapped without really thinking, "Sorry. The question just put me off guard. Yes, I killed people. You knew that."

"Did I?"

Bella sighed, "Well you do now."

"Bella."

"What?" Bella sighed, realising that she had been snappy yet again, at least she could blame it on the hormones, "Sorry, was that overly defensive again?"

Dylan shrugged, he wasn't going to start an argument with the already fractious Bella who wasn't enjoying the final months of her pregnancy.

"Look, it was war. You've never lived out there, you've seen the light die from a colleagues eyes knowing that if the bullet had been shot just a millisecond later it could have been you, you've never had to make those kind of decisions, you've never looked death straight in the face and known that there was nothing you could do, so you will never understand." Bella rolled over, "I don't want to talk about it."

Dylan nodded, and that was that.

**Not really happy with this chapter, but still would love to know what you think.**

**Thank you for all the reviews and the name suggestions, I think I've got a name decided now. :) **


	45. Goodbye

Sam approached Bella just before their shift started, "I just want to say thank you for what you did at the hearing. You didn't need to and I probably owe you my job."

Bella smiled uncomfortably, this wasn't a conversation that she wanted to have. And Bella was feeling tired, hungry and really wanted a cup of coffee. She paused for a moment, not quite sure how to brush Sam off without offending her. She settled on, "Anyone else would have done the same."

"No, I mean it. It would have made life a lot easier for you if you hadn't, but you still did it."

Bella had been just about to walk away when her mind caught up with the last part of Sam's sentence. She stopped, confused, "Umm, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, if they hasn't cleared me, then I would have been out of a job and then you wouldn't have to work with me any more."

Bella almost laughed, and without even thinking, "I'm sorry Sam but as much as I would rather not to have to work with the ex-wife of my partner, and my partner on a daily basis, I still think you're a lovely girl. When I saw those neck scans the personal advantages weren't the first thing on my mind, I was more like, 'Do you think I can get there in time to save my colleagues job?' It wasn't even the second thing on my mind. Perhaps, 'Oh no that poor man he has cancer and a 50\50 chance, at best, of beating cancer.' Whether or not it would be beneficial to me didn't even come into it. I don't think like that." Bella stopped herself before she went any further, she had been wanting to get the frustrations of being 8 months and a half pregnant off her chest and Sam had been the unfortunate victim.

Sam frowned, "I didn't mean it like that."

Bella raised her eyebrows, "Yes you did."

Dylan had heard the last exchange of the conversation, "Are you two fighting over me again?"

Bella sighed, still slightly annoyed, "That's really not constructive Dylan."

"I should get a mudbath." Sam stormed off and Bella wacked Dylan on the arm, "Well done."

"I think that was more you than me."

"You certainly didn't help the situation though did you?" Bella sighed, "Was I too much?"

Dylan shrugged unhelpfully. He wasn't going to argue with Bella, especially after watching her tear a strip out of Sam.

Bella frowned. She knew she had a temper, and Sam had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. She turned to follow the younger doctor, but found that she had already merged in to the crowd of doctors and nurses waiting to start their shifts. Tess interrupted Bella's chain of thought, "Any questions before we start tonight's fun and games?"

Bella grinned and yawned, she really was quite tired, "Anyone want to induce a baby so I can have a cigarette?"

Tess laughed, "Any serious questions?"

Dylan frowned, "No, I have to say thank you, though."

Tess looked surprised, as did everyone else in earshot. "What for?"

Dylan half smiled, "The cancellation of Lenny's leaving party, bless whoever it was who thought it fit to curtail my misery."

Bella dug Dylan in the ribs. "Lenny's leaving? Why didn't you tell me?"

"You told me not to wake you unless the world was about to end."

"So? There's been a whole 1 hour and 47 minutes where I have not been asleep? Lenny leaving does nearly equate a natural disaster."

"A natural disaster does not necessarily cause the world to end."

"So if our house had flooded you wouldn't have woken me up?"

"Of-"

Big Mac gloomily interrupted the bickering couple. "It was Lenny. He didn't want it. He's probably had enough of everyone."

Dylan took a set of notes from Tess. "In that case, I know exactly how he feels."

Bella frowned and took the notes from him, "Well in that case-"

Tess interrupted what probably would have been another heated discussion between the pair. "OK, let's get to it."

Bella smiled at Dylan, and the smile was returned. She let him have the set of notes back, "I'll be in CDU if you need me." She looked hopefully towards resus.

Tess laughed, "Not in your condition. Stick to the paperwork."

Bella rolled her eyes, "Yeah, yeah."

.

"Oh Dylan. You wouldn't get an MUA form for me, please?" Bella was with a patient, and couldn't be bothered to walk across the E.D to get the relevant paperwork. She had worked half a shift already and her ankle's didn't seem to want to co-operate with the extra weight she was carrying.

Dylan put his hands on his hips. "You seem to be confused. Me Doctor, not PA."

Bella grinned. "I think you seem to be confused. Me pregnant woman and as you are partly responsible for my condition, you, do as you're told."

Dylan sighed and went to get her a form.

"Oh yeah. And Dyl, your patient Matthew. I spoke to Dr Davies on the haematology ward about an exchange transfusion. He's happy for us to do it here. Apparently he's too busy in clinic."

"Great. Not only do I get an odds-busting patient I get to do a transfusion."

"No, I said no. It's not in our remit. If anything went wrong we- you'd be responsible."

"But he needs this. He's already had a TIA. A fully blown stoke could be imminent"

"Go and put him in the corridor on the Haematology ward then." Bella smiled. She had done that once to Darwin ward before and Connie Beecham had almost killed her. But it had been enough to make a point and Bella and Michael Spence frequently made the joke of doing the same thing to each other, much to the annoyance of Nick.

"Why on earth did Nick leave you in charge?"

Bella smiled again, "Because he wanted to go on a date with his second in command. It's a no Dyl, sorry, but I should probably follow protocol, maybe."

"I've done it before, more than once. I'm a doctor, you know, a very good one."

"Yes, I know. And modest with it. You tell us enough as it is."

"And I will continue to until I get my medal."

"You keep waiting for that." Bella sighed at the bottom of her form and handed it to the patient.

Dylan scowled. "My thoughts exactly."

Bella ignored him. "Right Mr Setter, I've got you an outpatient's appointment. Your finger isn't badly broken, but you'll need to be careful with it for the next few weeks. I'll get a nurse in to strap it up. Lloyd?"

She turned to Dylan, following across CDU, "What do you mean by odds-busting patient? I'm jealous, stuck out here in CDU filling out forms."

"Well, if Matthew has sickle cell then the chances are that his parents have the trait or at least they carry the variant haemoglobin gene."

"Yes, I did do that course at Med School too."

"So what are the chances that his brother's completely sickle-cell free?"

Bella frowned, "One in four. Not exactly odds-busting though, is it?"

"He's also a bone marrow match."

"That is lucky. Something like a one in, I don't know actually, one in 200? Embryo selection?"

"It can't be, he's 15."

Bella picked up her stereoscope and began to walk away with a shrug, " You know, he could just be lucky."

Dylan followed her, "Bella."

She stopped, "What?"

"Pretty please can I do the transfusion? I'll cook dinner."

"You were cooking dinner because you didn't tell me about Lenny, remember?"

"I'll take you out?"

Bella shook her head. "All right, but I want Dr Davis down here as soon as he's free. Are you listening to me? Do even get a thank you?"

Dylan jogged away and called out over his shoulder. "Thank you!"

.

Dylan's transfusion patient began to crash. "I think this is developing into a full-blown stroke, we need to hurry up on the transfusion."

Bella nodded, she had come in to check that everything was fine, only to find that it wasn't, "Lets re-check the electrolytes, I want a BM stick and lets repeat the MRI, please."

Tom was by Bella's side, "Lloyd can you let the family know for me?"

Bella nodded, "Dylan can you do the BM stick, I'm going to do the electrolytes."

Dylan nodded and took a pair of gloves and a syringe. Once Bella checked the electrolytes she was on the phone to the MRI. "Hi, can I book a MRI. Urgently. I'm in the E.D and I've got a 18 year old patient with sickle who's having a stroke, you need to do some rearranging. It's Dr Jordan and I don't have 30 minutes. Thank you." Both Dylan and Tom looked up from their respective jobs with a grin as Bella slammed the phone down. "Let's go."

.

Bella finally managed to catch Sam at the end of the shift. She swallowed her pride and began what was sure to be a very awkward apology. "Sam, I want to- Look, I'm sorry. I was out of order earlier. The last 8 months haven't been great for me, and I can imagine that they've been worse for you."

"Getting divorced and then watching you two together every day hasn't exactly been enjoyable..."

"And I'm sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen, but I hope you can get me when I say that I'm glad that it did."

"You're going to be a great mother. And Dylan too."

"Thank you Sam, that means a lot to me. I am really sorry."

"Don't be. I'm glad that you're happy. You deserve it." Sam nodded, and walked away.

Bella sighed and muttered more to herself than anyone else, "Well, I guess that could have been worse."

Dylan appeared at Bella's shoulder, "What was that?"

"Just talking to myself."

"First sign of madness."

Bella smiled ruefully, "I think I might be slightly past the first sign..."

Dylan took Bella's arm. "I've booked a table at Il Verde."

Bella smiled, it was her favourite restaurant. "Good. Lenny's leaving thing is back on."

"Back on? Oh-"

"Grin and bear it for 10 minutes than we can go." Bella squeezed Dylan's hand as the rest of the staff filed into the staffroom.

Dylan rolled his eyes. "I'm counting. 600 599 598 597 596 595 594 593 592 591-"

"In your head."

"Sorry."

Bella yelled surprise with the rest of the team, and laughed her way through Nick's toast with the rest of the team. Her father and Zoe had arrived together, smiling, for the start of the evening shift. Nick smiled, "Doctors come and doctors go. Some doctors you are very happy to see the back off, mentioning no names." Nick seemed to make eye contact with Dylan. Bella frowned, but ignored it. Her father continued with his speech, this time turning to Zoe, "Others you're happy to bump into, further down the road, and then there is this man. A doctor who will be sorely missed. And pathology's gain, will be our loss. And remember, don't take any back chat off those dead bodies."

And then there was the speech, and the laughs and the hugs. Bella could feel Dylan mentally wishing to go, so she went over to say her final goodbye, "Hey kid."

Lenny smiled, "You're not going to go all soppy and hormonal on me?"

"Aww Lenny, as if I would do such a thing." Bella tweaked his ear, "Gonna miss having you around, like you miss a little puppy following you around and barking inappropriately excited things about blood and dying." She laughed at her own joke, "You take care of yourself. And remember that dead people have relatives too."

"You look after yourself." He gestured to her protruding stomach, "I hope it's being called Lenny."

"_**She **_will not have you for a namesake, I think one Lenny is just enough for this world. But if you ever get bored of finding out why people topped it, you'll always have a job when I'm around. You're a good person, maybe even a good doctor too. You were always my favourite F2... Anyway, Dylan will be bored of this party by now."

Lenny smiled, and gave Bella a careful hug. Bella had been one of the most supportive of Lenny, even when he cocked up, and he had always had a slight crush on her. They weren't particularly similar people, but they had come from the same kind of background, they both understood what it was like to be hungry and alone on the streets. Bella had a single moment of nostalgia for times a changing, and a young, loud, scottish doctor turning into a man before linking arms with Dylan who was still counting and handed him her bag. "Il Verde?"

Dylan smiled. "Il Verde."

**I can confirm that there will a baby in the next chapter :L Review and the usual and I might just post the chapter early.**


	46. Holby Riot

**forgive me I've never given birth so this could be interesting**

**based on the #Holby Riot episodes**

**enjoy**

"Can I have some help in here?"

Bella was just passing a cubicle when Fletch, who was dealing with a vomiting black man, called out for help. Bella looked around, seeing no sign of Tess, Dylan or Nick. She wasn't supposed to be treating any more. "Okay, what's his name?"

Fletch raised his eyebrows, but said nothing, "Wesley."

"Wesley? What's happened? Have you taken anything?"

The patient replied by continuing to vomit into the cardboard sick bowl that Fletch was holding.

Bella patted his back, "Okay, can we have an urgent CT head and a urinary tox. screen?"

.

Bella and Nick were waiting for Wesley's CT scan. "His tox screen came back clear, so I'm assuming it's a head injury? But his BP settled so I'm not one hundred percent sure."

Nick was still complaining, "It's a week before your due date. Can't you just go home?"

Bella ignored him, she was more interested in what was happening in the scanner. She pressed the intercom, "What's going on Fletch?"

Fletch turned to face the screen, "He's vomiting again and his GCS has just dropped."

Nick answered, "Okay, get him out please. Wes-"

"Look at the monitor Nick, he's bradycardic. We need to take him into resus."

"Okay then, take him into resus please." Nick turned the intercom off, "Can you go back to paperwork please?"

Bella rolled her eyes, "Whatever you say boss."

Nick didn't appreciate the attitude, "Bella, it's a week before your due date."

Bella shrugged, "Four days actually."

"Four days Bella? Really? Is Dylan okay with this?"

"Dylan actually prefers me to be in the hospital where he can keep an eye on me."

Nick sighed, "I'm needed in resus."

.

Zoe sighed, "That patient, Wesley, he didn't make it."

"Oh. It would have helped if we'd known about the head injury before he started vomiting."

"The police are looking him over. There's going to be an investigation, his wife is making a complaint against the police and it looks like it could get quite messy. They zapped him with a stungun. He was only out of prison in the morning and the police were only just starting some sort of 'softly, softly' initiative. Your friend Yvonne Rippon is running around. I don't understand why you don't like her so much."

Bella raised her eyebrows, "I don't understand why you do."

"What that's supposed to mean? I don't like or dislike her."

"She slept with Nick about 6 months ago."

Zoe made a face, "Oh really? He kept that one quiet."

Bella realised that she probably should have mentioned that. She quickly changed the subject. "From what I saw of his wife when she came in, she was on coke."

Zoe shook her head, "Even better."

Bella frowned, she'd have to be more careful with what she said to Zoe about Nick.

.

***ONE DAY LATER***

.

It was three days before her due date, and Bella was sorting through paperwork on the front desk of Nurses Station. She preferred working there rather than in an office because she still felt like she was making some sort of difference. She had reluctantly agreed to stop treating patients, although if someone collapsed in front of her, she wasn't going to sit around and watch. The unmistakable voice of Charlie Fairhead cut across the bustle of the Emergency Department. "You really need to learn some manners, you know that? Why don't we keep her in? She looks like she could do with a square meal, or at least a cup of tea?"

Dylan replied in his usual, I-haven't-got-time-for-this-tone, "Um. It may have escaped your attention that this is an emergency department, not a GP's surgery or a hotel. She just needs some antibiotics."

Charlie made a face. Bella was sympathetic, "Sorry, he's just stressed. We argued this morning and he's probably just taking out on the world. I'll have a word."

"He's not your responsibility."

Bella made her face, "Yes it is. It's my fault he's stressed."

Charlie frowned, "Are you okay?"

"You know that nervous excitement you get before a resus case comes in. Times that by 20000 and you've got it."

"I know what you mean. I am a father."

"Yeah, and its not just me, Dylan's feeling exactly the same. Possibly worse because he's so worried about me too. Silly fool."

Charlie raised his eyebrows, he had made the mistake of thinking that Dylan was the the emotionless front he hid behind. Bella knew better. Charlie smiled, "I'm surprised he's letting you work."

"More like not letting me out of his sight. He's rather I was next to a hospital than sitting at home by myself without a car."

"You just keep out of mischief Bella and you'll be fine."

"Let's face it Charlie, if anyone's going to screw this up it would be me."

"Don't think like that."

Bella sighed, "I'm trying." She turned back to her paperwork with a sense of misgiving in her stomach.

.

"I thought we should all see this." Noel turned the reception TV on. It showed images of what was supposed to be a vigil for Wesley Royce, the man who died in hospital the night before, except it didn't look like a peaceful vigil any more. There was smoke, shouting and screaming and it looked like it was about to get very out of control. Charlie took the remote from Noel and pressed mute, "Thanks Noel."  
As soon as the TV sound turned off, the red emergency telephone began to ring.

Zoe sighed, "I'll call Nick in."

Charlie picked the phone up and then put it down. "We're on a Major Incident alert, sorry folks. We'll be taking the rioters and the police will be going to Saint James."

Dylan sighed, "A riot. How very charming."

Zoe groaned, "Why do we have to have the rioters?"

Bella turned to Dylan, looking hopeful, a major incident meant all hands on deck. "Please?"

Dylan shook his head, "No. Absolutely not. You can call a cab and go home."

"Can I at least help clear patients?"

Dylan shook his head, knowing he was beat, "Okay, but then you have to go. Bella?"  
But Bella was already following Zoe into cubicles.

.

Nick tapped Bella on the shoulder, she was working at the doors of the E.D, doing triage of the patients, "Why are you here?"

"I'm doing triage whilst waiting for a Dylan to have a break so that he can take me home because none of the cabs are running."

"That's not going to happen any time soon. Sit in my office if you can."

Bella pointed across the huge row of people waiting, "You need all the help you can get, mate."

"I'm not really comfortable with you dealing with the rioters."

"It's not like I haven't dealt with worse before. And a pregnant woman makes then stop twice before making trouble. I've got Big Mac, Noel and some security if I need it." Bella raised her voice, "Oi, you, sit down."

The youth she had directed the shout at promptly sat down. Bella turned to Nick, "See? If I wasn't doing this then you'd have to have Sam or Tom doing this."  
Nick shook his head, "Go on then."

.

Fletch ran across reception, "Bella, you're needed in resus."

Bella raised her eyebrows, "Wha- Okay then. Sam can you take triage please?." Bella didn't wait for an answer before following Fletch into resus. It had to be a desperate situation if Dylan needed her to intervene. For the past week he had been adamant that she didn't so much as touch a patient. Bella assessed the situation. Dylan was trying resuscitate a woman with severe anaphylaxic shock. "Bella, can you get a tube in her? She's 22, severe anaphylaxis after ingesting a peanut."

Bella knew that her throat was likely to be swollen, "I can try."

"Thank you. Can I have some adrenaline?"

Bella tried with the laryngascope, but she couldn't get it past her swollen tongue, "All of the thlarynx is inflamed, I can barely see the vocal cords." She tried with the boogie but it was the same, "The anatomy is too distorted, I don't think I can get a LMA down there either." She began to bag again, "I'm going to have to do a trackie, can I have a scalpel please?"

Dylan was administering adrenaline. "She's desaturating."

Bella performed the tracheotomy and then stepped back to let Dylan continue treatment. She crashed. Dylan frowned, "Okay can we have CPR please?"  
Bella waited through 29 minutes of CPR, but it was no good. She could tell from the expression of Dylan's face that he was going to take this personally. Dylan exhaled, "Okay, we need to think about stopping. Is everyone agreed."

Tess called it, "Time of death, 22:40."

Bella patted Lloyd, who had been doing compressions on the back as Charlie and Tess covered the woman up. Bella knew that she was needed outside, but at the same time she wanted to stay for Dylan who was looking uncharacteristically crestfallen. She picked up the death form and began to fill it in, something that was normally the responsibility of the leading consultant on the case, but as Bella was officially the senior doctor, she didn't think anyone would mind.

Charlie spoke, perhaps unwisely, but motivated by concern, "You okay?"

Dylan didn't move his head, "What do you think? No, I'm not okay, I'm a very bloody long way from okay."

Bella put the patient's folder down. She knew that it was always best to leave Dylan to cool off before asking him personal questions, but she had to follow him now.

Charlie apologised, "Sorry. She was the patient I was having a go at him about earlier."

Bella nodded, "I know, thanks Charlie. I'll do the form in a minute."

She followed Dylan across the busy emergency department, "Dyl- Dylan please, don't make a pregnant woman run."

Bella followed him, albeit at a slower pace into the doctors office. She placed her hand against his back, "Dyl?" Dylan turned away from her but Bella pulled him closer, "Come on mate, you did everything you could."

"Did I? If I'd let Charlie keep her in-"

"Then I would have discharged her a couple of hours later when the Major Incident was declared. It might not have made a bit of difference."

Dylan shook his head, "It could have."

"You can't think like that." Bella kissed Dylan's cheek. "Okay?"

Dylan nodded slowly, "Yes." He placed her hand on either side of her stomach. "How about you two?"

Bella stepped backward with a slight smile, "Still hanging in their like a limpet."

Dylan laughed, "We are not calling her limpet."

Bella smiled, "I thought we'd agreed on a name?"

The door opened. It was Noel, "Bella, Dylan, I'm sorry. We need you out here, it's chaos."

.

Bella and Dylan stepped out into the emergency department reception. It was chaos, they had started to bring the police in too because the roads to St James were blocked. The red phone rang again. Nick picked it up and then put it down again, "Yvonne Rippon is being bought in."

Zoe raised her eyebrows, "Oh really?"

Nick sighed, "Come on Zoe, we talked about this.. She's been stabbed and it doesn't look good. I need your help with this one. And you too Dylan."

Nick marched off into resus, followed by Dylan and Zoe. Bella went through to triage with Tess.

.

Bella and Tess were just sending a patient through into resus, when Bella felt her stomach contract. She dismissed it as just Braxston Hicks, practice contractions, but they kept happening, at about five minute gaps. When there was a slight break in the number of patients hobbling through the door Bella pulled Tess aside into an empty cubicle, "Tess. Can you keep a secret?"

"That depends on what type of secret I'm going to have to keep?"

Bella's stomach lurched again, "I'm in labour."

"Bella- you can't pretend this isn't happening."

Bella peeked around the cubicle curtain, "I just- there's all hell breaking loose out there. As soon as I say the L-word you're going to be a clinical lead and a consultant down. I'm thinking of your department."

"No, you just don't want anyone to make a fuss over you."

"I'm fine. I can just sit in the staffroom and do the crossword."

"You're in labour. You can't just sit and wait for it to happen."

Bella felt a wetness between her legs, "Oh great, there goes the waters." She could hear the shouting outside in the E.D reception, '_What do we want? Justice for Wesley. When do we want it? Now!'_ Bella sat herself down on the bed, she was having another contraction and it was beginning to become uncomfortable, "Okay, I want Dylan now."

Tess felt either side of Bella's baby bump, "I made that contraction at just under two minutes. You're coming into resus with me. Can you walk?"

Bella shook her head, "Not quite sure actually."

Tess popped out of the cubicle and back with a wheelchair. "In you get."

Bella groaned, "Tess, please do not do this to me."

They navigated the E.D, past the crowd of police and shouting rioters, "You really pick your moments Bella Jordan."

They wheeled into resus. Zoe and Nick were discussing whether Yvonne needed surgical intervention right away, or if they could wait for theatre. Nick sighed, "Okay, lets just tilt the bed to 30 degrees and give her a bolus of manatol."  
Dylan turned to get the right drugs, and then noticed Bella sitting in a wheelchair.

His eyes widened, "Is it-"

Bella nodded slowly.

Dylan looked around, lost for words, "Um, okay, um. Can I have fetal monitoring?"

Bella groaned, "I really don't want to have her in here of all places." And then her face contorted with pain.

Dylan grabbed her hand. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm bloody okay, just giving birth, you know, the usual."

Zoe smiled at Nick, "I'll get the manatol for Super Intendant Rippon."

Dylan and Nick helped Bella up onto the bed. Nick squeezed her shoulder, "I'll call maternity."

Tess smiled, "You're going to have to hurry up on that one, I make that under two minutes for each contraction."

They were interrupted by the surgeons to take Yvonne upstairs, which was a good thing seeing that Zoe was the only doctor in the room who seemed to be paying any attention to the patient.

Once they had gone, Bella winced, screwing her face up in pain, "And they weren't lying when they said this hurt."

Nick looked concerned, "Pain? Have we got any gas and air?"

"Nick, I'm giving birth. It's supposed to hurt."

Under Tess's instruction she raised her legs into the birthing position. "Yes, I can see the head."

Bella squeezed Dylan's hand, "Okay, I'm scared now."

Dylan squeezed back, "Look at me. You are going to be okay."

Bella nodded slowly and gasped with pain again.

"Okay Bella, I want you to pant."

Bella raised her eyebrows, "Pant?"

Tess affirmed, "Yes pant." And then she changed her mind, "Okay nevermind, She's crowning. This one isn't waiting. Bella, I need you to push, count it with me."

Bella took a deep breath and counted with Tess. "3...2...1...Push."

Bella blinked, suddenly panicking "Can't we count from 5? I like the number five."

"No. Push Bella, come on-"

Bella exhaled, and pushed, " Okay, okay. Keogh, I swear I will- oh" Bella was interrupted by the sound of a baby crying. She forgot everything, the sound of Tess talking, the sound of the machines, the riot outside, because nothing else mattered. Just her child.

Dylan barely breathed, "She's beautiful."

Bella could hear the wonder in Dylan's voice, but she barely registered. "Can I see her?" And her little girl was passed to her. Two blue eyes opened sleepily. Bella smiled, "Hello there Milly?"

Zoe squeezed Nick's hand and kissed the cheek of his mildly awestruck face, "Hello grandpa."

Bella turned and smiled at Dylan and then back at their baby girl. "Perfect."


	47. Milly Rose

Bella was woken by the all to familiar crackle of the baby monitor and the wail of little Milly from the end of the bed. She had a little moses basket, a present from Nick and Zoe. She elbowed Dylan in the back. "Your turn."

Dylan didn't move, just grunted so Bella elbowed him again. "Oi lazy."

Dylan rolled over, "She probably wants feeding anyway."

Bella smiled, snuggling further under the covers. "They're a bottle in the fridge, warm it up and- do I really need to explain the rest?"

Dylan looked worried. "How long do I warm it up for?"

"90 seconds in the microwave. You do know how to use a microwave right?"

"Very funny." He made a face. "And then do I have to wind her or something?"

Bella rolled her eyes, she was awake now anyway. "You're useless doc." Bella rolled out of bed, pulling Dylan along with her, to demonstrate how to bottle feed and wind a baby.

.

Dylan doted on Milly, his eyes lit up every time she made eye contact with him, but he was absolutely useless at looking after her. You'd think that a doctor would know how to change a nappy, it took Dylan five minutes to work out which way up it was supposed to be. Bella smiled as her daughter stared up at her, her big baby blue eyes seemed permanently she had never looked too closely at babies, preferring to keep her distance from the vomit-spewing, crying, smelly things. But Milly was perfect. Her little tuft of dark hair, her blue eyes and baby cheeks. She could see Dylan in her face and she guessed that there were bits of her in there too."She's the most beautiful thing in the world."

Dylan considered it, looking at Bella with a smile, "I might not be able to agree with that."

Bella smirked, "Oi, that's my daughter we're talking about." She looked out the window, it was just about light, "Shall we have breakfast? I can make coffee?"

And then the phone rang. Bella picked up the phone, "Oh hey Nick."

"_Are you awake?"_

Bella rolled her eyes, "Well obviously. Milly woke us up at about half five, we're just about to have breakfast."

_"I have a favour to ask."_

Bella frowned, "What?"

_"We're a doctor down and we've got a lot of minor injuries coming in from a festival."_

"It's his last day of paternity leave. Really?"

"I'm sorry Bella, we need the doctors. He can have tomorrow off."

Bella covered the voice piece of the phone, "Nick wants you to come in."

Dylan had been bouncing Milly up and down on his knee and making bubble noises. He stopped and nodded. "Tell him I'll be there in less than an hour."

Bella sighed and uncovered the phone, "He'll be there in an hour."

"_Thanks Bella."_

"That's okay." Bella hung up and made her sulky face.

Dylan laughed, "If he was asking for you, you wouldn't hesitate."

Bella scooped Milly up, "I might just wait for a moment or two before saying no."

Dylan laughed, "You wouldn't."

"I would." Bella leant forward and kissed Dylan lingeringly on the mouth. Dylan leant forward, but Bella stepped backwards, "Not in front of the baby. And you need a shower and a shave."

"Am I being rejected in favour of a baby?"

"Get used to it." Milly began to cry, Bella jogged her on her hip, "Come on Mills." Bella sniffed, "Nappy change maybe."

Dylan stood up, "Missing you already."

Bella smiled, "You better!"

**dunaaaa. Thank you for all the appreciative reviews :) :) **


	48. Baby

The doorbell went. Bella waited for a second, wondering if the noise would have woken Milly but there was no sound, before putting down the heap of clothes she was carrying at the bottom of the stairs, pulled the front door open and smiled, "Hey Zo?"

Zoe smiled and handed Bella a small gift bag. "How you doing?"

Bella laughed, "No need to look so nervous, she's asleep. I'm not going to hand you a screaming baby and then collapse asleep in the corner." She opened the bag and produced a small purple teddy. "Cheers mate."

Zoe laughed and followed Bella into the kitchen. "Where's Dylan then?"

"Oh, sulking on his boat-" Bella smiled, "No, I told him to go get some sleep. Which is something that is definitely lacking around here." Bella mimicked Zoe's smile, "Where's Nick then?"

Zoe shook her head, "Working, of course." Zoe looked around Bella's normally empty kitchen. There were a row of baby bottles across the side, with times and days written on in permanent marker, piles of formula tubs, sterilisers and odd shaped instruments that Zoe would have no idea what to do with. "Wow." She picked up an orange from the fruit bowl. "This is actually quite surreal." It was the running joke between the pair of them about the fact that Bella's kitchen never contained food.

Bella pretended to be defences, "I can do food. I could always do food."

"Yeah right. Up until 9 months ago the only thing that your kitchen contain was a large jar of coffee, enough alcohol to fuel a pub on a friday night, those weird energy bar things and possibly some peanut butter if you were lucky. Sometimes you even had bread and milk that was in date."

Bella shrugged, wrinkling her nose in a smile, "That's all food."

Zoe was almost sarcastic, "No Bella. Food is actually eatable."

"And I ate that for years until Dylan came along with vegetables, potatoes and whatever these weird twirly shaped things are." Bella pointed to a big bag of pasta on the side.

Zoe laughed, "That's pasta."

Bella nodded, "Of course. That's what he calls it. I didn't know there were so many different types to be honest. Curly-wurly, twisted, shells, straight lines. All tastes the same. Bland and rubbery."

"You're supposed to have it with a sauce?"

"But if you're only supposed to taste the sauce, why bother with the pasta?"

"Because-" Zoe sighed, "Basic A-level biology, balanced diet?"

"Oh... I thought that was only for fat people."

Zoe laughed, "And you're supposedly qualified to give nutritional advice..."

"Yeah yeah. At least Milly still only has milk."

Zoe wrinkled her nose, "Really?"

Bella shook her head, "I'm not breastfeeding."

"Oh, okay?"

Bella laughed, Zoe's pretend interest face should have been better, considering that she was a doctor. "I did for the first two weeks, but when Dylan went back to work I thought it would be a good idea to go back on the lithium and the rest."

"I thought you were okay through the nine months."

"I didn't trust myself and it so easily could have gone wrong. If I'm being honest I shouldn't have been working. Dylan-" Bella sighed, "Nevermind."

"Trouble in paradise?"

"Don't. Dylan just a high opinion of my ability to cope."

"You just have a low opinion of yourself."

Better that than- I told him that I wasn't taking any chances and that was that."

"You look happy." Zoe didn't even have to exaggerate the truth. Although Bella looked tired, but there had never been a time when Zoe had not thought Bella looked tired, there was a slight glow to her cheeks and a smile in her eyes.

"I guess you know me better than most. I am happy, but sometimes I do wonder if this is my life. I love Dylan and I love Milly, I would die for her bla bla bla, but at the same time there's this selfish part of me that still feels like a kid. I still want to go out, get crazy drunk and wake up in the morning on the other side of town. I want to be free."

"Have you spoken to Dylan about this?"

"Spoken to Dylan?" Bella was sarcastic, "Yep, speaking happens a lot when Dylan's concerned. Arguing yes, but a conversation..." Bella trailed off. "Look, every couple has their arguments, and as you can probably imagine, Dylan and I aren't exactly the most tactile of people and he just pisses me off sometimes." And then Bella smiled, "But that's just us. He's good for me. We understand each other. We fit. But at the same time, I don't think that I deserve it."

"Why not?"

"I don't know Zolo... Listen to me whining like a grumpy old woman. What's going on in the real world, Dylan never tells me anything interesting."

Zoe noticed the change of subject, but ignored it, "Just the usual. I think Sam and Tom are getting it on."

Bella grinned, "What? Since when?"

"Oh, probably about a week after Milly was born."

"Sam and Tom? I didn't think he'd be her type. I mean, she married Dylan."

"Maybe Dylan wasn't her type?"

Bella shook her head, "Maybe, maybe not." She frowned, "Do you want a coffee?"

Zoe grinned, "I thought you'd never ask?"

**LATER**

Dylan let himself in through the front door of Bella's house. Or was it their house? They hadn't actually had that discussion yet, maybe they would, maybe they wouldn't. Bella wasn't very bothered with the technical details and Dylan wasn't really bothered with discussing them. Dervla had come running when she had heard the door open. The dog licked his hand and then ran back the way she came, into the living room. He walked through the kitchen, empty, but there was a plate of pasta sitting in the microwave. He pressed the button to make it go, before going through to the living room. Bella was sat cross-legged on the sofa, cradling a sleeping Milly in her arms. Dervla was sat on the other side of the room, watching the pair intently, almost guarding them. Bella looked up and smiled as she noticed his presence, mouthing as not to wake the peaceful baby, "Pasta in the microwave."

Dylan nodded, returning Bella's smile, taking off his jacket and putting it over the chair, "Do you want anything?"

Bella stretched, uncrossing her legs, as well as she could holding Milly, still speaking quietly, "Can I have some of olive salad in the fridge?"

Dylan wandered back into the kitchen, happy to prepare the food. Cooking had never been Bella's strong point.

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	49. The Shadow That Hung Over Us

**You guys are going to hate me. I hate me. But this has been planned ever since Nick left. I'm sorry. (Emily.)**

Bella opened the door to greet her father. It was a surprise visit, but Bella didn't mind, she was struggling to find things to do at home alone. Although she loved Milly and looking after a new born baby was a full time and exhausting job, she missed the thrill and regularity of working at the emergency department. She had never been good at being the one who got left behind, "Hey Nick, are you here to see the screaming brat?"

Nick smiled with sympathy, "Has she been keeping you up?"

Bella almost frowned, her father looked as tired as she felt, "I haven't slept all week, Dylan's taken to having a nap on his boat on the way home just to keep functioning. She is asleep now, but this is actually the first time she's been asleep for more than ten minutes all week. Come in. "

Nick followed his daughter into the kitchen. They exchanged the usual niceties, and then Nick sighed, "I came to talk to you, actually."

"Oh yeah?" Bella was confused, there was something about her fathers expression that made her stop and listen. She put down the formula bottles that she had been filling up.

Nick looked serious, too serious, "I have a headache."

For half a second Bella couldn't see the relevance of the statement, but then she did. Her heart temporarily speeded up a few beats, before the professional doctor Bella took over. She raised her eyebrows, trying to keep her face from displaying the concern she was feeling, "That kind of headache? When was the last time you had a scan?"

"A month, maybe two..." Nick paused, "Or three."

"Any other symptoms?" Bella was trying desperately to keep her face neutral. They had told him he had 5 years. But from the tortured look on Nicks face, Bella knew that she had to stay strong for his sake. "Tiredness. I froze in resus the other day."

"Did anyone notice?"

Nick's mouth tightened, "Zoe."

"Have you had this conversation with her?"

Nick shook his head.

Bella sighed, "After last time, and especially now, you owe it to her."

Nick turned away, "I know."

"You need to talk to her, and you need to have a head CT. And talk to your consultant at St James. And in that order. Please Nick."

Nick repeated himself, "I know."

"Then why are you here?"

Nick turned back to face Bella, "I needed to see you, and I wanted to see Milly, before-"

Bella nodded, she didn't want to hear the end of her fathers sentence any more than he wanted to say it. With a heavy heart, she wandered out of the room, "Lets go and see sleeping beauty..."

.

Bella got a call later that day, it was Zoe. Dylan looked up in interest, wondering why Bella was reluctant to answer the phone. She had been in a strange mood all evening, quiet and staring blankly into space whenever her hands were not occupied with a task. Bella let it ring seven times, before picking it up and answering. "Hey Zo."

There was a silence on the other end of the line, and then, "Bella."

Bella sighed, "He's spoken to you."

"Yes."

"And?"

"He's had the scan..."

Bella waited patiently, she wasn't quite sure if she could hear Zoe crying on the end of the line.

And then Zoe replied, her voice hardly more than a whisper, "It's back."

Bella winced, "How much?"

"Like before..." Another lengthy pause, "I- they wont be able to operate. Its too close to the cranial nerve."

"How close?"

Zoe was defiantly crying, "About 4 weeks close."

Bella couldn't speak. That soon. Dylan had put down his paper and was looking at Bella with an expression of concern. Bella's expression had gone from distant, to upset, to white as a sheet during the course of phone call. Bella tried to put the phone down, and then remembered that Zoe was still on the line. "Where is he now?"

"Working."

"Should he be working?"

"I don't know Bella... I don't think he should be working but I certainly don't want to fight about it."

"Are you going to be okay? Dylan's here, I can come over?"

"I don't feel like getting drunk tonight."

Bella sighed, "Nor do I Zo..."

"Lets face it, we would."

"Of course we would." Bella paused, "He loves you Zoe, he really does. He might not show it, but- you know what he's like..."

"You know I love him too. I- I've got to go."

The line crackled and then Zoe was gone. Bella out the phone down slowly. Dylan was by her side in an instant, "What is it Bella?

"Just four weeks."

"What's four weeks?"

Bella stood up, gathering up the plates on the table. "Nevermind." She was halfway to the sink when they slipped out of her hands with a huge crash. The plates smashed. Nick had bought them for her when she had bought this house. Bella swore as Milly began to cry upstairs. Bella bent over to pick up the pieces, managing to cut her hand on one. Milly was still crying. Dylan sat Bella down, "Elevate that hand and try not to bleed on my jumper." He gathered up the pieces of broken plate and threw them away, putting the cutlery into the sink. Milly was still crying. He inspected Bella's hand, "That's going to need stitches. I'll settle Milly, please don't try and do it yourself." Bella didn't respond. "Bella?"

And then she nodded slowly, enough to convince Dylan that it would be okay to temporarily leave her. Bella watched as he walked out of the kitchen, waiting only for his footsteps to reach the top of the stairs before collecting the medical kit from the top of the fridge. As Milly quieted, she worked at cleaning out her hand. The antiseptic stung, but not as much as the salty tears that ran down her face and dropped from her chin to her hand.

Dylan came downstairs and into the kitchen to find doing one handed stitches across her palm. He sighed, "I said to wait for me-" And then he noticed that Bella was crying. Bella didn't cry. Or rarely ever. He hadn't seen her cry since she had started taking her medication again after having Milly. He took the needle, speaking more softly, "Let me do that." Bella flinched when the needle hit her skin. "Have you not numbed that?" Bella shook her head, her lip wobbling slightly. Dylan sighed and put the needle down. He held out his arms and pulled Bella over onto his lap. "Come here."

Bella's voice was small, "I'm going to bleed on your jumper."

"Doesn't matter. What did Zoe say?" Dylan brushed Bella's hair out of her face and waited.

Bella swallowed, her throat felt dry, "Nick- Nick's brain tumor has grown. It's grown a lot."

Dylan nodded slowly, "Did you say four weeks?"

Bella nodded numbly, "Yes. The cranial nerve." She exhaled, "Last time, he had an operation, I can't really remember much about it, I was- They gave him five years."

"Who was the surgeon?"

Bella shook her head, "I don't actually remember. I was actually in a coma."

Dylan raised his eyebrows, he hadn't heard that story.

"I was quite drunk and I quadruple dosed on lithium. I was a mess. I didn't deal very well with the father I'd only just discovered announcing he had a brain tumour and then leaving without a trace. I didn't deal with anything very well back then. You remember me from the beginning, I was about a hundred times worse a year back from that."

Dylan kissed Bella's head.

"He's going to die."

Dylan nodded, "We all die one day Bella."

"I know that." Bella rested her head on Dylan's chest, "Of course I bloody know that."

.

Later, when Bella had finished crying into Dylan's jumper, he took her hand and a numbing wipe from the first aid kit, "Not bad work considering you were only using your left hand." He poked the edge of the wound, "Can you feel that?"

Bella shook her head, not that she thought the numbing wipe had made any difference to the aching absence of feeling that had spread over her body.

.

Dylan finished stitching up Bella's hand in silence, not mollified by discovering the cause of Bella's distress. Dylan liked to fix things. That was his job. But Nick's mortality was not something that could be fixed. As Bella stared blankly into space, Dylan silently cursed cancer and Nick for having the selfishness to die so quickly, leaving him to pick up the broken pieces of his already broken daughter. Dylan had always been mildly comforted by the fact that Milly would at least have one decent grandparent, as his own parent seemed reluctant to take the job of adoring relatives, but it was not to be the case.

**SORRY AGAIN **please feel free to review and hate me


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